just venting. anna

[spiritssadow]

I don't know why it happens or really even how to stop it. The pain inside is so great, it don't hurt so much when i cut.

It don't cure me, It only helps me not see the past as if it was happening now. I usualy feel so helpless that cutting brings me back. Back to reality. Back to today.
The intence pain in my heart, my mind, my memories drifts away so i can forget for a few minutes.

I hate it when I cut. My doctors says its normal for some, but i don't see scars like mine on anyone i know.
Its not normal. I'm not normal. I'm stained by the past and the cuts that try to forget.

 

[Tubachick]

There are many people out there who cut that just dont want people to know thay do... I am praying for you

 

[Im-revived]

Hi anna, I just want to say its good to vent your feelings especially on a site like this, you may not realise it, but in the time it took you to write this, it gave you less time to think about cutting. Maybe one thing you could try is writing how you feel down, just like venting everything on paper, rather than on your own body.
When I read your post it reminded me of myself 20yrs ago so much, and like I did, you cut because just for a short period you want to get your mind of your past. So many people say 'Im not normal', when they harm themselves, but to be really honest your more normal than those who hide away, ok, your hurting yourself constantly, beating yourself up over things that relate to your past, you need time out love, forget what others think or say. You need to start dealing with whats causing you to harm yourself, but again that takes courage. It sounds like your past may have been similar to mine from what you've written, and I did the same as you, cutting badly, but it came to a point of I don't want to do this forever, I don't want to feel guilty and mad at myself, I don't want to punish myself any longer, I don't want to cover my feelings up doing this, I don't want to feel this pain in my heart. You havn't caused yourself to feel like this love, so why punish yourself for something others have done to you. You ARE NORMAL, and you ARE LOVED, but you need to learn to Love yourself, the only way to do this is by seeking help. Don't be afraid, and by recieving help you will get through. My arms are still scarred, but I look now and think, why did I punish myself, when it was others who hurt me. I really hope love you get some help soon.

Im-revived

I don't know why it happens or really even how to stop it. The pain inside is so great, it don't hurt so much when i cut.

It don't cure me, It only helps me not see the past as if it was happening now. I usualy feel so helpless that cutting brings me back. Back to reality. Back to today.
The intence pain in my heart, my mind, my memories drifts away so i can forget for a few minutes.

I hate it when I cut. My doctors says its normal for some, but i don't see scars like mine on anyone i know.
Its not normal. I'm not normal. I'm stained by the past and the cuts that try to forget.

 

[Mayflower1]

Dear Spirit, I know how you feel and I will be praying for you. I just want you to know I have been there. Because you hate it, you can stop it though it is hard!!!! I use a red marker and prayer. It helps the most!!! And I am happy to announce, I haven't cut in over 4 weeks and it is my best yet! So I just hope that you will feel better real soon. Venting is a good step to take. Lily00

 

[spiritssadow]

Dear Spirit, I know how you feel and I will be praying for you. I just want you to know I have been there. Because you hate it, you can stop it though it is hard!!!! I use a red marker and prayer. It helps the most!!! And I am happy to announce, I haven't cut in over 4 weeks and it is my best yet! So I just hope that you will feel better real soon. Venting is a good step to take. Lily00

Thank you all. I never knew anyone who was like me before. I haven't cut in 2 days. I go for a walk when I feel that way, or I hold the baby ( the family I live with has a 6 month old who loves me)
Something about the warmth of a baby feels so calming. I love kids

 

[Mayflower1]

That is good Spirit!!! You will get there. First, my greatest number of days I could stop was three days and now with God's grace I have learned I can go longer!!! You can do it! Lily00

 

[Im-revived]

First of all well done love, take a day at a time, your doing great. Youve also found good ways to make you feel better, by walking or holding your little one.

Holding the baby is excellant, as the warm feeling you get is Love and a sense of peace. Even when a baby is young it somehow gives us love and comfort, the same as we can give the love out to our babies. Giving and receiving love, brings calmness and peace and by doing that you are actually allowing yourself to be accepted, loved and needed, this is a major opposite to the emotions you feel when people go through SI

It can be put like this:-

1. Your swapping rejection that would cause SI to acceptance of yourself.
2. Your changing anger to peace
3. Your changing unloved feelings to being loved and needed.

Im-revived

Thank you all. I never knew anyone who was like me before. I haven't cut in 2 days. I go for a walk when I feel that way, or I hold the baby ( the family I live with has a 6 month old who loves me)
Something about the warmth of a baby feels so calming. I love kids