Just some things...

[Kol]

I remember coming down, I remember my wife. I remember a lot of the people who were with me. The "aliens" were things we created. They were humans who had been modified and born in a special way. I remember giants, and the different types of them. I remember flying in airships or saucers with humans, altered humans, and other celestials. Everything was mixed.

I remember being there on the night of the Flood. I remember returning to heaven after it was over with. I can still see the top of my castle beginning to be covered with this very pure water.

I have never imagined such anger and hatred towards God as I felt in that moment.

I remember...a lot. I'll get to it all.

 

[Chocolatesa]

You say your first kingdom had fallen, and you came to the earth to start a new one. What was your first kingdom then? I thought it was the earth that got destroyed in the flood...

 

[Chocolatesa]

Ok, take your time.

 

[K9Guardian]

Hey, David...

You rememmber my email address, right?

I'd like to keep in touch after you go, so....

If anything important comes up, that might affect the rest of us, or if you just need a listener... write me.

Just know I could go either way on the belief part.

 

[Chocolatesa]

Hey, David...

You rememmber my email address, right?

I'd like to keep in touch after you go, so....

If anything important comes up, that might affect the rest of us, or if you just need a listener... write me.

Same here. My email is on my cf homepage. Ok I know I'm repeating myself but whatever

 

[Kol]

When I realized this, a lot of my memories came back to me and I knew without a doubt what i had been.

...

I should explain.

The holes in my memories are filled in with dreams, and even now I don't remember every detail. If I had more time I would explain it all and separate it, but unfortunately, I just don't.

What I've decided is this:

However long ago, whenever I was first created, I was something that defied description, as we likely all were. This would be where I had the dream of floating through space with God and seeing the cloud that I now think might have been His Word. At this point, there were no kingdoms. The celestials did whatever they wanted, and God tried His best to make creation like a toy, as He began to explain Himself to us all, and to just...express this wonder that He was.

At whatever time though, a certain amount of these celestial beings somehow rebelled. I don't doubt there was a single Satan or Lucifer at this time, but I don't remember this so I can't say. The angels evidently supervised this battle (there was only one battle), and at the end of this, the opposing army turned themselves into what I call 'satans'...adversaries, because they are the adversaries of us all. They changed their glorified appearance into what we think of as "aliens", these golden skinned, black eyed beings. The golden skin I believe is somehow connected to the golden temple I remember worshipping God at. It might be a claim of eternal existence. The entire appearance is symbolic, but I don't know that symbology here.

After this battle, God used the angels to create a single empire (from the void, perhaps?), which seemed to involve the few angels who had fought for him. Most of the celestials who had not become satans weren't involved. This was a massive empire in some ways, but I don't think most people were there.

Go back and read what I've written and you'll see how this all fits in with what I've experienced.

I remember being a king at this time, and defending our country against the satans. They were trying to attack the Name of God, and if I had to guess it would be tied in to the fact that they don't believe in more than what they see. They claim that God is a lie. I mentioned in the part of seeing the cloud with God that it expressed more than it could show, I feel that this is somehow tied in to the satans. This would make sense then as to why we are saved by faith now, in what we (as flesh beings) cannot see. The satans see that God claims to express something beyond reality, and they say that He is lying, that really He is nothing at all. The Name of God, then, would be that He is beyond Reality.

This celestial kingdom to which I belonged was on the earth, and eventually God allowed Satan to conquer it. This was *never* explained to me, and as a celestial I had no idea why God had allowed us to fail. You can understand that I felt betrayed. I began to hate God and saw Him as not loving me anymore. But even then I deserved it, because I had evidently begun to engage in intercourse as a celestial, which is why I kept having the sex dreams even after leaving the demon in California. It wasn't his memory. It was my own, and here in Arizona, the demons were tempting me with it because they knew what I was.

Evidently some of the other kings felt the same way as I did about God turning on them, and one of them I believed I dreamed about when I was 13. He came to the earth as one of the Gigans, the huge giants which Enoch mentions as 500 feet tall.

The truth is though, God had already created flesh man on the earth. This gives a very small span of time (about 500 years) between the time I first became a fallen angel and the time I actually first descended, which means that the empire was thrown down relatively quickly. But I'm assuming here that the celestials didn't start having sexual relationships before flesh man was created. If they started *before* Adam (for whatever reason), then I would next tack the fall of the kingdom to the last Ice Age, and tack that to the period between Genesis 1:1 and 1:2.

The fallen angels were not connected to the satans.

From dreams I've had, I had been a king of the Grigori (the watchers, celestials assigned over humanity), and one of those watchers began to molest the women he was watching. As a king (in the dream) I stopped this by telling him he either had to leave my country or wipe out humanity so that it wouldn't happen...I had *no* idea what flesh people were or why God had created them.

In this dream, the antediluvian (pre-Flood) women were symbolized by Sirens. The symbology of what a Siren is has evidently changed over the years. In my dream, they were beautiful women with feathery wings. By the time Homer's Odyssey was written, they were mermaids. I believe the symbology changed because after the Flood, they were all chained to the bottom of the ocean floor, possibly with the rest of the antediluvians.

As always, Wikipedia is free for you to browse.

The original fallen angels (like myself) were not satanic at all. They were simply perverts. To have sex with a flesh being as an angel is a bit like being into pedophilia and beastiality at the same time. Absolutely ungodly. When the Heavenly empire collapsed, this is where many (if not most) of the "survivors" came to...earth. In Revelation, Satan comes to earth because he's kicked out of heaven. This was about the same.

The celestials who had not fought in the first battle and had never been a part of the kingdom didn't know who or what Satan really was. He set himself up as God and rules there even to this day, as God. Nobody knows this because the only people to stand against him were effectively taken care of. Read up on NDEs (near death experiences) and know that the God and Jesus in those accounts are FALSE. The tell-tell sign is that Satan can't fake God's holiness, only His love. All that is preached by him is inside of reality, because that's all he can understand.

So having seen what the fallen angels did, and evidently knowing about God's plan to redeem through Christ, Satan sent a slew of "fallen angels" to earth, not to start families, but to destroy God's plan. This completely screwed me over a second time, and once again, I had *no idea* of what was going on. I remember having to fight giants and "monsters" and not knowing why the world was changing or why there were so many of these abominations.

I believe there is a certain symbology in legends and yes, even "fantasy", and I hope, Mountaindog, that you see this. Religion and fantasy are the same thing. Religion is the non-fiction account, trying desperately to explain with letters and numbers, recreating with exact measurements and precise calculations. The Law. The exact history and the exact way. Fantasy, our stories and legends, are the fictionalized accounts, our epics. They tell the same story, but legends use a lie to tell the truth. They expand and contort, forgetting truth but remembering the real purpose. Two sides, same coin.

When I had first come down, I knew there were others like me, but not many. Giants and "monsters" happened, but not often. Since the birth of a giant meant the death of a woman, not many of the original descenders would kill the one they loved in this manner. All we really wanted were families, because that was what we had lost. A giant was one of two things: either a mistake, or someone being stupid and careless.

After the Flood, I remember floating back up into the "canopy", the veil over earth which leads into heaven. At some point I must have realized what the Flood was really about; Satan trying once again to destroy God's plan. At that time I didn't care for God, because I still felt He had cast me off, but I absolutely *hated* Satan. He had taken from me everything I'd ever loved. I set out by myself, to destroy him in any and every way I could.

This was absolutely impossible, for little me to cast down Satan, no matter what I had once been. I was incredibly strong, and I relied on this, but it didn't matter, because what Satan was had become so big, no one man could do this. Satan was a monster out of hand, something created to defend, which had run out of control. (Which is where "kol" comes from. Dragon Warrior 1.) God saw what I was doing, and this is when I remember being called to that void, where I was assigned the blond haired man, as God tried desperately to work on my redemption.

There were other dreams I had where I was brought to a group of celestials all fighting the satans. They hated me because i was a fallen angel, and to protect me I hid (as best I could) what I had been. If this was a secret, it wasn't a very well kept one. This is why, in my preX memories, everyone hated me and why I thought [Amanda] would be terrified of me. Because I was a fallen angel.

I remember fighting the satans with this group of people, but it's all as dreams.

Eventually the bhm had to sneak us in to Satan's city to be born. I was dangerous because I was one of the few people who actually knew what was going on. We were born, and my entry was such a success as a secret, that when i encountered the aliens on earth as a toddler, they still didn't know i had been born.

My advisor from when I was a fallen angel had been on the earth for the past 5000 years, and he very quickly found me. From the time I was 3 years old then, he was there with me. I don't believe he was the only spirit to remember me, and *this* is why I had so many bizarre ghosts and spirits come to me as a child. Eventually I reached the point (as my life here mirrored the previous) where I tried to do things on my own. This is when the advisor found his lord again, and we began to tour the world at our leisure once again.

When I became a Christian, I was somehow "assigned" to a "Christian" guardian angel. The problem is that every church, religion, and power in heaven that claims to be of God is actually under Satan's control. Jesus is real, but church will never get you there; it's an internal and personal relationship. Go for the assembly, go for the fellowship, but know that Satan owns the property, same as in Jesus's day. I never would have known this, but my advisor knew it, because I had told him back when I was on the earth beside him. He had the demon who had inhabited me show me this. This is why i felt he didn't like me "being used". He didn't, because they both belonged to the antediluvian earth, and I had taught them as a fallen angel to be against the new heaven.

From that point onward, I was basically a "marked man", and the weapon to be used against me was sex, because everyone and their brother knew that I had been a fallen angel.

This is why God was so mad when I almost slept with Kaitlin, and why the bhm told me that if I was going to sin, to do so with someone else. The situation was too much like before, and God did not like it. Kaitlin acted like a kid, and it was too reminescent of before.

If I hadn't played the Jesus card (as we all have to do) to escape sleeping with Kae, God would no doubt have punished me with the utmost severity. Immorality is difficult to avoid, but that is really no excuse, and I was being given no excuse.

When I won against my guardian angel, I had basically an entire army sent against me, which is what the rest of my time out here (if i had the time to tell it) was about. I had the 8 demons against me, the gray alien from my OBE here, the entire crew I saw when I chased him, my *sister's* gray tall alien, and whatever was with him. I eventually pulled myself back up, began to quote scripture and pray against the demonic spirits, and eventually all but one went away. I then had a nightmare, woke up praying, and had an intense psychic vision that i'd just "nailed" my sister's gray alien with the Holy Spirit, which was a surprise to me at that point because I thought it was my advisor tempting me. Last of all I dreamed that I buried my advisor because I'd finally succeeded in killing him. Which is really nothing but misery for me, because he was closer to a family than anything i've ever had anywhere else.

I leave tomorrow, but I will post what I remember as a fallen angel.

...

 

[Kol]

I remember sitting here at my grandmother's computer and realizing that I had somehow been a fallen angel.

The next memory I have is of being in my room, my trailer. I couldn't stop all these memories from coming back, and although they hurt, I wasn't sure I wanted them to. It hurt my brain in some way. I could feel Christ with me still, but there was really nothing that could be done. Some part of my mind was opening up, and I was gaining access to what just couldn't be avoided.

For someone to wake up realize...I knew that everything I'd ever done here wasn't real, because this world wasn't real. Here I was a Christian, and on fire for God, someone who had cleansed his soul and stood up for what he believed in. I had a sweet and caring grandmother who made Christmas cookies, an 89 year old grandpa who I watched baseball with, and I was going to college to preach the Word of God to others, because doing so would help them like it had helped me.

But I had woken up to remember that I was a pedophile and a murderer. God's own army had hated me, and I had to hide what I was because I was so horrible.

I knew that this wasn't the way things were anymore, but they had been that way, and that would never change.

I felt like my soul was about to shatter. Not my heart or my spirit, but my soul, my very innermost self, my creation. Despite all the pain I felt in that moment, I realized that it wasn't nearly enough to cause this to happen. But that door had been knocked on somehow.

I remember crying until there was simply nothing left to cry, and sobbing out loud into my pillow and blankets, because there was nothing else to do. And some part of me was watching this, and I felt that there were two of me. This had nothing to do with an OBE or a spiritual experience. There were two "david"s, and one was crying and in pain because he was, and the other one, me, was watching him do so. This me didn't feel things quite so much, and I remember wondering if he would wake the neighbor up, crying so loudly.

Eventually I ran out of tears.

I remember stumbling out of the trailer and walking to hide in the front yard, beside the oleanders. I looked up at the stars, and knew that I remembered them, and whether because of this or because I'd cried so much I don't know, but I vomited and couldn't stop wretching.

Everything good in my life wasn't substantial because it was on earth, and all the little bits of happiness I thought I had weren't real, because my flesh life is temporary.

I was stuck with a group of people with whom I didn't belong, because my own people had been dead for 5000 years.

And I thought to pray, but there was nothing that could be said.

And I realized that night that although age and experience can mature you, knowledge can too, and the knowledge I now had seemed somehow to make me older.

And for the rest of that week I lived life in a kind of walking, talking coma.

The only thing that kept me from completely losing it was remembering that the bhm had told me that God was keeping my wife for me, and that she would be returned to me.

I took a black piece of silk from a POW/MIA flag and tore it into a strip. I tied this on my leg and hid in in my sock, and I still wear it when things get bad. If they do, I focus everything on it, like a stress ball I guess, and it helps.

This was about 3 months ago (?) and since then I've begun to be able to deal with it, but...

I just want this to all be over with, and because of that I put my faith in Jesus Christ even more than before.

I am a fallen angel. And I am a Christian.

...and this is really not open to debate.

 

[Kol]

I don't know if the memory of the ship was even connected to me descending.

People label everything as a "fallen" angel. Like stars falling from the sky, huh? But this wasn't being 'cast out' of heaven. And saying that the angels were "fallen" is horrible, because I remember drifting down as a spirit...to think of those moments as me "falling" from heaven is ungodly.

All I ever wanted to do was to have a family, and i remember thinking this. I just wanted someone to love, because I was a father, and that's what I was supposed to be. God had made me this, and then He had forgotten me because He only cared about His special ones. So I was going to have to do things on my own, because the one thing I couldn't stand anymore was to be alone.

People in this world have it easy. Things are simple. You start out with a mommy and a daddy, and they love you and take care of you. You grow up and meet somebody special, and you fall in love, and they stay with you, and together you start a family. You become a parent, and your children love you and say all their childish things and run around, and are happy.

I hadn't been the father of one or two children but of thousands of celestial beings, and they had all loved me, and I had loved all of them. I had been in their hearts, and I could feel their joy and delight, because they were there with me, and I had delighted in them. My children had all been killed and taken from me, though. My home was destroyed, because someone had taken everything by force. I had fought for what I believed in, and it had killed us all. God had changed His mind and forgotten us. He gave up on us because we had sinned against Him. And so I wasn't going to believe in Him any more.

I remembered the things on the earth, the people there. I didn't understand why God had made them as He had, because they would have children and then die. I didn't understand why He would make something just to let it die. But they were something new, and only the ones assigned to watch them knew what they were, and so I felt the earth was a safe place to hide.

They were like little children to me, ignorant and unadorned. So I was going to teach them and make them my new family.

It was like an adult going to socialize with children because that was all left to him.

I remember drifting down from heaven, from the sky somehow, coming down very slowly, like a leaf just drifting in the wind. I was incredibly sad, and I had just given up, and I was coming here to lick my wounds and hide in the ground. These people would love me, and I would love them, and there was so much I could teach them. I would make their lives so much better, and they would have good things, and then we could be happy together.

And I remembered trying to find one of the women, because one of my celestials had been assigned to her mother, before her mother had died.

...

 

[Kol]

I wasn't completely rational in that moment.

It was raining, and I caught her in some kind of forest. The ground was never flat for very long, but covered with tiny hills, and there was grass everywhere.

And she saw me, and wondered what I was, whether I was real or not, because I was glowing, because I had changed into a physical form. I wasn't like I had been as a spirit. My physical appearance made me look young for some reason, and I was absolutely beautiful, and..I remember standing there.

The girl was about 14 or 15. She had shoulder-length medium-color blonde hair, and it was wavy. Her face was perfectly beautiful, and had a hint of something sharp or birdlike to it. Her body was gorgeous, even for someone so young, and she was perfect in every way. She was as beautiful as any of the angels in heaven, but more so, because there was an additional something in her, and that something was her attractiveness.

I ran to her an pinned her to the ground and I raped her. My experience with my first girlfriend Heather was very nearly the same way. Rape is not the same as sex; it's not for pleasure but control. This is what the demons tried to play off of when I dreamed of them in Arizona. The girl in that dream tried to play to my past experience.

And I remember she had no idea of what was happening. And I realized while I was attacking her that I didn't like intercourse with a flesh person because it felt so animal-like, and so I stopped.

I have a very strong feeling that If I had continued, I wouldn't be here today.

And I remember trying to pick her up when I quit, and explaining to her that I loved her and that everything was going to be okay.

...as I said, I wasn't really in my right mind.

 

[Kol]

I remember having men build my castle.

There were mountains on most sides, but there was a hill leading to the northwest that opened up. This is where I set the backside of the castle, so that we could defend from that side.

There were black stones we used, and I would make fire come out of my hand, and melt the stones together to make them stronger. The men would shape the stone, and fit them together, then a foreman would have them bring the stones to me so that I could melt them and make them stronger. The result wasn't pretty, but it was effective.

There was a lake in front of the castle, and this is where we got all our water from. While we were building, we had to draw a lot of the water away, because we needed it to make things with, and couldn't let our water supply be tainted.

The inside of the castle was panelled in a white material, very smooth. Everything was clean and simple. The temperature was controlled. All the windows had glass, and there was carpet and banners, and it was a far more wonderful place to live than anything I've seen in this life.

I was a celestial being, a son of God. My skin was a very pale, glowing white, as if quartz were lit from the inside. I wore shiny black armor and I had a sword that looked like iron.

After the castle was complete, I made sure we created the ?????, which are what aliens are. We had to modify a pair of humans, and then set their children in a special area, where we could modify them. These modified humans were difficult to make. They could turn themselves into spirits, and turn back into flesh...because we tapped into what Adam was supposed to be. At the time though, I didn't realize this.

I remember once another of my celestials who was helping to make my airships came and got me, because the workers were having problems building the saucers.

He brought me out to the courtyard in the front of the castle, and I remember seeing this metallic UFO. It was open, as if the "top" weren't on it, and there were workers inside and out, and they were all working on different parts of it. Some were men and some were modified. The celestial had brought me out to explain that things weren't going to be finished as early as I'd wanted them to be.

He tried to be very patient and explain this to me.

"They aren't going to be able to finish by then."

"Why?!" I remember saying. "I gave them the instructions (diagrams)."

He seemed to sigh. "They're only humans. It's hard for them to understand what they are seeing."

One of the workers looked up at me and I could tell he really wanted to finish for me but just couldn't. It was like seeing one of your children knowing they'd disappointed you.

"Make the [modified] work on it."

The celestial grimaced and sighed again. "There aren't enough of them, and they're working on other things. We have a few working here, but the [modified] don't like to work with the humans, and the humans are afraid of the [modified]."

Eventually the airships were finished, and I remember flying on them with my friends.

...

 

[K9Guardian]

Will Creation ever be free of sorrow?

 

[Kol]

There were about five of us who were all friends together.

The first was my wife. She was always walking around the castle, and I remember seeing her robes, something like clear silk, trailing in the wind after her. She became a very beautiful woman, but she always seemed sad. She was a very righteous person, and always wondered what my Father was really like. She simply did not believe my stories that He was evil. She thought there must be more to the story that she didn't understand or that I didn't explain because I didn't think it was imporant.

The second was the man who was my advisor. He had medium-length black hair, and a thin beard which he always kept very neat and trim. He was a very tall man, thin, but muscular. He was very strong, and a good fighter. He was always a very intelligent and wise man. He had a very evil side, and he could be cruel at times. There were moments when I lost my temper and ordered something bad, and he would carry out my order in the worst way possible. He was always talking with my military advisor about the use of our airships. He was a sorcerer and was able to make fire come out of the air far in front of him.

Another was a blond haired man, as charismatic and cheerful as anyone could have been. He always wore armor, and kept having to push his hair out of his eyes. He was a very noble and brave man, and completely loyal to whatever was ordered. I miss him a lot.

One was a shorter, dark haired man with deep blue eyes. He always wore armor as well. I believe he was the captain of my military. My advisor was always trying to tell him what to do, and he shrugged it all off as best he could, and tried to remain calm and do his job effectively. He was in charge of my airships.

The last person I remember was a man dressed and covered in black robes. He had somehow changed his spirit inside of his body, and was able to communicate with the spirits that were in the ground. He carried a staff, and I remember when we were fighting, seeing him wave the staff across the ground as if he were stirring something with it. He exuded malevolence, and was a very powerful man...or whatever he had become. No one was allowed to ever see his face or his body beneath his robes.

I spoke out vehemently against God and taught everyone that God was uncaring. I told all the people that at one time, God had loved His children, but that he had cast most of us away because we weren't His favorites. Most of the people didn't know what to think of this. My wife plain out didn't believe it. Most of the people agreed with me on the outside, but were unsure for themselves. My advisor hated God, but did so on his own. There were one or two more who truly hated God, and I remember wondering why they did so.

 

[Kol]

Will Creation ever be free of sorrow?

...

That is what we have faith in, isn't it?

 

[Kol]

In the beginning, there were very few giants, but as things got worse, we began to be attacked, and a lot of what we did was fight to stay alive. There weren't many of us living together, maybe 100 or so. We just wanted to hide and live, but others wanted to rule and the giants wanted to destroy everything.

I would not allow any of the giants in our castle, but I would receive reports from some of them who came to help us. There was one in particular that I remember, the second type of giant, the "horses" that Enoch describes. I remember standing at the top of our castle and looking down to him, and this giant telling us how many giants and men were coming to attack us.

A lot of what I remember is fighting.

Whenever we were attacked, it would come from behind the castle, from on top of the hill. It makes me sad to think back now, because most of my time was spent looking out the windows at that hill. I just wanted my children, my family, to all be safe.

I usually sent the airships out once or twice a day to scout for anyone coming to attack us. Usually two ships went, but sometimes all three. I also remember flying in the ships with my wife and my military advisor, and for just a moment, we were enjoying life together.

I remember fighting in the rain. I think, this may have been when we were most likely attacked. But I think that in the mornings there was a lot of mists all the time, so I may be confusing rain with mist. But I do remember it pouring sometimes, too.

I remember fighting behind the castle, this is where the battles would take place, at the back of the castle. I had a thin sword that looks like it was silver. I remember fighting something like a giant, but it was...he was maybe 8, 9 feet tall..? But somehow, I didn't think of him as a 'giant.' I don't remember what he looked like, but he was thin and muscular. I remember putting my sword in my left hand and holding up my right hand in front of his face, and making a *huge* wave of fire come out of my hand. I made it go into his face and it would melt his eyes, and then he'd be blind and I could kill him. I remember being very fond of doing this if I were having a hard time.

One time, there was a giant -a real one- that came bashing into our castle wall. Someone...my advisor..? came and got me, I had been talking to someone. As I walked closer, I heard a THUD! THUD! THUD! at regular intervals. My advisor told me it was a giant, and I looked out a window at the back to see the thing. It was (surprisingly enough) black, as if african, but very dark, almost shiny black. He was bigger than a semi trailer and his features weren't smooth; he had grotesque bumps and tumors all over him.

I looked at the thing and asked my advisor, "What is he doing?!" and my advisor answers hurridly but patiently, "he's trying to break down the wall!" The way the giant was doing this was by turning into a spirit. He would become spirit while on the ground, leap up against the castle wall, turn back into flesh, and crash into the wall. So I had to go fight this thing. I remember racing down to fight it and swearing, "GD giants!"

There were an awful lot of battles.

I remember fighting some kind of wolf-things on several occasions. I think others were mixing real animals with...I don't know what...to see what kind of monsters they could make. But the worst were the giants. I'm sure there were exceptions, but I think the most giants we ever fought at once was 2 or 3. They could talk but never did...all they wanted to do was destroy and kill. You never tried to talk to them, you just got ready to have to kill them.

Once, when I was fighting at the back of the castle, someone came and told me that a giant had made his way over to the west side of the castle and that the men there couldn't stop him. He was trying to break down the walls into the castle. I had to go fight him myself.

When I got there, my advisor was fighting him alongside two or three other men. They all fell away and let me join in. So my advisor and I fought against this thing together. We had to outsmart it. I remember mostly keeping my eye on my advisor and 'picking' at the giant, hitting him when I saw an opening but mostly irritating him and trying to give my advisor the chance to get at the thing with his sword.

In a lot of these memories, it seems my advisor was being very patient with me, almost as if I didn't quite grasp human concepts or human logic.

I wasn't the strongest or the most competent, maybe. But we all loved one another. All of our dreams came true and we had the best there was to have on the earth.

At night, I would make my way up to the top of my castle to sit with my wife. She knew astrology, and was very good at it. She absolutely loved the stars. I remember feeling sad, because I knew she couldn't see the stars the way I could. I never told her this, because I knew it would hurt her.

One time, we were talking about the stars and she asked about heaven. I had an image of a floating platform in space with stars all around. Anyhow, she asked if she could ever go to heaven. I told her that most of it wasn't 'good' anymore and that she wouldn't be able to survive in heaven (I guess in 'space'.) She was sad. There was always so much fighting and she wanted all of us to escape. I think she thought we could hide in heaven. She was just so tired of war and fighting. I think one of the 5 of us had been killed just before that, and this had understandably hurt her.

I remember that the stars are like the mechanical part of creation, they either mirror some kind of inner law, or they produce it. I think it's the latter. But this is beyond my grasp now.

When the Flood started, there was a low rumbling, and a lot of lightning without rain. The sky became black, there were black and red storm clouds all over the sky. Finally, it began to rain and just wouldn't stop. I had my advisor take all the humans to a single room on the east side of the castle and keep them in there. We waited and waited, but the rain (of course) never stopped. So I had my advisor use some type of "magic" to kill all the humans so they wouldn't have to drown. I remember thinking, 'this is the end.' My wife may have been scared, but all the others were ready for it.

No one in this world could compare to the wonderful type of beautiful people these people were. They were all heroic, every last one of them.

After the water rose and no one was left but us celestials, I had to float back up.

I remember as I floated above the castle, seeing in my mind my advisor feeling me leaving and turning around. I never did see him die...but I would meet him again, about 5000 years later.

 

[K9Guardian]

Oh, yeah.

The bit about people mistakenly bowing down to Satan worried me... How does one pray without a bit of fear, knowing that? But the counter-logic is that He still hears and knows your true intent...

And I may be overcomplicating it, as usual.

 

[Kol]

That first kingdom had been on the earth, Chocolatesa.

There are other memories I have in between those two times. I think this is when I joined the "satan" army, and when I remember changing myself to look like one of them. But I don't think I was there for very long. I also recall being in one of the heavens, the floating cities, and having God's army attack us.

So I believe after that first kingdom was destroyed, I went back to heaven, where I found that one of my old celestials had become a Watcher. From there, I must have decided to come back to earth.

The only problem with this is that I remember telling that Watcher to leave the people alone (even tho I didn't understand what they were). So how was I commanding him if my kingdom was long gone? This part was a dream to me, and this part of it I just don't understand.

It is also possible that my original kingdom was on a planet, but not earth at all.

 

[Kol]

The most painful thing in this is that I know some of those people wouldn't have repented, and I have to wonder if I had anything to do with it.

The only thing I can tell myself is that we each make our own decisions, no matter who we use to get us there.

I cannot describe to you how much it hurts to think of what became of my advisor. He had become something so different than what he should have. I've never seen any of the other spirits, and I don't rule out the possibility that they are chained beneath the oceans. How my advisor escaped this, I don't know. He was a sorcerer, some type of magician. He knew how to escape, and he did. And now he's gone and buried, and he'll sleep until judgement. And that will be it for him. One of my best friends is going to hell.

I don't know what to say about being told I would be reunited with my wife. God loves her, I do know this. She always had so much wisdom to give to me, and nothing else could ever compare to that. She knew what a horrible state of emotion I was in, and she weathered it. I know for a fact she prayed to God, to see if He was there. I knew it when I was with her. I realized when I remembered these things that I had never loved anyone the way I loved her. With my girlfriend Sara, I wanted to protect her, I wanted to care for her. I wanted to absorb her and just drink her in, if that makes sense. But my wife is so far beyond that. It is something that cannot be imagined, and I think God knows this. Whether beneath the ocean or somewhere else, the antediluvians are being held from the rest of creation, and I was told that God was protecting my wife for me. The bhm tells me God is going to remake his nation, and I see that in the church now -not the system of religion, but the body of true believers- and I know that the kingdom is, in fact being revived. I saw it in Kassmier's eyes, (a preacher at Sony), I saw it in an old man's eyes who once helped me take my mother to rehab. In everyone who sees the current church, Satan's attempt at religion, and refuses it but chooses to believe in God...in anyone who says to themself, "there is more to this than I can see", in those people, the kingdom of God resides. And in that kingdom I will be with my wife and my friends once again.

All I ever wanted was to protect my children, and being a celestial over flesh people let me feel that way. It made me feel as if I had the strength to keep them safe, and more than anything I wanted them to be happy. I feel the same way about my sisters, and it kills me because that just has not happened. I'm weak and a nobody, and all I can do is focus on Jesus, because otherwise I can't even keep myself alive.

There are times when these things retreat into the back of my mind, and I don't know if those times are easier or harder. "I don't know Kol, this sounds like a superhero show to me." Yeah, it does. But my life in the flesh isn't like that at all. I have an alcoholic mother and two sisters I fear will take the same path. I'm 27 with nothing to my name but an old pickup truck. So I will go to college, because I don't see how I will succeed, but I'll have faith that God will make it succeed, because there is more to Him than I can see.

All I can do is kneel outside that gate, Jesus Christ, and worship and pray, and wait for the moment that God takes me inside His heart.

And this is all I ever wanted.

If you can't believe all of this, all of this mess about me being a fallen angel and about Satan ruling heaven and all, then don't. But keep it in mind. Keep it in your mind, and remember it when this "war" is all over with, and come and visit me when we're both eternal again, and we can talk about how merciful the Lord can be, because I'll be able to talk for quite a while.

It says in the Bible that the Law was only a shadow of the good things to come, and I think by that you could also say that the old heaven was a shadow of this, the true heaven, which is in Jesus Christ. I don't think God ever meant for it all to go wrong. I also recall a verse where the Lord says that His people perish because they are ignorant of Him. My story should be a testament to that. If I had consulted God or tried to understand Him, maybe none of this would have happened.

All the hate and revenge I felt...it's gone, because it's part of this reality, and I prefer to chase after the next one. The reality hidden in Christ Jesus. That is his secret, that's what he is, a gateway to something more. He is the revealer of the Invisible God; that's why he's called the "Word of God". Just as your spoken word reveals your invisible thoughts, so also does the Living Word reveal the Invisible God. Remember that, and remember Who it is you really believe in.

Don't believe in only what you see. Try to have faith, more than anything else. If you want to be strong like I did, if you want secrets like I did, then look for faith. It is both the biggest secret and the strongest power.

Sometimes truth can't be told, it has to be shown, and that's why this thread is 40 pages long. I am no superhero. I'm just some scrawny kid limping along on my way to salvation, just like everyone else. But I know that He has been extremely merciful to me, and I can't do anything but share that, because it's far too wonderful to keep to myself.

The mercy of God is too much to comprehend. I have been mastered, and that by His love.

 

[Kol]

As far as the bit about Satan playing God and how to avoid this...I don't really know what to say. In my own life, things exploded once I fought off the guardian angel, and what changed more than anything was that I developed a relationship with Jesus as opposed to "being good." We are all dead, and Christ Jesus is our respirator. Your next breath comes on his good will. I don't know how to make it any clearer. I'm not saying become a fanatic; that's a pit you mustn't fall into. But your blood and your life is actually his. It's his blood that flows in your veins. Knowing this, and getting to know Jesus intimately, is your only protection. Whenever I read an account of someone that died and went to heaven, and that saw Jesus, I shudder, because I know who they saw. And they would *NEVER* believe me saying it was a fake. Satan masquerades as an angel of light. What more is there to say? Know the real one, and he will save you, because he can.

Satan can't counterfeit what he can't understand, and so you must learn to understand the Lord. See my first quote.

God is not in a dome in heaven. Read Revelation. Read Enoch. God's throne room is a frightful and dreadful place to be. God loves His children more than anything, but remember that our Father is the sire of gods. Remember the judgemental guy. Look at nature itself, which, as Romans explains, reveals the eternal power of God. God's power cannot be softened, and one part of that power is His holiness. Love, yes, but the Seraphim don't say, "God is love", but "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty".

Read your Bibles and get to know your Father. It's His letter to you, and He wrote it in love.

 

[Kol]

Afterwards the Ancient of days repented, and said, In vain have I destroyed all the inhabitants of the earth.

And he sware by his great name, saying, Henceforwards I will not act thus towards all those who dwell upon earth.

But I will place a sign in the heavens; and it shall be a faithful witness between me and them for ever, as long as the days of heaven and earth last upon the earth. - Enoch, chapter 54

When men began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose. -Genesis, chapter 6

For forty days the flood kept coming on the earth, and as the waters increased they lifted the ark high above the earth.

The waters rose and increased greatly on the earth, and the ark floated on the surface of the water. They rose greatly on the earth, and all the high mountains under the entire heavens were covered. The waters rose and covered the mountains to a depth of more than twenty feet.

Every living thing that moved on the earth perished—birds, livestock, wild animals, all the creatures that swarm over the earth, and all mankind. Everything on dry land that had the breath of life in its nostrils died. Every living thing on the face of the earth was wiped out; men and animals and the creatures that move along the ground and the birds of the air were wiped from the earth.

Only Noah was left, and those with him in the ark.

The waters flooded the earth for a hundred and fifty days. -Genesis, chapter 7

 

[K9Guardian]

My mind has always been a battlefield. I have always sought the truthand yet the more I see of the world, the more I've realized how lttle real truth there is in it. Logic itself is not something set in stone; it has rules but it can be bent and used to make anything seem like truth. Few things exist that everyone agrees on, and even where most do, there is always that one dissenting voice .. Time and again the established truths have been thrown aside and replaced by new ones, or changed to suit the times or somebody's whim. Much oof what we know are "not-truths", so reliant on perception. I have always sought THE truth, the absolute, unchanging, unfeeling TRUTH, and yet it's always beenn so hard for me to commit to any one truth, to believe that THIS IS SO, without that shadow of fear and doubt hovering over me... I long to walk on firm ground, and yet I feel as though most of the time I am standing on a raft in a storm at sea. And who can say whether the ropes binding the logs are truly ropes and not coiled snakes?

Faith. To trust that raft and thos ropes. You can't see the future, you don't know what will be. But you just have to trust that raft to hold true, because otherwise you'll be lost forever under thhe waves.

One day...

Hey, David, I name you friend. When we find the shore, yes, let's talk.

I wonder why I'm here right now.

Thanks.