Just some things...

[Kol]

I've just skimmed for now, so please forgive me... two things come to me.

The first doesn't relate to your perception of being an errant adult there, but some people who have out-of-body experiences claim to see spirits of babies in heaven who haven't headed to earth yet. They are in baby form. I think that one story was on a Jesse DuPlantis video (entertaining even if you don't agree with him).

The second -- experiences that people have had with evil spirits confirm the fact that spirits dwell in the same places we do, remember the same things we do, and are able to push thoughts into our heads. These thoughts sometimes seem like they're our own, or God's, and need to be sorted out. (The voices in my head...)

If you are seeing or hearing a story about a prior life, I think it could easily be a spirit's prior life, not your own. They are trying to catch you up in the mystique of it, make you feel important, get you to relate to them, drive you to fear and guilt, make you feel innately sinful.

You are an individual, and you are redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. God values your soul, counts the hairs on your head, and knows your frame.

The thoughts and memories were all of a fallen angel (I could almost believe it of Sara, lol) and they were implanted by a demon when I was a baby. Blah, blah, blah, Jesse Duplantis.

Kol, why (here and elsewhere) do you say to people that their experiences are evil but yours is ok?

I think I just take some caution to what I've read - not just in this topic, but others on the same subject.... You had practically a whole life existence before this life. Maybe it's because of the occult activity, but maybe it's because (and you can help me here) what is the reason for this? Of what benefit is it to the listener to hear your story about your "previous life" (for want of a better term), except for it possibly being a "good story" (I'm not saying it's not true by saying that)... But where does God/Jesus get the glory in this? What hope does it give the hearer? To me, the power of your testimony comes through hearing about you being saved out of the occult and taking a new direction in your life - and I applaud you that, and your steps into Christian college that you are going to do.

I don't think you can say though that someone else's experience isn't valid, or not of God. I believe that satan has made many Christians wary of anything supernatural. If someone hears the audible voice of God, or sees angels etc, it's not always an occult thing. God had it first! Take even the word meditation. Many would consider it a very new age word. But we should meditate on the Word! Philip was translated from one place to another. But it's by their fruit that you know them. And "my sheep hear my voice". But it's all for God's glory.

If you can help me see where God gets the glory from your story - even if it just a personal hope or something else good that comes from it, then it would help me see where you're coming from!

So evidently I should just forget it and drop it.

Then everyone started talking with each other about Jesse Duplantis.

CherokeeHippie.... firstly, I'm glad you're doing ok. Next, the Jesse Duplantis bit... I remember seeing his series on heaven... in fact I have the book. He had this in his hotel room and afterwards he had a meeting at a church. He said that when he went to that meeting, everyone was turning their heads to look at him because it was like he was showing some of God's radiance (I don't remember the exact words he used) after his visit to Heaven... and I'm sure that there would be witnesses to that.

The difference with Kol's story (as far as I can see at the moment) is that this one does give glory to God, and a hope for now and the future.

So, since my demon-inspired memories didn't make me feel happy, they were of the devil, because a good spirit would have good memories.

 

[Kol]

Good does not equal happy.

As a celestial, I had been a bad guy fighting for good because I no longer believed in what I had once followed.

The only answers I'd received at that point only showed everyone's ignorance. Demons couldn't have memories of heaven-they couldn't ascend to heaven-and I'd never heard of one transplanting memories. What was more, I remembered my own thoughts in those memories, and they were most assuredly MINE. Besides that, everyone had their terminology wrong, because "fallen angel" is not the same as an evil angel-the fallen angels were just angels that had come down to earth.

I was being answer by people who I felt sure were completely ignorant, and thus unable to help me.

Well, again how can you say that someone else's experience isn't as valid as yours... especially when yours is much more outside the teaching of the Bible than others. For example, Ian McCormack (http://www.aglimpseofeternity.org/). He "died" (in our understanding of death) went to Heaven, came back and it changed the course of his life. And he uses his testimony all over the world to bring people to God. So he didn't really meet God?

Q. Do you think you are a specially chosen human, or more correctly in your context "being"? It seems to me like you think you are way above everyone else?

Satan is playing God and Jesus in heaven, and is sending people back from death with good and happy feelings. He preaches the Bible. He ALWAYS HAS. I was, at one time, on his side, and because of that, I knew what he was doing.

...the devil rules in heaven by the allowance of God and that what people see when they "die" is really a masquerade. I think that there's more going on than the people in heaven realize.

But of course, no one was listening and all I did was make myself sound even more crazy.

No one can accept that the Devil wants to fool us into worshipping him and believing he is God.

Kol... as you know, your whole past existence, war in heaven, the fall etc... do you think, that there is even the least possible chance that in your time in the occult that one of the fallen angels who was there in the time you describe communicated this story to your mind, making it so real that you believe it so strongly? You seem so sure that your experience is valid and those of others are evil. Why is yours not evi? lAnd remembering that you said somewhere you've had experiences since becoming a Christian... As someone once said - you can leave the occult, but that doesn't mean the occult leaves you! Sometimes this type of involvement takes repentance and ministry to deal with. Have you had prayer or anything for what you were involved in?

I was being fooled, and that was the answer, and it was all fallen angels. I was mistakenly still in the occult. I hadn't repented enough. I needed to pray for what I had been into.

The memory I have is not of a fallen angel, but of a very tired son of God who is on his way to be born. He seems to know the same people as I do. He seems willing to rely on God to put things right again.

Havn't been here for much of the discussion, but Kol I believe you to be rite about 1 thing. That the most troublesome & powerful angels that fell are chained in Tartarus.

These angels cannot do anything to mankind until they are loosed at the time of the rapture. It was done I believe to protect us...these beings have nothing but revenge on their minds so God locked them down.

I once had a vision in prayer of these beings I believe. Chained to a wall, hands cuffed together facing the it. Serious lockdown.

One must be very careful about the whispers, thoughts & even appearances of supernatural beings. Paul himself said that if an angel from heaven shows up at your door & preaches a gospel other then the scriptural truth. Well turn away, bcause that angel is accursed.

Just challenge you to keep praying to God for Him to show you the truth to the questions you ask. Keep opening the Word which is sharper then a two edged sword. & if they arn't of God they will be very testy & may not want to hang around & take the heat of God's presence. Just some thoughts on testing the spirits man.

Someone then refuted this, saying that the thread was stupid and that it was all about a fallen angel/demon impersonation possession.

I believe that your memories may be playing tricks upon you.
We perceive, and therefore distort our memories and as a result, are often misled.
good luck whatever you feel.

Kol, I think you want to just believe that you are a chosen person whose experience is of God whereas others are evil. I don't think you want to listen to anyone even suggest this may not be of God as you believe, or even want the demonic experiences you keep having to go away. It's all so much a part of you and you don't want to let go. So any efforts to try to even make you think or test it a little more are in vain.

I think you have a lot of understanding to do about spiritual things once you become a Christian. Generational things too, deceiving spirits etc etc. And the effect of holding on to occult literature.

You can keep your life long friendly "blonde haired man" around you. But I'll take Jesus thanks!

In short, imo your memories are not your own, nor have they edified me or brought me any closer to God or an understanding of Him.

"You can keep your blond haired man, I'll just keep Jesus"??? Argh!

And so I gave up...

 

[Kol]

Outside of all this irritation though, a poster named Siege had at least asked me to clarify without immediately giving me a definite answer-he never had given me an answer-and so I PM'd him:

You know, the only thing I've really accomplished with this whole mess is causing controversy. This is not what I wanted to introduce...

There are several things I still have to learn.

I do honestly believe the scripture I keep posting -about telling all things in the open- has relevance here, but at the same time, it has accomplished little if anything.

I really believe these are my memories. I don't want to be assaulted with them later. So it seems the best thing to do is not hide what I believe.

I'm sending this to you because you've never said anything amiss or out of line.

What is your opinion on all of this?
-david

I think you did just fine posting. You have to admit that what you had to say was a bit complex and difficult to understand on some levels...I think most of the people who were posting for the first while, myself included...are just trying to get a grasp on what it is that you see and understand for themselves what you are describing.

But it is interesting to try to figure out what it is all about. I brought up the Grigori/nephilim thing and a lot of people seem to have jumped on that bandwagon. I think most of them have only the Genesis view, looking at what they say, of the story which really leaves a lot open to interpretation and I think its difficult to discuss that aspect of it with those people.

I've studied it a lot though and there are a lot of conclusions that I have been led to about that event that I have never heard ANYONE come up with before.

That's what gets me...seriously, the day before you posted that I had just come across some things that supported some of these conclusions. And then you post your memories and it is full of those exact same aspects. There is hardly anything in your description of your memories that I can't line up with conclusions I'd already made about it. That doesn't mean I'm right, but it is a HUGE coincidence.

And so Siege, at least at first, was still convinced that they were implanted memories...

 

[Kol]

I gave it all my best shot, and tried to see if my memories could have been implanted by a fallen angel or a demon.

What I didn't tell anyone was that I *had* been in contact with such a spirit. But it didn't matter. I remembered being on earth, but not when humans were here.

At other times, I saw myself as a celestial father, and I was a mist myself, and all my children were coming home to stay with me. I could feel myself in their hearts, because I was in their hearts, and I loved them all, and they loved me. And it made me so happy to think about them, and to feel their emotions and to share life with them. I was so insignificant really..all I wanted was to lay down, and become this nothingness, this cloud, because it was a way of giving myself for them, of being with them without putting myself in their way. And I could feel their hearts and all I wanted was to make those hearts shine with glory and joy. I wanted them to blind each other with their happiness and cheer.

This was NOT the memory of a fallen angel!

I wrote back to Siege and gave him as much of the full story as I could, pointing out why these memories could not be implanted or those of a demon or fallen angel.

 

[Kol]

You raised a few interesting points in your last post. I have to think about some of those things a little while.
As far as the angels being bound though...in all of my studying of it this is a little cloudy. You realize that the angels that were named were only the princes involved don't you? The part that is cloudy is exactly WHO was bound...it is clear that the princes were bound. It is not clear, however, whether or not those under each prince were as well...so there could very well be a bunch of them running around with those memories to impart.

I thought just for a moment, how my theory of things would change if some of the fallen angels had not been chained, but had escaped afterwards and continued on.

I thought about the princes of the fallen angels, and about the other angels they brought down with them. There had been 200 of them all together, and the leaders were in charge of different numbers of angels.

I tried to imagine a fallen angel being in charge of a ship of other fallen angels and possibly even satans.

And I right away I began to remember:

I was on a ship, and we were going to the earth. The walls and the entire interior was made of light gray metal. I was a captain, not just of the ship, but of the army. The army I remembered fighting at the beginning, I was now a part of. And I looked like a golden-colored "alien". I had a small crew on the ship...

In the dream, I turned around, and one of the gray beings was asking me a question. I felt irritation, because I felt he was an idiot and that he was trying to take my position from me. I think he may have been my second in command. The next thing to go through my mind was anger that I was just a captain and not something with more rank. I felt that I deserved more because of what I had been. I wanted to be a king again.

There were babies in plastic cases, as if they were science experiments, or were being grown or altered. They had been human, but were being changed into aliens by the fluid which surrounded them, and by constant surgeries and chemicals fed to them. Most of the babies were infants.

I didn't know what a castle was yet (it would still be 4 years until I first played Dragon Warrior on nintendo), so I thought the dream was about a cellar. The only cellar I knew was the one beneath my granddaddy's patio, so I figured the dream must be about that place.

In the dream, everyone had turned the cellar into a fort, because monsters were coming and it was the end of the world. The monsters looked like dogs, but they were all black and mean. There was a woman, and a man, and a lot of other people, and they were all my friends. I remember walking around and talking to a bunch of people and going flying sometimes to see if anyone was coming after us. In the dream, something was wrong with my voice. It felt like I had rocks in my throat. The woman had blonde hair, and I was in love with her.

The next thing I saw was another castle, but this one was tiny, and it was raining and storming, and the ground was shaking.

I was in some sort of hallway, and I was talking with a man beside me. Something was wrong with me, but I couldn't grasp what. The man beside me offered me a suggestion, and I told him to do exactly what he had offered.

I turned from the hallway, and an absolutely beautiful woman came down a flight of stairs to see me. We were married, and I was absolutely in love with this woman. I knew though, that she was about to be taken from me, and I knew that she was trying to not be afraid.

The biggest mystery to me during all of this was why I was cursed or tainted. God had disowned me and cursed me so that I would wither away and die. That is not something He is too quick to do. I felt like an absolute monster, and this wasn't "being depressed" or having a bad day. As strong as my armorbearer's love was, and as strong as [Amanda's] beauty was, my own radiance was much, much stronger, and that radiance was all sorrow and grief. In the pre-birth memory, this was mostly all memory..I wasn't continuing to do whatever it was I had done, but it was most certainly still there.

Sometime in between the time I had been a father and the time I was born, I had done something horrible. And I had no idea what it was.

The last dream that I remember having around this time was that I was in a castle...I didn't know what a castle was yet, so I thought the dream was about a cellar. The only cellar I knew was the one beneath my granddaddy's patio, so I figured the dream must be about that place.

...everyone had turned the cellar into a fort, because monsters were coming and it was the end of the world. The monsters looked like dogs, but they were all black and mean. There was a woman, and a man, and a lot of other people, and they were all my friends. I remember walking around and talking to a bunch of people and going flying sometimes to see if anyone was coming after us. In the dream, something was wrong with my voice. It felt like I had rocks in my throat. The woman had blonde hair, and I was in love with her...

For some reason I'd originally thought of the place as a castle, but I could see now that it was panelled with pure white, plastic-like walls. Everything seemed hightech, and from this I concluded it must relate to my would-be life as an OSI agent. Originally I had connected these dreams to pre-existence, but I realized then that the two castles were different; what was more, the people in the second castle weren't celestials-they were all human. Both memories took place on earth (I'm shaking as I'm writing this!), but the second one didn't have the same people involved as the first. So despite what I had previously thought, they weren't connected.

And people who look like us but glow and alot of soldiers with gold and titanium armor and I'm mostly with them...it looks almost futuristic...

It was nighttime, and it was raining and thundering, and the ground was shaking. I was gazing out a window...

I began to have dreams about a very beautiful woman with blonde hair who would come to see me...we were always in a classroom, and a blonde-haired man was teaching us things. All the classes were about the end of the world... Something very evil was coming and because I had inside knowledge, I was being taught to help. In other dreams, I was looking for a glowing orb like from one of my games, and the beautiful girl was trying to help me find it. This was something I'd had a long time ago but lost, and was determined to get back.

The last dream that I remember having around this time was that I was in a castle...I didn't know what a castle was yet, so I thought the dream was about a cellar. The only cellar I knew was the one beneath my granddaddy's patio, so I figured the dream must be about that place.

...everyone had turned the cellar into a fort, because monsters were coming and it was the end of the world. The monsters looked like dogs, but they were all black and mean. There was a woman, and a man, and a lot of other people, and they were all my friends. I remember walking around and talking to a bunch of people and going flying sometimes to see if anyone was coming after us. In the dream, something was wrong with my voice. It felt like I had rocks in my throat. The woman had blonde hair, and I was in love with her...

...

For some reason I'd originally thought of the place as a castle, but I could see now that it was panelled with pure white, plastic-like walls. Everything seemed hightech, and from this I concluded it must relate to my would-be life as an OSI agent. Originally I had connected these dreams to pre-existence, but I realized then that the two castles were different; what was more, the people in the second castle weren't celestials-they were all human. Both memories took place on earth (I'm shaking as I'm writing this!), but the second one didn't have the same people involved as the first. So despite what I had previously thought, they weren't connected.

So I realized then that the "them" the bhm kept referring to was the people in this second, human castle, and that my bad choices in life were leading me to being in that situation, as this unhappy OSI agent.

...

...I had already lived once before...

...I figured she must have been my wife in a past life. That was the only explanation I could give...

 

[Chocolatesa]

"We fought to maintain our loyalty to God and to defend "His Name." I'm not even sure what that means now. But as this being, it was very important."

I just remembered something that I wanted to mention 2 weeks ago... the deacon at our church preached one sunday about how in the old days, someone's name was much more than just a name, it represented everything they were, their personality, virtues, values, etc, and it was the same for God's name, that to call on the name of God was something very special(this last part I'm not sure about, but the rest yes). Then I was reminded of your post about this...

 

[Kol]

It now made sense.

It was raining that night..it was *always* raining in Mississippi. The two of us scurried around on base, unable to leave and unable to find a place to hide. We crossed behind the Personel building on base, where all the records were kept, and came across a gazebo behind the building, hidden by a few trees.

Since it was raining, it made things that much harder to see, and we figured we had found a good place all to ourselves.

It had taken about half an hour to walk clear across base to find our hidden corner, and by the time 9pm curfew rolled around, neither one of us had any idea of it.

9pm that Sunday night, Heather was completely nude and I was laying kisses across her body as I scrambled for a condom, trying to do three things at once. This would be the first time we'd managed to find a place to actually have sex. Sinful, and of the fallen nature, but completely normal.

It started to pour down rain, and (I can still see this so clearly in my mind) I remember Heather shaking a little from the cold. A car went by, and we hid for a second until the headlights went by. About to have sex in a public place, having forgotten evidently all about college and my faith, but still, completely in the norm for just another human being.

At 19 and with my first real girlfriend, I really had no idea what I was doing. Unfortunately, that has never in the history of humankind stopped a man before. I was happy for a moment just to absorb it all and take it all in before I actually ..whatever. Since I was the tiniest bit unsure of myself, I decided to just let everything run on instinct.

I found I had the desire to pin her arms to her side, and so I did. I had her leaning up against the side of the gazebo just a little, and I fussed at her to keep her eyes open, although she complained she couldn't. This seemed to make me unnecessarily irritated, and beyond that there was something else, but I couldn't place what. I pushed her legs up a bit more, placed myself in a better position, and shifted myself to slide into her body. I was about as close to actually being inside of her as you can get. And as I looked up to her, I began to slide myself into her.

And absolutely EVERYTHING went wrong.

I seemed to be in two places at once. I was on top of this girl, looking up at her, but I was also just behind myself, watching things from a few breaths away. Some part of me was *terrified*. Not of "losing my virginity" or even of being a disobedient Christian or a backslider. This was a fear beyond death.

Some part of me was horrified beyond belief and afraid for its very life over what I was about to do.
I seemed to have access to memories I wasn't normally aware of, but none of them made any sense. They seemed very much to be from a past life.

Something was horribly wrong, not just with me but with everything. I wasn't really afraid of God in that moment, or of sin, or of my choice of sin. There was something else, which I didn't understand, and that thing, whatever it was, forbid me from this girl.

And the very first time I had sex with her, I had yet another strange, bizarre 'memory'. At first things were fine. But the experience seemed to awaken different parts of my mind, and one of those parts was saying that something was different for me. Not anything to do with the girl or the method, but with my body. And I realized it was because I was circumcised. I didn't think I should have any reason to miss or even think about what I'd never really had, but somehow I could 'remember' sex without being cut, and even with a condom and all, tell the difference. It was like skipping eight of the ten steps. 80% of what I was supposed to be feeling wasn't there. And I had no idea how or why I should be able to tell this, let alone right away.

I had already lived once before.

"So," he asked me, "are you still a virgin?"

"What?"

He asked me again in a different manner.

"You're just going to ask me that, out of the blue?"

"Yeah, I am."

Another time as we were standing in formation, another prior-service student turned around to me and asked me a very detailed question about giving a female oral sex.
It became apparent that the others in the class had been discussing this about me. At first I thought they must be making fun of me in some way, but it occured to me that I just looked like a very innocent and nice little kid, completely unworldly. I did not talk worldy, and I did not let myself see things in that way. This seemed to irritate them to no end. I wasn't sure why this was, and it started me thinking again about Heather and my bizarre feelings when I had been so close to sleeping with her. I had since attributed the entire episode to my other spirit, 'Phoenix'.

But something in my spirit, in my own spiritual self, seemed to have a very strong emotion over both their questions and my own thoughts. There was something to it within me. Part of me was laughing at them and the situation.

The bhm also made a comment when he first appeared at this dream:

"You already have a wife! Or did you forget that too?!"

And I had no idea what he was talking about, but i remembered him saying it.

She let me pin her arms to the floor, above her head..she seemed almost to lead me to do so...and she very intentionally looked me in the eyes, with undisguised fear and uncertainty there. I then began to rape her as she very quietly begged me not to. Her body was absolutely fantastic..

There was a reason I was being tempted with sex, and a reason God so reacted to this in my dream.

I thought back to the whole scenario with Kaitlin. Why in the world had God been so ready to kill me at the first mistake I'd made? Forget all that garbage about spirit guides and aliens. That was in the past. The present was me with God, and the fact was He was not letting me take a wrong step once. The bhm had even seemed to have sympathy, but not God. Why?

What bothered me though, was the fact that God had seemed so eager to 'kill' me at my first mistake. I was *hurt*, because I didn't understand why He would be so quick on the trigger with me. Considering what I'd come out of, I was a saint. I resisted Kaitlin and fought off my spiritual attacker, but a lot of what had happened didn't make sense to me.

It seemed to me that I was perpetually being tempted with girls below my station in life, whether it was because of their jobs (Heather), their age (Sandra), or some other intangible (this cute SP). Knowing the way the tarot worked, I realized this was one of my tests in life, and I wondered a little why.

At some point in 1999, I met the girl I had been talking to online. I will only say that she had lied about her age and that she was too young for me to go out with comfortably. I decided though to continue to see her anyway.

I was forbidden from talking to the NPS students, the non-prior service, the 18 and 19 year olds. We could not socialize with them, but we were required to lead them. One was a very cute girl who told me about her secret fetish for dressing like a bunny. (???) I mostly stood quiet and let her tell me about going to the beach and all about ladybugs. My subconcious, the back of my mind, seemed to be spinning as she did. I wasn't trying to channel, to communicate with another spirit, but the thoughts came as if I were. I saw a deck of tarot cards, an image of God, and the word 'destiny' in my mind. To me this meant that the situation was a test, one from God, and that it weighed heavily on my fate. I let the girl talk, and never said anything to her. Later on, another student like myself was expelled for going to a club with the NPS students.

We weren't met by Sergeants but other airmen, and they immediately told us we were "PINGERS", People In Need of Guidance, Education, Recreation, and Sex.
Keesler is a notoriously ungodly party base.

Maybe you were just some other angel that did something wrong in some way, even if you weren't with the devil?

The angels who had been assigned to watch humanity descended instead to start families and have their sons rule the earth. The fallen angels taught men secrets for which God later destroyed the earth.

[Sara] knew exactly what I was, and let me know it was alright; she still believed in me. She had once been a daugher to me. Now she was like a sister, because my curse had cut my age in half..we would have both been in our 40s, so to speak. Her clothing looked like "armor" too. Hers was green and white. The white was faded with age. This one had been a priestess for God when we had lived in our old country. She was one of the very few people to remember those times.

But I knew [Amanda] had no idea of who or what I really was. If she had learned, she would have ran in terror. I was afraid it would break her mind. I was, after all, a monster. And so I kept myself away from her as much as I could think to, because someone like me had no right to be around someone like her.

Her 'father' knew this. He stood beside her then. He knew exactly what I was, and he *hated* me because of it. I respected him greatly for not telling her.

I wore something like armor, but it was nothing external. It was as if my clothing/covering were an extension of either who I was, or what I felt emotionally, or of what I had done. It was a sickly black, mixed with dark blue and a charcoal gray. On my chest was the remnants of what had been my country's crest, a long, long time ago. Most of it was faded, and besides S???? and ?????, no one still around would have any idea what it meant. The crest, the emblem, had triangles, circles, and interlocking lines...there was something like rain, or a storm across it now. I had been stamped in some way.
I had a long, secret, and very bitter past.

The blond-haired man finished explaining to me what was expected, and turned away without another word to lead me back up the stairs. We were in some sort of cellar; we were there for privacy, because no one was allowed to know that any of us were around. He himself was too sacred; most people weren't allowed to come into his presence. I was just the opposite. My presence would likely have terrified everyone around. And the rest of us would have been attacked on sight for what we all were doing.

And it's *embarrasing* to get so personal, but it's really part of the story, so...13 was the first time I ever masturbated...but as soon as I started, I remembered having sex before. Which made no sense. But I remembered it plainly... My subconcious was sending me all kinds of information..memories. But none of them made any sense... The only one that made any sense was an image of a beautiful, blonde-haired woman. She was small, not fully grown, but a little older than I was. She was afraid, and it was raining, and we were beneath some trees. She was extremely cute and just..unbelievable. And I remembered entering her body, the literal feel of it, and I remembered it raining, and I remembered her being afraid and not really knowing what was going on. And none of this made any sense to me.

 

[Kol]

This was why I was being tempted with sex.

I guess I have a...*slight*...lolita complex.

>.>

<.<

>.>

Kaitlin had it down pat.

She was 23. My 13 year-old sister looked older. (Well, that one looks 18 so I don't know if the comparison is a fair one. Either way I'm a pervert, so...)

So I was going to sleep with a girl outside of marriage. So what?! Considering the ungodliness in the world, how did this compare? I didn't smoke, I didn't drink, I didn't swear or curse. I had stuck with the Lord amazingly well. I'd thrown out all my old "occult" stuff, things it was hard for me to get rid of. I really didn't think it would help, but I tried my best to minister to people whenever I could. I'd watched my sisters, become nothing short of a servant for my mother, and did everything else I could to put others above myself. Was I never to be given *anything*?

"Why?!" I complained. "What would be so bad about me being with her?!" I think I was more mad at the entire drama surrounding it rather than the actual event.

"It would be...bad," was all he said.

I fumed and glared at him. "I never get to have anybody," I just about shouted. "Everybody else has whoever they want and I get NO ONE!

He seemed uneasy and hesitant.

"If you're going to commit adultery," he said, "do it with somebody else."

I know there are all kinds of arguments over sexual morality. Jesus forgives, we are not all perfect, sex is only natural...Think what you must, but these things were not being offered to me as an option. The Lord didn't appear to me in a dream and say, "Well you know, if you happen to slip up and have pre-marital sex, it's okay, because hey-sex is only natural. My son will forgive you. Blood of the Christ. Don't let it get you down." No. Instead He'd told me, making sure to use words I would understand, that if I slept with this girl, I wouldn't get 10 miles down the road before He caught me and judged me.

What was even more bizarre was that I seemed to have angels trying to get me to have sex.

Was sexual purity really worth all of this? Why was there so much trouble over so simple a concept?

I still cannot fathom why God would come to me in a dream and threaten me about Kae. I have never heard of the Lord warning people about immorality like this before. I had no, and still have no, indication that I am/was in any way special beyond anyone else in this world (tho maybe worse). If He didn't pick at other's sins, why was He doing so at mine? This was (and still is) what freaks me out the most about the entire episode. I don't *get* it. I've had one other dream with God and I felt honored beyond all honor by that. Why the next time I saw the Lord would be at a time like *this*...I just don't get it.

"Do you really think that God, in all his power, in all his ways and might and wisdom," here she waved her hands to illustrate "is really going to send you angels to tell you not to sleep with somebody? Kaitlin sounds like a nice girl, David. A lot of people never meet someone they really like. You could have gotten to know her without just fooling around with her. Why didn't you do that?" she asked. "If she really likes you, it sounds like you might still have a shot. Why don't you just do that for now?"

She looked unbelievable. The girl wasn't really my type-she was the blond haired, blue eyed kind-but she looked much better in the clothes she was wearing than in the uniform I'd seen her in. I was shocked, and she knew it. Her makeup was beautiful, her body was perfect, and..overall, she was very, very attractive.

She wanted to know if she could stay at my house for the night.

That word lonely echoed in my mind.

When my stepdad had taken the family out for dinner, I was the only one by myself, and every once in a while I must admit, I did feel a bit lonely.

All the same, everyone else was married and I wasn't. I was alone, and I started to feel more and more lonely

Stephanie called me at home the next night. She said she felt lonely and just needed to complain.

He'd enticed me to feel depressed and offered me a way to make it better-pick up those cards again.

Saul's attendants said to him, "See, an evil spirit from God is tormenting you. Let our lord command his servants to search for someone who can play the harp. He will play when the evil spirit from God comes upon you, and you will feel better." -1 Samuel 16:15,16

...Whenever the spirit from God would come upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him." -1 Samuel 16:23

And it's *embarrasing* to get so personal, but it's really part of the story, so...13 was the first time I ever masturbated. I think my mom had ran off to the store or something, lol. But.. even this couldn't be normal for me. As soon as I started..all hell broke loose. My mind wanted to shut down. It was as if..some part of my soul were in terror and wanted to escape. I remember being there, objectively wondering why I was so terrified. I could not imagine why that would be. But as soon as I started, I remembered having sex before. Which made no sense. But I remembered it plainly; I could tell the difference between actual sex and what I was doing, I could remember what it would feel like to have a woman's body against mine, I remembered the sights, the smells, every bit. Which was new information for me, but somehow wasn't. My subconcious was sending me all kinds of information..memories. But none of them made any sense. The only one that made any sense was an image of a beautiful, blonde-haired woman. She was small, not fully grown, but a little older than I was. She was afraid, and it was raining, and we were beneath some trees. She was extremely cute and just..unbelievable. And I remembered entering her body, the literal feel of it, and I remembered it raining, and I remembered her being afraid and not really knowing what was going on. And none of this made any sense to me. The woman wasn't anyone I knew. It wasn't my sister or anyone.

But I had seen her before. When I had been nine, I had dreamed all the time about being taught in classrooms, and there had sometimes been a girl there learning with me. She was the one who was helping me find some kind of orb I had lost. *This* was her.
I figured she must have been my wife in a past life. That was the only explanation I could give.

 

[Kol]

Nothing had *ever* been normal for me.

My first memory is of the bhm taking me to be born.
My second memory is of leaving my body to meet the bhm in heaven.
I was approached by a spirit who asked if I remembered him. He claimed he was God and promised he would return for me.
I saw my uncle abducted by aliens, and heard the aliens claim they didn't know about me.
I began to be abducted by aliens who claimed they were doctors.
I dreamed my granddad knew the bhm and that both were helping me in my life.
I saw aliens who I thought of as angels come for me at night.
I dreamed the bhm taught me about aliens invading when I was seven.
I dreamed the bhm taught me about the end of the world when I was seven.
I saw the bhm in church when I was seven.
I had a ghost float beside my bed and whisper to me as a nine year old.
I heard ghosts as a nine year old.
I saw ghosts on a constant basis at both my grandparents' and mother's houses.
I learned how to sense the mood of an enviroment as a kid.
I became obsessed with a glowing orb as a kid.
I dreamed of the beautiful woman as a kid.
I dreamed I spoke to God as an angel, as a kid.
I dreamed of aliens again as a 9 year old.
My sister reported aliens to me as a toddler.
I had aliens explain abductions to me as a preteen.
I learned to leave my body as a preteen.
I evidently became host to a demon as a preteen.
I dreamed of heaven as a preteen.
I dreamed of giants as a preteen.
I dreamed of murder as a preteen.
I realized as a preteen that I had already had sex.
I had a dream of God as a preteen.
I again met the bhm as a preteen.
I was reminded of my baby OBEs in dreams as a preteen.
I dreamed of Keesler as a teen.
I heard voices of my GT advisor as a teen at camp.
I dreamed of the end of the world constantly, and as a teen.
I dreamed of Tabuk as a teen.
I dreamed of California as a teen.
I dreamed of demons in CA.
I dreamed of my future life in CA as an OSI agent.
I dreamed of the end of the world in CA.
I learned to leave my body in CA and traveled to a science lab.
I left my body in CA and traveled to Dobbins.
I left my body in CA and traveled across Edwards (my CA base).
I became willing host to a demon in CA.

One of the things that bothered me at the time was this: since I was out of my occult tricks, why would I still experience something like this? I was purified, made righteous in Christ, obedient and tried, tested, and found true. I was no pretender, and the Lord had seen that. I was on a spiritual high from turning down Kaitlin and Melissa. This world had offered me all it had to offer, and though I had sweated and bled and shook to do so, I had resisted that offer to its final end. Just like John had said, I was a son of the Living God.

So why was I still having visions of dead things?

And I now knew why. I now knew where the spirit guide had come from. He wasn't a spirit guide at all.

He had been my advisor when I was a fallen angel.

"Do you remember me?"

'No', I thought.

It seemed to laugh.

"I'm God," it said.

'No you're not!'

"I am." It seemed serious.

I said and thought nothing.

"I'll talk to you again, later," it said, and seemed to 'disappear'.

And I had known this all along.

Alone in the house one night, I set up my candles, took out my dagger, and began to pray to the different elemental gods. I burned incense and made offers of little bits of things, saving the biggest offer for the spirit god. I finished the spell, closed the circle, and sat down on the floor.

I stripped nude and sat in front of my broken mirror, studying my eyes and wondering what was wrong with me.

The answer came to me, the very first thing I thought of, but it was so bizarre that I didn't think it was possible. I really didn't even know what it meant. From everything I knew about religion, it *wasn't* possible. I let it slip from my mind. The next thought was that I wasn't really a person, I was an alien, and that I had a secret mission I had to accomplish. I thought this somewhat explained how I felt, why I was so distanced from everyone and everything. The next theory to occur to me was that I was possessed and that I wasn't evil, but that something within me was. But as far as I knew about possession, this wasn't the case. I felt fine and certainly didn't need a Catholic priest to exorcise me.

My spirit guide was an impressive sight. He looked completely human, but his skin was an ashen white. He wore mostly black, mixed with either dark blues or maybe purple, and his hair was long and black, and if everything I'd ever seen or heard about a vampire could be summed up in one physical description, he was it. It was hard to tell how tall he was, because he was always "sitting" when he floated, but of the few times I remember him standing, I would guess him to be slightly over 6 feet tall. He was thin but muscular, and exuded force and just...power. Control and dominance.

What this entity accomplished was far outside the norm for a "spirit guide".

He had been some type of sorcerer, a man who knew how to influence the spiritual world because I had taught him how. He had cheated death and came back to be with me once more.

I can still hear that dark, slow, calm voice of his, saying "it suits me well.." His voice was like hearing death, because it was so utterly calm and confident. As if there were no worries after you were already dead. You could imagine that in life he had been tense and uptight and fighting to stay alive, and that now he had been killed and was dead, and that nothing mattered anymore because it had all passed away, and he had come to this secret understanding, and there was nothing left to do but embrace that darkness and float on inside of it. Just...that voice, I can still remember. So well.

My spirit guide's eyes looked absolutely dead to me, and seeing this filled me with pure glee. I tried my best to mirror him, both in my dreams and in real life. I began to stare people down just to do so, just to feel myself exert that force over them. It occured to me again how tall he was, and how absolutely evil and wicked his presence seemed. The darkness that seemed to surround this man was so strong. It was immediately intoxicating, just to think about, to be in his presence.

I had a dream one night that he and I were fighting together.

There was a magnificent castle, miles wide and as far as a human eye could see. A ditch, a drop that continued down into the earth into blackness, was set like a moat all around the place, and it boggled the mind to imagine how that moat had been made.

There was a bridge made of heavy stone that spanned from the castle's entrance to the fields outside, and the area surrounding the castle was an absolute paradise, and grass covered the ground until it ran into the forests. The stones which made the bridge were several times bigger than a man, and the smallest ones were each at least 6 feet in size.

The castle's lord and his son were rallying themselves and all the people inside to fight us, because we were coming to kill them. We were against them, because we were against the things they did. All the kings and lords of the world were like gods, and this one was no different. But I did not accept this. There was one god, and He was evil, and creation was dying, and it deserved to do so because He had forsaken it for His elite.

Monsters that looked like men and others that looked like dogs came out to fight us.

We stood on the bridge, just at the point where it met the outside grass. Several people from inside the castle were fleeing, and I let them because I was not a wicked lord. The defending lord was furious, and I could feel this, and his spirit watched me and my own watched his, as his own guard deserted him and he knew he would have to fight me himself, this little child-god that I was.

The man who was my spirit guide stood to my right, with myself in the middle and my wife on my left. I did not have a son-I refused those things-but the three of us were more than enough for the lord's son, and I knew that we could slaughter him.

More abominations came out at us, things that should never have been, and I saw the man on my right wave his arms together, and a sense of something horribly wrong surrounded us all, and fire came out of nowhere, about 10 feet or so in front of him, and burned the things in front of us. The man, my "spirit guide" was very tall, and I noticed as I dreamed this that he had a beard here, a thin black beard that covered his face. He wore regular clothes, all black, and a small cloak, and he carried his own sword but seldom had to use it.

My wife was on my left, the beautiful woman, and she fought alongside us, killing and slicing and fighting alongside us. And I loved her, and I protected her, and together the three of us waited for the castle's lord to reveal himself so that we could destroy everything he had built.

 

[Kol]

I was a fallen angel. This is why I had been so afraid of vaginal intercourse. I was afraid of getting a girl pregnant.

When I came back home, I began to have bad dreams. Nightmares of aliens and abductions, of the end of the world and of the world before Noah's flood. I felt a strong desire to use any of the old methods I knew to gaze into the spirit world and see what all this meant, but I refused. Instead I began to go to a baptist church and to order gospel music through the mail. I took a basic job as a security guard and started to get myself together for college. I made new friends and started to open myself up as best I could to other people. Over all of this, I tried my best to seek the Lord with all my heart and to be a normal person.

I told my friend Dan the story of what had happened at Keesler and lied, telling him I had slept with Heather because I didn't want to tell anyone about Sandra.

"If you've already lost your virginity, what's the point?" he asked me, confused.

The second thing that seemed obvious to me was that sex somehow deadened your eyes to the spiritual world. I somehow worked it out that this was why virgins were sacrificed, and why catholic priests weren't allowed to marry. (I know, what???) I had never had a problem with any other act with Heather other than vaginal intercourse, and so I decided I should not engage in this venture.

And I remembered the Flood:

The monsters are all gone and no more are coming, ever again. The windows are recessed into the walls, something like stained glass windows, but..not like anything else I've ever seen. I am sad, because I know what's going to happen. I've been told, warned. But there is nothing I can do, and it only makes me sadder, because we had been fighting so hard, and for a moment it all seemed to be right again. But not anymore. Never again.

My advisor, one of my best friends, is standing next to me, and I tell him quietly to do what he has to do. He nods gravely and walks away. And so I turn away myself, because I don't want to see outside anymore, don't want to look at the world, don't want to see what is happening any more.

I turn to my right and walk towards a staircase leading up to the next floor. The beautiful golden-haired woman is walking down to me, and I can see that she's aware of what's happening. She knows that something isn't right, although she doesn't know what. And she knows that she's about to be taken away from me. She tries to not be afraid, but it's so hard... A normal person would not be able to do it anymore, wouldn't be able to deal with (aliens) and the monsters and the fighting and the war. But none of them are normal people anymore. They haven't been, not since any of this started, centuries ago.

I tell her to go up to the room, and I'm afraid to tell her goodbye, both for myself and for her.

I couldn't have handled it, because I love her too much.

I knew demons because I had been with them when they were alive.

There was a bonfire, and there were tall demons and short ones, and they were all dancing around this huge flame. And they were singing either to me or about me, and I kept thinking that they wanted me to join them and dance with them, all around this fire. There was a meaning to what they were doing, as if it were a spell or a ceremony, but even in the dream I didn't understand what it was. And it was nighttime, and we were in a forest, and I was there with them but wasn't dancing.

And I submerged myself underwater because I had cheated my fate by becoming a Christian and didn't know how.

I had learned to hate showers, but every night I took two baths. The first time I would fill the tub with freezing cold water. I would turn off all the lights in the motel room, because I felt like doing so, and submerge myself nude in the ice-cold bathtub. It was physically painful to do so, but I forced myself with my will. I could feel all my skin tighten up and after a few seconds sweat would begin to pour out of my armpits, trying evidently to warm me. It felt like a liquid heat pouring from my body. I had been writing a story about a prince who had been cursed and imprisoned under the water, and I put myself under the water as if i were him.
And at the time I had no idea why I was doing this.

A song of Static-X seemed to speak to a hidden part of me:

I still feel the cold
of long past days
I knew my worth
put in my place
it's no surprise
I realized
some time before...

December

Sun shines through haze
i put my thoughts
toward future days
it's no surprise
i close my eyes
and close the door...

feeling so old
years pass like days
fastly changing
so many ways
my eyes perceive
yes i believe
in nothing more...

In my story, the prince had become a demon and was kept under the water until the end of the world. It was evident to me I'd stolen the thought from all my reading of Enoch; the fallen angels were supposedly imprisoned in a place called Tartarus, far beneath the oceans. I began to wonder what parts of my demon's memory were now in my own mind, and whether I was writing about his father.

I thought about all these things then, and I decided I liked them. I felt as if I were surrounded by something enchanting. It was like having someone's arms around you, caressing you, holding you, all the time. It wasn't quite intoxicating, but most certainly enveloping, and it gave me a sense of love I hadn't experienced since my pre-birth memories, where I could feel the other celestials' hearts. This spirit liked me, I had seen that. He was not human, but more than that, and not even a normal demon, but a prince among demons...and he had chosen me to dwell in. I was his holy vessel.

I wondered at first if this was my son.

 

[Kol]

In the memory of being a king (which I thought of as a "father"), I wasn't human, and no one else was either. There was no such thing, as far as I know or knew, at that time. This kingdom though, had been destroyed. The entire celestial "empire" had been, and nobody remembered it. I had been fighting the people who destroyed this. When I said I had an emblem on my chest (just before being born), it referenced this kingdom. My armor-bearer and another "man" who seemed something like my guardsman or retainer remembered, because they had been my children. They were from the same kingdom. But nobody else had any idea there had ever been such a thing. And the fact of its existence was something like a secret or little-known fact.

I remembered now. Because my first kingdom had fallen, I had come to the earth to start a new one. I had been set to watch over God's new creation, flesh men, and didn't understand His purpose in making them.

I had been a fallen angel and what St. Jude said was true:

And the angels who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their own home—these he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day. In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion.

I had done the exact same things as in Sodom and Gomorrah.

I began to dream about having orgies, sex parties in some type of emerald-colored shower room. There were men there, and women, and everyone would have sex with everyone else. I was the host of these parties, and I would go around, making sure everyone was entertained and taken care of. Some of it was domination, and the women would dress up to suit the part. A great deal of it was experimenting, trying anything and everything, to see what would bring everyone the most pleasure. There was no hesitation for the men to have sex with the other men, and for the women to violate the men in this way either. Some of the men would dress themselves as women, IIRC, and some others liked to play the parts of the women. It would be someone's turn, and a dozen other people would swarm all over them like demons, to dig themselves into lust and ecstacy, and see how strong they could make someone's [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. And I would join in, and have sex with anyone and everyone, and see how far I could push someone and see how far I myself could be pushed.

And after the world had been destroyed, I had been cursed for what I'd done.

I was dying. I could feel my sin within myself, flowing everywhere in my body and in my "blood". It was as if I'd ingested poison, as if it were traveling all through my body, killing random cells in my body and making me weak and useless. Everything inside of me was tainted...tainted, and dying.

I could feel God's curse against me as well. He had cursed me so that I would wither and die, a punishment that was far better than what I deserved. He would never forgive me, and would never again answer my prayers; He refused any longer to be my God. I made no complaint against it..it gave me time to finish what I wanted to finish, and that was all I cared about. I was cut off from Him. I could no longer make contact with Him, could no longer draw on Him for my life. I was no longer His son. What I had left inside myself was it. I would never be able to renew myself, and when that last bit of life ran out, that was it.
I was different. Everything I felt was wrong, bad, evil. My persona was strong enough to be "godlike" in no small degree. But it wasn't love or beauty. It was misery and sadness. Those things were so strong, they had become my strength in life. I felt...despair, hopelessness, absolute regret, and a LOT of bitterness over what had happened. I was misery incarnate.
Whatever I had been was being kept a secret. In this memory though, I seemed like some sort of "knight-captain". There was a word for what I was, but this is the closest thing to an english synonym I have. There was so much more to me, but it was hidden and again, since I didn't call it to mind while standing there, I didn't remember what it was when this memory was brought back to my mind.

In that moment I didn't hate God, but I felt apart from Him with no desire to go back. I just wanted to finish my mission and die.

In the dream, I felt so strong, not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. I was some kind of old grizzled war veteran, and I had been fighting the enemy for a countless number of years. Dreaming, it made me very sad and..just somber. The experience itself had a sense of agelessness to it. I had been traveling for so many years, and despite the fact that I tried so hard, I simply *could not* succeed at what I was trying to accomplish. I didn't have anyone with me. It was as if my entire family had passed away..as everyone else were just distant relatives, and that this distance only made it so much worse. My old life had passed away. All the things I'd wanted when I was so young had passed away. My home and everyone I loved was gone, long gone and completely forgotten. I was horribly alone, and I felt like no one even understood what I was about anymore. I was on this self-appointed "mission", and it was only because I had no contact with others that I could even have set out on something like this. But after so many years, I found that I just couldn't win, despite my strength and experience.

My family was gone because that world had been destroyed.

And this was why the blond haired angel had laughed when I told him I believed in aliens. Because I had helped create them.

"I'm fighting aliens," I said.

"You believe in aliens?"

I remember thinking for a second and saying, "yeah, I think it's possible. I think there's a lot of things out there people don't understand. I can see how there might be aliens...I believe i've definitely seen them, even."

And he started laughing at me, on and on, and on. He threw his head back and I wouldn't have been surprised to see tears in his eyes, he was laughing at me so much. After several minutes, I remember getting mad, and I kept asking, 'what?!, what's so funny?!' but this guy couldn't control himself. He really thought this was funny.

After a *long* time, he finally settled down, and looked at me. He looked drugged, he'd been laughing so much.
"You believe in aliens?" he asked me.

"Yes," i was mad, because i felt he was making fun of me and I didn't know why.

"*YOU* believe in aliens?!" again.

"Yes!"
He seemed at a loss. "You believe in aliens...how can you believe in aliens?!" he asked.

He then said one of the most cryptic things anyone had ever said to me:

"You were there! How can you believe in aliens???"

 

[K9Guardian]

The king beat up his evil advisor...

 

[Kol]

Mostly this is all for me, i think. I want to leave what I did behind me, to bury it all with the person I once was. And this is the last nail in the coffin for me.

I...had crossed paths with literal demons before, both in a physical body and in a spiritual one. The latter I would not at the time allow myself to remember. It involved things that were too much for me.

I had fought them in a celestial body when they were giants, and this too I remembered.

 

[Kol]

I do have to admit that there are a few things that say what you claim is possible...one, they were put here as man before, so why not again....or still, as the case may be. Also, there are a few of the Zionist sects who believe we, as man, are angels appointed to live out lives as man for a time for one reason or another. I don't believe this at all...at least not that most are...because the Word clearly distinguishes between man and angels...and were there no distinction then why either one of the falls in the first place? That's still not to say that some may not be.

It was the part you mentioned about the baronies that instantly made me think of this particular story. You probably wouldn't have guessed that, would you? It is my belief that the Grigori/Watchers set themselves up as "kings" and possibly some as even gods while they were imparting the forbidden knowledges. I also think that there were several cities that were "favored" by the Grigori to which more of these knowledges was imparted than most other areas. Can you see where this is leading? I believe the stories of "Atlantis" are remnants of this time...only people have gotten it wrong. There wasn't ONE Atlantis, but SEVERAL. That's why so many cultures have it in their lore...and also explains why there are multiple sites in the seas where we have found evidence of sunken cities. The Bible, and other texts, claim that God attributes the widespread sin of the time directly to both the abominations of the nephilim and the imparting of this knowledge. So...the nephilim He took care of by setting them against each other. The cities however, were cleansed by the flood. Would it not make sense that the "favored" cities that were central and most infected with these knowledges would catch the brunt of His wrath? That when He flooded everything He would especially focus that wrath on those cities and make sure they sank to depths where it would be nearly impossible to recover many of those knowledges? He also has shown a tendency in the Bible and history to destroy cities He is most angry with in a way that noone ever rebuilds, or can rebuild, on the same site again....Sodom and Gomorrah, for one. What better way to insure that than sink them to the bottom of the sea?

As for the angels setting themselves as gods...whether they did or not I have no doubt that men interpreted them as such. Look at Greek mythology...closely...its the exact same story as the Grigori and nephilim, slightly distorted. Same with many Babylonian myths, and Byzantine myths, Celtic mythology...even find it in Hinduism. The Bible claims that the nephilim spirits, after they were physically slain, were banned from entering Heaven and were cursed to roam the earth..."being neither ethereal (created in Heaven) or physical, but of the earth" to "ride the winds and cause mischief and confusion among mankind".

I believe these nephilim spirits are causing the "mischief and confusion" in many ways. I've found things that claim with these spirits that only the strongest of these can manifest themselves in the shape of a man. Lesser ones only as animals, lesser yet as plants, and the least only in inanimate objects. I believe many of the pagan nature gods, gods of natives and such may well have been brought on by these. If they were manifesting themselves as these, or inhabiting these things it would no doubt leave those with "simpler minds" thinking such things. I also think most of the ghosts that are seen are these, not demons. I really don't believe demons (fallen angels) deal with walking around looking like someone's uncle who passed. I think they see it as mere parlor tricks and "child's play". Why? How many people does it really affect and cause to question their beliefs? Most don't even believe people really see "ghosts" or "figures". I guarantee they do...but they aren't human spirits. And demons would rather ply their greatest power...deceit. The twisting of truths, corruption of religion, people, politics....telling nearly the truth with but a slight twist to lead one astray....these are the things that affect people in masses...and the skill that the fallen have mastered beyond nearly any understanding. It really doesn't matter though, they are serving the same purpose regardless.

A few things I wonder about when you get time, and if you are willing to discuss it. You keep mentioning the blond guy...I read your story about that you wrote, but I'm having a hard time getting it I guess. Who is he to you? Would you mind explaining that more? And the alien things...do you have any thoughts on what they are? I know most people would instantly jump on the aliens as demons and the man as an angel. I'm not saying they aren't, nor am I saying they are. I would imagine that both may manifest in various ways. Do they really even have a true form? I suppose they do, Enoch describes some of them. I do know that most people picture an angel looking like a human. Doesn't really make sense to me...God made "Man" in His image...but it doesn't say at all that He made "angels" as such. And why always view "demons" as monsters and so different from "angels"? Are they not the same being, merely different motives and loyalties?

I know I'm rambling...sorry...I get that way with this stuff...its all very interesting. I just thought I'd throw out a few more of my thoughts on the topic. Who knows what might make something else click.

-Siege

 

[Chocolatesa]

Ok, could you re-post the part explaining the whole fallen angels thing? the quote from whatever book it was?? I don't remember why the angels were banished to the earth, or whatever it was... was it in enoch?

(haven't even read up to the last post here, just the part where you start to explain you were a fallen angel, the thing with the baths, etc.)

 

[Kol]

http://reluctant-messenger.com/1enoch01-60.htm

Chapter 8 and 9.

 

[Kol]

More. Later.

 

[Kol]

I remembered a lot. I will post everything I remember, but...I have to take a break. I can deal with this now, or I wouldn't have started, but I just want a break. I'll finish this before I leave for school.

 

[Chocolatesa]

Ok. I read up to ch. 17 of enoch, just to try to understand the situation more. What's the background on Enoch anyways? Where was it found? Who wrote it?
I knew nothing about enoch before reading about it here. I remember reading about the sons of God breeding with the daughters of men in Genesis though.

 

[Kol]

Uh..tried to sleep but of course I can't.

Enoch. Don't even feel like going through it all.

There were actually two groups of "fallen angels."

The first were the "Grigori". They were not necessarily satanic. They came down and began to live with people.

After this, another group of angels came down and *this* was caused by Satan, trying to destroy God's plan.