Just some things...

[Kol]

My first baby memory is of waiting in an area with the blonde haired man, waiting to be born. There are other people around, and I have to sneak back and forth, because nobody is allowed to know about the bhm (blonde guy).

This doesn't seem to be so unusual these days:

http://www.prebirthexperience.com/prebirthmemorycases.htm

Many, many stories there. Now, the problem is, I somehow know that these experiences are bad..evil, not of God. Except my own. And I have *no* way to back up what I say as truth. Some people really believe they have experienced a life in a spiritual body before this world. And I believe them, because I have experienced it first hand as well. But I will have nothing to do with these other people, because I feel their experiences are from Satan. And I have no idea why I don't think mine is.

I know this is a bit much. The occult is very strange. Breaking away from it is stranger yet.

But I want to make absolutely certain that I make clear what I have to say. I want to explain this so that it makes sense, even if it is too unbelievable. If you really have problems with it, follow the above link and read a story or two. The first one (Michael's story) is probably the best. Many, many people claim to have left their bodies or to remember life before they were born or even "formed in their mother's womb." And every last one of them are of the devil. All but me.

To start things off tho, it was all pretty simple. It just seemed to me that there was "another place" that I also lived at, besides my parents and grandparents' houses. I asked the Bhm once which place was "real", this world or the one I saw in my out of body experiences. He told me that for now, this world was the real one.

... Does any of this make sense? Have I completely lost everyone?

 

[Kol]

I want people to post. This thread is now interactive.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Okay, I'll post

I agree that I think past life memories are not of God (how can they be, when the Bible says clearly that we each live once)... but I wonder why Satan would bother messing with little children in that way. Do you have any ideas?

Yes, your story makes sense

 

[Chocolatesa]

Sorry for the abrupt ending. I try to make these things have closure and follow a logical point, but really I'm just remembering them all and sometimes I just try to get it all down too fast. And really a lot of them *don't* have closure. They make much more sense now than they did when they were going on. I understand things now, I think, but back then I had little if any idea of what was going on...

Don't be sorry, like you said, you don't really have a choice, it's the life you're living atm, so there's no definite ending And it's kind of hard to separate your life into "chapters" cause so many things overlap. My point was simply that I was really eager to hear the rest

 

[Kol]

Keep in mind guys, part of me is sitting here telling this story because Ive been through it and the other part is just some guy sitting here waiting for his clothes to be done in the dryer.

I understand about the bit about the Bible saying we all live once. There are a couple of possibilities open at the end of all this. I'm not saying any of this is definite and im not saying that I have it all figured out. I'm just gonna tell the story and let you guys sort it out as we go.

All of this may very well be counterfeit. Remember, I said my entire family was involved in the occult, so I may have been pegged before i knew what was going on.

Keep the comments coming. I want everyone's minds to think on this. I want to know what everyone's thinking, even if they're strict oppositionists. These are long posts and its a long story and since I actually have an audience, I would like to make use of that. Get caught up in this. Ask questions. Tell me what you think and what you are thinking.

Later...

 

[Chocolatesa]

The week before I did leave, things at my apartment had been weird.

I had only a few things left to me that were not in storage. The television, the furniture, the bed, it was all in a room at Barnes. I slept on a sleeping bag with a tiny 12-inch set beside me in my old computer room. The desk and monitor were gone, and the laptop itself was in one of several travel bags near the far window.

I couldn't bring myself to sleep in either my room or the living room. I didn't know why. Aliens. You're just thinking that because the apartment's empty now and it looks scary. But no, my mind argued, it's not that. With everything gone, you're not distracted and you can feel what was here all along. Now I knew what my mother and sister Amanda had told me months before. I felt something new. Almost as if being in the apartment brought certain things to mind, like a word would its connotations, but this was always present. I kept thinking about science, and small, organized things, and a something with a sharp intelligence. Some kind of world that was a miracle, and about making things okay again.

I was 26 years old and refused to be afraid of invisible monsters in my own apartment. I decided to watch a few movies. Greene's Video had a sell on old VHS tapes, $1.00 each. I bought Men at Work, King David, and Beastmaster III. I took a break from games to watch a few of these. As I did, I tried to shake my bad feelings, but nothing seemed to help.

One night I woke up in a panic to find both my arms were asleep and I couldn't move them. I'd been having a nightmare, but seem to have come out of it on my own. I'd fallen asleep with a movie playing, and even set the VCR to repeat after it finished playing. The movie had finished, and snow was on the screen. I couldn't move either one of my arms. I could sit up though, and I did.

Something was wrong. I had no idea what it was. It was kind of like in the movies, where they say "it's too quiet". It was like that, but..not in any way I could tell. As if I were used to hearing a noise that I suddenly couldn't hear anymore. I wasn't paralyzed, and I was fully able to talk, although my voice was a bit asleep. I struggled to get to my knees, and it was hard to do so, because I couldn't use my arms whatsoever. They were flopping around at my side-I didn't even feel a tingle in them. After a second more, I found I could move my right arm but only slowly, and after a second more, I found I could move both my hands in the same way. I couldn't feel what I was doing. I tried to move my hands, and I could, but I couldn't feel myself doing so. I just tried, and then sat there watching them do so.

I managed to get to the knife beside my bed, and I pulled the thing out, although there was no way my sleeping hands could get a good grip on it. If I had to stab something, I would not be able to keep the thing in my hand after I jabbed.

I looked to my door and waited for my eyes to pick something out in the near-blackness.

I would not have been surprised if little gray aliens had been outside my door, but they weren't. I didn't feel anything inside in my apartment. But there was something wrong. There was some kind of very dark feeling, almost heavy in a way, and there was something wrong with me.

My mind was not thinking. It was..closed. I couldn't tell what the back of my mind, my subconcious, was doing. Instead, I had an almost animalistic awareness, and that was all. I could have held an ordinary conversation, sat and sipped tea, or discussed the finer points of the fall of British Imperialism. But my awareness, my higher consiousness, was gone. Not just asleep-I had no contact with it. There was a wall between me and it, and that hadn't happened for a long, long time.

It's difficult to really explain.

I was in this world, and that's all there was. The world was flat, and the only thing that was there was what I could see. I could see the lamplight outside, hear the breeze slip through the pines, and see the doorway in front of me. And that's all there was.

My arms would not wake up. They weren't even beginning to stir awake. I could take my right hand and pull up my left arm, but it did nothing. I let go, and my arm flew back down, dead weight-it swung back and forth and I felt it tear at the inside of my shoulder.

I began to mumble, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus," over and over again, and I stood up to walk around my apartment.

There was nothing there, and I couldn't feel anything. Somehow my mind and my arms were asleep, and for some reason they weren't waking up. I went through the kitchen, the bedroom, and the living room, but saw nothing. I felt nothing. No "evil alien" feelings, no ghost feelings, nothing. Whatever part of my mind sent me those thoughts, I was no longer in touch with.

I sat up for about 15 minutes. My arms eventually came back awake, but my brain just wouldn't wake up.

...

When I woke up in the morning, things were fine. All the things I had opened my mind up to as an occultist were there again. I could feel Christ's Spirit, I could feel the atmosphere, I could feel the "veil" between me and the world. I have debated saying these things here now, but my purpose is to tell this story, and this is how I experienced these things. All the things I sense and see, I could sense and see again.

And at the time I had no idea what had happened.

I kind of understand what you're saying, it reminds me of the movie Constantine, when he explains to the girl that we don't see all that exists, there's another world that exists, the spiritual world "behind" the physical. I remember thinking "I don't know about the rest of this movie, but that is definitely true". It sounds like you simply "lost sight" of the spiritual side of things for a while. I think we all have some degree of awareness of that side of reality.
It makes sense that the bhm would say that the present world is the real one for now, cause we're stuck living in it till we die.

 

[Kol]

Okay, I'll post

I agree that I think past life memories are not of God (how can they be, when the Bible says clearly that we each live once)... but I wonder why Satan would bother messing with little children in that way. Do you have any ideas?

Yes, your story makes sense

Thank you for posting.

I'm not really sure why this would be done, why people would have past life memories. The Bible *does* say that each man is appointed to die once, and then comes judgement.

I may be a bit different though. I seem to remember being some type of celestial being before this existence-I was not reincarnated, simply incarnated-and I remember being aware that past-life experiences were being counterfeited. I don't ever remember (I have to be careful how I say this) living as a flesh being before.

This may very well just be some kind of deception on me. It may be the last strand wrapped around me, if that makes sense. Most people would say that's the most likely option, because of the occult stuff. Even if the devil was "after me" though, that doesn't necessarily make the pre-existence stuff null and void.

What's more, all these "attacks" seem to be more geared towards the being in my pre-existence experiences than they do little 27 year old me. I seem to have very little to do with what's going on. It's only when I have an OBE and "wake up" that I ever realize what's happening. And then that OBE me tries really hard to make the "this world me" forget. And the reason I'm starting all this pre-ex stuff now is because what happened next shook me up to realize that. It made me piece together what I was going through.

...

 

[connectadot18]

I have to admit that at times I have felt that I actually remembered being in the womb. But I also think that sometimes, I make what I see into memories. I remember watching some Movie about how babies were made when i was younger

so it is possilble that its not a real memory just more of an apparent one.

It doesn't extend past the image. Your story so far seems a bit strange, but it makes sense in a way...

 

[Kol]

I think that's how the brain works at times tho. Almost as if you shorthand memories after a while. Think back to the second grade. Try to recall just one experience. Do you remember standing in the ice cream line? Do you remember the teacher going over division or multiplication? Now, when you remember those things, do you see things thru your eyes or is it just the events you remember? After a while I think, your mind just compresses things. That's what makes old memories so difficult to understand.

 

[Kol]

I kind of understand what you're saying, it reminds me of the movie Constantine, when he explains to the girl that we don't see all that exists, there's another world that exists, the spiritual world "behind" the physical. I remember thinking "I don't know about the rest of this movie, but that is definitely true". It sounds like you simply "lost sight" of the spiritual side of things for a while. I think we all have some degree of awareness of that side of reality.
It makes sense that the bhm would say that the present world is the real one for now, cause we're stuck living in it till we die.

Right. Now, the thing on my mind that night was, if this is some kind of spiritual attack, why are they wanting to blind me? I don't have the answer to this still, but after I explain the rest of it, maybe someone can give me a better idea or an outside opinion. I hope.

It is also possible that the sp. part of my mind just fell asleep and I just got scared and imagined things.

The sp. part of my mind seems to be pretty active. Not just open, but with pretty sharp vision. It really seems to me that there's a "veil" over everything. Not over myself, but over every part of the world. It's like a curtain between what I see and the spiritual world. I go into an OBE and I see the next life; but I can almost see that life right now. And the thing is, even tho I can't see behind that curtain, I can sometimes make out what's going on, almost like night-vision, or looking out of the corner of your eye. Since I consciously remember the spiritual world (OBEs), some part of my mind can guess from little things in this world what's happening in the real world. I don't think this is connected with the occult tho, I think it's from something that happened by accident. (Which I'll get to.) I think I just happened to notice the break in the curtains, which normally you're not supposed to be able to do, but which I somehow did. I think the reason this happened has to do with my pre-existence memories. Because I'm something that's never supposed to happen, I am a kink in the system.

So...

 

[Jeff91199]

Thank you for posting.

I'm not really sure why this would be done, why people would have past life memories. The Bible *does* say that each man is appointed to die once, and then comes judgement.

I may be a bit different though. I seem to remember being some type of celestial being before this existence-I was not reincarnated, simply incarnated-and I remember being aware that past-life experiences were being counterfeited. I don't ever remember (I have to be careful how I say this) living as a flesh being before.

This may very well just be some kind of deception on me. It may be the last strand wrapped around me, if that makes sense. Most people would say that's the most likely option, because of the occult stuff. Even if the devil was "after me" though, that doesn't necessarily make the pre-existence stuff null and void.

What's more, all these "attacks" seem to be more geared towards the being in my pre-existence experiences than they do little 27 year old me. I seem to have very little to do with what's going on. It's only when I have an OBE and "wake up" that I ever realize what's happening. And then that OBE me tries really hard to make the "this world me" forget. And the reason I'm starting all this pre-ex stuff now is because what happened next shook me up to realize that. It made me piece together what I was going through.

...

I don't know much about the occult or about OBEs, but I remember an earlier post where you said that once you're in the occult, it's very difficult to get out.
That leads me to think that maybe some of these attacks could be little reminders from these demons/spirit beings that they still have your number, and can still get in touch with you.

 

[Kol]

I don't know much about the occult or about OBEs, but I remember an earlier post where you said that once you're in the occult, it's very difficult to get out.
That leads me to think that maybe some of these attacks could be little reminders from these demons/spirit beings that they still have your number, and can still get in touch with you.

You're absolutely right. Everything I got into has never let me go. From the moment I first tried to leave, I've had these things happen. It's insane. I've had ten times as many scary experiences trying to get rid of these things than I ever did when I was in the occult. My life was actually somewhat normal before. I had another nightmare last night, something that definitely felt more than a dream.

But I don't think the evil spirit has any real connection to me. I mean, it does-I saw it when I was the occultist in California-but it has a bigger connection to the pre/ex "me". It knows the person in those memories and that seems connected to me here, now.

 

[Kol]

The blonde haired man:

The first memory I had as a baby was of talking with the bhm in a spiritual body. We were in a type of cellar, and he takes me to meet with a small group of people who are standing in front of a gateway. This tunnel takes us to the earth, and that's where we are all going. (Minus bhm). I stepped forward and disappeared.

The next memory I have of life is of sitting in a baby swing, rocking while my mother slept. I was irritated and confused because I couldn't move or get my arms to work right. I couldn't work one at a time, I couldn't get my hands to move, and I was too heavy to get up or move around.

I fell asleep, and woke up in a spiritual body beside the bhm. I remember being dizzy and asking which reality was the right one, at which he gave me the line that "for now", the baby life was real.

When I was seven years old, I "felt" the bhm in church. I didn't see, hear, or notice anything physically. My mind though, was telling me that there was someone in the aisle. At the time I figured it must be Jesus. But the persona is the bhm. He was kneeling down and worshipping God.

Sometime also when I was seven, I heard a thought in my mind. The baby OBEs were brought to my mind and the bhm asked if I remembered them. I thought back to him that they were all made up and that this was my life now. He seemed let down and said that because of this, I would forget some things. (Which I don't remember.)

I didn't see him again (that I know of) until I was 15, at which point he laughed at me for believing in UFOs. He seemed very cautious around me..as if he were afraid of saying the wrong thing and driving me away. At this time I didn't remember *ever* seeing him before. He laughed and then introduced himself to me.

He always comes across to me as...almost arrogant..in a way. Not prideful, but absolutely secure in his position.

The next time I saw him was when I was in California. He came to me in my dreams and would tell me what would happen in my life if I stayed away from God. I remember arguing with him over God, Satan, and Christianity.

After I became a Christian, things seemed to change. As if the real work had now started. When I was in the occult, I had an "angel" show up in my dreams; my "spirit guide." The guide took me places, taught me things, showed me how to do what he himself was doing. The bhm doesn't operate the same way. He's never waiting for me to fall asleep. He never comes to me in OBEs or initiates them (that I know of). I don't meet him in OBEs. Instead, my dreams are interrupted for me to meet with him. I *never* see another being around at the same time, with one exception, that being my now-gone grandfather. In the first memory of waiting to be born, I remember thinking that no one was allowed to see the bhm.

The last time I saw the bhm was when I first came to Arizona. I don't remember anything after that, but I have the feeling I meet him sometimes and just aren't allowed to remember.

...

 

[invisiblebabe]

Thank you for posting.

I'm not really sure why this would be done, why people would have past life memories. The Bible *does* say that each man is appointed to die once, and then comes judgement.

I may be a bit different though. I seem to remember being some type of celestial being before this existence-I was not reincarnated, simply incarnated-and I remember being aware that past-life experiences were being counterfeited. I don't ever remember (I have to be careful how I say this) living as a flesh being before.

This may very well just be some kind of deception on me. It may be the last strand wrapped around me, if that makes sense. Most people would say that's the most likely option, because of the occult stuff. Even if the devil was "after me" though, that doesn't necessarily make the pre-existence stuff null and void.

What's more, all these "attacks" seem to be more geared towards the being in my pre-existence experiences than they do little 27 year old me. I seem to have very little to do with what's going on. It's only when I have an OBE and "wake up" that I ever realize what's happening. And then that OBE me tries really hard to make the "this world me" forget. And the reason I'm starting all this pre-ex stuff now is because what happened next shook me up to realize that. It made me piece together what I was going through.

...

Interesting Thanks for sharing! I'm not quite sure what to think, as far as if it's deception or not. What do you remember being pre-birth?

I've never had any OBEs, although I do have dissociative episodes sometimes which might be similar in ways.

Who exactly do you think the bhm is?

 

[Kol]

I'm going to stop things here then, just for a while, because the things that happened after I came to Arizona tie in with my pre-ex memories, and I want to explain them first.

I know there are some denoms that believe in pre-existence. I'm not one of them. The only preachers I've ever listened to are John Hagee and Arnold Murray. John Hagee at worst may be a crook, but as far as spiritism goes, he seems to be clean. Arnold Murray believes in pre-existence, and my beliefs *do* pretty much follow his. So maybe he helped shape my understanding and I'm just not aware of it, that is a possibility. The evil spirit from Arkansas seems to be connected to his church in some way, and while I was under the influence of those things I did study up on pre-existence memories. So maybe they are connected; maybe the spirit was from his church, and maybe that spirit has fooled me with this pre-existence stuff. As far as denominations go, I was raised Baptist, was baptised Catholic (and then by Murray later on), and have been brought to LDS by my step-dad when I was 7..which is where I felt the bhm. The services in the Air Force were just labelled "protestant".

The problem is, the evil spirits have never talked to me about my memories. They seem involved in them, but give no indication that they know I "remember", or even that they remember. The bhm alone has, and I saw him way before I began to watch Murray. He has never made a comment on Murray (or anyone) that I know of.

What's more confusing, I have met people the "angel" in the pre-ex knew, only I met them as people, not celestials. I've also felt spirits that had the exact same feel to them as people the pre-ex angel seemed to know as humans, only I met them as spirits.

Most of this I could write off as my imagination, but with some of it, there's no way. The fact that the pre-ex angel and myself know the same people is something I can't argue with. They're the same. They have the same souls, the same feel, the same mannerisms. Appearances differ slightly. Brown hair instead of blonde. And that's it. I might be able to buy that humans were made to look like angels, but that's a big stretch. I feel like I know these people very deeply. My love for them is unbelievable, and being in touch with things, it doesn't even seem like my own emotion. It feels like a gift, like something Christ has blessed me with. As if such a deep love can't come just from man, but only from the grace of God. Another thing I can't argue with is that the OBE me and the me sitting here right now are the same. I remember an OBE I had here in Arizona, and unlike most of the others, I didn't wake up and remember it-I was pushed out of my body and was awake the whole time. That doesn't connect me with the pre-ex mems because the two spiritual bodies are different.

So confusing, huh? Think of how I feel.

 

[Kol]

Interesting Thanks for sharing! I'm not quite sure what to think, as far as if it's deception or not. What do you remember being pre-birth?

I've never had any OBEs, although I do have dissociative episodes sometimes which might be similar in ways.

Who exactly do you think the bhm is?

What are dissociative episodes?

 

[Kol]

Since this is such a difficult thing, I think I'll post these pre-existence memories as they happened to me and see what everyone thinks...maybe you guys will come to a different conclusion that I have. I've really tried to make sense of it all, but having a different opinion would be good, I think.

 

[invisiblebabe]

What are dissociative episodes?

It's kind of where I space out and feel like I'm unreal, like I'm almost not in my body (but I still am). Often in this state I'm not aware of what's going around me and I feel like my life is really that of someone else's, that someone else went through the things I did and my identity is separate. For me this started after various traumatic experiences (I do have PTSD).

 

[Kol]

Well, as I've said, my first memory is of waiting to be born. As a kid tho, I didn't remember much. It was hard to remember, and all that I did remember was leaving.

There was an inside courtyard. The floor is made of blue crystal and I can see through it just a little to a black void beneath. The center of the courtyard has a fountain, which is a circular resevoir with a raised spring in the middle. Water is bubbling out of the top. I don't remember what the fountain was made of, because when I try to think of it, the crystal floor changes to concrete in my mind, and the fountain becomes concrete as well. But I don't think this is right. The fountain is not working right, and is falling apart. The entire room is in disarray and unkempt. The courtyard was maybe 40 to 50 feet in width (left to right), and slightly less in length (from the "gate" or portal to the back wall). On the right was a solid wall. It's made of something like marble, but it's a blinding blue a pure white and has some kind of mist coming out of it. The marble seems thin and metallic in some way. I can't remember the mist. Something about it doesn't make sense; my mind can't understand what I seem to remember. The back wall has a door set into it. It's a "heavy" door in some way, but I don't know what that means. This wall is like marble as well, and there is a crest hung as a decoration above the door. On the left side of the room is a stairway. It leads up to a small square landing of maybe 3 feet and then continues up to a corridor. The stairs have nothing under them-it's like a black void, and the stairs aren't connected (like a metal stairway, you know?). There is no wall on the left, only a black void. This void fills a space of maybe 6 feet or so, and then is another wall. On the other side of that wall is the cellar the bhm spoke to me in.

I leave the bhm and join the group. The next thing I remember is that I step forward and enter the gate.

The last thing I remember is the crest hung on the back wall. It was a shield, and over the shield a sword and a scepter were crossed, like an X.

The fountain was something like this: (Like this one: http://www.waynesburg.edu/Editor/assets/fountain.jpg)

The scepter was close to this:
http://www.morninggloryantiques.com/imagesAC/Coro/coro25130c.jpg
..but not nearly as decorated. It was the same shape and design though, just a metal rod with a flared base (as in the pic) and a top very similar to the one shown. But I don't know if there were any jewels in it.

The sword was something like this:
http://www.leoncini-italy.com/servizio/212-KR4_pic.jpg

It wasn't as thin though, not nearly so. The crossguard (the "T" part) was shaped the same; it came down as in the pic but was made more like some kind of fire than the one linked here.

....

When I was a little bitty boy, that's all I remembered about this first episode.

Does this make sense? Do I need to explain any of it better or draw a picture? (I could draw a diagram, I guess, and post it.)

 

[Kol]

It's kind of where I space out and feel like I'm unreal, like I'm almost not in my body (but I still am). Often in this state I'm not aware of what's going around me and I feel like my life is really that of someone else's, that someone else went through the things I did and my identity is separate. For me this started after various traumatic experiences (I do have PTSD).

I think I understand.

It would feel different then. When I'm in OBE I feel more real. I think back to this life and feel like it's just a dream, and I feel stupid because I took it so seriously. So I'm definitely *more* aware. My mind is clearer, and just...better, lol.

But I wonder if mine's not connected with some form of PTSD, maybe connected to my mother's alcoholism. Maybe that inspired it...?