Just need to share with someone...

[Briseis]

No one knows how I feel about this so I just feel like I need to tell someone. I have been with my bf for 6 yrs, and although he told me he wants to get married one day, he doesnt know when. When he feels ready, whenever that will be. I've been ready for probably almost half of those 6 yrs, and have been waiting patiently the other half. He knows this. What he doesnt know is what is happening inside me while I wait.

At first, of course, I was imagining a perfect wedding, as most girls do before they have even found anyone to share it with. I've got it down to the tiniest detail. Then, I started to notice rings everywhere, and be very anxious for every special occasion; birthday, Valentine's Day, anniversary. Even though the ring usually comes before the wedding plans, girls always imagine our weddings early. But the ring started coming to mind once my mind was done with the wedding.

Then I started to notice all young married couples around me, and what kind of life they had. What kind of jobs, cars, homes. Then I started to notice all the young pregnant wives, then the families with the houses and minivans.

I thought I would just be stuck at the wedding stage in my mind until it actually came. But in my mind, I already wish I had the whole thing. Back when I was still thinking about the wedding, a few years ago, I would have never thought about having kids. But just because I havent gotten what I want yet, doesnt mean I dont keep growing and maturing as a woman. So here I am, wanting his kids, and he probanly thinks I'm still waiting for a ring.

 

[Bootstrap]

Could you share this with him? It sounds pretty important.

Jonathan

 

[Briseis]

Yeah, Maybe. Or it will just make him feel guilty.

 

[explodingboy]

Is there some reason for the waiting so long?

 

[Briseis]

Yeah, probably, but I don't know what it is. He just says he's not ready. He doesn't feel mature enough or something like that.

 

[summerlover]

6 years that is quite a length of time. I really pray that God would be with you through this time. I hope you can open the lines of communication between you guys, to share openly where you both are at.

 

[Blank123]

I would tell him this. If you're just uncomfortable talking this out, I'd put this in a letter and sit down with him and either read it out to him or ask him to read it. That way you can organise your thoughts clearly and make sure your concerns are heard.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

My goodness, how normal it is for a young woman to want babies. It's the way God created us. There's nothing wrong with you.

 

[Briseis]

Never said there was. The problem is I'm 24, found someone I would love to do that with me, but we're not moving forward. Just a little frustrated and wanted to talk. Thanx for listening.

 

[iambren]

It's time to fish or cut bait. And you probably are afraid of bringing it to that.
My wife and I had dated 5 years. I was filled with fear about getting remarried. It came down to this (she was getting antsy)----which was geater, my love for her or my fear of marriage.

I gave myself an ultimatum, told her by a certain date 6 months hence I would give her an answer. The day before that day I was beside myself. After church I jumped in my car and drove not knowing where I was going. In the afternoon I pulled into this so-so motel, took a room and prayed desperately. Finally took a sheet of paper, wrote all the things I liked about her on one side,and what I didn't on the other. The positive column was much,much longer. It hit me "OF COURSE you love this woman!" Proposed the next day, big wedding 3 months later. As the bible says...love conquers fear. I pray for your resolution; it must happen.

 

[explodingboy]

Yeah, probably, but I don't know what it is. He just says he's not ready. He doesn't feel mature enough or something like that.

You can't wait forever, sometimes change comes with the jump itself.

 

[Luther073082]

If you are financially ready and he's over 20 then he should have asked you a long time ago.

I don't know how old he is, but if he's around your age or older. . . time to grow up son. Get married to this woman or cut out and run. There is no inbetween because its senseless and completly wrong for you to just leave her hanging like this.

 

[Briseis]

Ummm, yeah, he's the same age as me. But I didnt come here to criticize him. I believe he has his reasons, even if I dont understand them.

 

[iambren]

Ummm, yeah, he's the same age as me. But I didnt come here to criticize him. I believe he has his reasons, even if I dont understand them.

Then why did you come here?

 

[Briseis]

To vent, sort of. Not like Im mad, just frustrated. Like the name of my thread.

 

[Luther073082]

Ummm, yeah, he's the same age as me. But I didnt come here to criticize him. I believe he has his reasons, even if I dont understand them.

Well then you should seek to understand them soon. Because at this point, if you don't push the matter you may be waiting a long time.

I'm sorry if I sound mean to your bf, but unless he's got a good reason, he's just leaving you hanging. You both have had more then enough time to determine if you want to get married or not and enough time to discuss the logistics of how your marriage would work. If he's not sure by now then it almost always means that he shouldn't. If he is sure then he should do it right away.

There are a lot of men out there are are good guys and are willing to commit to a marriage. Don't spend your life wondering when one who isn't willing to commit will.

 

[iambren]

Yes. Out of love for you he should resolve this between you. I think innately,due to the biological clock thing, women feel this pressure more while men are oblivious. It's a tough spot, I feel for you, but a decision should help BOTH of you.

 

[Luther073082]

Yes. Out of love for you he should resolve this between you. I think innately,due to the biological clock thing, women feel this pressure more while men are oblivious. It's a tough spot, I feel for you, but a decision should help BOTH of you.

Now see I don't understand a man who's oblivious to the biological clock. I've always been very aware of it.

 

[GQ Chris]

Wow, you sound like my ex back when I was with her, I just couldn't take that step and marry her, it would've been a huge mistake.

 

[Briseis]

Well I know he doesnt think its a mistake. He just doesnt feel ready. But I told him I have something I need to talk to him about tomorrow. So hopefully it will be sorted out soon.