Just a topic to vent maybe?

[looksgood]

Ok...so this is a random topic. Or maybe not THAT random? Anyway, there is no one I really can vent my thoughts with this on lol. So I thought I would post all my thoughts here.

Granted there is very few lol. Just was thinking bout this single living and searching thing. It seems like a cruel joke sometimes lol. For myself...I have always grown up with passion in me. I am a bit of a romantic I guess. Yet I never EVER found anyone. Never even been in ANY relationship. LOL, it's strange to me.

But for some reason even when I try to give up the desire to love and be loved by someone it doesn't matter. Latly the desire is stronger than EVER. It is motivating me to SEARCH for that right girl. I always hoped God would kinda have me bump into her IF she is out there. But this desire has become so strong I have even thought of one of those personals things lol. I NEVER thought I would CONSIDER that!

That whole "right girl" thing brings me to another point. This is where the vent thing comes in lol. I hear ppl say "Don't look for the right girl, just be the right guy." While I agree with being the right guy...I think this is over used and over rated. First let me say...being the right guy is just another word for being yourself. In other words...why tell someone who pleases God, knows how to treat a woman, and knows how to love that they need to "work on being the right guy."? It doesn't make sence to me. It is like saying you need to be someone your not and the girl will fall in your lap lol.

Anyway, that was my rant that means nothing. I really just wanted to post something here for no reason lol.

So on with the REAL question I would like replies to:

What is wrong with SEARCHING for the right girl (or guy if your a woman)? I mean is there something wrong with personals and things like that? I used to think so but now...I am not so sure.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I know how you feel. I feel pretty sure most of the time that I am meant to stay single for the rest of my life. HOWEVER.........I will occasionally get 'crushes' (hate to admit that as a 30-something I still get these!) on a guy and feel all giddy and stupid and in some weird way 'happy' even though the guy may not even know I exist. (or care!) It frustrates me because if I am MEANT to stay single I should NOT be experiencing these feelings. Right?????

Personals.....hmmmmmm....I've posted a profile on a few (without a picture) and have gotten no response. I probably need a picture. lol!! My problem is that when I DO get a response I usually end up having to just DELETE because it's some pervert looking for anyone to 'have a good time' with (not into that, thank you). I've posted on Christian sites and have gotten no response outside of a nice man in another state whom I've become good friends with. My only problem with him is that he is about my dad's age and I just can't see myself with someone that 'old.'

I hear the sayings too from friends, family, co-workers....be yourself....there's someone out there for you.....you'll find them when you're not looking....blah.....blah....blah.....Easy for them to say, they have found their 'one.'

I guess that's my rant for the night!

Good night!

HC

 

[Injured Soldier]

I hear ya HC and looksgood, I'm sick of hearing the old tortured cliches of "Be the right guy", "stop looking and then you'll find her", "there are plenty of fish in the sea" is another one of my 'favourites', so is "just be her friend first". And this always comes from people who have always had someone. I'm just sick of going home alone and not having someone that cares for me and someone to talk to.

Telling someone they shouldn't be feeling something is wrong IMHO, it's about as silly as telling someone who's broken their leg to forget their physical pain and just walk. There is nothing wrong with searching either. I don't have a problem with personals, but at the same time I wouldn't take that road again.

HC, I'm glad you mentioned crushes, for the first time ever I find I'm on the other end of a few. I'm currently prac teaching, and I'm always aware of girl's looks and behaviour when I'm observing, teaching or walking through the corridors. I'm not so old as to be unsympathetic to what a school crush feels like, but at the same time it makes me uncomfortable when it's really obvious (fortunately I can hide out in the staffroom and commonroom in my lunchtimes and periods off). And I'm on the ugly end of the scale of the prac teachers currently at the school, I hate to think how my much better looking university mates are faring.

 

[klewlis]

I hear ya HC and looksgood, I'm sick of hearing the old tortured cliches of "Be the right guy", "stop looking and then you'll find her", "there are plenty of fish in the sea" is another one of my 'favourites', so is "just be her friend first". And this always comes from people who have always had someone. I'm just sick of going home alone and not having someone that cares for me and someone to talk to.

Telling someone they shouldn't be feeling something is wrong IMHO, it's about as silly as telling someone who's broken their leg to forget their physical pain and just walk. There is nothing wrong with searching either. I don't have a problem with personals, but at the same time I wouldn't take that road again.

hey I've been single all my life and I still say all of those things... you may consider them cliche, but cliches are usually true. No one is telling you not to feel lonely... but to *dwell* in that is negative and self-defeating, especially when God has an abundant life in store for you, with or without a mate. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Period.

Also remember that loneliness is not solved instantly through marriage. Getting married is not the ultimate solution to life--God is. If you go into a marriage thinking, "now I will never be lonely, and I will live happily ever after", then you are sadly mistaken. Loneliness is a symptom of our separation from God, and until we are made new and reunited with him, we will never be free from it.

 

[looksgood]

hey I've been single all my life and I still say all of those things... you may consider them cliche, but cliches are usually true.

I have been single all my life as well. But I can't say those things. I mean they are just...hurtfull after hearing them a long time. Like "Be the right man"...LOL does that mean being myself isn't good enough? Am I not the right man as myself? If you really look at the statment...it makes NO sence. Thats just how I feel about it though. It's like rubing in that the person is single because they don't want to be single lol. Thats a JOKE LOL!

No one is telling you not to feel lonely... but to *dwell* in that is negative and self-defeating, especially when God has an abundant life in store for you, with or without a mate. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Period.

Yeah this is another one I hear lol. I feel I should state first off that I do not *dwell* in this. God is my streangth. BUT at the same time that man can't live by bread alone...he also can't live on just spiritual food alone. The body and mind will shut down. We NEED physical things as long as we are bound to physical things (our bodies). Life lived in God is done in spirit. But we are still human and have need or at least STRONG want of human things.

Also remember that loneliness is not solved instantly through marriage. Getting married is not the ultimate solution to life--God is. If you go into a marriage thinking, "now I will never be lonely, and I will live happily ever after", then you are sadly mistaken.

No it isn't. Your right. I never thought this way. Still do not think this way. BUT that God shaped hole in me is FILLED. YET I still feel a desire to be with someone. It isn't to compleat myself by no means. It is just to......well.....to have and to hold, to be had and held, to care for in sickness, to be cared for, to be honored, to honor, to know, to be known, to be chosen, to chose, to be satisfied, to satisfy....and it goes on.

Loneliness is a symptom of our separation from God, and until we are made new and reunited with him, we will never be free from it.

Um...there is more to it than that. True in order to ever be REALLY filled God IS the ONLY cure. BUT what of those who have been filled and still seek a companion? It isn't cause God is not enough...FAR FROM IT! It is because we are human. God made men to desire the women and the woman the man. It was GODS idea in the first place. No place does it say "Adam said hey God your not enough for me...I want a woman!" NO! It says "God said it is not right that man should be alone.". GOD said it. So some how there IS a lonleiness that must be filled by another human or the desire must be removed. God doesn't seem to be removing this desire so I can only hope that one day He will bless.

I hope ya don't think I was attacking you or what ya said. I really wasn't. I just wanted to share my thoughts on those things.

Anyway, as far as personals thing goes...I am not out for "a good time". I would want to make friends with someone first. Then see what may happen. I know I am bound to have to open my wallet to ever even talk to anyone. But maybe it is worth it. I mean who knows? Please keep up the replies I am enjoying them very much. Makes me feel better some how to know others feel the same way and the same pain.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Also remember that loneliness is not solved instantly through marriage. Getting married is not the ultimate solution to life--God is. If you go into a marriage thinking, "now I will never be lonely, and I will live happily ever after", then you are sadly mistaken. Loneliness is a symptom of our separation from God, and until we are made new and reunited with him, we will never be free from it.[/QUOTE]

Very True. I was married briefly about 10 years ago and it was the LONLIEST time of my life! (long story but if you want to read it, it's in the 'divorced and separated' thread). Since that time I've pretty much felt AGAINST marriage and I have NO desire for children...don't feel 'the biological clock ticking' whatsoever! I just don't ever see myself in the stereotypical 'soccer mom' role at any point in life. However, I DO feel a need for companionship. I would like to know that someone on this planet gives a rip about whether I'm alive or dead. I don't feel that I get that from my family (parents/siblings) and I don't have really a lot of friends. I do a lot of things to stay busy in life but there are so many other things that I would like to experience and I would like to share those experiences with someone special. I'm not one of these that can't go to a nice restaurant and eat alone...I've done it many times. I've gone to the movies alone, gone camping alone. BUT.....I'm tired of talking to myself! lol!!!

I hate it. I wish I could be like ('nerd alert!!!!') Spock from Star Trek and not even have any feelings. I would like to believe it when I utter the phrase 'love is illogical' or something silly like that. Of course, I mean this in the concept of 'romantic love' not God's Love. It seems God created us to need others but I just wish He'd have made the need a little less obvious.

Injured Soldier, sorry to hear you are on the receiving end of a crush situation. I was there once. It's not a comfortable place to be. Usually though I'm the one with the crush! lol!! How embarassing!


Okay....I've vented enough for today! lol!!

God Bless everyone!

HC

 

[DixieBelle]

I think its only natural to be on the lookout for that person you can build a life with. I'm like most of y'all...I'm tired of all the cliches! Bless their hearts, those folks usually have such good intentions! And even though there might be some truth in them, it gets old hearing them all the time...I'm sure y'all know what I mean!

As far as the personals thing...I, personally, don't think there's anything wrong with it. I'm not sure I'd ever be comfortable doing it, but if you are...go for it! Hey, people meet in all kinds of ways and I think God could bring folks together online just as easily as He can in a "random" meeting anywhere else. Of course, there are always dangers about meeting folks online...we've all heard that many times too! Just remember that God is good and everything comes about in His perfect time, even when it doesn't seem like it to us. Wait a minute...I think that was another cliche??!! Sheesh...I just can't get away from them!!

God bless all y'all!