I feel so much like Jekyll and Hyde.
One side of me is a loving husband and father trying to get closer to God. At times I can connect deeply with God.
There is another part to me. I also at times desire to be sexually with another man. It drives me crazy because I know that is not the will of God and not really my will to do such a thing against my wife but the desires to do this sin are strong at times. That direction comes from being sexually experimented on as a child and exposed to porn as a child....long story on that.
As for both sides of me, I keep swinging back and forth. A few days I'm focused on God then in a weak moment normally when I become sexually hungry I begin to have these desires.
I think if my wife could provide more to keep my sexual hunger at bay then I would be ok but because of our jobs and teens in the house really only once a week is the norm and if we miss that time then I have to wait another week before I can be satisfied. I always tell my wife once I get sexual satisfaction from her I'm ok for about three days then my fire of sexual desire begins to creep up again. Within 7 days out that fire is becoming an uncontrollable wildfire.
Wish I did not have such a strong sexual drive. It gets in the way.
To make matters worse in those moments of sexual hunger and my desire for men I have made connections that could lead to a fulfillment of that desire. This scares me because I really don't want this. This is not who I want to be.
I'm in a mess. Any one out there in a messy jekyll and hyde sexual situation like me??
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One side of me is a loving husband and father trying to get closer to God. At times I can connect deeply with God.
There is another part to me. I also at times desire to be sexually with another man. It drives me crazy because I know that is not the will of God and not really my will to do such a thing against my wife but the desires to do this sin are strong at times. That direction comes from being sexually experimented on as a child and exposed to porn as a child....long story on that.
As for both sides of me, I keep swinging back and forth. A few days I'm focused on God then in a weak moment normally when I become sexually hungry I begin to have these desires.
I think if my wife could provide more to keep my sexual hunger at bay then I would be ok but because of our jobs and teens in the house really only once a week is the norm and if we miss that time then I have to wait another week before I can be satisfied. I always tell my wife once I get sexual satisfaction from her I'm ok for about three days then my fire of sexual desire begins to creep up again. Within 7 days out that fire is becoming an uncontrollable wildfire.
Wish I did not have such a strong sexual drive. It gets in the way.
To make matters worse in those moments of sexual hunger and my desire for men I have made connections that could lead to a fulfillment of that desire. This scares me because I really don't want this. This is not who I want to be.
I'm in a mess. Any one out there in a messy jekyll and hyde sexual situation like me??
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
