jeans..

[urbanfaerie]

i'm fallen apart over how my jeans fit...

i am supposed to be in so called recovery, so i can get my life togethe again..

and an ED isnt supposed to be about weight/scale/food, but u an underlying issue..

then how come i am in tears cuz my jeans fit...there not snug..they just fit..

when b4 they were to big they'd fall off me..

i'm gettin fat-ter..and it makes me wanna throw my life away...

if i'm supposed to feel better when i talk about whats realyl going on..then how come i feel like sh!t cuz my jeans arent loose?



pointlss post, from a worthless retard. i'm sorry...it hurts tho..

 

[daughter of the king]

i'm fallen apart over how my jeans fit...

i am supposed to be in so called recovery, so i can get my life togethe again..

and an ED isnt supposed to be about weight/scale/food, but u an underlying issue..

then how come i am in tears cuz my jeans fit...there not snug..they just fit..

when b4 they were to big they'd fall off me..

i'm gettin fat-ter..and it makes me wanna throw my life away...

if i'm supposed to feel better when i talk about whats realyl going on..then how come i feel like sh!t cuz my jeans arent loose?



pointlss post, from a worthless retard. i'm sorry...it hurts tho..

Hey girl
firstly, YOU ARE NOT A WORTHLESS RETARD! And the post isn't pointless if thats how you feel.
recovery is not gona be a easy process and you still are gona have to fight it. I'm sure you beautiful how you are. you just need to fight of the worthlessness thoughts. You are worth heaps, your a child of God a beautiful princess, God made you and he doesn't make mistakes. you are made in his image. you are worth everything to him. Jesus loved you so much he went thru the worst death posible in order to save you. because to him you are worth everything. He cares about you and crys with you. he wants you to be happy. you allready have victory over the devil and over death. jesus won that for you on calvery.
Are you a christian?
You can bet this girl. im praying for you if you ever wanta talk you can pm me ok?
be safe and hang in there. remember your worth.
Love ya girl
lizzie

 

[Mr.Cheese]

*hug*
I love you and and have grown fond of talking with you.
You're a cool girl.
You are going to have to reprogram yourself and how you think about some things to overcome this.

 

[urbanfaerie]

thanx ya'll...sorry for the vent...

i wish i knew more ppl w/ food names. rotf. cheesecake, i can eat mac n cheese.. its all i;ve eaten for 3 days straight...

grrr...could u have possibly chosen a SN that was low in fat

j/k.

so much happening in my head, i cant make sense of it. bleh.

i hate whn jeans come outta dryer..they get smaller..or i get bigger...

i should just vent in my journal...thanx for ur words tho.

 

[ZiSunka]

It's hard to beat an eating disorder on your own. Counselling makes it a bit easier. Have you ever heard about Remuda Ranch? It's a camp for people with eating disorders. They help a lot. It was founded by parents whose child died from an ED.

 

[urbanfaerie]

havent been to remuda, and dont plan on going to another treatmentcenter. i been to several. the last one i was at told me, i was a "hopless anorexic"..

which is not true, since getting out, i have gotten alot better. at that time, i didnt wanna get better..so i didnt work w/ counselors, insteada getting better, i sumhow managed to get worse. heh. it made them look bad, i got kicked out.

i quit seing my therapist over a year ago..and dont plan on ever seing one again. actually when i talk to my boi bout things, its helps me. when i was in MO, he threatened to drag me to a ED center over there, if i didnt work with him...so i am doing a lil better with his help.

it helps me, to talk..but the weight issue is still there, and the endless ED voice telling me i'm a fat cow, and better not eat, makes it hard to get better. but like if sumhow i care about, has like a food name or makes a joke about aa certain food, i can put tat food in my "safe foods"... and makes it impossible to purge, that specific food.

but i'm gaining weight... i was on a fast for lil over two weeeks, and of course eating will = weight gain...but it really bothers me,...

things r more intense, with my whole world seemingly falling to pieces lately...

but i just woked things out w/ cole, and that stress is behind me, which i am thankful for, it was eating at me.

now i got fam issues. i am confonting a long time issues, and getting him put behinf bars. its taking every ounce of courage i have to do this..and now that ED voice is really at me...telling me nott, telling me not to eat, telling me i'm a worthless pathetic pig..

... its cuz i'm scared...

and my jeans getting smaler doesnt mke it ne easier argh! i suck.

if only i can put off eating til this is over..but i promised cole...

i needa learn to lie better... that would make m life a heck of a lot easier. heh

 

[Mr.Cheese]

*hug*
Don't get worked up about getting jeans out of the dryer. Cotton sucks like that.

Weight does not equal fat.
Skinny doens't equal pretty.

 

[Dawn Marie]

Sorry

 

[Mr.Cheese]

lol, low in fat.
I can honestly say I've never heard that one before.

 

[GodOwnsMe]

hey maybe try to tell yourself bout the positive aspect of eating then, it's healthy, it's good, and gaining some weight is way better than getting where you were again......

I sometimes tell myself weird stuff like and if I looked like a *washingmachine* (yeh thats my word ), stuff like that can't divide me from God's love !!

God Bless you, girl !! if u ever wanna talk, I'm there, don't forget to FROG (fully rely on God )
love ya
Karen

Father, please help urbanfaerie overcome this, please restore her, fill her heart with Your love, joy and peace and please draw her close to You, make everything work out best and carry her through the hard times. In Jesus' mighty name. Amen

 

[ZiSunka]

havent been to remuda, and dont plan on going to another treatmentcenter. i been to several. the last one i was at told me, i was a "hopless anorexic"..
... its cuz i'm scared...

Remuda isn't a treatment center, like a hospital. It's a real ranch were you live with supportive people who just love you out of the ED. They have to be the kindest people in the world. They've helped a lot of "hopeless anorexics."