Jealous of other girls looks

[sweetmercy]

I'm wondering how many of you sometimes feel envious of the way other people look? For the most part, I'm pretty confident about my looks, and think I'm a pretty attractive woman. However, when I compare myself to another girl who is prettier than me, I get kinda depressed and discouraged. For example, tonight at a church event, I felt self-conscious about myself next to a friend of mine, who is thin and gorgeous. Sometimes I even feel slighted by God for not making me look more like her, or someone else who I feel is better looking than myself. Is this normal? What can I do to get rid of these feelings?
Thanks
Jen

 

[Blank123]

I think unfortunately that this is all too common for people both inside and outside of the church

God did not make any mistakes when He created you to look the way you do. In His eyes you are beautiful, and isn't that really the only thing that matters?

anyways as christians there really is no reason for us to be doing focusing on things like why aren't I as pretty as a certain girl is or anything like that, because we know that there are bigger things that we need to be focusing on than our looks. That being said, I am not condemning anyone who struggles with this, because Heaven knows I do as well, I am not perfect yet heh.

The only way we can move on and stop worrying about this is to die completely to self. to take our focus off of oursleves and put it entirely on the Lord. When we put Him first in our lives we simply don't care about much less important things like why isn't my smile prettier, or whatever.

 

[but'n'ben]

I know people who are gorgous yet rotten inside.

I also know people who would call themselves ugly and yet are the best and more genuine people I have ever met.

As for me, I'm nothing special, but I'm loyal and I think I'm a good catch for whoever will spend time geting to know me. I don't actually care what people think of my looks, if they're going to judge me on that alone then they're not worth knowing.

I can't remember who told me this but they were speaking of jealousy upon listening to someone in their church singing. This person had always wanted to be able to sing but didn't have the talent. They heard a girl singing in the choir and were very jealous of her beautiful voice. God spoke to them saying, why are you jealous? I gave her such a voice for your benefit. She does not hear what you hear. Just enjoy the gift I have given her to give to everyone else.

 

[the_man]

I'm wondering how many of you sometimes feel envious of the way other people look? For the most part, I'm pretty confident about my looks, and think I'm a pretty attractive woman. However, when I compare myself to another girl who is prettier than me, I get kinda depressed and discouraged. For example, tonight at a church event, I felt self-conscious about myself next to a friend of mine, who is thin and gorgeous. Sometimes I even feel slighted by God for not making me look more like her, or someone else who I feel is better looking than myself. Is this normal? What can I do to get rid of these feelings?
Thanks
Jen

I think part of it is covetousness which comes from our sin nature. You want to own what someone else owns, what we have is never enough. Another part of it is pride. There is the natural desire for a woman to want to feel beautiful and be appreciated for her beauty. However when this is taken too far, it turns to a woman wanting to be the most beautiful and that everyone should appreciate her beauty and ignore others. In the sight of God, you are already beautiful. In the sight of men, the only relevant opinion should be your husbands. The last part that I'll mention is deriving a sense of self worth from looks. Everyones looks change (most people say fade...I say change). It would be unwise to derive ones selfworth on such a shaky foundation.

 

[the_man]

I know people who are gorgous yet rotten inside.

I also know people who would call themselves ugly and yet are the best and more genuine people I have ever met.

Just to be cautious, we shouldn't draw correlations from these two statements. It has the danger of assuming that all that are "gorgeous" are rotten and all that are "genuine" call themselves ugly.

We would be better off saying that physical appearance (outer beauty) has nothing to do with personality/character (inner beauty).

 

[tamtam92]

Just to be cautious, we shouldn't draw correlations from these two statements. It has the danger of assuming that all that are "gorgeous" are rotten and all that are "genuine" call themselves ugly.

We would be better off saying that physical appearance (outer beauty) has nothing to do with personality/character (inner beauty).

the greeks would have said "kalos k'agathos", literaly gorgeous and good / nice ! That's the way they qualified heroes, perfect ephebes

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Yup. Guilty.

It's hard both inside and outside of the church because of the "standard" of beauty that's bombarded on us.

I know I'm beautiful. I'm God's design, so there's no question about that. But I don't meet society's standard.

Yeah, I've been told not to pay attention to it, to recognize the truth, to "embrace God's truth." But here's the truth. It's hard going into a store and not being helped because of the way you look. It's hard going into a six or seven stores and leaving with nothing because you can't find something in your size. It's hard being told that if you lost some weight, wore some make up, cut your hair a certain way, then you could have the potential of being attractive.

Do people even realize how hurtful it is?

 

[Multi-Elis]

I know how you people feel. What I'm going to say is going to have two sides:

I am one of the prettier people. It hasn't helped me socially. It hasn't gotten me a boy friend, I never had one. It hasn't gotten me a job, I look 17 not 22. It hasn't given me success in school. On the contrary, people in the past would see me and think that I was probably an exciting person to get to know - untill they found that I was just a self centered girl who could talk of nothing but the same old subjects (I hope things have gotten better since.) I do sometimes feel guilty for being beautiful. The way one can feel guilty about being healthy, or lucky, when all around it's not the case.

But this is why I understand you. If I replace "looks" with "talent" in your post, you get the kind of thing I fall into:
"I'm wondering how many of you sometimes feel envious of other people's talents? For the most part, I'm pretty confident about my talents, and think I'm a pretty talented and creative person. However, when I compare myself to another girl who is more talented than me, (or has "made it" already in life) I get kinda depressed and discouraged. Sometimes I even feel slighted by God for not making me more talented, or having started the developement of my talents earlier like her, or someone else who I feel is more talented than myself. Is this normal? What can I do to get rid of these feelings? You see, it's the same kind of jelousy - looks, talents, social standing, material things...

The only advice I can give is the advice I give to a friend of mine who struggles with feeling "not talented enough" in drawing: what is important is that you love to draw. People will see that, and that is what they will like when they look at your drawing.

If you can find a way to apply it to beauty then that's great. If not, too bad. Hopefully somebody else can give some advice.

 

[SmackYouTwice]

Wow, I really like Multi-Elis's reply... that was good.

I certainly do struggle with it. It has gotten MUCH better over the last couple of years. Knowing God created me just the way I am and thinks I am beautiful helps a ton! My best friend is pretty much a model of the "wordly beautiful." She really is strikingly beautiful. At times I do wonder why the heckles I don't have this or that that she does... but honestly... knowing that SHE personally doesn't see herself as everyone around her seems to... beauty really is from within. THAT's the beauty that MATTERS. Worldly... well, blah to them, lol! She doesn't think she's ugly, but she too struggles, JUST AS I DO. And the best thing ever, she's not afraid to be vulnerable with me and show that side to me. And also another best thing... she thinks I AM BEAUTIFUL. She sincerly lets me know this. It really goes both ways... just because people think she's beautiful, doesn't mean she doesn't have the same struggles. And the funny thing is... she will point out a girl that strikes her as beautiful. I'll look at that girl and agree, yet she (my best friend) always seems more (if you will) beautiful to me. I think it helps knowing her beauty inside as well. Putting those two together is powerful, lol.

*shrugs*

But yeah, anyone you see as beautiful and have a jealous fling over... more than likely they feel how you do about others, and perhaps even you! It's interesting to look at it like that. Just NEVER forget God created you the way you are. He thinks you're beautiful, and if it helps at all, I am already drawn to your beauty inside... well, of what I can see of it from a post in a forum, lol! Keep smiling!!!

T

 

[sweetlambofgod]

i get jealous sometimes too

 

[Inperfected]

Yeah... a bit.

But the thing is, i am beautiful, god made me the way he wants me, and i think of others as pretty ang gorgeous too.. soo i don't struggle tooo much

 

[welshchick]

I know what you're saying, as it does affect me sometimes. However, i believe that we are all beautiful as humans - we are made in God's image - to be mirror images of Christ's grace, glory and honour. This is such an amazing, majestic and beautiful thing! We are God's creatures and owe all glory to Him

In fact, i was sitting in church tonight next to this girl i don't know at all. at first i felt intimidated and uncomfortable. but i gave myself a mental slap - i'm in church to praise and glorify God, not to worry about what the girl sitting next to me thinks or whatever - i don't care what she thinks, i care what God thinks!

If anything, i've learnt that looks aren't important - sure, they can help - you do need to have an attraction. however, it's your spiritual state that matters - if you are God fearing and God glorifying then you will shine like a light in the world (Phil 2:15ish) - and this is the most gorgeous and irresitable thing to ever have

 

[lady_of_god]

If anything, i've learnt that looks aren't important - sure, they can help - you do need to have an attraction. however, it's your spiritual state that matters - if you are God fearing and God glorifying then you will shine like a light in the world (Phil 2:15ish) - and this is the most gorgeous and irresitable thing to ever have

I think that a God fearing person is the most attractive

But yah there are times that I get insecure, but not so much "jealous" anymore. God has taught me that its not about comparing but rather its about knowledging & appreciating yourself for who you are. I find that even the most beautiful of people (by society standards) think that they are not attractive.

Ladies (and fellows) don't compare yourself!!! You are gorgeous the way you are because God made you... and God never makes mistakes

Love yourself... because God sure does

-Lady

 

[KristiXP]

However, when I compare myself to another girl who is prettier than me, I get kinda depressed and discouraged.

Stop doing that! Goodness girl! You're beautiful no matter what you wear, how your hair is, whether you wear makeup or not, what you have for jewlery etc... Don't let other girls get you down. I used to be so self consious and insecure because of a past boyfriend who thought I needed to look like every other pretty girl out there. But you know what I realized? I'm no less than any other woman out there!

The more you keep comparing yourself to others the more you're going to hurt and feel discouraged. You have to learn to accept yourself for the way God made you and be proud of that. Hold your head up high, and instead of comparing yourself to the other girls, have confidence in yourself and look at them as a sister in Christ, not a beauty competition.

 

[I'mHis]

I do too. It is hard for me, because by the world's standards, I don't have physical beauty. And that turns people away from me before they ever have the chance to know who I really am. I sometimes too wonder about why God made me this way, but I have to remind myself He knows best, and there is a reason there somewhere.

PLEASE click here and help me win the phone convo with Michael Tait!!! http://www.dctalkunite.com/chat/index.php?referid=1622

 

[Everlasting33]

I am envious sometimes when i see a pretty girl and think, "if only I looked like that!"

The media says you have to be tan to be pretty so I always feel insecure around naturally tan girls!

 

[Athalia]

i get jealous when all the guys have a crush a one girl. but at the same time they all have crush on shakira so... lol

thing is, when i hear other girls who are pretty complaining about how ugly they are or how fat they are etc. well thats just not attractive! so i try not to play that game. besides confidence is attractive. it says you got better things to do then to worry about how you look IMHO

 

[Love&Pain]

I get jealous when my bf says angelina jolie is hot and he had her pics on his myspace I also get jealous when he talks to some of his friends who are girls because they are beautiful. I don't really get jeaouls about other girls being prettier then me besides when it comes to my bf. Other then that I can care less if someone is hotter then me.

 

[Godssong]

She does not hear what you hear. Just enjoy the gift I have given her to give to everyone else.

So true!!! Unless we listen to recording, we NEVER hear what we actually sound like! When I recorded a CD, I was shocked that I sounded "like THAT."

And that's a really good way to think about it. Sometimes, I get jealous of people who can draw or paint or whatever, because I cannot express myself through visual arts, and it drives me crazy...I always joke about having the spirit of an artist and the hands of a two-year-old...thanks for the thought!!!

 

[Hope_0004]

I haven't really had the time to worry about this is awhile! I used to though, and there's nothing "wrong" or "weird" with the way that you are feeling. But it is counterproductive. In my opinion, you end up sounding and looking less attractive when you are constantly worried about someone else's looks.

I don't exactly know how to stop, except for just making a conscious effort not to do it. Don't look at other people for comparison, and if you see yourself doing it, STOP and look away. You just have to be really on top of your thoughts.