ive no passion...

[Endure2]

while im not really looking for christian support or a way back to christianity...

ive come to realise that i have a problem that stems from the time i left christianity... and im at a loss on what to do about it.

as a short story...
i was once a zealot, a flaming, burning bible believer, and i wanted to preach the gospel across the nation with all my heart, i wanted to know God so much more. i had a passion for truth, and for God, i had a passion to help people understand the bible and how to live it best... if anyone researched any of my old posts in the edification forums...anything i made a year or two ago... i think youd be amased at the change. but i loved it... and i wanted to help people.


thats why even today when i do not believe the bible...if i find a person asking a question about the bible or suffering over an issue with, if i know what the bible says about it (if i remember more like it) i can barely resist atleast acting like who i used to be, trying to help them better understand...make things easier for them. becuase study the bible and understand it better was passion i had..i did it alot. and i still remember a little of that.

but my christianity broke down, it fell apart when i came to stage of failing at my christian goals and standards, moral failures maybe... and from that point on never being able to hear from God again. and eventually...after i cried and asked and prayed over and over...i gave up and left it all behind.
i gave up on so many things... my life had been christianity, its all i had ever known...my pleasure, my purpose, my morality, my goals... my passions, were confined within christianity... its all i knew.

so when i left christianity...i lost all those things. i didnt know how to live them without christianity...i never had before.
ive found a few of them a-new since then..its been 2 years.

but i have no passion...i dont have a passion for anything...nothing...there is no passion in my life. i have no fear that ill die over hear in baghdad were i am at the moment as a soldier...i have no drive to become a better person or....anything...i try to treat people right. i have my morals...
but i have no passion, none, zip, nada....
its nowhere...
there is nothing...im passionate about.
i have a stable hold on living life, being a level headed person, not swayed by emotions or fears...but as for a passion, something i strive to acheive...i have none.

and this bothers me...
i need one, i need something to strive for... to build a life upon.

but ive no idea where to start...
i have no idea what id want to do with my life...
no idea...
im content...im not longing... i dont have a gaping hole in my life... im not crying for help...
ive just noticed...that when it comes to being driven by a goal...a passion....im about as driven as a broke down chevy up on blocks... and i cant stay this way forever...without some kind of passion, ill never push myself to be better... ill never have a better job...ill never raise the family that i want.
hmmm....

please feel free to reply however you want to.
i do not believe in God, ive no idea whether he exists or not... but i dont mind christian people, and im open minded, sometimes i have a short fuse... but in general im a nice person who enjoys helping people as long as you dont insult the struggles ive been through or what theyve taught me.
all im really enterested in when it comes to talking to christians or non christians alike is their happiness, i dont try to persuade people either way.
understanding christianity and the bible better is what i lived for a long time...so fancy bible talk doesnt impress me, i frown on it actually becuase it isnt needed...
but please, feel free to reply.
i value simple truths. i think the more complicated philosophies are, the farther from the truth they are likely to be.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, Christianity gives a mission and you chose to get rid of it. I'm sure you've heard the "God shaped hole" analogy, so that may well be coming to play here.

Perhaps you needed a different form of Christianity. As I recall, you were charismatic. Charismatic beliefs can leave a lot of people disillusioned. "Name it, claim it" crap I mean. After my error in dabbling with that, I chose to not put stock in anything that God didn't overtly promise in Scripture. That way, I couldn't blame Him for not coming through when He didn't really have to again. He saved my faith though, as it was in danger before I came to that point.

 

[Endure2]

hi there, your still here huh?
cool.

yes it does have a mission....
but its not for me, i prefer one that i believe in.
something more realistic, thats all.
but no there is no hole...like i said.
im completely fine...i just want something to be motivated about.
and im not looking for a God to do this for me.
im not going to play something i think is absurd just to have a trail to follow.

take care.

 

[Sketcher]

I think there is some sort of a hole, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this. You wouldn't miss anything, and you clearly miss that passion, that extra kick to life.

 

[Endure2]

wingsoftheneophyte.hmm....love,well i have love...i love alot.but thats...not something specific.... just becuase i have love, doesnt mean i have a passion in life, or will gain one. i love all my friends...but that doesnt give me a passion to work for. a purpose....hmmm.what i need...is something im willing to apply myself too...a passion, a purpose....maybe one follows the other...yes.a purpose without having a God like figure in your life?purpose means i was created for a reason...i dont really know about that, i dont think thats neccesarily true...so.right now...im sticking with a passion.

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

but my christianity broke down, it fell apart when i came to stage of failing at my christian goals and standards, moral failures maybe... and from that point on never being able to hear from God again. and eventually...after i cried and asked and prayed over and over...i gave up and left it all behind.

but i have no passion..

Did you ever receive the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues as all Jesus disciples did ? (Acts 2, 10, 19)
If so did you pray in tongues much thereafter ?

If not then you were trying to do it all in your own strength, so it's no wonder you "crash-landed"

If so, then you need to see yourself as God sees you, his child who took his eyes off the Father and tripped on sin, then looked at his own failure instead of God's passion.

 

[Sketcher]

Did you ever receive the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues as all Jesus disciples did ? (Acts 2, 10, 19)
If so did you pray in tongues much thereafter ?

If not then you were trying to do it all in your own strength, so it's no wonder you "crash-landed"

I underlined the key statement for you, because tongues as practiced today may not be what the apostles practiced. Even if it is, people faked tongues then (see 1 Cor 12:1-2) and people fake tongues now.

 

[rocklife]

while im not really looking for christian support or a way back to christianity...

ive come to realise that i have a problem that stems from the time i left christianity... and im at a loss on what to do about it.

as a short story...
i was once a zealot, a flaming, burning bible believer, and i wanted to preach the gospel across the nation with all my heart, i wanted to know God so much more. i had a passion for truth, and for God, i had a passion to help people understand the bible and how to live it best... if anyone researched any of my old posts in the edification forums...anything i made a year or two ago... i think youd be amased at the change. but i loved it... and i wanted to help people.


thats why even today when i do not believe the bible...if i find a person asking a question about the bible or suffering over an issue with, if i know what the bible says about it (if i remember more like it) i can barely resist atleast acting like who i used to be, trying to help them better understand...make things easier for them. becuase study the bible and understand it better was passion i had..i did it alot. and i still remember a little of that.

but my christianity broke down, it fell apart when i came to stage of failing at my christian goals and standards, moral failures maybe... and from that point on never being able to hear from God again. and eventually...after i cried and asked and prayed over and over...i gave up and left it all behind.
i gave up on so many things... my life had been christianity, its all i had ever known...my pleasure, my purpose, my morality, my goals... my passions, were confined within christianity... its all i knew.

so when i left christianity...i lost all those things. i didnt know how to live them without christianity...i never had before.
ive found a few of them a-new since then..its been 2 years.

but i have no passion...i dont have a passion for anything...nothing...there is no passion in my life. i have no fear that ill die over hear in baghdad were i am at the moment as a soldier...i have no drive to become a better person or....anything...i try to treat people right. i have my morals...
but i have no passion, none, zip, nada....
its nowhere...
there is nothing...im passionate about.
i have a stable hold on living life, being a level headed person, not swayed by emotions or fears...but as for a passion, something i strive to acheive...i have none.

and this bothers me...
i need one, i need something to strive for... to build a life upon.

but ive no idea where to start...
i have no idea what id want to do with my life...
no idea...
im content...im not longing... i dont have a gaping hole in my life... im not crying for help...
ive just noticed...that when it comes to being driven by a goal...a passion....im about as driven as a broke down chevy up on blocks... and i cant stay this way forever...without some kind of passion, ill never push myself to be better... ill never have a better job...ill never raise the family that i want.
hmmm....

please feel free to reply however you want to.
i do not believe in God, ive no idea whether he exists or not... but i dont mind christian people, and im open minded, sometimes i have a short fuse... but in general im a nice person who enjoys helping people as long as you dont insult the struggles ive been through or what theyve taught me.
all im really enterested in when it comes to talking to christians or non christians alike is their happiness, i dont try to persuade people either way.
understanding christianity and the bible better is what i lived for a long time...so fancy bible talk doesnt impress me, i frown on it actually becuase it isnt needed...
but please, feel free to reply.
i value simple truths. i think the more complicated philosophies are, the farther from the truth they are likely to be.

why do you think you need a passion? some kind of energy? A lot of people who seem like that, I think you are just watching too many actors on tv to be honest. They get paid big bucks for that kind of enthusiasm. And usually people who are passionate about some charity cause, it just feels good to help others and sometimes they do it for more attention to seem like good people (I know people who do this personally).

You work right? Have a job? Is money your thing? At least you are working, I know men who are so lazy and selfish they don't even work (even if they have kids).

If you are a soldier, hopefully you are a hard worker, that'll get you pretty far. I think this passion you seek is more fantasy than realistic to be honest. Just try to keep working hard with what you already got, things will move along.

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

I underlined the key statement for you, because tongues as practiced today may not be what the apostles practiced.

Either they are or hey aren't.

The good news is that the gospel has never changed since the beginning so the tongues are the same.

Fakers will deceive themselves, and people looking to justify their non-obedience will point to them, in accordance with the prophecy . .
2Tim:3:13: But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.

 

[Endure2]

twistedsketch
well, im telling you that there is no hole. my life is fine.
im not creating a post becuase i need help. do i miss the passion i had as a christian? no, i refuse to be the fanatic i once was ever again.
is this coming from a hole in my life?i dont believe thats the case, im just slightly concerned. this is all just planning... im just trying to make arrangments so my future goes well or better, and i think ill need a little more drive toward a goal to do that.
my life doesnt have a hole in it.
kinda like saving for college.

alltalkandnoaction
hmm....
thats enteresting, while i dont believe in God anymore, yes i was once a tongue taking, holyghost filled believer myself, i dont think tongues helped me do much of anything in the end.
i do believe the tongues of today fit what the bible actually says though.
leaned on my own strength to much?
well....i asked for Gods help alot.
and when its all said and done, whether he helps you or not, you still have to but heads with sin and make your best to live holy, right?
im dont really look back and analyze whether or not i did everything perfectly, made the best decisions... i was trying to do...something.
becuase after all it got to where God wasnt anywhere to be found, and thats why i stopped beleiving more or less...not becuase i wasnt happy with him, though i was going through a ruff time.

rocklife
SCORE! now thats the kind of reply im looking for.
ok, lets see.
i... well im not really looking for just energy. but dont you think a person needs a goal? something they are excited about? something to apply themselves to? and this would help them decide where to turn their career towards, what classes to take in college...let you kinda plan for the future around what you enjoy doing.
but you make some good points...
now that i think about it.
all my succesful friends arent really doing their "passion" i dont think...there just being diligent and working hard.
hmm....
yeah, maybe to many tv shows.
maybe.

 

[rocklife]

I stopped doing that to myself Endure2. I hated those goal lists they made us make in school. I hated them mainly cause life never worked that way for me. I guess they can work for some, my brother seems pretty good with those things, his hard working is also one way they get accomplished though.

I hope you find what you're looking for. I think hard work (maybe even with only the little bit you got) and diligence and trying to do the right thing by others will really help too.

 

[Endure2]

oh dont get me wrong now... i can work hard.
hmm... maybe i should just be more focused on looking for something i enjoy.
but me? i am naturally a very, emotional person, and i work best when i working for a cause.
id love to find a line of work where its what i believe in, with a reason behind it...something like that.

i think...i might go combat arms, a combat job.
becuase i dont think im scared of that, and i would be able to do something that means something to me in my heart, something i believe in. and for a while ive been considering it.
well thanks for the insight.
take care.

 

[Sketcher]

twistedsketch
well, im telling you that there is no hole. my life is fine.
im not creating a post becuase i need help. do i miss the passion i had as a christian? no, i refuse to be the fanatic i once was ever again.
is this coming from a hole in my life?i dont believe thats the case, im just slightly concerned. this is all just planning... im just trying to make arrangments so my future goes well or better, and i think ill need a little more drive toward a goal to do that.
my life doesnt have a hole in it.
kinda like saving for college.

Well, if you insist. I still don't see why you'd be posting this if you didn't miss something.

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

. . . alltalkandnoaction hmm....
thats enteresting, while i dont believe in God anymore, yes i was once a tongue taking, holyghost filled believer myself, i dont think tongues helped me do much of anything in the end.
i do believe the tongues of today fit what the bible actually says though.
leaned on my own strength to much?
well....i asked for Gods help alot.
and when its all said and done, whether he helps you or not, you still have to but heads with sin and make your best to live holy, right?
im dont really look back and analyze whether or not i did everything perfectly, made the best decisions... i was trying to do...something.
becuase after all it got to where God wasnt anywhere to be found, and thats why i stopped beleiving more or less...not becuase i wasnt happy with him, though i was going through a ruff time.

Now we have established you have received God's Spirit you don't *just*pray in tongues, you also understand and believe His will - that's where you "find" God working. If you never found him then you were like many who receive His Spirit but who don't learn to listen to the Spirit's teaching.
What happens at the church meetings you went to, if any ?

 

[Endure2]

twistedsketch

im sorry you cant see it.
but it is true...i dont miss christianity, maybe i do miss having something to work towards...but that isnt confined within christianity.


alltalkandnoaction.

woah woah...
hold up.
we havent affirmed those things.
i thought alot of things, i believed alot of things...i was a fanatic... a young delusional child who lived off of emotions and lived in a fantasy world. those things werent true.
i can still make the same noises and sounds today that i once attributed to the "holyghost"...
it wasnt from any God...it was...from some overendulged, immature, part of my weak mind.
i was bamboozled as the "blues brothers" put it.

 

[Endure2]

hello again,

well friends,
i think..i found out what makes me tick.
a fellow soldier, a lady i work with killed herself last night. i dont know why... i remember seeing her two days ago, and she seemed so together, she was a Major in the U.S. Army. i remember thinking to myself "this lady is so proffesional, she has it together...wow...she even had her bible on the desk" a good person...a hard working person.
this sort of thing gets me...

i think, i want to try to be a counseler of some sort,
i want to help people. i always have, and still do.
help them understand their confusions, help them cope with the problems of life somehow.
i think thats it.
i just wish she had known a better route to escape whatever pit she was in. Whatever it was...she gave up. I want to help people succeed at these kind of things...

 

[jesusfreak_2008]

Dear Endure2,

Just by reading your post, where you've been and where you are now, it seems like God is pulling you back towards Him. You say that you have no more passion but God knows better. Maybe you need to get that passion back because seriously, that sounds like that is who you are. And it also sounds like that is who God wants you to be. God could possibly be calling you to be a pastor, evangelist, missionary,etc. God has not given up on you, why are you giving up on Him?

God can renew that passion, that fire again. God can give you what you never lost in the first place. The only reason why you don't have that passion is because you stopped believing in Him. From reading your post, you basically gave up. Do not give up on the Lord, instead hang on to Him and He will show you where He wants you to go. Endure2, you just need to be patient and wait on the Lord to act. You also need to put God first, not yourself. If you really want that passion back, then just pray about it. Ask God to renew that fire again.

PRAYER:
Father, I pray for Endure2. Father I pray that You help him to find his way back home again. Father, let Endure2 know that you love him and that you have not abandon him at all. Father, fill Endure2 with your Holy Spirit and remind him where he was before. Father, remind him what it was like to have You in his life, to be so close to you. Fill Endure2 with memories of his first love, Your Love Father. Bring him back to You,to where he belongs.

In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen!

P.S. I hope that i helped somewhat.
God Bless You!

 

[Dondi]

hello again,

well friends,
i think..i found out what makes me tick.
a fellow soldier, a lady i work with killed herself last night. i dont know why... i remember seeing her two days ago, and she seemed so together, she was a Major in the U.S. Army. i remember thinking to myself "this lady is so proffesional, she has it together...wow...she even had her bible on the desk" a good person...a hard working person.
this sort of thing gets me...

i think, i want to try to be a counseler of some sort,
i want to help people. i always have, and still do.
help them understand their confusions, help them cope with the problems of life somehow.
i think thats it.
i just wish she had known a better route to escape whatever pit she was in. Whatever it was...she gave up. I want to help people succeed at these kind of things...

Sorry to hear about your fellow soldier. When people live only for the here and now, and get stuck in the moment, without hope, without a sense of future, it's heartbreaking to think that they would chose what they believe is an out.

You say you have no passion. Well, passion does not come naturally. In order to have passion, you must have an object for your passion. If you like to help people, then you need to find out what way you can help them to gain the biggest benefit for them. You need a vision of what your contribution will establish.

Perhaps you would be good at counseling people, people like your fellow soldier. What would you say to someone who has no hope? What kind of hope can you provide? What piece of advice would you offer?

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

twistedsketch
alltalkandnoaction.woah woah...hold up.
we havent affirmed those things.
i thought alot of things, i believed alot of things...i was a fanatic... a young delusional child who lived off of emotions and lived in a fantasy world. those things werent true.
i can still make the same noises and sounds today that i once attributed to the "holyghost"...
it wasnt from any God...it was...from some overendulged, immature, part of my weak mind.
i was bamboozled as the "blues brothers" put it.

That explains perfectly why you have no passion !

You were running on emotions and your own interpretations rather than being taught of God daily.

The Way is to both draw on God's Spirit daily by praying in tongues AND understand his plans for you and his church in general.

Isa:7:15: Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good.

Don't run around like a headless chicken, or think that you've done it God's way when you havn't.

Take the correction and learn to hear from God (butter & honey), then you will be able to discern.

 

[Endure2]

Jesusfreak
im sorry, but those are the things i struggled over when it all happened, im not going back to that. i dont want God in my life. If a God does exist and he loves me enough to help me understand, then when he does ill listen, but ive already done my part.
ive learned a few things on my own since then, and the biggest one is life goes on without God. im happier than ive ever been, more at peace than ive ever been, just dont have a driving goal at the moment becuase ive wallowed in this new found freedom and ive gotten a little fat on it.
i simply disagree, God isnt at the center of all things. what you find at the center of all things is a big nothingness that leaves you free to choose what will be, what is right and wrong for you...what you will believe and what life you will live. its a freedom that offers so much more peace than that of christianity.
i simply dont believe in him.
but thank you for your thoughtfulness.


dondi
i am a heart to heart kind of person, a counseler of sorts, i enjoy easing peoples fears making people feel better, helping people understand whats happening to them, putting their problems in perspective so they dont feel theirs no hope. its always come natural for me, because its a desire that i have, to help people with these spiritual-emotional problems.


alltalkandnoaction
im sorry, but i simply believe diffrent than you. the things you say where my errors werent, the error is that what i was trying to find didnt actually exist.
i appreciate your concern, but i didnt create this post looking for a way back to God.
the fact that i do not believe in God and dont want one in my life unless its something i know and feel is real, that untill them im happy without one...is something i settled in myself a long time ago.
i know it may be hard for you understand, and i know you wont agree... but ive been where you are, ive done what your doing, and offered the same advice you offer me, ive already walked in your shoes and i dont think youve walked in myne.
i know youll say im mistaken...that what i experienced wasnt true...the real thing...but i know i have, ive already done everything you think i should do. ive seen both sides of this. i know christianity for what it is, ive lived it to the fullest, and it just doesnt work.

living off emotions in a fantasy world wasnt a mistake i made...its was what your telling me to do actually is.
learn from God...?
discern...?
things i cant see touch or feel...?
thats a fantasy world in your head.