Ive done it now.

[Harley.]

Im not going to hold anything back in this. imma say it how it is.

I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.

Lust

Beg for forgiveness

Move on adamant I wont do it again

Do it again 2 days later

Repeat.

I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.

A verse comes to mind:

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)

I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.

 

[Bobber]

I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count.

So what are you going to do with the answer Jesus gave to his disciples when they asked him how many times should we forgive someone when they sin against us.....7 times?? What did Jesus say to them? Nope....not 7 Xs but 70 X 7, That's 490 times and that's all in one day. Matt 18:22 And do you think that Jesus would tell us to do something that he wouldn't be willing to do? He was basically telling them be willing to keep
dispersing grace and forgiveness in an unlimited fashion and he says if you don't forgive neither will he forgive you. Here's a thought for you.....I'd be more concerned for you if you're telling me you won't forgive someone else. That's more serious than the sins of the flesh and I believe I can prove that but that's another subject.

 

[Lost4words]

Sin. Yes, it can be extremely repetitive! Hard to stop. Painful to ask yet again for forgiveness. A never ending circle!!

Dont despair though!!

God is mercy and love. He knows you are trying. What matters most is that every single time you fall, you immediately get back up and go to the open arms of God!

Be determined in that how every many battles the devil wins, he aint ever going to win the war!!!!

Stay strong. Keep persevering in prayer. Never give in. Keep trying your utmost not to sin.

God bless you

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

Im not going to hold anything back in this. imma say it how it is.

I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.

Lust

Beg for forgiveness

Move on adamant I wont do it again

Do it again 2 days later

Repeat.

I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.

A verse comes to mind:

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)

I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.

What you describe sounds like addiction to me - get help and treatment. It's not unfixable ..

Meanwhile .. God loves you, but not your addiction or the damage it may cause. The addiction is holding you back in maturing as a believer and being a blessing to others.

 

[St_Worm2]

Hello @Harley., I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with your walk right now. Don't give up though, as that's the very thing that Satan is hoping that you will do, not God.

Remember Who saved you last August, remember how much He loves you (go back to the foot of the Cross if you are questioning that fact right now), and also remember that nothing that you do in this life is a surprise to Him. IOW, He knew exactly who and what He was getting when He saved you, and He knew every sin that you were going to commit going forward, but He chose to forgive you and save you (and me ) anyway

Many (sadly) believe that God only sees value in what we do for Him, not in who we are to Him, but I believe that it is the latter that is actually true. More than anything else, He is your "Abba" (loving, heavenly Father), and you are His adopted daughter, and when your Abba sees you, He sees you as a human "being", not as a human "doing".

Finally, did you know that His love for you as His daughter is just like He is, from everlasting .. Jeremiah 31:3. That means that there was never a time in eternity past, long before He wove you in your mother's womb .. Psalm 139:13, long before you were you, that He did not already know you and love you, and that there will never be a time when He will not love you, now and forevermore

Here's how missionary/author/radio host Elisabeth Elliot puts it, and how she begins most of her short broadcasts,

Jeremiah 31:3/Deuteronomy 33:27
​

If you'd care to listen to her broadcasts online (they are normally about 12-13 minutes) you can do so here: Gateway to Joy Her principal ministry is to Christian women, like yourself, and you will probably find that what she has to say in her daily broadcasts will be helpful (with the struggles that you are facing right now ).

That said, He does want to see you sanctified, and He is continuing to work to that end, even now, but unlike justification, He wants you to join in, more and more as you are able to .. e.g. Philippians 1:6, 2:12-13. Sanctification is growing in Christlikeness/becoming more and more like Him, which could also be thought of practically as sinning less and less.

You might also check out the two "lists" in Galatians 5:19-23. List A are the deeds of the flesh, and list B is the fruit of the Spirit. Hopefully your life has begun to look a bit more like the description given to us in list B Even if you have a long way to go to get there (to list B, that is), when you look back at your life (prior to August 2022), can you see a difference between the way you lived your life (what you did/said/thought) prior to coming to faith and afterwards (what you do/say, and how you think, now)?

Sadly, I need to run right now, but I hope to return this evening and, hopefully, pick this back up then .. and also help you find some practical ways to begin to get past the sinful choices that you've been making lately (Dv).

Praying for you!

God bless you!!

--David

Psalm 37​

4 Delight ~yourself~ in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.​

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Im not going to hold anything back in this. imma say it how it is.

I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.

Lust

Beg for forgiveness

Move on adamant I wont do it again

Do it again 2 days later

Repeat.

I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.

A verse comes to mind:

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)

I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.

Eventually you will repent, change your mind, from the sin of fornication. Pray to our Father for that change of mind to happen right now ! Be blessed.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Im not going to hold anything back in this. imma say it how it is.

I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.

Lust

Beg for forgiveness

Move on adamant I wont do it again

Do it again 2 days later

Repeat.

I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.

A verse comes to mind:

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)

I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.

Walk in the light of this verse and know that God is indeed faithful to provide you with an escape.
Just look for it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV
13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

 

[brainstormer]

I went through what you went through when I was younger and when I as older I realized there were issues relating to how I was raised that were the problem.

If you look at yourself as good enough to be with someone forever, that you can be casual with someone and you don't have to put on any kind of act or really hide anything you did in your past, then you can see that you are worthy of a long term relationship with a quality person.

Then you begin to see that fornication (and inappropriate contentography is just a filming of fornication) is something ugly because it takes you away from finding that life partner, that new person who will become a new family member for you.

I don't know if you mean by lust fornication or looking at inappropriate contentography. To me, they are two very different sins and I know a lot of Christians want to through heavy burdens on people but I care enough to tell you that I think they are different.

 

[Strong in Him]

Im not going to hold anything back in this. imma say it how it is.

I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.

Lust

Beg for forgiveness

Move on adamant I wont do it again

Do it again 2 days later

Repeat.

I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.

A verse comes to mind:

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)

I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.

And yet you've chosen to confess these things on a Christian forum, in the section for people who want Christian advice.
You are aware of what you are doing and haven't held back in describing your actions.
You have confessed how good God has been to you, and expressed a desire to go back and do it differently.
These are not the actions of someone who is finished. Someone who had sinned "too many times" would have no interest at all in God, or in change.

If you can tell us all of this, can't you tell God?
God loves us and wants us to confess our sins so that he can forgive us.
Tell God that you are tired of your sin, want to be clean and need his help to break this destructive cycle.

Then focus on him and his love.
Jesus pulled you up and rescued you. He went to the cross for you - your life, and relationship with God - mattered so much to him, he was prepared to die in agony so that you could be reconciled to the Father.
It is Jesus, the Son, who can set you free, and then you will truly be free, John 8:36.
God's love will never let you go and you will never be separated from it.
If you confess to God, ask for his forgiveness and help and ask to be filled with his Spirit, you will have God living IN you. And you will not be trying to overcome this in your own strength.

 

[SabbathBlessings]

Im not going to hold anything back in this. imma say it how it is.

I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.

Lust

Beg for forgiveness

Move on adamant I wont do it again

Do it again 2 days later

Repeat.

I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.

A verse comes to mind:

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)

I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.

Jesus has more forgiveness than we have sin and a righteous man may fall a thousand times but will always get back up. The dangerous part is living comfortable in sin and no longer trying to overcome. Jesus can help free us from the bondage of sin, turn to Him. John 14:15-18

Here is a short video (15 minutes) that will give you instructions on how to overcome sin through the promises of God's Word

Overcoming Temptation | Bible Talk | Amazing Facts

How is a Christian to live in a world so filled with negative input that are counterproductive to a good life? Does what we watch actually change us? How do we choose what to put into our minds?

www.amazingfacts.org

God bless!

 

[com7fy8]

I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.

Trust God now to do what He wants with you. He is our fair Judge, through Jesus. He is good in how He judges.

One thing that helps me is I pray for and care about women, instead of using them for lust.

 

[Jimmy It]

1 John, 1:8

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

It appears to me that you are behaving in a way many young Christians do. God loves you and if you weren't secure of His faith and love for you be now certain. As we see in the above scripture everyone makes mistakes, that's what sin is, To error and so not share in the prize.

“He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

That guilt you are experiencing can be self defeating, it is a principle tactic of our adversary Satan.
God is not saying, You're messed up now. He is saying come to me my precious one I Do Love you and will always forgive you. I know everything humans go through, every experience. I have been there.

Satan is the accuser, look to me. Kick him to the curb.

Believe and know that our God is our Father. I have had children and I know that in my life I have never known love that compares to that of love for your child. Not spouses, not friends.
Children truly do elicit unconditional love. You're God is much better at it than I and I was a natural at it as it should be.

When we first believe we are surprised because while in Satan's camp he had no need to tempt us, we were already toast. When we leave it gets his attention.

Look to God Your faith is in something much greater than the father of lies, this world and temporary pleasures.
Look to God my friend, He is the truth inside you. He is not accusing you, He is calling you forward.

 

[St_Worm2]

Im not going to hold anything back in this. imma say it how it is.

I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.

Lust

Beg for forgiveness

Move on adamant I wont do it again

Do it again 2 days later

Repeat.

I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.

A verse comes to mind:

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)

I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.

Hello again Harley, I'd like to move forward from my first post and talk a bit more about some of practical ways to help you grow in your faith and daily walk before Him.

First and foremost, there are the "Christian disciplines". These are meant to help us in our living of the Christian life, day in and day out.

The "Big 4" (Christian disciplines) are these, Bible Study, Prayer, Fellowship and Witnessing. So, would you say that you make the disciplines a regular part of your life, or are they something that you rarely, if ever, engage in? If it is the latter, then these four disciplines should be VERY helpful to you right now.

Also, church? Do you attend church regularly? (if you don't mind me asking)

I'll stop here for now and wait to hear your answers and thoughts before saying more.

God bless you!!

--David

Psalm 1​

1 How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, ​

Nor stand in the path of sinners, ​

Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! ​

2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, ​

And in His law he meditates day and night. ​

3 He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, ​

Which yields its fruit in its season ​

And its leaf does not wither; ​

And in whatever he does, he prospers. ​

​

Psalm 119​

9 How can a young man keep His way pure? By keeping it according to Thy word.​

11 Thy word I have treasured/hidden in my heart, that I may not sin against Thee.​

​

John 17​

17 Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.​

.

 

[Harley.]

Hello again Harley, I'd like to move forward from my first post and talk a bit more about some of practical ways to help you grow in your faith and daily walk before Him.

First and foremost, there are the "Christian disciplines". These are meant to help us in our living of the Christian life, day in and day out.

The "Big 4" (Christian disciplines) are these, Bible Study, Prayer, Fellowship and Witnessing. So, would you say that you make the disciplines a regular part of your life, or are they something that you rarely, if ever, engage in? If it is the latter, then these four disciplines should be VERY helpful to you right now.

Also, church? Do you attend church regularly? (if you don't mind me asking)

I'll stop here for now and wait to hear your answers and thoughts before saying more.

God bless you!!

--David

Psalm 1​

1 How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, ​

Nor stand in the path of sinners, ​

Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! ​

2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, ​

And in His law he meditates day and night. ​

3 He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, ​

Which yields its fruit in its season ​

And its leaf does not wither; ​

And in whatever he does, he prospers. ​

​

Psalm 119​

9 How can a young man keep His way pure? By keeping it according to Thy word.​

11 Thy word I have treasured/hidden in my heart, that I may not sin against Thee.​

​

John 17​

17 Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.​

.

Hi! I appreciate your response so much! Ill try and keep this short.
In terms of the big four that you mentioned. Its rather dismal. I have an active prayer life and have never had an issue just opening up to God in anyway. As for the other three...well...its all downhill. Bible Study I do do, but not as much I should and I dont have anyone to do it with. Same for fellowship, I hardly know any other christians, almost everyone I know are atheists. As for witnessing, Im still not 100% sure on what that even entails yet, so I honestly couldnt tell you.

As for church, no. I am currently unable to go to church but hope to start going within the next few years!

 

[St_Worm2]

Hi! I appreciate your response so much! Ill try and keep this short.
In terms of the big four that you mentioned. Its rather dismal. I have an active prayer life and have never had an issue just opening up to God in anyway. As for the other three...well...its all downhill. Bible Study I do do, but not as much I should and I dont have anyone to do it with. Same for fellowship, I hardly know any other christians, almost everyone I know are atheists. As for witnessing, Im still not 100% sure on what that even entails yet, so I honestly couldnt tell you.

As for church, no. I am currently unable to go to church but hope to start going within the next few years!

Hi Harley, "witnessing" is kind of like being a witness in a courtroom. You tell people what you know, feel and/or have experienced, in this case about God, about coming to saving faith in the Lord Jesus, about what being a Christian/living the Christian life is like, about how it has benefited you/how your life has changed, etc. You don't need any more knowledge than you already have to "witness" to others in this way (though it never hurts to work a Scripture verse in if there's one that you like .. like John 3:16, for instance, because .. see Romans 10:17).

And if you don't know something (you'll find that people who you witness to often ask questions), just tell them that 1. you are still new to the faith and 2. that they've asked you a great question, one that you'd like to know the answer to yourself, and then 3. tell them that you'll get back to them with the answer as soon as you find it out for yourself, if that's ok with them. You'll find that people are very receptive to that, typically, because most are much more interested in knowing that you care about them and that you are honest, then that you are a walking encyclopedia of Christian facts and answers.

Then come back here and ask us and we'll tell you/help you understand what the answer is (since you don't have a pastor who you can go to and ask right now).

You know, you might want to give this teaching series a shot. It's called Spiritual Boot Camp, by Dr. John MacArthur, and it's free to listen to online here. This four-part teaching series takes a close look at the "Big 4" Christian spiritual disciplines, not only explaining them, but also teaching you how to apply them (practically) to your daily walk. I went through this series 35+ years ago when I became a believer, and I'm still using some of what I learned from them in my walk today.

Just scroll down a bit when you get there and click on whichever study/studies that you'd like to listen to and/or read.

God bless you!!

--David
p.s. - witnessing is a great blessing and benefit to others, of course, but it is also a blessing to us, as witnesses, too

Isaiah 43​

10 “You are My witnesses,” declares the LORD, ​

“And My servant whom I have chosen, ​

In order that you may know and believe Me ​

And understand that I am He. ​

Before Me there was no God formed, ​

And there will be none after Me. ​

11 “I, even I, am the LORD, ​

And there is no Savior besides Me."​

.

 

[St_Worm2]

As far as the other three (of the Big 4 spiritual disciplines goes), do what you can to begin to incorporate them into your life, throughout your day.

First and foremost is reading the Bible and Bible Study, as this is ground zero for the disciplines. God, in point of fact, uses the Bible as His principle means of "sanctifying" us (which again is, in practical terms, becoming less and less sinful, and more and more like our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ).

While He was still among us Jesus prayed for all of us who are or who will be His in His "High Priestly Prayer" saying,

John 17​

17 Sanctify them by Thy truth. They word is truth.​

Start with the Gospel of John, and read the first Chapter, but focus on these verses first, John 1:1-4 and 14. Then come back and tell us what you discovered about who Jesus really is (if you'd like to do so, that is .. otherwise, just read them for yourself).

BTW, I know that you like to pray, and Bible study gives us the opportunity to do so. IOW, as you read, talk to the Holy Spirit about what you are reading. Thank Him, praise Him, and ask Him questions about the text whenever you have them. Believe it or not, God is actually interested in having a dialogue with us (rather than just always talking "at" us).

Finally, you might begin to follow these commands, a little bit more each day.

1 Thessalonians 5​

16 Rejoice always; ​

17 pray without ceasing; ​

18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.​

It seems a bit overwhelming when you first read the commands above, but here's a good way to get started (doing the above is what some refer to as "practicing the presence of God" in our lives). Start by looking for something simple to be happy about and rejoice in, then pray to God, thanking Him for it (silently or audibly). You can rejoice in something or in someone, something as simple as a warm summer breeze, for instance. Again, consciously "look" around all through the day for things/people to rejoice in and thank God for in prayer, and I believe that you will find yourself in His presence and drawing much closer to Him on a far more regular basis

Remember, this is our Creator, the transcendent God Almighty (El Shaddi), the Lord of all of the universe who is asking us to include Him in every aspect of our daily lives! WOW, how about that!!

We'll talk a little bit about fellowship and church next time, and why they are so vital to every Christian, but especially to a young believer and/or a believer at any level of maturity in the faith who is struggling. God never intended for us to live the Christian life apart from other believers/apart from our (spiritual) family. You need us and we need you Sister

Blessings to you in Christ!

--David
p.s. - who you choose to hang out with can make a BIG difference in your Christian walk. As the Bible tells us in the OT and the New,

Proverbs 13 ​

20 He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools* will suffer harm. ​

​

1 Corinthians 15​

33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” ​

*The Bible always tells it like it is, and what it teaches us about ourselves, others, and the world around us can be tough to hear, harsh sometimes, but this is something that you will need to consider, I think .. see Psalm 14:1a (the opening of tells us how to recognize who a "fool" is, a spiritual "fool" anyway).

You don't need to stop seeing your old friends (as they need to know what you now know, in point of fact), but you do need to always keep in mind that their company and their values will very likely have a detrimental effect on your Christian walk, to one degree or another (especially while you are walking alone in this world, apart from regular fellowship). This is, in fact, where church and fellowship become so very important to us (because being in church around other believers gives us a chance to step back out of this world and remember who we really are, Who we serve and love, and Who loves us so , so that we can get our thinking straightened out again and back on track/lined back up with His thinking, that is ).