I've Blashphemed the Holy Spirit. What now?

[SunshineHollyDay]

Used to be in this same boat, just getting out of it recently.

No you havent lost your salvation or God. God hasn't withdrawn his spirit, its still in you, your just dont know it yet, it remains hidden from you but it will still help you.

God loves you and thats why he has withdrawn which is impossible for you to see right now.

Looking back its hard to explain, from my experience its more like God has been feeding you spiritual milk through the holy spirit, however you been a Christian for awhile now, and God has taken you off the milk, and you have started to distress.

In a sense, your being pushed to mature, your faith has been in the feelings of the holy spirit for example, however now you need to put your faith in Jesus regardless of your feelings.

It happened to me, and i cannot say now, that it wasnt for my own good, you will gain a much greater trust in God, you will learn to put God's will above your own. Your faith will grow much much stronger ect ect.

All i can say is, you just got to keep moving forward, its a hard place to be thats for sure, however there is light at the end, and there is hope, when its time, it will come back.

Can I speak with you more on this?

 

[SunshineHollyDay]

Do you mind telling me your story. I'm in the situation and have been in the last 3 months. I feel like i have reached the point of no return.

How are you doing now?

 

[SunshineHollyDay]

I am writing you as I am very concerned. I am concerned that I have committed the unpardonable sin, and lost my salvation. I felt that I was converted back in 1985, yet now looking back, I had familial sins/curses that followed me in my faith. Pride in the form of self-abasement, low self-esteem, and now feeling that I cannot be forgiven. Sins of my father were sexuality, adultery, which I have committed and also sexual sins of thinking about women in an unwholesome manner and acting on it. Visiting and getting massages, leading to sexual sins of them (three times) to "take care of me". There was also unbelief in my family and the occult, as my mom nor my dad were believers, my mom is more Buddhist and my dad was a Scientologist. I never was blessed by my dad, therefore the low self-esteem. I felt this deep need to prove myself, to be better than him, to accomplish more in this life than he did. Very worldly! I believe due to my infidelity and materialism (another sin in the family), the woman I married, decided she wanted a divorce. After the divorce I got mad that much of what “I” had earned was now getting taken away. I became bitter with my ex-wife, our pastor (whom I tried to get help from to hold our marriage together, to no avail), the divorce attorney and God. I had murderous thoughts as it related to the attorney and my ex-wife (I don't now). I turned my back on God, and started dating women not of faith, but into the occult. I ended up seeing a medium three times to “talk with my dad”, and looked at horoscopes and tarot cards. Little did I realize what I was doing. I then got into a relationship with a non-Christian having been setup by a gay women friend of my deceased father. I got into all types of sin with her sexually. I felt God calling me to repent and break up with her, and confess all my sins to a brother missionary over in Albania. I told him MOST of my sins and then I did not break up with her when I was prompted, and I felt as if the Holy Spirit left me. I lost my ability to feel, and my heart was pretty hard. I then suffered fear of loss of my salvation, and I became depressed and suicidal. I went to my house thinking about suicide, but I could not bring myself to do it. In my head I heard “coward”. During this time I was tossing coins to see if I was saved or not, and others. Horrible. I felt possessed by demons. My joy was completely gone. I had delusions of the serpent and me attempting to stomp on the head of the serpent. I ended up in the mental hospital, due to my feeling I was not safe to myself. This all was almost a year ago in April. Since, I have been seeing a Christian counselor, and I am not able to get free of feeling condemned other than a few days here and there. I feel tormented like King Saul. I am unable to go and interact with people as I used to, and find it hard to keep up with my day to day life. I did not think I was consciously committing the sin unto death, for if you asked me through this all if I believed in Jesus, I would say of course. But my life had not been obedient to Christ. I now want to be obedient and repent, but I am feeling as if I can’t repent because I feel the Holy Spirit is gone. I have regret, remorse, shame for all my past sins, and I have been trying to confess them as they come up. But I get stuck in the past with shame, playing the reel of my life over and over, thinking "if I had just done this, or that, I would be OK with God." Anyways, I am not doing great. I want Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God in my life, yet I feel as if I have offended the Spirit beyond repair. I am hoping this is not the case! I fit the mold of a reprobate in Romans 1:18-32. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

how are you doing now?

 

[SunshineHollyDay]

Pls reply to this post as I have some things to share. I know exactly what you are talking about.

How are you now?

 

[GordondB]

How are you feeling these days?

I am so sorry I did not see your reply to my message.
Please forgive me.

I know what you and others are going through. Everyone gives great advice but unless you have gone through it, no one understands.

I can’t get into all the details now as my walk is still unfolding. I experienced the same in all its horror. But, with God all things are possible. And, he is Merciful!

I searched all over- Scriptures, YT, articles, forums, to find a way. By God’s GRACE - after weeks of searching, I did find info where some went through this and returned - better, stronger than before. I had hope!

I studied to see what it was that changed their path.
Faith, Believe, Prayer, reading Gods Word, seeking him more than anything, and fasting...even when they had no feelings, were scared and couldn’t think straight.

So, I try to pray morning, noon, and night. I read a chapter in the Bible every day, and I am trying to Fast ( like a Daniel fast). And, I try to Praise God often and thank him for everything! I don’t do everything perfect but I try.

Since then, through God’s GRACE, he gave me the ability to begin to cry from my heart! It’s small but it’s a start!

And, for 1 day I was myself ( it felt like a fog lifted off me) and I experienced joy! With these 2 experiences, I had hope and believed I’m on the right track.

I can’t say what God will do, even for myself. All I know is I have to believe, have faith and not give up. When fear and doubt come up, I try to push them out of my mind and stay focused on my goal of being restored to Jesus.

What choice do you have???

John 6:65-68 (KJV) “And, he said, Therefore said I unto you, that no man can come unto me, except it were given unto him of my Father. From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.

“ Then, said Jesus unto the twelve, will ye also go away?”

“ Then, Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. “

So, I ask you... will you go away also? Will you be like some of the disciples that gave up and walked away? Where will “you” go to find the words of eternal life?

And, it could be that God is testing you. Testing how faithful you are. Do you really love him? Are you going to persevere even when everything looks impossible?

The biggest thing is FAITH and BELIEVE!

Hebrews 11:1 (KJV) “Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

Isn’t that what we’re dealing with here???

If you are really, really serious, and you have Faith, even of a mustard seed, I believe God can soften your heart and you can have life and purpose once again!

Hope this helps someone.