I've been feeling unsettled and confused in my relationship

[Alleluia.]

First I'm so sorry about how long this is.

I've been with a guy for almost a year now and he is such a nice guy, we met at church, I'm 2 years older than him and our pastors actually set us up but we have now moved to a different church as we weren't growing in that one. Before we started talking I actually never was interested in him it wasn't until my pastor asked me about him and then everyone started talking about us suiting and that kind of planted a seed I guess you can say.

I don't really know why I've been feeling confused, unsettled and down about him and I. He's a great guy, he treats me quite good, I know he loves Jesus, we want the same things for the future and my family love him. But I also feel like I've taken him away from God and not bringing him closer to God or helping his walk as we have fallen away from God a bit and have been a little worldly lately.

I do know that before we started talking he was happily single and I was happy too we weren't really looking for a relationship but I guess the thought that a pastor was telling us that we would make a good couple and one day marriage that made us both think wow must be from God.

At first in our relationship I felt so in love but later on I've been seeing his immaturity and the way he reacts to things is a bit immature and I've noticed little things like how he tries to get back at me for things or tries to make me feel a bit bad if I offend him or annoy him (not as serious as it sounds but it's just immaturity). I don't know if this is the reason I'm feeling this way or if the Holy Spirit is telling me something. I did have a talk to him about it and he said we can work it out but I need to make sure I want this.

Another thing is I wasn't single for too long of a time before we started talking, I was in quite an emotionally damaging relationship before this one and I thought I was completely healed from my past but lately I've been realizing maybe I'm not and apart of me just wants to be single and work on me and my relationship with God and another part of me is I don't want to end it and make a mistake.

Sorry if that didn't make much sense but I've being praying about this for like a week or 2 and I still feel like this. Every now and then I feel like get over your thoughts stop being silly and then I start feeling this again ahhh and I don't want to hurt him I know he loves me so much.

Update-
Thankyou everyone for your advice! I had a chat to him and told him exactly how I felt which I do feel a little better although still confused. we decided to give me a week to be by myself to really figure out why I'm feeling like this and to spend time with God about it. Please pray for me! I feel like I will make a mistake if I end us all together but I also feel like I'm going to hurt him again or keep feeling like this if I stay with him -.- he's a really great man he will make a great husband and dad but apart of me wishes I just stayed single as I was a little bit iffy before we started talking and last thing I want to do is hurt him or damage him so please pray for me and him

 

[Korean-American Christian]

[QUOTE="Alleluia., post: 71615105, member: 400916"
At first in our relationship I felt so in love but later on I've been seeing his immaturity and the way he reacts to things is a bit immature and I've noticed little things like how he tries to get back at me for things or tries to make me feel a bit bad if I offend him or annoy him. I was in quite an emotionally damaging relationship before this one and I thought I was completely healed from my past but lately I've been realizing maybe I'm not and apart of me just wants to be single and work on me and my relationship with God and another part of me is I don't want to end it and make a mistake.[/QUOTE]

Praying for you.

You don't want to end up in a long-term relationship with an immature guy.

Pray for wisdom and discernment.

If you feel any doubts at all, it's really best to end the relationship sooner rather than later.

I speak from experience - bad marriage

 

[Conker]

[I don't know how old you are, so sorry if this is of no use] I don't want to be a negative Nelly, but most immature guys don't mature if they're already out of high school, or something hits them (not literately). For example they mess up and get a girl pregnant when they don't want children, or someone close in their life dies, or something else "traumatic". I don't really think I did a good job here helping, but I tried Ill pray for your best interest though.

 

[paul1149]

I've being praying about this for like a week or 2 and I still feel like this

I would take these misgivings very seriously. When all the romance and superficial excitement is over, all that's left is spirituality, character and compatibility. Think long and hard on that, because marriage and children are for a long time.

It sounds like you've allowed others to lead you into this relationship, and there may have been a bit of emotional rebound involved in it. There's a high cost to listening to what others think is best for you when it goes against your intuition.

Pay special attention to the feeling you two are moving away from God together. If you continue to be in doubt, it may be wise to call a fast for a while to let the dust settle so you can see the issues clearly. If the concerns prove wrong, it seems nothing would be lost. But OTOH it's very important to be sure.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Not healthy...

1. you were never interested in him before the minister and others said that
you and him would make a good couple.

2. he tries to get back at you for things or tries to make you feel a bit bad if you
offend him or annoy him.

3. signs of another emotionally damaging relationship

4. Both of you have fallen away from God.

 

[LoricaLady]

It sounds like you don't trust him to treat you right. You say he is so in love with you but you don't say you are so in love with him. I would say to take a break from the relationship so you can have time to evaluate him and your feelings toward him. Someone said, "Marry in haste and repent at leisure."

 

[Jordana]

First I'm so sorry about how long this is.

I've been with a guy for almost a year now and he is such a nice guy, we met at church, I'm 2 years older than him and our pastors actually set us up but we have now moved to a different church as we weren't growing in that one. Before we started talking I actually never was interested in him it wasn't until my pastor asked me about him and then everyone started talking about us suiting and that kind of planted a seed I guess you can say.

I don't really know why I've been feeling confused, unsettled and down about him and I. He's a great guy, he treats me quite good, I know he loves Jesus, we want the same things for the future and my family love him. But I also feel like I've taken him away from God and not bringing him closer to God or helping his walk as we have fallen away from God a bit and have been a little worldly lately.

I do know that before we started talking he was happily single and I was happy too we weren't really looking for a relationship but I guess the thought that a pastor was telling us that we would make a good couple and one day marriage that made us both think wow must be from God.

At first in our relationship I felt so in love but later on I've been seeing his immaturity and the way he reacts to things is a bit immature and I've noticed little things like how he tries to get back at me for things or tries to make me feel a bit bad if I offend him or annoy him (not as serious as it sounds but it's just immaturity). I don't know if this is the reason I'm feeling this way or if the Holy Spirit is telling me something. I did have a talk to him about it and he said we can work it out but I need to make sure I want this.

Another thing is I wasn't single for too long of a time before we started talking, I was in quite an emotionally damaging relationship before this one and I thought I was completely healed from my past but lately I've been realizing maybe I'm not and apart of me just wants to be single and work on me and my relationship with God and another part of me is I don't want to end it and make a mistake.

Sorry if that didn't make much sense but I've being praying about this for like a week or 2 and I still feel like this. Every now and then I feel like get over your thoughts stop being silly and then I start feeling this again ahhh and I don't want to hurt him I know he loves me so much.

When I read this I was surprised at how similar of a situation I'm in as you. Besides the fact of being set up by pastors, our stories are almost identical.
I met my current boyfriend of 5 months 2 years ago on a missions trip my church did. That's where our friendships started. In the past 5 months we have started dating because we wanted to pursue getting to know each other in a committed relationship with an end goal of potential marriage. My bf is also respectful, treats me well and has mature and righteous intentions; I have similar intentions and goals. I am not sensing any annoying aspects yet (I think you're further ahead than me here).

I too think that maybe I got into this relationship a bit too soon because I am still hurting from an emotionally damaging friendship (with my best friend) that I also thought I was healed from. Every day it gets a little better but it still hurts. I really like may boyfriend and didn't want this friendship to interfere with our future which I don't think it really has. I have been open with him about it and now I am more settled than before. Today, I am really happy with him and I so not regret or oppose beginning our relationship when we did.

My advice to you as of now is keep praying and find someone like a mentor or trusted person you can seek advice and confide in. If you want to pursue a future with your boyfriend, you need to be open with him. Have him listen to your perspective and then listen to his. You can look into counselling for this or try this one on one with him. I hope this helps!