I've been feeling suicidal lately

[Rosa Mystica]

Just thought I'd let you know. I'm afraid that my clinical depression may be returning. I really, really don't want to live; I only keep myself alive b/c suicide is a mortal sin (Catholic terminology). I wanna die so bad. I am messed up b/c of my religious obsessions, my recent breakup, my despair of salvation.

Seriously- if I didn't believe in God or that suicide was wrong, I would not be here w/ you today. I'd be DEAD, guaranteed. I'm sick of forcing myself to continue existing. Pretty much nothing makes me happy these days- nothing.

I feel like I'm losing my faith, too- something I won't elaborate on here.

Thanks for listening to me. I know I'm full of bs, but I really do appreciate your support.

God Bless,
Rosa Mystica

 

[guitar_gurl07]

im prayin for ya and if it helps ne...im goin thru the same thing..pm if u ever need some1 2 talk 2..
~Haylee

 

[isaiah5213]

rosa:

i know the feeling. i know hurt. i know when i was down, i needed and wanted some mystical statement myself. i wanted a diagnosis to explain all this mud to me. i knew i was in mud, and i didn't have the strength to get out of it

i will be praying for you. i am so sorry for your sadness, your hatred and anger at yourself. i pray that you will look for the light. to do that, i pray first that you get strength. that you get rid of the despair. that you lean on Jesus, and rest in him.

please God: please heal her heart. if there be any sin in her, dear God, get it out so she can be healed. if there is only sickness, drive that demon of sickness away. bless her, dear God. bless her and make her pure and strong and true and loyal to you.

amen

 

[Laurel Crowned]

Rosa,

You KNOW I understand where you're coming from... I'm praying for you. If you want to talk PM me and give me your phone number and a good time to call. The suicidal thoughts are the WORST.... they will convince you that you really want to die... but you don't. You want to live. You want to live without the pain and mental anguish. You want THOSE things to die... a fiery death if possible.

You've gone through so much all at once... and the pain never really seems to let up. The pressure just keeps on building... and despite all your prayers for peace, joy, hope... relief... God doesn't seem to be changing anything. You think that your faith in your religion is keeping you alive... or that your fear of the sin aspect is what keeps you hanging on... when in reality it's your faith... that speck of faith that is smaller than a mustard seed, which keeps you living another day.

Your faith in the goodness of the life God gave you is being tested. Blessed who have stood the test for they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

I don't know all the ins and outs of what it means to walk your walk. Nobody will ever know this... but Jesus. He's walked in your shoes and he feels your pain. If it is faith that keeps you from killing yourself, I pray that it would be hope that rescues you and love that shows you how to live. When the negative thoughts come on you Rosa, just yell "Stop." I mean literally. I've learned that in my depression support group. It's called thought stopping.

Negative thoughts are attacking your mind. Only you can fight them in the strength and power of Christ.

Peace and rest to you,
LC

 

[waldo1]

Please , Please try to talk to someone. I too at one point in my life felt like this and it was only the love of my friends and family that helped me to overcome. I know that it seems like you are in a hole and cant see daylight. I was there a few times myself and the truth is i only needed to ask my friends for help. I went to counsouling and worked through a few of my issues and today is a better day because i know no matter what i can overcome through god

god bless you

 

[Rosa Mystica]

waldo1,

I am currently in the midst of trying to find a Catholic health pro. (the secular ones diss my beliefs).

Thanks for your concern.

 

[Rachel_Spirit]

Rosa Mystica,

I hope you don't listen to a post like this - I don't understand why anyone would post such a thing. I think posters can come across as very insensitive. . To whoever wrote this, I will pray that God will reveal Himself to you and that you would receive the grace of knowing he is with us in these struggles even when we don't feel like he is. We as the Body of Christ need to edify with our testimony and when someone posts looking for help or encouragement, not tear down. I can only assume you are discouraged also and I would encourage you to talk to someone and get help also. Suicide is never a solution.

Rosa Mystica, I do understand what you are going through. I have read your testimony and I really really understand because I myself am dealing with depression, ocd, and possibly BPD and I am miserable with my secular therapist who is not helping me other than to dispense medications which are making me sick. This week I felt like just walking away from my catholic faith because I have issues with certain priests and leaders who do not appear to tell the truth sometimes and are hurtful to parisioners. Many of them give a generic blessing in the confessional and seem to repeat the same words no matter what you are confessing so that I feel like I am just being processed no matter why I am there. I am depressed because nothing has worked to make my ocd better and the medicines I have tried have all had build up side effects and I still keep trying new ones since I am told it takes awhile to find the right drug for ocd. I have since made up my mind not to give up either in the search for getting over the depression, ocd, bpd and not to give up on the Catholic faith regardless of hurt some people cause in the church. Each of us has something good to contribute to the Body of Christ and God has put us there.

Anyway, my point in writing all this was just to say I understand that while our struggles may be different, there are people like me on this forum who care and will pray for you. Other than to encourage you to not give up seeking the right healthcare professional and keep up in the sacraments and prayer, I wish I had more answers to encourage you. I will pray for you!

God bless you,

Rachel_Spirit

 

[Im_A]

Rosa, you'll be in my prayers. I have dealt with the same thing.

Breakups, a bad relationship with my father, and the mix of pot and alcohol almost lead me to suicide. i used to sit around and daydream about it, just to see if i could test myself out. the only time i ever did "attempt" was to drive my car off the road and hopefully wreck and die. oddly enough, all i ended up doing was swerving on the road, and kicking the dash and crying. i also looked at knived and quickly pondered the thought, but then something drew me away.

as of right now, i am still batteling my own depression. i am batteling a struggle with alcohol which now has lead me to getting an OVI (basically the same as DUI), and knowing that the struggle/addiction is still there. sometimes i have wondered what is the point of going on like this, no matter if i am a Christian or not. my past shows a lot of failures, and i have debt on me, and now i have this drinking issue coming to head, and i am alone, single through this, and sometimes it is like, what is the use anymore? my past sins still haunt me, because they range from many areas. i have quit my pot use, it's been 4 going on 5 years now, but still i feel worthless at times and my own depression kicks in a lot of times.

nevertheless, in our despair God is at His strongest. i know that doesn't always help, but it's something i have forced myself to believe and accept and nevertheless, God has brought me through a lot of my own nonsense that i have put myself through and been through. just remember you are precious in God's eyes and to others eyes. you are precious period. people care enough about you to keep you in prayer, and you will be in my prayers also. please talk to me private messages, or email, or if you have instant messaging. whatever will work if you need someone to talk to. hope is one step at a time. but taking that first step and keeping on it, shows you have strength inside of you. knowing God is still there, has helped me out soooo much. the beauty of God loving us when we may be losing our faith, struggling, at our wost moments, has been so vital to keeping going. plus, find the people around you that really do love you and care for you UNCONDITIONALLY. the love my mother has literally saved me, and if you want to know more of that, send me a private message, for i don't want to bagger this post anymore with things about me, for your need is what is most important when addressing your issue. May God Bless you Rosa, and again, please feel free to take up my offer to email me, pm me, or if you use any instant message stuff, let me know and we can talk that way too. again, May God Bless you! <><

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Why are you encouraging me to do myself in? That's downright cruel.

Believe me, I sometimes DO wish there was no afterlife and no God, but for you to advise me to kill myself is disgusting beyond belief.

 

[Deamiter]

Rosa -- don't discount other Christian professionals with the secular ones. I had the same experience with secular psychiatrists, and I decided I'd rather keep cutting than give up my savior. However, any Christian (Catholic or otherwise) psychologist will act very professional while supporting your faith. With a protestant counselor, you won't get faith-specific teachings, but that's usually what the Church is for anyway. Just so you know -- my life has been literally turned around 180 degrees since I started seeing a Christian counselor!

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Rachel, why'd you change your icon to non-denominational? You're not leaving the Catholic faith, are you?

 

[Rachel_Spirit]

Hi Rosa Mystica,

I just sent a PM to you. I have not left the Catholic Faith yet, but I have had a new attack of doubts about remaining in the Church. I go to Mass every weekend and it is getting harder to go with parishes closing in my area. I have one I can get too but I don't know if I can remain a Catholic because I am angry with the bad management decisions and financial mismanagement of our Archdiocese and they seem really out of touch with the parishioners. I struggles with doubts about the Eucharist as the real body and blood of Christ and don't know if I can receive it anymore. I have been fighting these doubts so far but am thinking it might just be easier to quit the Church altogether and just be a non-denominational Christian. I have yet to find a church I can get to that is one I can live with. The Catholic church is the only one I feel at home in but if I doubt the heart of the faith which is the Eucharist, how can I continue?

I just got the book "the Courage to be Catholic" and am starting it today, so I have yet to make a final decision but I can't seem to make up my mind.

I still might end up going to Mass because when I don't go I get awful condemnation about it being a mortal sin. I usually end up being glad when I go after I struggle with getting there.

I appreciate your concern and hope you are okay today; I said a prayer for you this morning.

I think I will sign off now and take a walk and see if I can pray about what to do.

God bless you! You are in my prayers!

Thanks,
Rachel_Spirit

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Rachel,

Two things:

1) It IS a mortal sin to miss Mass w/o sufficient reason. So please don't stop going!

2) Your doubts about the Eucharist are precisely that: doubts. Doubts are not sins. They are a sign that you need to investigate this matter further. Do everything you can to come to an understanding of Christ's presence in the Eucharist. I used to have them too, but I remember that in the Bible, Jesus said, "This is my body", not "This symbolizes my body."

Hope that helps.

Rosa

Hi Rosa Mystica,

I just sent a PM to you. I have not left the Catholic Faith yet, but I have had a new attack of doubts about remaining in the Church. I go to Mass every weekend and it is getting harder to go with parishes closing in my area. I have one I can get too but I don't know if I can remain a Catholic because I am angry with the bad management decisions and financial mismanagement of our Archdiocese and they seem really out of touch with the parishioners. I struggles with doubts about the Eucharist as the real body and blood of Christ and don't know if I can receive it anymore. I have been fighting these doubts so far but am thinking it might just be easier to quit the Church altogether and just be a non-denominational Christian. I have yet to find a church I can get to that is one I can live with. The Catholic church is the only one I feel at home in but if I doubt the heart of the faith which is the Eucharist, how can I continue?

I just got the book "the Courage to be Catholic" and am starting it today, so I have yet to make a final decision but I can't seem to make up my mind.

I still might end up going to Mass because when I don't go I get awful condemnation about it being a mortal sin. I usually end up being glad when I go after I struggle with getting there.

I appreciate your concern and hope you are okay today; I said a prayer for you this morning.

I think I will sign off now and take a walk and see if I can pray about what to do.

God bless you! You are in my prayers!

Thanks,
Rachel_Spirit

 

[TheMainException]

My dear, dear sister...I don't know exactly how you mark something "Mortal sin" but I do know that although you may commit suicide, you will be welcomed home. That does not mean go out and end it all..talk to me, I'll listen if you so want. Don't go and cut out just yet...PM me if you need. I love to listen and I love you because Christ loves me.

 

[brat2631]

Rosa,

I agree with you in that you feel you should get a different therapist if the one you see is against ur beliefs... Whatever happens though, remember that GOD's love can always fill you up. Instead of thinking of the bad things in your life, try to look at the good, and try to speak to someone about your troubles. Your life is too precious to God.. and he DOESNT want u 2 kill yourself.. and neither do I.. because even though I don't know you.. your life is precious.. and it isn't worth trying to give up on.. PM me if you would like to talk to me.. I have been through depression myself.. and have had to deal with eating disorders and OCD as well.. I KNOW its not easy... so if you feel like you need someone to tlak to.. then feel free. GOD BLESS! and IM PRAYING 4 U!

 

[penguinfacesnorth]

My dear, dear sister...I don't know exactly how you mark something "Mortal sin" but I do know that although you may commit suicide, you will be welcomed home.

that is what I needed to know. It will be better than stying ehre being a pain to everyone I know

 

[hat lady]

I've known that pain. Those feelings. The hopelessness. Why keep going?

But I also know my Jesus loves me. And Jesus wants to help me with my feelings, all of them. Jesus wants to take away your pain. Forget about church, all the teachings, just open your Bible and start reading what the Bible actually says.

Don't give in to the suicidal thoughts. Those are from the devil and he wants you end it. BUt Jesus loves you and he wants you to be free, happy, and alive.

Please call a hotline and get help. Don't give in to the devil. You are so precious to Jesus! He died for your sins so you can be free! Ask him to come into your heart, heal you of all your bad feelings but love, joy, & peace in their place. Do it now!

Your life is to precious to waste!

 

[hat lady]

If your counselor is not helping, go to another. If you are on medication and it's not helping talk to a doctor to get it changed. There is help, from doctors, counselors, & Jesus. They all want to help you! LET THEM! Please!