It's Hard

[rickr1955]

It’s Hard


It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
It feels like your mind has become a stranger and has turned on you

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
It’s so dark inside you barely say two words for weeks on end

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Your body is shaking uncontrollably
so much so you can’t hold food on a fork or spoon

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Your heart is racing out of control over 200 beats per minute.
Take your pulse to count, normal.

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t breathe because it feels like someone is standing on your chest

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
It feels like a crowd of people will surely crush you to death

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
At times for no apparent reason you begin to cry like a little girl

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You live with a deep, smothering loneliness

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Your mind is racing out of control one thing to the next to the next

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t converse without loosing your place and can’t find your way back to it

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Darkness and despair are your constant companions, so thick and cold
you could cut them with a knife

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
All this continues. Days become weeks, weeks become months,
months become years with no sign of letting up

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Your passion and purpose for life has been completely sucked out of you

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t sit still even for a little while. Legs and hands going a mile a minute.
So jittery on the inside you want to jump out of your skin

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Having lunch with your wife in a virtually empty place,
the few voices that are there become so deafeningly loud
you can’t hear her voice right across the table

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
It feels like you’re living in a children’s pop-up book. All of reality is there but in a
surreal, artificial 3-D kind of way

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Driving down the road you get the sensation that the oncoming traffic
is trying to suck you right out of the window of your truck.
All you can do is tighten the seatbelt and hang on for dear life as they pass.

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You feel yourself shrinking, 6ft, 5ft, 4ft

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t remember who you were before things went so terribly wrong

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t tell where exactly the ground is below you feet

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Due to people and voices in your head that you talk with, along with all the rest,
you are also deemed a suicide risk and taken against
your will to the psychiatric emergency room.

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You long for the elusive peace of death when all of this noise is left behind
but it won’t come, you wake up again the next day to face it all over again

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Due to stigma and rejection you can’t even ask
for the help you need from those around you.

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
All hope is gone. Hope for good, hope for change, hope for a better life; gone

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Most of those closest to you have disappeared, not knowing what to do


It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t find the straps

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You’re not even sure you’re wearing boots in the first place

Synonyms for “pull yourself up by your boot straps”
Equally unhelpful, equally insensitive. All very gnaw-inspiring.
"Hang in there", "Don't give up", "It will pass"
"It'll get better", "Everybody's got problems"

Why are we all so afraid of pain? Whether it’s our own or somebody else’s.
Why can’t we be okay with not having the answers or “fix-its” for pain?

Now you too have proved to be of no help;
you see something dreadful and are afraid. Job 6:21 (NIV)

"What strength do I have, that I should still hope?
What prospects, that I should be patient?
Do I have the strength of stone?
Is my flesh bronze?
Do I have any power to help myself,
now that success has been driven from me?
"A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends,
even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. Job 6:11-14 (NIV)

Why can’t we see the pain of a friend
and sit in silence and tears with our friend?

 

[rjmclaugh]

Man, that's deep. I can relate to that poem. I think it would be nice just to have a friend who can sit by me quietly and just comfort me with a arm around my shoulders. I don't have a lot of friends because I'm afraid to open myself up to people. I don't think they'll understand. All lot of my former friends would judge me and try to tell me what I need to do, almost like I was just over complicating things. They couldn't understand that, if I could help it, I wouldn't be like this.

 

[Soulwings]

Thanks for posting.

I don't know why this world is so keen on "fix-its" and "cure-alls."

I am lucky in that I have some friends who will just let me be me, and won't try to overcomplicate things by trying to fix them themselves. They know that I'm seeing a treatment team and that that team of people are the ones who are supposed to help "fix" me and that my friends aren't, that they are just there to support me.

I don't know if that makes any sense.

Anyway. Thank you for posting. Very deep, I agree with rjm.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

It’s Hard


It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
It feels like your mind has become a stranger and has turned on you

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
It’s so dark inside you barely say two words for weeks on end

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Your body is shaking uncontrollably
so much so you can’t hold food on a fork or spoon

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Your heart is racing out of control over 200 beats per minute.
Take your pulse to count, normal.

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t breathe because it feels like someone is standing on your chest

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
It feels like a crowd of people will surely crush you to death

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
At times for no apparent reason you begin to cry like a little girl

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You live with a deep, smothering loneliness

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Your mind is racing out of control one thing to the next to the next

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t converse without loosing your place and can’t find your way back to it

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Darkness and despair are your constant companions, so thick and cold
you could cut them with a knife

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
All this continues. Days become weeks, weeks become months,
months become years with no sign of letting up

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Your passion and purpose for life has been completely sucked out of you

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t sit still even for a little while. Legs and hands going a mile a minute.
So jittery on the inside you want to jump out of your skin

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Having lunch with your wife in a virtually empty place,
the few voices that are there become so deafeningly loud
you can’t hear her voice right across the table

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
It feels like you’re living in a children’s pop-up book. All of reality is there but in a
surreal, artificial 3-D kind of way

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Driving down the road you get the sensation that the oncoming traffic
is trying to suck you right out of the window of your truck.
All you can do is tighten the seatbelt and hang on for dear life as they pass.

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You feel yourself shrinking, 6ft, 5ft, 4ft

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t remember who you were before things went so terribly wrong

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t tell where exactly the ground is below you feet

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Due to people and voices in your head that you talk with, along with all the rest,
you are also deemed a suicide risk and taken against
your will to the psychiatric emergency room.

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You long for the elusive peace of death when all of this noise is left behind
but it won’t come, you wake up again the next day to face it all over again

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Due to stigma and rejection you can’t even ask
for the help you need from those around you.

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
All hope is gone. Hope for good, hope for change, hope for a better life; gone

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Most of those closest to you have disappeared, not knowing what to do


It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You can’t find the straps

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
You’re not even sure you’re wearing boots in the first place

Synonyms for “pull yourself up by your boot straps”
Equally unhelpful, equally insensitive. All very gnaw-inspiring.
"Hang in there", "Don't give up", "It will pass"
"It'll get better", "Everybody's got problems"

Why are we all so afraid of pain? Whether it’s our own or somebody else’s.
Why can’t we be okay with not having the answers or “fix-its” for pain?

Now you too have proved to be of no help;
you see something dreadful and are afraid. Job 6:21 (NIV)

"What strength do I have, that I should still hope?
What prospects, that I should be patient?
Do I have the strength of stone?
Is my flesh bronze?
Do I have any power to help myself,
now that success has been driven from me?
"A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends,
even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. Job 6:11-14 (NIV)

Why can’t we see the pain of a friend
and sit in silence and tears with our friend?

Good question... how can you see the pain and not care.... or understand?

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Man, that's deep. I can relate to that poem. I think it would be nice just to have a friend who can sit by me quietly and just comfort me with a arm around my shoulders. I don't have a lot of friends because I'm afraid to open myself up to people. I don't think they'll understand. All lot of my former friends would judge me and try to tell me what I need to do, almost like I was just over complicating things. They couldn't understand that, if I could help it, I wouldn't be like this.

I'm the same way, I don't open myself up to people... and I get the same thing, mainly from my hubby.... he just wants to minimize everything... makes me not want to tell him anything and it feels like no one cares.

HB

 

[Alive again]

Wonderful! Beautiful! Thank you!!!

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I hope you are doing better today. God Bless!

HB

 

[rickr1955]

Thank you His Blood. No, I'm not doing so great. I had to go back on meds again. (3rd time) Maybe I do need this stuff.

 

[4Everloved]

It’s hard to pull yourself up by your boot straps when;
Due to stigma and rejection you can’t even ask
for the help you need from those around you.


I read it all...it was excellent. That last quote above is what struck me the most. It's a good thing we have the Lord to confide in and for comfort, because people are just not there. They think they are, but they try to fix. I've experienced it over and over.

Hope you are feeling better, Rick. I recently went back on medication after a 3 month absence of medication and it too taught me that I really do need that stuff.

 

[madison1101]

When I went on medication, I balked, but did not stop taking it. A friend, who did not suffer from mental illness, gave me some sage advice. She said, "Would you tell a diabetic that they probably do not need insulin, and to not take it to prove the doctors wrong?" My reply was "Of course not, their body needs the insulin." Her comment was, "And your body needs the medications in the same way. It is a chemical issue in the brain. Not a flaw in your thinking, or any other issue. So, take your meds, and trust the Lord."

There were a few instances when I manipulated my medications for a few days, because of side effects. I learned quickly not to play with my meds, and am so grateful that I did not have really terrible consequences as a result.

I am fully aware of the social stigma that accompanies mental illnesses, especially our diagnosis. With appropriate medication, I am able to be stable, and live a highly productive life, and enjoy healthy relationships with my family and friends. Why on earth would I jeopardize that?

Just offering my encouragement to anyone who might be wrestling with acceptance of medications.

Trish

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Thank you His Blood. No, I'm not doing so great. I had to go back on meds again. (3rd time) Maybe I do need this stuff.

It's hard to accept the need for psychiatric meds. Especially being how it's common to start feeling more normal and like you don't need them.... after you've been on them for a while... then when you get off of them, the symptoms come back and you realize you need to be on them.

I think i'm accepting that i'll have to be on meds for the rest of my life... well, actually my opinion on that changes day to day...

My dad has schizophrenia and bipolar d/o and one day he tells me that he stopped taking his meds stating "i'm cured" and I warned him that the symptoms may all come back... and they did and now he's staying on his meds.

It's common... the hardest thing for bipolars to do is to be consistant on their meds.

HB