It's back... this is not good.

[mahalia]

I'll try keep this short, but I would really like some advice or SOMETHING so please try read to the end: - when I was younger, food really wasn't my thing and my mom struggle to get me to get proper nutrition. I gained a lot of weight when I was about 12 (chocolate, 'nuff said) and had, I suppose, a bulimic bout. It didn't last long because throwing up wasn't, well, fun.

Come high school, I still had issues about being ugly, fat, and so on; but I got into a very tight schedule and was always busy and honestly harldy ever ate because I hardly ever felt hungry. So I lost a lot of weight (BMI 20, so not quite underweight) and WHEN I ate, I could eat whatever I want - I have a sweet tooth, badly.

ANYWAYS, I started university this year and nowwww.. I think I've become addicted to food or eating or both. I really can't stop, sometimes it feels like my stomach is bursting and yet I keep craving chocolate or nuts or bread or ANYHTING I can find in my fridge or at the cafeteria. It's like I lose complete control and then... I get sick. on purpose. and no i don't enjoy it, and throwing up isn't a habit yet, but i also don't want it to become one.

my course at uni is quite taxing and it's difficult for me to lead the kind of life I did at school (which i miss terribly) and there is no such thing as an eating routine...

and basically... i don't know what to do. i really hate all of this...

i haven't binged or thrown up all of today, which is something, i suppose... but if anybody has advice or anything... i'd really appreciate it.

 

[Soulwings]

Just so you know, numbers are screened here (which is why there is a little # wherever you mentioned a number) and also, keeping BMI and calories and weight out would be appreciated. Just thought I would preface with that.

In response... is there any chance that you could seek out help from an ED team or anything? I don't have a clue what the health care system is like from where you are, but it seems that there should be some sort of way for you to get help. I don't really know what to tell you other than to get professional help before it gets any worse than it is already. You have a history of eating disordered behaviors and struggles - maybe now is the time that you can get help and while you can't be "cured" from an eating disorder, with the help of a nutritionist and therapist, you can get it under control. I hope that what I'm saying is making sense... I'm sorry I'm not being any more helpful.



All that to say... I totally understand what you mean by a taxing uni schedule. This coming fall, I'm going to have to eat during classes two days a week if I want to get food at proper times. Well, "want." More what my husband wants me to do, but that's neither here nor there.

I'm here if you need to talk. I apologize if what I said is scattered... I'm in kind of a distracting environment right now and am having trouble making my thoughts get onto the page coherently.