it wont be the same isnt?

[GOD bless you]

thinking more about what happened to me and the pastor's daughter and how it affected my life at church, i was very cooperative, cheerful and talktive, the next days after "the incident" i became colder and i didnt wanted to do anything, stoped learning the drums, stoped talking to them, stoped going to events, stoped event even saluting them, after the sermon i just took my backpack and i run away, feeling bada afterwards and resenting them for no reason, this deeply hurt the relation ship between, and someone said that having new relationships its better than trying to fix one, and im starting to believe this, i want to comeback to church but will they just make like nothing happend? CAN I DO THAT to begin with ? makes me anxious and sad, i changed for the better when i met them and now that its over im becoming my old self again: angry, shy, lazy,liar,unloving i feel like a monster and i dont know what to do, im going to another church but im not doing so much fellowship i just go to learn and sit alone while they sing hymns and go to my home where i feel bad remembering im not with them anymore and wondering what are they doing,but im getting hurt, i just want to forgive, forget and keep on with my life, i skipped class today and went right home thinking about praying to take me to heaven already, idk how to love, how take care of others or how to be loyal, im just a broken sinful man