ruixiangz said:
(i dun noe if this is the right place to put this thread...but if it is in wrong place...feel free to move it...juz make sure to tell me where it is later on...)
like any story worth telling, this stories starts wif a gal...as you could expect...i have fallen in luv wif her...the first time i have fallen so deeply in luv wif someone...but i want to forget her...she is juz too good for me...and i can't forget her...
confused? i m confused too.
this gal isn't really extraordinary pretty, but if i muz describe her, i would say that she gives off a mystical and enchanting aura.she is so hard to describe with language... i haven even talk to her yet, i ahve juz watch her from afar...i dun noe how to walk up to her and say hi, i dun noe how not to look at her when she walk pass...but i noe that i m not good enough for her...i do not fit to even look at her...but i can't forget her...and deep down...i noe i dun really want to forget her...
she muz have caught me so many times looking at her...she muz have felt that i m a pevert! i wanna let go...but i can't do it...i m not strong enough not to fall in luv...wat is ur opion (watever the spelling) ?
confused? i m confused too...
You have two options. First you can be a normal shy fifteen-year-old guy like I was and keep having a crush on her. Never tell her you like her, just try to talk to her about the weather or whatever you can think of to talk about to her. Keep her in the dark about it. That way, you'll never be disappointed by finding out that she really doesn't like you.
Or, if you want to have fun and be creative, write out your emotions toward her in a poem ... as I did later on, in the tenth grade. By the time you're finished writing it, you will have gotten rid of most of your feelings. Then, when you finally give it to her, get ready. Girls' reactions to getting a poem written to them are always unique. Once she reacts to it, whatever happens, you'll be free of this crush.
Of course you can always ask her out, but ... that's the kind of thing that usually only works in middle school. If you choose to do that, don't approach her as a possible friend. Come at her as if it's the first time you've seen her, and you want to know everything about her. Keep her talking about herself. If you know how to flirt well, do so.
Here's some flirting tips I found on a website dealing with sexuality. This is not pornographic at all. You should probably be able to figure out which tips are for women, which ones for men:
ADVICE FROM THE FINE ART OF FLIRTING
This book, by author Joyce Jillson, is slightly dated. However, it still contains some good worthwhile ideas. I'm going to editorialize a bit in this review/summary (my opinions will be in brackets), but encourage you to form your own opinions based on your own experience.
Here are Ms. Jillson's three biggest tips on flirting:
- Be friendly.
- Don't let past rejections cloud your judgement or make you paranoid about an interaction going on right now (that's fair to neither of you).
- Be prepared, both physically and emotionally. This means looking your best as often as you can (people do meet in the oddest places...), and not dragging past or present personal troubles into a new interaction.
Other ideas she mentioned included "being playful yet persistent," showing vulnerabilities, flirting with no expectation of reward (i.e. just for fun, without a win/lose mentality), learning to dance, and contributing and/or appreciating good humor.
Ms. Jillson's "Ways to be a Great Flirt":
- Use flattery
- Say "Hello" with energy
- Shake hands (depending on circumstances)
- Make immediate, direct eye contact
- Repeat the person's name
- Ask "no one ever asked me that before!" questions
- Ask for your new friend's life story
- Have something to say by keeping up-to-date
- Play with a piece of clothing (i.e. dangling your shoe, playing with an earring, stirring a drink, adjusting your hair, etc.)
- Whisper
- "Help someone get out of an old routine, and into a new one" (i.e. introduce them to some new activity or form of art or whatever)
- "Leave them wanting more"
- "Create and use nicknames"
- "Drop Names" (i.e. show your connections to other people in your flirting partner's community)
- "Wear, bring, or carry something unusual"
- Limit the amount of time you flirt (to take the pressure off yourself if you haven't yet gotten to the point where flirting is just fun)
- Set a numerical goal (i.e. "I will flirt with four people tonight, for my own good...")
Ms. Jillson's "5 Don'ts of Flirting":
- Don't depend on others to make things happen
- Don't tease (i.e. offering more than you intend to give)
- Don't cling
- Don't dwell on your performance
- Don't fidget
She also recommends, when appropriate, (1) subtly mimicing the other person's gestures and (2) smiling.
Appropriate use of touch was discussed at length (psychological studies show that casual touching during a friendly conversation causes people to remember the conversation more fondly after the fact). Ms. Jillson mentioned brushing lint off someone's jacket, touching someone's hand as punctuation to making a point in the conversation, etc. "Accidental touch" (i.e. reaching for the saltshaker at the same time) was also mentioned favorably.
Ms. Jillson also had some gender-role specific advice. Here are a few examples: "Women are less likely to engage in conversation with a man sitting by himself if he is smoking; the [male] flirt who can sit still and do nothing - neither drink, smoke, nor fidget - is most likely to find someone cozying up to him" and "For women, hair is one of the great flirting props; playing with hair, not combing it, but pushing it, shaking it, twisting it are very sexy come-ons" and "As for makeup, women should chuck most of it (with the possible exception of mascara)."
Here's what Ms. Jillson has to say about eye contact: "While staring or holding a gaze a second longer than usual will succeed in attracting notice, so will other subtle and more tasteful eye contact; try this: Throw a glance to a person, and then, as soon as your flirting partner turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes. This is very effective for both men and women." She also says, "Another technique that successful male flirts use is the darting eye. Women have less luck with this because it is a bit aggressive and somehow has masculine connotations. Take a quick look at a woman once; then return your eyes to their normal position; take a second look, held much longer; and then a third look where you turn your head in her direction but do not direct your eyes at her. The third move makes you appear less intrusive, but still confronts her in a manageable way."
...
With regard to hands, Ms. Jillson recommends rhythmic, repetitive motions such as rubbing your keys or playing with some other item (motions which she describes as soothing and alluring). She also claims that the most flirtatious part of the hand is the inner wrist, and that "any movements where you inadvertently reveal the inner wrist to your flirting partner can be disarming" [this probabaly isn't as critical as what you do with your eyes and the rest of your body language, though]. Crossing arms in front of you implies unapproachability: "in flirting, think openness." With regard to legs, Ms. Jillson has the following advice: "Crossed legs or ankles can be flirtatious on women, if not done in a clenched manner. Men should stick with crossed ankles. However, both men and women should cross their legs in the direction of the person they are flirting with or trying to flirt with... "
Hope this helps some. I think your problem is mainly confidence. The only real way to learn how to successfully flirt is to learn how to successfully flirt. So try it... and see what happens.
