It really hurts...

[nooby]

What happens when you have been persistent and prayed for well over a decade (13/14 years) and there is still NO answer. If I have not verbalised a prayer it has certainly been a hearts cry.

The bible says something along the lines of:

...if you have a 'burning desire' you should find a wife (or words of that nature).

(sorry - I think it is in Corinthians, I will look it up.)

There is another verse which says you should not look for a wife!

(...again I will look it up and provide it soon).

I'm really confused and really hurting.

Surely if God has pre-destined that someone is to be single it would be 'cruel' to allow a 'burning desire' for a wife/husband to linger to long.

In the same vein if it is Gods plan that you do get married surely it would be helpful for God to provide some idea of time scale. I certainly don't mean an exact date - that would spoil the surprise! Imagine getting a present already un-wrapped or not wrapped at all!

An example (I realise not directly related to the issue in hand) : God spoke to ABRAM (before he became Abraham) that his wife (Sarah) would have children! God said that he would be a father in a year - which he did. It wasn't an exact date but it gave him some idea.

Its easy to see where I am going with this.

I know God will ultimately provide an answer (and I do trust him for that) but if you have a ROUGH idea of timescale it would really help. So for example if God said I will provide you with 'x' in 2 years you know where you stand but if he says 'x' will be provided in 20/30 years it would be necessary to put that on the back burner (at least that would be a logical approach).

Sorry to bare my soul folks...

Just had to get it off my chest.

HERE ARE THE BIBLE VERSES:

1 Corinthians 7 v 8-9 and 27d

Other interesting verses - 1 Cor 7v5, 2 Cor 6 v 15b, Cor 7v32b

 

[GeorgiaGuy]

I understand where you're coming from. As a single Christian myself, waiting can be difficult at times. I would like a wife, and yet, no matter how friendly or courteous I am to women, I get no takers. Furthermore, over the years, the numbers of single, never-been married women have dropped to very low levels.

 

[CrystalA_grl]

Well, I've prayed and thought it was answered, only to be dumped and hurt. I don't know how to answer this question because I don't think there is one. I got frustrated with God over this subject before. I've seen insane things in the church and one of them is relationship issues. I think there's more adultery in the church than in the world sometimes. Its worse because its in the Church where couples are supposed to love for life.

I don't think there is any time table. Maybe you will just know when you know, you know? I shouldn't say that because I thought I knew once, and I was wrong. It was one of my excuses to live in sin and party.

 

[klewlis]

Hey nooby, you are only 29! You haven't even hit the average age of marriage for males yet!

Yeah, I know it's awful to wait with no indication of what and when things will happen... but you have to remember that God has your absolute BEST interests in mind--he doesn't withold info to be cruel, but because it is actually better for you not to know right now... why, I don't know. It could be a number of things. Maybe he wants to teach you how to trust him fully. Maybe he is still preparing you for your girl. Maybe if you knew it would cause other problems, like you trying to bring things about instead of letting him do it. Maybe there is something you need to do first... who knows... all I know is that God loves you SO much and doesn't do anything maliciously... so it must be for your good!

I know that sounds cliche and I don't mean to minimize anything... cuz I've been there too (well I am still single; it just doesn't bother me as much as it used to). But we have to always keep hoping, asking, praying, trusting, and eventually it will all come clear.

 

[klewlis]

ps: I think your theme verse sums it up nicely

 

[Lexi]

I was just praying about this tonight. I wish I had some answers for you, but I don't. I'm here to talk to if you ever want to just rant though! I can commiserate with ya.

 

[fishstix]

13/14 years... Ok. So you've desired a wife since you were about 15 or 16. Out of how many of those years would you consider yourself to have actually been ready for a wife? I mean, someone may have wanted to get married since childhood - plenty of little girls are dreaming about their wedding by the time they are 9. But that doesn't mean that if they aren't married by 19 that they can really complain about having been waiting for over 10 years without having been provided with a spouse... That's a bit more extreme than your case, but really - how long have you really been ready for a wife; and are you really ready for one now? And even if you are ready, perhaps your future wife isn't ready for you yet. God knows what he's doing, even though we often don't. And His timing is a lot better than ours.

 

[Stanfi]

nooby,

You clearly have a strong desire to have someone? Have you ever considered why you want someone so badly? Is it to meet a deep emotional need, such as to be loved, accepted, or valued? Deep longing needs like this are ones that only God can fill. Another human being cannot possibly fill them. Perhaps you need to ask God for some deep inner healing, before you will be ready for someone in your life.

 

[klewlis]

nooby,

You clearly have a strong desire to have someone? Have you ever considered why you want someone so badly? Is it to meet a deep emotional need, such as to be loved, accepted, or valued? Deep longing needs like this are ones that only God can fill. Another human being cannot possibly fill them. Perhaps you need to ask God for some deep inner healing, before you will be ready for someone in your life.

This is sometimes the case. Even so, God created us for communion with other people as well, and it is a natural desire to want to be married. While it is true that a spouse alone cannot complete us, it is also true that God instituted marriage and gave us (most of us) a deep desire for that emotional, spiritual, and physical union. There is nothing inherently wrong with that desire, as long as we recognize the limits of human relationships and our need for God himself to complete us.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

one comment regarding the scripture about it being better to marry than to burn with desire. I believe that is referring to one already having a relationship and it's saying it is better to just hurry up and marry that person if you are burning with desire for them rather than to postone it. I could be wrong but that's the inturrupration I come away with.

As far as waiting for God to bring you the one to marry or seeking out the one to marry. I think all singles spend too much time trying to find that "right person" and not enough time trying to BECOME that "right person" for someone else. Spend your time living your life, serving God as best as you can as a single person. And ask God daily to grow you, stretch you, change and transform you further into the man of God he desires you to be. And if he desires for you to marry, which is very likely since you have such a strong desire for it(unless it is actually an unmet need that should be filled with God and u want to fill with a wife, as mrstace pointed out), God's timing is perfect. SOOOOOOOO many peoople get divorced these days who had absolutely no intention of ever separating from the person when they first got with them. I think way too many people rush into the wrong relationships with mr or ms. "Good Enough" rather than mr. or ms. "Right" I've been there myself. You are extremely blessed beyond what you will ever be able to comprehend as a single or even as a mortal while on this earth, by still being single. I know that it doesn't feel that way but that's because as humans we have very limited perspectives and viewpoints on things and we are very needy self-centred beings. It is hard to see beyond ourselves sometimes and look at the bigger picture.
It's hard when like myself you have a strong desire to get married; for me it's no longer what I can get out of it but simply put..I Want to serve a man of God and in doing so, learn to serve God better, and I want to Serve God better with the ministry I feel called to because I honestly feel that I would be able to soo much more as a couple than as a single in the areas I want to build ministry in. But for the timebeing, I am still going to do everything I can with the resources and people I have to do what I can to further my dream and not wait around for a husband to fill in the missing pieces. I just know the areas in which I lack so God is going to have to supply those parts I don't have because I trust that heis timing is so much more perfect than my own. And "only fools rush in"

Good luck with your journey. It all has a purpose even though you can't see it right now. That's what faith is for

 

[songz777]

Hiya my friend,
Im really glad to meet you (on paper) coz here is a guy (me) who has waited in faith for many years,well 19 so far. I know that I need a wife, Im not called to be single by nature. So I wait and wait, not in vain, because I have faith in Gods word. I have hope.
1. My God will supply my needs.
2. He will grant me my hearts desires.
3. Luke 18, goes on to say that even if God in your says no, if you persist, because it so important to you, He will answer you because of your tanacity.
God does not tell us how long to wait, whY Because He allows the pain to help us grow. He allows the pain to cause us to pray more. I know its hard, it hurts it sucks as they say in USA.
Asking God for timescales doesnt work..PLEASE DONT do it. I did it and was convinced that I would meet her on a set day, i rwally believed but it didnt happen, and it stumblled me. God could tell you, but it is a rare thing.
He says In acts 1 think that the SECRET things belong to God.
Try and trust Him and live each day as best you can for Him, rather than waiting around for it to happen (if you are) God will direct your paths and give you desires and leadings to a certain place at the right time.
I hope this helps brov...Your Brov JOHN

 

[Donny_B]

What happens when you have been persistent and prayed for well over a decade (13/14 years) and there is still NO answer.

Always pray "if it is thy will" or "thy will be done", and you will never be disappointed!

Realize that God knows what is best for us, and that "no" to our requests is sometimes the best answer.

Paul prayed 3 times for his thorn in the flesh to be removed, but God's grace was sufficient for him.

Some more words from Paul in I Corninthians 7 might also help:

27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;
31 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.

 

[nooby]

I have to say my jaw hit the ground when I read these all!!!

Not only helpful but also really encouraging!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

 

[nooby]

GeorgiaGuy, CrystalA_grl, Klewlis, Lexi, fishstix, mrstace, Beauty4Ashes, Song777 (John) and Donny B. I'd like to reply to you all individually but I wasn't sure how many quick replies are allowed.

 

[nooby]

13/14 years... Ok. So you've desired a wife since you were about 15 or 16. Out of how many of those years would you consider yourself to have actually been ready for a wife? I mean, someone may have wanted to get married since childhood - plenty of little girls are dreaming about their wedding by the time they are 9. But that doesn't mean that if they aren't married by 19 that they can really complain about having been waiting for over 10 years without having been provided with a spouse... That's a bit more extreme than your case, but really - how long have you really been ready for a wife; and are you really ready for one now? And even if you are ready, perhaps your future wife isn't ready for you yet. God knows what he's doing, even though we often don't. And His timing is a lot better than ours.

Thank you for your reply fishtix. I have to confess I did not have time to go into further detail - the post was a tad rushed (somewhat emotional to write aswell).

I will be 30 in July. So this started from when I was about 16 'and a bit' years old. ;-)

You are right. I don't think anyone is really ready for a wife/husband at that age. My 'hopes' were on a girl friend. ;-)

Its not to say that we shouldn't have marriage at the back of our minds when dating/ girl/boyfriend relationships (the majority of people nowadays are getting married later on in life - mid thirties or there abouts).

All this said - I do know a couple who met when they were 14 & 15 years of age. They were just very good friends and lived down the road from each other. They would walk home from school together. Naturally a very stable friendship developed overtime. They married when they were 18/19 years old. They (fairly) recently celebrated their Golden wedding anniversary. ;-)

The closest I have come to a 'girl friend' was seeing a girl (about 4/5years ago now) who was not yet a Christian for a couple of months. When I asked her to be my girl friend she said YES! 2 weeks later it stopped. Its not because we did not want to but because it was made very clear to us by God through the Church, friends and scripture that it was not right. She went on an Alpha course but felt that Christianity was not for her. :-( She is still one of my best friends. ;-)

 

[nooby]

ps: I think your theme verse sums it up nicely

Thank u! ;-)

 

[nooby]

one comment regarding the scripture about it being better to marry than to burn with desire. I believe that is referring to one already having a relationship and it's saying it is better to just hurry up and marry that person if you are burning with desire for them rather than to postone it. I could be wrong but that's the inturrupration I come away with.

As far as waiting for God to bring you the one to marry or seeking out the one to marry. I think all singles spend too much time trying to find that "right person" and not enough time trying to BECOME that "right person" for someone else. Spend your time living your life, serving God as best as you can as a single person. And ask God daily to grow you, stretch you, change and transform you further into the man of God he desires you to be. And if he desires for you to marry, which is very likely since you have such a strong desire for it(unless it is actually an unmet need that should be filled with God and u want to fill with a wife, as mrstace pointed out), God's timing is perfect. SOOOOOOOO many peoople get divorced these days who had absolutely no intention of ever separating from the person when they first got with them. I think way too many people rush into the wrong relationships with mr or ms. "Good Enough" rather than mr. or ms. "Right" I've been there myself. You are extremely blessed beyond what you will ever be able to comprehend as a single or even as a mortal while on this earth, by still being single. I know that it doesn't feel that way but that's because as humans we have very limited perspectives and viewpoints on things and we are very needy self-centred beings. It is hard to see beyond ourselves sometimes and look at the bigger picture.
It's hard when like myself you have a strong desire to get married; for me it's no longer what I can get out of it but simply put..I Want to serve a man of God and in doing so, learn to serve God better, and I want to Serve God better with the ministry I feel called to because I honestly feel that I would be able to soo much more as a couple than as a single in the areas I want to build ministry in. But for the timebeing, I am still going to do everything I can with the resources and people I have to do what I can to further my dream and not wait around for a husband to fill in the missing pieces. I just know the areas in which I lack so God is going to have to supply those parts I don't have because I trust that heis timing is so much more perfect than my own. And "only fools rush in"

Good luck with your journey. It all has a purpose even though you can't see it right now. That's what faith is for

(Not sure how to take single quotes)

I think all singles spend too much time trying to find that "right person" and not enough time trying to BECOME that "right person" for someone else. From Beauty4Ashes.

This is it in a nutshell!! ;-)

 

[nooby]

Is there a way of replying to people without a new 'nooby' post appearing.

I thought that text would appear underneath the particular post I was replying to.





Thanks,

Nooby.

 

[Mustaphile]

I've been in this position myself, so I would like to relate an issue that was important for me. This may well have nothing at all to do with your situation, so please don't think I am applying this judgement to you as a person. This is my story. This is what I was like and how I overcame my problem.

I had ideas in my head about what type of woman I wanted and it seemed to me that God always put the total opposite to what I desired in my path. I was a bit confused about this for a while until I started to look at whether I was simply coveting what other people have and seeking to emulate other peoples choices rather than making totally unique choices for myself. I was comparing what others had, and wondering why I could'nt have that. I also came to the conclusion that God wanted me to take a less shallow look at those who he placed in my path and start to appreciate the inner qualities regardless of the outward appearance. There are many women out there who are sitting around at home wondering about the same things that you are wondering about. The problem is that both sides are overlooking each other in preference for some other 'ideal person'. It's in your perception of the 'ideal person' that you limit your options. I often think it's because both sides are looking for something that is in line with what they perceive to be 'normal'. In seeking to be the 'right person' for some else, I think you need to contemplate the prejudices that people might be applying to you and search your heart as to whether you are applying the same prejudices to others. I have no idea whether any of this applies to you, but I thought it might be helpful to elaborate on how I came to terms with the my 'walk in the wilderness'.

If this has no application in your life then by all means ignore my post. If it has any application at all then consider this one issue.

If you are desiring for people to be more accepting of who you are as a person, over and above external appearance and personality quirks are you really justified in doing so if you cannot apply that same principle in the way you perceive others?

Start to examine how you perceive others. Think about what type of people you are attracted to and ask yourself why you are making that choice. Think about the people you are not attracted to and ask yourself whether you are being fair in your dismissal of them as a potential partner. If you perceive obstacles as to why you can't love particular people examine whether that is a deception of your mind, or a barrier you can learn to overcome.

Overcoming some of my own issues, I found I could love LOTS of people. Then it became a choice of showing some discretion about who I gave my heart to.

 

[fishstix]

All this said - I do know a couple who met when they were 14 & 15 years of age. They were just very good friends and lived down the road from each other. They would walk home from school together. Naturally a very stable friendship developed overtime. They married when they were 18/19 years old. They (fairly) recently celebrated their Golden wedding anniversary.

Yes, I know of a couple who met at about 14 or 15 and married at 19 or 20 as well. That's right for some people, but not for everyone. I also know of couples who met while in their late 30's or early 40's and got married then and are now busy having children. God has unique plans for everyone

Is there a way of replying to people without a new 'nooby' post appearing.

I thought that text would appear underneath the particular post I was replying to.





Thanks,

Nooby.

Yes. Instead of using the quick reply, click on the "quote" button on the post you are replying to. That will bring up another page with the other person's post quoted. If you want to reply to more than one post at the same time, you can copy that text, go back, hit "quote" on another post, and then paste the first quote in the reply box before or after the current one. Or you can paste the quotes into a word processor and then copy and paste from there. You can also use the "edit" button on your own posts in order to add to posts that you have already made.