Isolation...

[DavidPartay]

Anyone else feel like they're 'isolated' from the rest of the world?

My current situation is... All my friends who I would want to hang out with live 20 minute car drives away, I don't HAVE a car, and plus that sorta stuff is inconvenient... I am the only youth in my church above the age of 15, and my only close friend who lives locally is only holidays 3 states away for another few weeks... plus she doesn't really have time for me... so yeah, I'm kinda isolated. My closer friends try to spend time with me when they can, but that is maybe once a week at youth for a couple of hours. It's quite depressing, and it's been like this and worse for several years.

Anyone else in this sort of situation?

 

[wvmtnkid]

I kinda know what you are talking about. Most of my friends that are my age, all moved away after high school and college. I essentially had to make all new friends. And what was neat is that now I have friends of all different ages. I have friends older than me, some even 5,10, even 15 yearsolder, who have been a great influence on me. They are great to talk with because they have been through alot of what I am going through and can give excellent advice. I also have friends younger than me who are just plain fun to hang out with and in which I get to be the advice giver.

Maybe it's time to make some new friends? Would that be do-able in your situation?

 

[ZiSunka]

You live in a big city, don't you David?

When I moved to a smaller town, there were more people to be friends with, many of them single Christians.

 

[DavidPartay]

actually no, I live in a reasonably populated small town... But the thing is, just about everyone around here aren't Christians, and I don't want to socialise with non-Christians in the same way I would with Christians. I do try to make new friends, but it's hard to make friends with people who aren't there I go to two youth groups, the one at my church and the one at a church 30 minutes away, and I have a few friends there but everyone still lives unfair distances away which is quite annoying............ on the bright side my best friend is moving 5 minutes closer and will be on the way for me to pick her up for youth every friday so that's good but oh well

 

[thrive]

I feel like I'm in the same boat too. A lot of my friends either live far from me, or are unavailable most of the time because of work or school or whatever.

Do you work? I find that lately I've been becoming really close friends w/ the people I work w/. But, then, I do work at a Christian store. They're all ages. From 17 to 75. One of the people I'm closest to is 60! (I've learned so much from him. ) Don't limit yourself to people who are close to your same age. I used to worry that all my friends were younger than me (many of them still are, lol).

Remember, YOU choose your friends!
Don't wait for them to choose you.
I spent way too many years figuring that out.

 

[DavidPartay]

Ahh but the thing is I befriend people who I'm comfortable to befriend . There is a sound guy at my youth group (the bigger one) who is like in his 30s or something and I get along with him pretty well, and yeah... But for the most part I don't *really* have the ability to socialise with older people, except maybe like early 20s...

 

[thrive]

Ahh but the thing is I befriend people who I'm comfortable to befriend

Oh, I do too, but then, it's taken me over two years to finally be comfortable around most of these people. LOL!

But for the most part I don't *really* have the ability to socialise with older people, except maybe like early 20s...

*feels really old & thinks she should shut-up now*

:o

 

[wvmtnkid]

DavidPartay-I am curious as to why you don't believe you have the ability to socialize with older people? Not condemning, just wondering.

 

[Athlon4all]

DavidPartay-I am curious as to why you don't believe you have the ability to socialize with older people? Not condemning, just wondering.

Yea, I would ask the same ?. I socialize with adults much much better than teens my own age, and to be frank, I think that the supposed "need to have friends your own age" is really overrated. I do struggle with the desire to have teens my own age in fellowship, but the better wisdom tells me different.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Hey guys.
from 18 on the new game becomes "how many friends can you make before they all move away?"
It's weird, sad, and confusing. You do what you have to. That's why I'm here. When I was younger I decided to stop being shy. It made a difference.
You'll get through it. That's the good news. You'll get through it.

 

[dreamsdocometrue]

I've always felt isolated, till this year. If you lived near me, it would be simple for me to say "Come to the J-Zone at my church" , but you probly don't live near me, so I can't. My advice is gonna be that you should just interact with the people under 15 in your church. I'm 14 & I hang out with many seniors & IM with guys in college all the time. You never know when you're gonna relate to someone so different from you so well.

Just try that, it'll work, trust me. If it doesn't, I apologize in advance. C ya, & good luck.

 

[Lbiagm]

i hang out with guys and girls ranging from ages 12 to old men and women and get along fine.

 

[DavidPartay]

Ahh, well you see I prefer to be with people who I can relate to properly - people who are closer to my age tend to relate more to how I feel about stuff, and I feel more comfortable with those people. There are a few adults who I can sort of like just chat to about little things, but in general I couldn't hold a proper conversation with someone that much older than me for more than a couple of minutes.

And uhh... I would REALLY rather not 'socialize' with the kids at my church... they're... young, and immature, and quite bluntly, most of them are rather annoying . My friend (the same one I have an incredibly large crush on heh) is 21 and we get along pretty well, which is good, because she's close enough to that age where I feel comfortable to converse with.

 

[Talmid HaYarok]

I'm in a similar situation. I've moved to a place that I've been trying desperately to get out of ever since about a year ago. I've made no friends in the area (unusual for me). My closest friends are 3 hours away (and i don't own a car), so usually I just communicate with my friends on the internet.

From experience though it isn't that easy living close to most of my friends anymore. Most of them are married, and while I generally want to go out and have some fun every night... they want to get out of the house about once a month.    Nothing wrong about it, they're spending time with their families as they should.

I've also found the annoying tendency that it seems like most people in their mid 20s are homebodies anyways by nature and don't get out of their house much (compared to early 20s were people are out a lot more). Thats my experience, how about everyone else?

 

[Ruhama]

Heh. I have no life. I go to work, I come home and I talk to my (few) friends on the internet, only one of whom lives within driving distance (though I have no car and never see him anyway, lol!). I'm still stuck at home even though I'm 23, and so I can't invite anyone over my own house (long story).

So yes, I feel isolated. Very.

And as to the shyness thing - don't worry about it!  If you only want to socialize with certain types of people right now, that's OK!  Sometimes it's healthy to just have one or two friends even though surrounded by people.

And anyway when you're about age 20 your personality will undergo some big changes, so if that's not who you are now, it might be later - so don't sweat it.

I used to be a huuuuuge introvert till about my junior year in college. Only friends I had were the ones who came to me and befriended me. Then some odd switch flipped and I got pretty extroverted.   If someone wants to force themself out of shyness, by all means, go for it, it is a good challenge - though also painful.

my $0.02

 

[johnnyboy]

I think everyone can feel isolated from time to time. I am happy with just one close friend. But I still feel it sometimes. The best thing I found to do is to do something to take up your time. It can almost be anything. From studying, reading, playing, working.

 

[PastorJer]

I just thought I would resurrect something from the past and see what people have to say now...

I know that I have been feeling isolated from people my own age... it seems like the only people my age that are around where I am living are married... and while I get along with them fine and all I really wish there were some other single people my age around...

 

[JPPT1974]

Ever try finding a singles group at church?
I am with some of the best people around there
Because they are about my age
I know with what you are going through my friend
Really do but try to see if there's a single groud at your church.

 

[willcoach]

I'm feeling where ya from JPPT and PastorJer I still go to Unveiled in Augusta, GA when I'm not at Lifeway its cool and I'm trying to find more people my own age. You my friend take their advice and mine as well and do what is right prayin for ya!

 

[intricatic]

I intentionally isolate myself, aside from school, Church and my family. I prefer it a lot more than back when I was hanging out with all sorts of nutty people. I find I can more easily be the person I want [and, not by coincidence, who God wants me to be] when I don't have all sorts of people expecting me to live up to their standards, being annoyed about certain things I do/say, etc...