Is Virginity Overrated?

[72_Chev_Truck]

TheHumanHighLightReel..... I suggest reading 3 books by Josh Harris. I kissed dating goodbye, Boy meets girl, and Not even a hint. if these books dont stir your heart to change your ways after reading what the bible has to say then you may just end up living a sexually immoral lifestyle the rest of your life. heres the link to the Josh Harris 3 pack. http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product/132880794?item_no=523746&netp_id=310669&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW


I also suggest reading Every Mans Battle by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker. I only suggest this if you are willing to change the way you think. Heres the link, http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product/132880794?item_no=63682&netp_id=205693&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW vbmenu_register("postmenu_1603468", true);

 

[Newsboy1900]

Im only saying this once more, ok? I dont run around sleeping with every girl that will have me. Ive slept with 2 girls. That ive loved. Immensely. I thought it was right, and i was, our relationship prospered. Feeling that close to someone was the best ever. That is why i dont feel guilt. That is why i continue to hold true my beliefs.

i know i have said this before on other posts but just because you feel somethen is right dont make it right

 

[TheHumanHighLightReel]

I didn't mean to come across harsh. I rereading what I wrote, it may sound like I'm coming down hard on you. I'm not. I wish you the best for your life. But I do get dismayed when people make choices that seem to me to be only in their short-term, not long-term best interests. And for this experience, there's really no turning back.

I do hope you have a happy life with one woman some day. It's the greatest!

I understand youre not coming down on me, and like i said, i appreciate all your guys' input. But right now, until i hear something that completely changes my mind, i think sex with someone you love is ok. I do agree with you that it does take away the complete intimacy from future wife, but i just dont see myself marrying a virgin woman. They are few and incredibly too far between. And in case youre thinking this, im not doing what i do out of spite of my future wife, im not a moron, ha,

 

[TheHumanHighLightReel]

TheHumanHighLightReel..... I suggest reading 3 books by Josh Harris. I kissed dating goodbye, Boy meets girl, and Not even a hint. if these books dont stir your heart to change your ways after reading what the bible has to say then you may just end up living a sexually immoral lifestyle the rest of your life. heres the link to the Josh Harris 3 pack. http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product/132880794?item_no=523746&netp_id=310669&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW


I also suggest reading Every Mans Battle by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker. I only suggest this if you are willing to change the way you think. Heres the link, http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product/132880794?item_no=63682&netp_id=205693&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW vbmenu_register("postmenu_1603468", true);

ill check those out, thanks.

 

[Bookman]

Let me ask you this then:

If you don't expect to marry a virgin, are you then not looking for godly wife...a woman who loves God with all her heart and who is committed to Him as Lord? Because if that's the kind of woman you want--and they do make the best wives--she probably WILL be a virgin and she'll expect the man she marries to be also.

If the women you meet aren't virgins, you need to look elsewhere. I really do think--if you're a Christian--you need to seek God with all your heart and ask for a godly mate--and then WAIT until she comes along. But if godliness isn't important to you in a mate, then forget what I've said.

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

Let me ask you this then:

If you don't expect to marry a virgin, are you then not looking for godly wife...a woman who loves God with all her heart and who is committed to Him as Lord? Because if that's the kind of woman you want--and they do make the best wives--she probably WILL be a virgin and she'll expect the man she marries to be also.

If the women you meet aren't virgins, you need to look elsewhere. I really do think--if you're a Christian--you need to seek God with all your heart and ask for a godly mate--and then WAIT until she comes along. But if godliness isn't important to you in a mate, then forget what I've said.

Right on the money! the keyword is IF

 

[Caedmon]

Sexual history shouldnt matter and doesnt matter to me. Whether you like it or not, i think sex hits all of us. Some just sooner than later, and how fair is it to judge someone on something like virginity? So in my opinion, I think virginity is in fact way over rated.

Your thoughts???

I'll begin with a disclaimer: I do not condone premarital sex. (It's truly sad that I am forced to begin this post with such a statement, but it is a necessity for avoiding the misinterpretations spread by some posters.)

But even though I disagree with you on that point, I do appreciate a portion of what you're saying. For some Christian groups, physical virginity has been lifted onto such a high pedestal, that some of them will not even consider marrying a Christian that has had sex before. They believe that this previous sexual experience has somehow tainted this person irrevocably, and that somehow, sex with this person(within the bonds of matrimony even!) will never be as special as it would have been had they waited. I view this as an implicit scorning of repentant Christians that have committed sexual sins in the past. In some Christian circles, these people have been spurned as contemporary lepers.(esp. those that have been pregnant) I believe that we need to start living by the spirit of the law, and not the letter.

 

[Caedmon]

Hmmm... I'm not quite sure how to phrase this, but basically the bible says that when a couple get's married, the two become one flesh. How does this happen? Through sex.

I would say through Sacrament, JIMHO.

That's why God does not want sex outside of marriage.

I'm more inclined to say that God doesn't want us to have sex outside of marriage because sex makes babies, and babies need a stable environment in which to be raised. Of course, I don't believe that procreation is the only reason for marriage, but it is the center, again, JIMHO.

 

[Caedmon]

I find it kind of sad for you that when you do fall in love with a woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, you can't share the exclusiveness of this most intimate experience two people can have. So right away, your relationship will be diminished.

Of course there's restoration for those who want a fresh start in life through repentance

These statements contradict each other. In the first, you claim that he cannot experience "the exclusiveness of this most intimate experience," using no qualifiers. And yet in the second, you claim that repentant Christians can attain "restoration." So which statement is true?

 

[catch22]

I think casual sex outside of marriage is one of the most disgusting things in our society today. I know that for me, I'm waiting until I'm married no matter what. I only want to be with one woman for my entire life, and I know that's what God wants for me....and all of us too. Virginity is certainly not overrated. To think otherwise is an attempt to rationalize sin.

 

[Caedmon]

If you don't expect to marry a virgin, are you then not looking for godly wife...

So are women who have made sexual mistakes in the past not "godly"?

she'll expect the man she marries to be also.

What if he isn't, and she finds out the night before the wedding?

If the women you meet aren't virgins, you need to look elsewhere.

How does one determine this: ask potential women whether or not they've had sex?

I really do think--if you're a Christian--you need to seek God with all your heart and ask for a godly mate--and then WAIT until she comes along.

I concur.

 

[fishstix]

I think keeping virginity until marriage is extremely important for both men and women. One reason that I think it is important is because someone who has had sex before marriage would probably be more likely to be ok with having sex with people other than his/her spouse after marriage. In my opinion, sex before marriage is somewhat like cheating on one's spouse ahead of time.

 

[Bookman]

Fishstix is right.

Think of it this way: If you're a man having sex outside of marriage, you're basically having sex with some other man's future wife.

And Caedmon, no, a person's mistakes can certainly be forgiven, but the original poster isn't speaking of people who repent. He wants to continue having sex with women before he marries one. A godly single woman will either be a virgin or a non-virgin who has deeply repented of her sin and is now celibate until marriage.

These are not the women, apparently, that TheHumanHighLightReel is meeting. That's why I asked him whether is real goal is that of a godly woman. I don't think it is.

 

[LifeInYou]

i think sex with someone you love is ok.

Here is the discrepency. 'With someone you love...' Loving someone is a choice you make after much of the passion has simmered down (this passion I will refer to as the 'Eros' type of love) Initially you are attracted to someone, the 'spark' is there, you think you love them (and it may in fact be true) but during those first passionate encounters your thoughts are clouded by 'conquering' or getting what you're after. *IF* the 'love' exists after you've gotten what you're after, it will grow, change, and hopefully mature. It is a commitment. True love ideally should, and can last forever. Now you've said you've 'loved' a handful of people, correct? Why are you not still with any of your past lovers? Is it because you did not *choose* to commit, you did not *choose* to love them after the sparks died down? Love is an act. One of the best actions of love is to *DO* the right thing for our partner even if we don't *feel* like doing it (because we realize it is in their best interest). Now, you've had sex with several females who, when you look back now, you realize you do not love them *anymore*. Not because they are not worthy of being loved, but because you did not *choose* to stick around. (Correct me if this is not true) So, *did* you really love them? I'm not convinced at this point but, I'm open to changing my mind. So (for now) I will assume that you had sex with a handful of females that you did not love. Sex is the ultimate act of intimacy and it IS designed to be enjoyed within marraige. I had more to say about this but others have already conveyed my thoughts. The element of sex that I enjoy thinking about the most is that, the same level of intimacy it allows to people to experience is something that can also be experienced between each one of us and God.

 

[jenptcfan]

Here is the discrepency. 'With someone you love...' Loving someone is a choice you make after much of the passion has simmered down (this passion I will refer to as the 'Eros' type of love) Initially you are attracted to someone, the 'spark' is there, you think you love them (and it may in fact be true) but during those first passionate encounters your thoughts are clouded by 'conquering' or getting what you're after. *IF* the 'love' exists after you've gotten what you're after, it will grow, change, and hopefully mature. It is a commitment. True love ideally should, and can last forever. Now you've said you've 'loved' a handful of people, correct? Why are you not still with any of your past lovers? Is it because you did not *choose* to commit, you did not *choose* to love them after the sparks died down? Love is an act. One of the best actions of love is to *DO* the right thing for our partner even if we don't *feel* like doing it (because we realize it is in their best interest). Now, you've had sex with several females who, when you look back now, you realize you do not love them *anymore*. Not because they are not worthy of being loved, but because you did not *choose* to stick around. (Correct me if this is not true) So, *did* you really love them? I'm not convinced at this point but, I'm open to changing my mind. So (for now) I will assume that you had sex with a handful of females that you did not love. Sex is the ultimate act of intimacy and it IS designed to be enjoyed within marraige. I had more to say about this but others have already conveyed my thoughts. The element of sex that I enjoy thinking about the most is that, the same level of intimacy it allows to people to experience is something that can also be experienced between each one of us and God.

Reminds me of a quote that's stuck with me (I'll look up who said it later and give credit where credit is due)
"Love is not an emotion, it is a commitment to act in the best interests of another. "

 

[goodgirl]

LifeInYou, that was a great post! In fact, one of the best arguments in favor of abstention that I've seen.

As for the O.P.'s question, I have sometimes wondered the same thing, although I've never come up with a good enough reason NOT to abstain to warrant losing my virginity. There seems to be a lack of earnest thought on both sides of the matter, and a lot of hissing and spitting when the subject is brought up at all; and I think that's one reason for the rampant casual sex these days -- failure of everyone to take the matter seriously ( in the sense of being willing to really consider all sides of the issue).

To me the strongest arguments in favor of abstention are the fact that it puts God squarely in charge of my love life -- in the sense that God has to provide for me the intimacy, comfort, security, joy and love that I naturally crave. By allowing that to happen, I both deepen my relationship with Him and set up a constant reminder of what an ideal relationship is like. As a woman who didn't have a good relationship with her father, I think that's a good idea. So for my purposes, the virginity thing works very well. It also, frankly, demands that whoever I marry be a pretty deeply devoted Christian himself. I could care less if my husband turns out to be a virgin or not, but I can pretty well guarantee that no fool other than a Christian would put up with a girl who won't put out.

I hope that helps...

 

[Caedmon]

Fishstix is right.

Think of it this way: If you're a man having sex outside of marriage, you're basically having sex with some other man's future wife.

And Caedmon, no, a person's mistakes can certainly be forgiven, but the original poster isn't speaking of people who repent. He wants to continue having sex with women before he marries one. A godly single woman will either be a virgin or a non-virgin who has deeply repented of her sin and is now celibate until marriage.

These are not the women, apparently, that TheHumanHighLightReel is meeting. That's why I asked him whether is real goal is that of a godly woman. I don't think it is.

Would you please respond to each individual question that I asked regarding your statements, Bookman? Thanks.

 

[Bookman]

Caedmon,

So are women who have made sexual mistakes in the past not "godly"?

I answered this one already. A godly single woman is either a virgin or a non-virgin who has realized her sin and repented of it and has chosen celibacy until God brings her a lifemate and they're married.

What if he isn't, and she finds out the night before the wedding?

If he hasn't been honest with her until the night before the wedding, they've got deeper problems than his lack of virginity. Namely his lack of honesty. Why would a godly man confess something like this the night before the wedding?

How does one determine this: ask potential women whether or not they've had sex?

No, of course not. But as you first become friends with a potential mate, you do begin to learn about one another. At some point as the relationship deepens, this will come up. And if one of the partners isn't a virgin, hopefully they've come to repentence and realize how they've shortchanged the other partner.

Remember this: marriage is wonderful and protective fence around sexuality to make it MORE special. God invented sex. But when we have multiple partners, we're really messing up our own changes for marital happiness. Of course that's not true for all who have been sexually active before marriage, but it does make for a poor start for most couples.

Sex with one life partner allows a deeper level of intimacy than if either partner has been intimate with numerous others.

 

[catch22]

I can't believe there's actually a debate over this

 

[iambigdog]

believe it catch 22, i think it is overrated, an experienced partner would make for way more fun on your wedding night