OK, back to the topic (instead of arguing about whether holo is a Christian or not...only God truly knows his heart- not us...)
Sometimes I wonder why this is a topic that sooooooo many people deal with. Probably almost every single person in this world deals with this at some time in their life (I know EVERYONE may not, but most people do).
And I wonder why. Out of all the other things we look at as sin....alcoholism, adultery, murder, etc.......this is the one thing most people deal with and have a hard time overcoming. Why? I mean, I know many people who have no problem saying no to alcohol, they aren't even tempted to even try it. So why is this something that many people struggle with and feel deep shame and guilt over if they do it? Say they haven't done it for months, then 'oops' one day they slip up, and then feel horrible and guilty.
God made us sexual beings. He made sex to feel good. Look at very young children, toddlers. Most parents will tell you that at very young ages, children touch themselves. I have two boys, and it seemed like that's all they did! Everytime you looked at them, their hand was there. They don't do it because they are having sexual thoughts, but because it feels good.
And, as parents, we tell them, "stop doing that! that's nasty!" or something to that effect. So, kids get the idea that it's dirty and nasty, even though, it's a very natural thing for kids to do. As I said, they are not having sexual thoughts, they do it only because it feels good.
Soooo, as they grow up and learn more about their bodies, and sex, they still hold the thought that 'it's dirty'. They are told it's wrong to lust (which I agree, the Bible says we aren't to lust). But, as stated we ARE created as sexual beings, but we feel we have to suppress our sexual feelings, thoughts, if we aren't married. We aren't "supposed" to have those feelings if we aren't married.
Could this be one reason so many people struggle with it and feel guilty about it? Because we are taught from a very young age that it's 'dirty'.
This was something that I struggled with a lot from a very young age. I always felt guilty about it. I even struggled with it after being married.
I then started reading different viewpoints on it (from Christians), and realized maybe it's not the big huge bad sin so many say it is. Once I started looking at it differently, it lost it's hold on me. I wasn't tempted anymore by it.
Anyway, just some thoughts.
"And I wonder why. Out of all the other things we look at as sin....alcoholism, adultery, murder, etc.......this is the one thing most people deal with and have a hard time overcoming. Why?"
My guess would be because it feels good and doesn't harm another person in the short-term, so therefore it must be okay. Because isn't that how we judge whether or not an action is good? By whether or not it will hurt someone else? If we think what we do won't directly hurt someone, we do it.
"I mean, I know many people who have no problem saying no to alcohol, they aren't even tempted to even try it. So why is this something that many people struggle with and feel deep shame and guilt over if they do it?"
Guilt and shame can come from a number of places, but I think the biggest problem here is the mixed message the world sends to us on this issue. On the one hand we're told by psychologists and sex therapists and other people in those types of fields that it's okay and healthy to touch. Yet on the other hand if people around you find out you're doing this, you're automatically classified as some loser who can't get a girlfriend or a hook-up for a night and have to take matters into your own hands. The message that there is clearly something wrong with you, what people hear most loudly in this situation.
"Say they haven't done it for months, then 'oops' one day they slip up, and then feel horrible and guilty.
God made us sexual beings. He made sex to feel good. Look at very young children, toddlers. Most parents will tell you that at very young ages, children touch themselves. I have two boys, and it seemed like that's all they did!"
I think there's a difference between a young toddler touching himself and a grown man or a teenager touching himself. The difference being the toddler hasn't been taught anything about it, he just knows it feels good. He hasn't been taught that it's either right or wrong. He hasn't been taught that that is something you do in private. A teenager and a grown-man should know those things. If the Christian feels horrible and guilty about this or any other activity, they should repent and and then in the future abstain, by whatever means necessary from committing the act again. If that means therapy, or self-help books or seminars so be it. If it means being in constant prayer or getting an accountability partner do that as well. But none of that can or will happen unless a person feels that what they're doing is shameful in the first place. If you feel no shame for what you've done, there is no reason to change what you're doing.
We can't force shame upon other people, that's a feeling they feel from their conscience. Deep down inside, they know what they have done is wrong. Now they can try to ignore that and go on with their activity, but when someone says "hey that's wrong", we're not shaming them or giving them a feeling, when they hear that their conscience kicks in and lets them know that what they have done is wrong.
"Everytime you looked at them, their hand was there. They don't do it because they are having sexual thoughts, but because it feels good."
At that age, it's all they know, I agree.
"And, as parents, we tell them, "stop doing that! that's nasty!" or something to that effect. So, kids get the idea that it's dirty and nasty, even though, it's a very natural thing for kids to do."
That's where parents kinda fall short in my opinion, they should also tell the child why that's bad to do. Most parents never do, because they do whatever they can to avoid talking about sex with their children.
"As I said, they are not having sexual thoughts, they do it only because it feels good.
Soooo, as they grow up and learn more about their bodies, and sex, they still hold the thought that 'it's dirty'. They are told it's wrong to lust (which I agree, the Bible says we aren't to lust). But, as stated we ARE created as sexual beings, but we feel we have to suppress our sexual feelings, thoughts, if we aren't married. We are "supposed" to have those feelings if we aren't married."
Yes you can have the feelings, but how you act upon those feelings says a lot about you. Just because you have a feeling doesn't mean you have to act upon it. There is pleasure in self-denial as well. To know that you are in control or your urges and your urges aren't in control of you, is very satisfying and empowering.
"Could this be one reason so many people struggle with it and feel guilty about it? Because we are taught from a very young age that it's 'dirty'."
It could be. But as I said before I think if we explained why it's dirty and why it's bad to do, people might grow up and have a healthy understanding of why it's bad. I don't think most people have that now. I think right now it's like you've been saying, they've only been told it's bad, but not why it's bad. Parents tend to teach their kids the same things they were taught. The kids parents probably heard the same thing growing up, that it's bad, but not why it was bad. So the adults are probably just as confused as the kids are.
But the thing about masturbation is, all people still associate it with being bad. The people that do touch always do it in private, behind a locked door and turn on the tv to muffle their cries of ecstasy. They still try to hide it. Why? If it's as okay as alot of people would like us to think it is, why not do it out in the living room, or somewhere less isolated, where someone might see you? If it's really okay, no one should have a problem with it. So what if your wife or husband comes home and sees you pleasuring yourself. There's nothing wrong wtih it right? But there's the rub. How will your actions affect them? Might they think that they're not satisfying you or your needs in some way? If you're not married, how about if your boyfriend or girlfriend caught you doing that? How would they feel? Once you've been caught doing it, you feel shame and are immediately sorry and apologize to the person who caught you. Why? Because you instantly know that you've now done something that has hurt another person. So it's no longer okay. So ask yourself this, are you sorry for your actions or just sorry that you got caught?
"This was something that I struggled with a lot from a very young age. I always felt guilty about it. I even struggled with it after being married.
I then started reading different viewpoints on it (from Christians), and realized maybe it's not the big huge bad sin so many say it is. Once I started looking at it differently, it lost it's hold on me. I was tempted anymore by it.
Anyway, just some thoughts."
Thank you for shaing. You've asked some great questions.
