Is this rude?

[bliz]

I understand what both Bliz and someone else are saying, but......

From my understanding and my feelings, my husband is supposed to be the spiritual head of our household, if I am made to feel uncomfortable or unsupported when I am at church, how is that leading me? That is leaving me out there on my own.

...out there on your own? In your Sunday School class?? You must go to church with some very frightening people for you to feel abandoned in such a situation. If this was one of the first few weeks there, OK, but if this is their regular church, I don't see it. Does the spiritual head role have limits - he can function effectivly as your spiritual head within 15 feet of you but loses power when you are further apart?

Now, I don't think this is a serious issue, but obviously the seating arrangements are not the usual or she wouldn't be upset by them. My husband even noticed from her post that something was not right. It may not be an issue for some people, but obviously for her it is. It was something that wasn't in the normal routine, the normal routine was broken and her feelings were hurt, and in church no less. This is an issue.

Clearly there are other things wrong in the marriage. His sitting next to her is not likely to fix them.

 

[Yitzchak]

I am praying for you and your husband about this...... hang in there...You are not wrong for how you feel. My feelings would be hurt also if my spouse didn't want to sit next to me. Just be patient and it will probably work out just fine over time.

 

[Gwenyfur]

I think this is a situation that requires both of you to *communicate*. It may be a good idea for both of you to find a time that is convenient to sit down and openly/honestly discuss your feelings. However, to gain his ear, you will need to approach him in a way that doesn't put him on the defensive. Instead of saying *you* statements like..."YOU did this and it's rude". A better way of phrasing it would be, "Honey, I know you love me and you know sometimes I can be too sensitive about things...but when you sat in the furthest chair away from me at church the other day, I felt hurt and neglected because there was another chair closer." Then see what his response is. Hopefully his response will be something like, "Oh I'm sorry dear. I didn't know there was another chair closer or I had ___ on my mind and wasn't thinking,". Or if he gets angry and starts hollering and degrading you, then it may require some marital counseling to deal with whatever hidden anger issues he has.

I don't know your husband so I have to be objective and give him the benefit of the doubt here. I think (in general) people don't wake up every morning with the intention to hurt others. Sometimes people just do things without realizing how it negatively impacts someone else. I know with especially men, men tend to have a lot on their minds and are not wired as *sensitive* as women are. Sometimes it's just a matter of bringing something to their attention.

Well Said!

My DH does similar things. I play the piano at our church, and often I find myself on my own fending my way to our car....He's already run off left and is waiting in the car, while I'm juggling the kids, Bibles, music and we won't mention the socializing that happens on the way from the piano at the front of the church, to the door that's out the back LOL

I've just had to accept over time that he's not comfortable in crowds, and even though he's well liked and the other men in the church talk to him, it seems they're not as long winded as we females are **in general**

But if it is hurting your feeling or making you feel less than important to him, then by all means sit down and have a talk, don't use the words "you" or "I" and be sure to phrase it in a loving way

I'll be p raying for you

 

[isaiah5213]

I tend to agree with the other ladies. My husband often doesn't realize that I would much rather have him at my side, he looks at these situations as opportunities to branch out and get to know other people...where as I see them as a chance for us to spend tiem with God and each other!

that's exactly what goes on w/me and my hubby.. but, i like to talk to people, and when he is done talking to one or two people, he is ready to go NOW. my husband insists we sit together, and that is great w/me, because my first marriage, my first husband did the same thing your husband does, and when i talked to him about it, he admitted that he just didn't want to touch me. imagine the hurt that talk brought out! yikes!

find out if he did it intentionally, the sitting away from you. and find out why, if he did. make sure it is not personal. if it is not, and he just isn't thinking, then gently tell him, that it is a personal thing w/you. it is important to you. don't try to put "bad ideas" on him (example: you did it on purpose. you didn't want to be seen w/me. you are repulsed by the touch of me, blah blah blah) if he says the worse case scenario, then pray about it and fast.

about the walking and talking to others. agree before you get to church, that you both get 15 minutes to talk to others before you start seeking each other out. find women to talk to.

maybe you should wait for your husband to sit first,then you sit next to him, or if he does that again, stand up and move to the seat next to him. follow his lead. maybe it is only that in the seat he was gonna sit next to you in, the sun was shining too much on his face, or he was sitting under a vent or something.

when my now husband and i were dating, he had to practice where to sit. i want to sit across from him. if it can't happen, and we are on a double, i am way too uncomfortable w/sitting across from the double's male date! yikes! and my husband doesn't even think about it! until i pointed out why. now he checks real close!