Is this OCD?

[Tweek]

I've had OCD all my life, and after recently getting over a lot of the worst of my OCD rituals and thoughts, I think something new has started to occur. It's kind've an old habit but it's gotten bad recently. Sometimes it makes me think I'm stupid, but what happens is when it comes to very important things I get extremely indecisive. I can't make a decision about something until I've thought and thought about it constantly. And then the decision I end up making actually ends up being the wrong one. And I should know better than this... I don't think I'm idiot and just can't understand anything, but I wonder why I mull over what should be instantaneous decisions at places like work, or at college, or just whenever. Even buying groceries. It's especially bad at work.... I don't have the confidence to make my own decisions. I feel like if I can understand why I'm doing this, I can overcome it. I think most of the time I'm afraid that what I'll do will be the wrong choice, but what I end up doing usually IS the wrong choice. I don't know why this is occuring... or how to stop it. Has anyone here ever experienced anything like that or have some advice? I really need some help!

 

[RachelZ]

Hi Tweek...sorry you're struggling with this. Just wanted to say that yes I can relate to the indecision thing. I can get really bamboozled by what brand of toothpaste to buy and sometimes just little decisions can feel like really big ones. The anxiety that accompanies it makes it even harder to just make a choice and yes I think like you there's the need to make the right choices...I get really worried about choosing something wrong. Hope others can add to what I've said and that at the very least you'll feel less alone with this. I'm not 100% sure but I think it's possibly to do with the more pure O form of OCD but I guess any general anxiety could affect it as well but I'm no expert...take care and hope and pray you get the help you're looking for and need...Rachel

 

[PilgrimsProgress]

Hi Tweak! Yes, I have definitely had many times of second guessing my decisions!

One thing however, is very important to me, and while I know second guessing things is indeed an OCD issue, I really feel like the Lord wants me to say this, because with Him, we DO have this promise, even when we DO second guess....When I do pray in the morning, and give my life to the Lord for the day, and ask for direction... I can know that He hears my prayers and will lead me, even oftentimes when I don't even completely realize it, I can still work on resting in this promise... (Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.)

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."

 

[Tweek]

At this point in my life I really just feel like I have no direction...... My indecisiveness was at its apex today when I was at work, and someone urged me to let management know that I was interested in a management position that had opened up. I did so, but then shortly thereafter let the same manager know that I wasn't sure. He then told me that the position had basically already been decided upon. They had done interviews and everything, within a few days of the position's opening, and I hadn't even known.... My entire shift it seems (third), myself included, had been completely passed by. I came home feeling like I just wasn't capable of anything. I just feel so low. I feel like I'm not cut out for management, even though I've had an ambition to be a manager for some time now where I work (walmart). And then I'm going to college, have been for over a year, and I have no direction there, either. I've taken some drafting classes and thought about getting a degree in CAD, but started taking a CAD class (a more advanced one, I had already taken two), but it was too hard and I dropped it, so now I'm just taking an easy math class. I really don't even feel like I'm cut out for drafting, either....... And I'm 27 and still single. No friends, never been in a serious relationship, and all the girls I ever date just want to have sex and then never talk to me again, which I can't stand. I just have no direction in my life. The way girls treat me has crushed my self-esteem, and it has only gotten lower with me feeling like I'm not capable of having any kind've career because I'm just not good at anything. I feel like all I can do with my life is work and work, and hopefully save up enough money to retire one day. And that's it. Single, alone, forever. My parents will pass away one day, and I'll eventually not even be talking to my sister and nephew anymore. And those are the only people I really have. I have a couple of friends I hang out with rarely and that's it. No one else. I just ask myself sometimes, why? Is there something wrong with me? Obviously on one likes me. There's something about me that people just don't find appealing, and I get that vibe from everyone I meet. And my indecisiveness and lack of talent for anything whatsoever makes me feel like I'm just incapable of accomplishing anything in life, except for being on the Internet for hours at a time or reading novels constantly..... I just feel like my life has hit a brick wall, and I'm slowly being dragged backwards. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like my life is empty and meaningless.

 

[forgiveable]

I've been there before..
When my self esteem was so low and I was kind of in a funky state of mind. I was going to college too and have had a similar time in my life. I ended up leaving college and for me that was the best decision at the time but I constantly think back to it now and wish I had just tried some different classes. When my sister came to me asking what she should do while in college.. She didn't know what she really wanted to do or be . I suggested that she go shadow someone for a day that had a job that she was interested in. She decided to go to a local hospital and watch a surgery on a shoulder and from then on she knew what she wanted to do so she switched colleges and started going to one that had courses for a surgical tech. She is now the highest paid surgical tech in her hospital and she is studying to become an RN. All because she went to watch someone doing something she thought she might enjoy doing for a living. As far as Walmart..
maybe the timing is not right. There might be something better that God has in mind for you.
When you feel like your at the bottom of the barrel the only way out is up.
I hop ethis is helpful.. ~Brandi

 

[gracealone]

Hey Tweek,
Well for starters, I like you already. So you can add at least one person to your list of people that like you.
I do think anxiety disorders and OCD can cause us to over examine every decision we have to make. There is real anxiety that we won't be making the right one and continual checking and re-checking of our decisions. I also think we examine our relationships, people' s reactions to us, what we said, what we did, how we acted - just all sorts of hyper scrupulous stuff because we want certainty that we are doing things right and that people will like us.
I often have a very hard time moving forward with decisions for fear that I'll do the wrong thing. It can feel paralyzing.
I guess the only thing I've discovered is that I just have to go ahead, make a decision and take the risk that it might be the wrong one. If it's wrong then I can learn something from it. I can move on. That's a good thing.
Your life is meaningful. The intrinsic desire in your heart for your life to be meaningful means that it is meant to be that way. How can one be thirsty if there's no such thing as water? Right now you've come to a place where you've found people that relate to your struggles and want to reach out to you with love and support. You've opened up in a very meaningful way about your pain and heartache. That took courage and courage is an admirable virtue.
Hope you'll come back and let us know how you're doing.
I'm praying for you.
Mitzi

At this point in my life I really just feel like I have no direction...... My indecisiveness was at its apex today when I was at work, and someone urged me to let management know that I was interested in a management position that had opened up. I did so, but then shortly thereafter let the same manager know that I wasn't sure. He then told me that the position had basically already been decided upon. They had done interviews and everything, within a few days of the position's opening, and I hadn't even known.... My entire shift it seems (third), myself included, had been completely passed by. I came home feeling like I just wasn't capable of anything. I just feel so low. I feel like I'm not cut out for management, even though I've had an ambition to be a manager for some time now where I work (walmart). And then I'm going to college, have been for over a year, and I have no direction there, either. I've taken some drafting classes and thought about getting a degree in CAD, but started taking a CAD class (a more advanced one, I had already taken two), but it was too hard and I dropped it, so now I'm just taking an easy math class. I really don't even feel like I'm cut out for drafting, either....... And I'm 27 and still single. No friends, never been in a serious relationship, and all the girls I ever date just want to have sex and then never talk to me again, which I can't stand. I just have no direction in my life. The way girls treat me has crushed my self-esteem, and it has only gotten lower with me feeling like I'm not capable of having any kind've career because I'm just not good at anything. I feel like all I can do with my life is work and work, and hopefully save up enough money to retire one day. And that's it. Single, alone, forever. My parents will pass away one day, and I'll eventually not even be talking to my sister and nephew anymore. And those are the only people I really have. I have a couple of friends I hang out with rarely and that's it. No one else. I just ask myself sometimes, why? Is there something wrong with me? Obviously on one likes me. There's something about me that people just don't find appealing, and I get that vibe from everyone I meet. And my indecisiveness and lack of talent for anything whatsoever makes me feel like I'm just incapable of accomplishing anything in life, except for being on the Internet for hours at a time or reading novels constantly..... I just feel like my life has hit a brick wall, and I'm slowly being dragged backwards. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like my life is empty and meaningless.

 

[Yuki Usagi]

I've had OCD all my life, and after recently getting over a lot of the worst of my OCD rituals and thoughts, I think something new has started to occur. It's kind've an old habit but it's gotten bad recently. Sometimes it makes me think I'm stupid, but what happens is when it comes to very important things I get extremely indecisive. I can't make a decision about something until I've thought and thought about it constantly. And then the decision I end up making actually ends up being the wrong one. And I should know better than this... I don't think I'm idiot and just can't understand anything, but I wonder why I mull over what should be instantaneous decisions at places like work, or at college, or just whenever. Even buying groceries. It's especially bad at work.... I don't have the confidence to make my own decisions. I feel like if I can understand why I'm doing this, I can overcome it. I think most of the time I'm afraid that what I'll do will be the wrong choice, but what I end up doing usually IS the wrong choice. I don't know why this is occuring... or how to stop it. Has anyone here ever experienced anything like that or have some advice? I really need some help!

Yes, I'm like that 90% of the time. I am like "Pilgrims Progress" in that I pray that whatever happens will be His will... and I remind myself of this scripture:

James 1:6-8 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man [is] unstable in all his ways.

When I remember that scripture I just think to myself, "What is it you really want?" because I think my problem is from being told I was wrong all my life and like you... so much of the time it does end up with results that I didn't want, but now I'm kinder to myself and say, "Well, mistakes are how we learn, and I won't do it that way the next time."

People get really impatient with me and annoyed with my indecision sometimes, so I concentrate on focusing on my own mind and the Lord and ignoring them or worrying about what they think. If they are normal, they don't understand. And I remind myself to just accept that that's how I am sometimes and tell myself that they'll get over it--eventually. It does help me.

Don't know if this helps you, but like the others here have shown, at the very least you aren't alone. I will pray for you that it gets better.

 

[PilgrimsProgress]

Hi again Tweek,

I just read your post... please hang in there, I have definitely felt like you have... I too never felt like I was cut out for anything... I never ever felt like I belonged anywhere, like I ever fit in (I'm not saying that is how you feel, but I can relate to so much of what you wrote...) I went to a little bit of college, and just felt so out of place, and could never picture myself ever getting good enough at anything that I could ever have a job in it... I finally did go to graphic design school, but even then I really never felt like I could ever be a "real" graphic designer... now I'm a stay at home mom, but I'm really loving it...

So please, don't ever feel alone, or like you are the only one feeling this way... I agree with Mitzi, it's not easy to open up, and you were very courageous to open up....

I have a question, and I pray that I'm not out of line here.... If I am, please let me know, I will respect that....I did read your bio "about me" page... are you now seeking a relationship with Jesus?

I can honestly say that Jesus is healing me (He still working on me and healing me from these things), but He is real and He really is healing me from that horrible empty aimless feeling that I used to feel... I know that He is the only One who knows me inside and out, and He loves me so perfectly and completely, even though sometimes those old empty feelings try to come back sometimes...

So again Tweek, I really hope that I wasn't getting too personal asking you that...

Laura

 

[Tweek]

Thanks for the replies, and help.... I've never experienced such stress before. Over the last few days I've been doing whatever I can to keep my mental health intact. I think I just need to learn better ways to deal with tough situations other than mulling over decisions for hours until I arrive at one, and in turn building up a huge headache in the back of my head. I don't know why I do that, I just need to learn how to stop. I am horrible at making decisions because I'm afraid of what will happen if it's the wrong one... I just think there's a lot of things I need to work on with my personality.


Pilgrims- I'm an atheist, but I was raised a Christian. Although in my mind I don't believe in God, there are times when I'm stressed out like this that I fall back into my old ways, and I pray. I can't say that I haven't prayed a few times in the last week. I just feel horrible. When I'm at my weakest I think I'm more open to religion... I used to study Taoism and sometimes I think about that, too. Thank you guys so much for the replies.... Christianity is just a blessing on this planet and it wouldn't be what it is if people like you guys didn't exist. I know I can always go to a Christian friend of mine for support if I'm down in the gutters.