I have an obsession with sex and infidelity. To "relax" me and to calm my thoughts, I look at porn, do online searches concerning infidelity, even put myself into adulterous situations. I wonder how many men I or another adulterous wife would sleep with. This is how I manage my anxiety and how I cope. What are better ways in which to cope? Is this normal for someone who has this problem with infidelity? Oh by the way, I am not married.
That is really an unusal thought pattern. I think!
I am interested in what you mean 'to relax' or 'manage your anxiety'. Do you mean your anxiety is sexual? Or do you mean just 'in general' anxiety to life?
I know that I have sat with women (I am a guy) and they are quite happy to chat about how exciting it would be to be 'taken' by man/men against their will. Well, not against their will, but they 'pretend to be submissive and without ability to say no'.
So, that may be similar to your thinking.
I think it comes down to you trying to have control of your thoughts and not your thoughts have control of you. It is ok to have thoughts. And a lot of people will say that Satan or demons can indeed put thoughts in people's minds. I dont mean possession or anything. But I can certainly see how a demon could have responsibility for putting thoughts in peoples' minds.
Now, that all said, you do NOT have to accept any thought that comes into your mind. But I think you already know that as you are wondering what other 'stress relief' is available - or better ways to cope.
Oh, I would not be too concerned with what is 'normal' or 'not normal' re thoughts. We all have some thoughts that are really 'out there'. Maybe you are thinking you obtain value or worth from thinking of the abilitiies and power you could have in having men fall for you. I only guess.
But, you understand, I think, that you can have power over these thoughts. To be honest I would tell God 'I know this thinking pattern is not beneficial for me; and I know you forgive me; but I just have it and I am sorry, but please, please help me out in this regard'.
Then, I think you need to listen a lot to what God may speak to you. And you need to really lean on Him for help.
When you find your husband in future, then he will be really happy that you are 100% for him - even in your thoughts. So you can start now, I guess.
I hope my ideas are not too dumb. I hope you realise how great you are the way God made you. And I hope you realise how you have control over your thinking. The thoughts that pop into your mind, should not control you.
Really, really, good luck!
