is this molestation?

[lostandlonely]

so i am pretty scared confessing this, but i need to know what this is. so since puberty i have been curious about guys bodies and stuff and like my school never taught it. so when i was 15 at summer school at a college i got into a bad situation. i went into a bathroom and used a stall next to an occupied one and there was a large hole in the wall, so i was curious as to what other guys' private parts looked like. i started masturbating and after a while the guy next to me stuck his finger in the hole and tried to get me to give myself to him. i was so scared i didnt kno what to do. i just froze for a while and somehow thought that he wasnt paying attention anymore. but he made comments and noises as i was stimulating myself until i finished. luckily there was no physical contact, but i did provide him with visual pleasure even though i didnt want to. i kno it was my fault i got into that i used the bathroom in the first place (i cant remember if i went in with the intention of seeing a body, or i realized i cud as i used the bathroom), i know its my fault i was too stupid and scared to leave. i remember i was so scared i didnt even feel anything physically when i was done. i left as soon as i could.

so like at this time i knew absolutely nothing about sexuality and i honestly didnt know that such places had those sinful uses. so im asking, is this event a molestation? or is it a punishment i deserved cause i was naive and curious? cause i didnt want that stranger to watch me, i didnt understand what was happening, and he was definitely an adult and he must have known i was a minor, as since like 80% of ppl on the campus at that time of year are like under age 16, and i wasnt very developed then either.

since then ive struggled so much with p&m i do it like 3-6 times everyday. and i struggle with homosexual thoughts while still being attracted to girls. i know already that i wont get married because no woman will want someone as disgusting as me, and like i know i am worth less than than the Godly brothers i live with now. i jsut dont understand why God let this happen to me, instead of like just making asexual or something since im not gonna be able to marry anyways. i dunno sometimes i wish that if God didnt like me that he wuldve just not let me be born in the first place, or just tell me straightup that im worthless. i dunno, can anyone answer my questions? and im really sorry if this was to graphic or something. im sorry if i cause someone to stumble, im probably going to hell as it is anyways.

 

[Akathist]

i know already that i wont get married because no woman will want someone as disgusting as me, and like i know i am worth less than than the Godly brothers i live with now. i jsut dont understand why God let this happen to me, instead of like just making asexual or something since im not gonna be able to marry anyways. i dunno sometimes i wish that if God didnt like me that he wuldve just not let me be born in the first place, or just tell me straightup that im worthless. i dunno, can anyone answer my questions? and im really sorry if this was to graphic or something. im sorry if i cause someone to stumble, im probably going to hell as it is anyways.

Dear young man, you are a loved child of God. It is hard to understand how bad things can happen but this kind of thing that happen to you is not because you are not loved and cherished by God.

Sometimes when talking with victims of sexual abuse, I tell them that I think that when they were being mistreated that there were angles crying all around them sent by God but unable to go against the Free Will of Man.

This event that occured says a lot more about that adult and his character then it does about you. He was the adult, you were the kid.

I don't think it is that odd that you were curious what other males looked like. I think that is a part of being a teenager.

I want to assure you that just because this thing happened it does not make you homosexual nor does it mean you are unworthy of love and a happy marriage someday. There are some male victims of abuse that get the idea that because a male person sexually abused them that means they must have some kind of homosexual aspects of them. I do not believe this is true and I have worked with a lot of men who were sexually abused as children and teens. The false belief is common but when the abuse is treated, they usually find that they were feeding on some of their inner conflicts and when they were resolved, they no longer had the same power over them.

I wish that you would find a local counselor to talk to in person. And don't hesitate to talk to a female counselor. I find that the men I work with find that since their offenders were men, they can talk more easily with me then a male counselor. (The issue is that that you need to find someone in person, in your community. I hope you can find a Christian Counselor too.)

Check out the settingcaptives free website. It has great material too.

 

[JohnathanM]

Great post by Xenia, there's nothing I could add.

Just remember that God loves you and so do we.

 

[Chrome]

i'm deciding to post in other forums all of a sudden before i leave...

anyway....

firstly, you shouldn't feel at shame, or fearful telling this to someone, know that this is a christian forum, and most people are here to help (though others are here to condemn, don't bother with them). No one's going to judge you or belittle you.

So here's my part:
I think everyone goes through a slight and breif phase where they are interested in seeing the same sex's body. I don't believe this is homo-sexual, as i feel this desire is rooted in our want to compare ourselves, a sort of 'i wonder if he's/she's the same like me?'. And it usually goes away, however, when the person is confused, or has the wrong idea about what is going on, then things take a downward spiral.

In your case, i believe, your feelings arose at the wrong time, at the wrong place. Its not your fault*, you didn't itend any of this to really happen. It was just natural feelings taking hold. You said youself that you were too scared to do anything, that's natural as well, many people in an overwhelming situation will do the same, nothing.

Its a life struggle, no more, life is an uphill battle, and you can't get down in the dumps when something seems so far out of reach, you have to look around and say 'hey, i can do this, if i really want it, i can do this'. And don't deny yourself that opportunity. Not everyone goes through what you are, but you don't go through what they do, so please don't act like because you haven't gotten out of your problem, that your somehow worthless or behind others. In fact, your ahead others in realizing that somthing's wrong at all.

And the bit about marriage, a truly loving woman will love you despite what you feel is disgusting and vile about yourself. Take me for instance, my girlfriend loves me even though i feel i'm not physically attractive enough for her. You're problems and past problems, won't be a factor for someone who truly loves you for who you really are.

As for blaming God, yes, he did allow this, but its no 'fault'. You're put in a rough situation, it doesn't mean that God doesn't love you, it means that he's trying to get you to realize how much he does.

Similar to how if someone is rich, always had money, never had to worry about hunger and poverty, suddenly experiences it, he will hate it, feel forsaken, and that he has nothing to live for. But he'll desire to want it back, and when he gets it back, even if its not exaclty the same, will have learned a vaulable lesson, that God's efforts to take care of you, should never be taken for granted.

*God won't stop loving you if you think its your fault, you're not damned to hell if you do something that is wrong in his eyes. No matter how great. If you truly accept Jesus as your savior, then there's no denying you heaven or God's love.

 

[kunfuzdchic]

Dear lostandlonely
I am praying for you.Please do not be so hard on yourself.God loves YOU so so very much.You are very very precious to Him.Take courage and fight for yourself.donot let these thoughts defeat you.know that God is with you in these moments. Please, try as Xenia Rose said, to get in touch with a counselor.I also highly recommend the Way of purity course in this site:www.settingcaptivesfree.com. It is very powerful because it is based on scripture.

 

[Aces High]

Just try your very best to not fall into traps and even if you do, confess and try again to never do it, God loves you and it makes him happy to see you try your best.

I remember i was in the public toilets at the railway station and i was at one of the stalls, the public urinal things not the closed ones, and so yea i was halfway done and then some random guy comes and stands next to the other urinal and then he starts looking at my... yea so i was just like wthell in my head, and i veered away from him a bit, i didnt say anything and just walked out calmly, so if it happens to you, ignore them and just walk out asap, that way you dont fall into any situations that you find too difficult to handle

 

[CeeBee]

Being curious, and truly being attracted to members of the same sex are two totally different things. I know plenty of "curious" ppl. at my school. I am homosexual, myself. I can tell u, trust me, they are two totally different things. If all curious teens were gay, then almost all teens would be! So don't worry about it. Do u still experience same sex attraction??

Also, there is no reason to be ashamed. He was the adult, u the "child", so to speak. It's not ur fault.

 

[bannaboat101]

so i am pretty scared confessing this, but i need to know what this is. so since puberty i have been curious about guys bodies and stuff and like my school never taught it. so when i was 15 at summer school at a college i got into a bad situation. i went into a bathroom and used a stall next to an occupied one and there was a large hole in the wall, so i was curious as to what other guys' private parts looked like. i started masturbating and after a while the guy next to me stuck his finger in the hole and tried to get me to give myself to him. i was so scared i didnt kno what to do. i just froze for a while and somehow thought that he wasnt paying attention anymore. but he made comments and noises as i was stimulating myself until i finished. luckily there was no physical contact, but i did provide him with visual pleasure even though i didnt want to. i kno it was my fault i got into that i used the bathroom in the first place (i cant remember if i went in with the intention of seeing a body, or i realized i cud as i used the bathroom), i know its my fault i was too stupid and scared to leave. i remember i was so scared i didnt even feel anything physically when i was done. i left as soon as i could.

so like at this time i knew absolutely nothing about sexuality and i honestly didnt know that such places had those sinful uses. so im asking, is this event a molestation? or is it a punishment i deserved cause i was naive and curious? cause i didnt want that stranger to watch me, i didnt understand what was happening, and he was definitely an adult and he must have known i was a minor, as since like 80% of ppl on the campus at that time of year are like under age 16, and i wasnt very developed then either.

since then ive struggled so much with p&m i do it like 3-6 times everyday. and i struggle with homosexual thoughts while still being attracted to girls. i know already that i wont get married because no woman will want someone as disgusting as me, and like i know i am worth less than than the Godly brothers i live with now. i jsut dont understand why God let this happen to me, instead of like just making asexual or something since im not gonna be able to marry anyways. i dunno sometimes i wish that if God didnt like me that he wuldve just not let me be born in the first place, or just tell me straightup that im worthless. i dunno, can anyone answer my questions? and im really sorry if this was to graphic or something. im sorry if i cause someone to stumble, im probably going to hell as it is anyways.

Well there isn't much that I can say here but let me share something with you. You have said that you think that God doesn't like you well let me tell you rebuke that right know that is a lie from Satan. See satan is trying to tell you that your worthless and that you can't do anything at all that is really a lie. This is why I know this is a lie. Look at my signature it says what love is in Corinthians. Gos says that is what love is, Love isn't worthless it is Hopeful, joyfull, all the Happy words that is said there. God loves you with his whole heart. Also don't think that you won't ever get married God will put the right woman in your life. I also want to say that those homosexual thoughts are evil. The reason I know all this is because I used to be exactly were you are. For three years I struggled and struggled and giving up and giving up but that is the worse thing you can ever do honestly it is. Like the lady above said go to setting captives free and take the door of hope I tell you this is the most alsome course on Earth it doesn't give you that pshyciatric crap but it shows/tells you what the bible does. I also need to say this don't try to change cause you want to be a normal guy do it for Gods Glory other words his will I tell you doing to glorify God and not yourselfe it will help you. Plus I do understand That I'm only 17 years old but I have to experience and if you need anyone to talk to like an accountability partner I will be hear for you.
God Bless You
Mike

 

[madison1101]

You are a victim of an adult abusing your innocence and naivete. I like what was said about the angels crying. I strongly encourage you to seek professional therapy or counseling, as you need help sorting this out and learning not to blame yourself.

I will pray for you to be able to find peace in your heart and mind as you work through this.

In Christ,
Trish

 

[Emmaleuk]

I really feel for you right now. Things like this can be really hard. Sometimes things happen and we feel like they are all our fault. we feel embarassed about them, and afraid to talk to others, and for years and years, we torment ourselves with the constant reminder of what has happened or what we have done, to the point of us not wanting to forgive ourselves.

God loves you. God doesn't love the sins that we commit, but he loves us so much that died for us and those sins. He wants to forgive you, and if you ask him he will. We don't need to let guilt eat away at us because we have been forgiven.

You made a comment about being worth less than others. I read a fantastic post on CF, I think it was under the daily devotionals section all about worth. Basically explained that a trampled, screwed up, filthy $20 note, was still worth just as much as a beautiful fresh, pure one. You are worth more than you could ever imagine ok? You are loved for the person you are. Just because you have had bad experiences, or you struggle with difficult addictions, does not mean that you are worth anything less than anyone else.

And as for saying that no one will ever want to marry you because "no woman will want someone as disgusting as me" look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are not disgusting, you are a beautiful creation. If it is God's will for your life, you will find a beautiful wife one day and have a very happy relationship with her.

God loves you. I know perhaps this is not how you feel right now, but he really does, and I bet there are plenty of people who love you too. You mustn't put yourself down though. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone goes through difficult situations.

You are in my prayers...please take time to pray...study Gods word and spend some time talking to him...he loves you, really

 

[sweetsoundz19]

Don't be angry with God, He does all things for a reason. Don't feel like you are worthless because God made us all in His image and therefore you are not worthless. What you need to do is seek God for deliverance from this thing that is holding you bondage. God did not make junk ok, if it's your desire to be married then seek God and He will give you the desires of your heart as long as you stay true to Him. Be Blessed and I will pray for you.

 

[MixtNick]

Hi,
I was looking through this forum as I have the same problems and with the help of God I am fighting back. This subject is a very sensative one, one that the church and most Pastors do not want to tackle. I will be praying for you and would like to offer you any support I can. Remember God loves you. The devil is a liar.

Stay blessed. Nick

 

[gloryseven]

so i am pretty scared confessing this, but i need to know what this is. so since puberty i have been curious about guys bodies and stuff and like my school never taught it. so when i was 15 at summer school at a college i got into a bad situation. i went into a bathroom and used a stall next to an occupied one and there was a large hole in the wall, so i was curious as to what other guys' private parts looked like. i started masturbating and after a while the guy next to me stuck his finger in the hole and tried to get me to give myself to him. i was so scared i didnt kno what to do. i just froze for a while and somehow thought that he wasnt paying attention anymore. but he made comments and noises as i was stimulating myself until i finished. luckily there was no physical contact, but i did provide him with visual pleasure even though i didnt want to. i kno it was my fault i got into that i used the bathroom in the first place (i cant remember if i went in with the intention of seeing a body, or i realized i cud as i used the bathroom), i know its my fault i was too stupid and scared to leave. i remember i was so scared i didnt even feel anything physically when i was done. i left as soon as i could.

so like at this time i knew absolutely nothing about sexuality and i honestly didnt know that such places had those sinful uses. so im asking, is this event a molestation? or is it a punishment i deserved cause i was naive and curious? cause i didnt want that stranger to watch me, i didnt understand what was happening, and he was definitely an adult and he must have known i was a minor, as since like 80% of ppl on the campus at that time of year are like under age 16, and i wasnt very developed then either.

since then ive struggled so much with p&m i do it like 3-6 times everyday. and i struggle with homosexual thoughts while still being attracted to girls. i know already that i wont get married because no woman will want someone as disgusting as me, and like i know i am worth less than than the Godly brothers i live with now. i jsut dont understand why God let this happen to me, instead of like just making asexual or something since im not gonna be able to marry anyways. i dunno sometimes i wish that if God didnt like me that he wuldve just not let me be born in the first place, or just tell me straightup that im worthless. i dunno, can anyone answer my questions? and im really sorry if this was to graphic or something. im sorry if i cause someone to stumble, im probably going to hell as it is anyways.

Hello, God says that our words have the power of life and death. He said that we are to choose blessing or cursing. He said that we will have to conquer the desires of the flesh by feeding our spirit man. Our spirit is suppose to be in the image of the Spirit of Jesus, the Holy Spirit. You must feed your spirit on the Word. The Word of God is alive and will give your spirit strength to overcome the flesh, but you must attend to the word, read it each day and give it time, make it a priority. Repent of the past, dont focus on the devil or his minor victory, focus on what Jesus says, He is the Way and Truth and the Light. Fill your eyes with Light and feed your spirit and the darkness will leave you. God should be guiding you into His will and dont think about your weakness. Use your words to create your future. What you are speaking IS creating your future. Believe it.

 

[Jeninoz]

I am a Christian woman.

I married a man that I know had been with transvestites in the past and I know that he still struggles with his own sexuality at times (as do so many people).

You are a wonderful creation of God. God doesn't make garbage. He loves you just the way you are, as will someone in the future.

God Bless You,

Jenni

 

[melville125]

Lostandlonely: you are not worthless and the confusion you are feeling isn't that unusual. When I was young I was touched by a man in a public toilet. I didn't invite it and I was scared, yet turned on at the same time. It is confusing, especially at that age when you're trying to work out your sexual identity.

I know where you're coming from and I want to let you know that there is hope. After many years battling against same-sex attractions, I have finally realised that they began with wanting emotional intimacy with other guys that I never had growing up. I needed good mates, not sex. I admired the good-looking popular guys and wanted to be like them, wanted them to like me and because this never worked out for real, I would fantasise. It became part of the masturbation habit that nearly all of us get into. Even after becoming a Christian, I couldn't kick the habit or the fantasies that went with it. Now I have some really good, close male friends I can share openly with and I have the acceptance and love from them I've always longed for and I don't look at them sexually.

If you can find someone you trust to share this stuff with, someone who won't condemn you'll really find it helps. Since I began to open up to my friends, our friendships have deepened and we can hold each other accountable before God and one another. Through doing this I gave up masturbation and porn 39 days ago 'cold turkey'. I feel so much more free.

I pray that God would lead you into that freedom too. Talking about this stuff is the first step. Don't despair mate!

 

[rocklife]

Dear LostandLonely, as a christian, I hope you are continuing in bible reading daily. Walkmen tapes are also helpful.

www.wayofthemaster.com has some great preachings, including touching on sexual things. If you go to the "Get Equipped" section, there are free preachings you can listen to. The preacher is not boring either. very informative and entertaining even.

I urge prayers and daily bible reading. Jesus can help you overcome and do whatever He sees is right. Fill your mind with good things, not wrong. And remember the greatest commandments, Love God with all your mind, soul, and strength, and Love your neighbor as yourself. Treat others right. God bless

 

[Firefly2002]

In my estimation, his actions do not constitute molestation (he didn't force you to do anything, nor was there any pressure, correct?); however, they certainly were not okay, or morally acceptable in any way, given your age.

And as for your friends being so much better than you, well, have you told them about your thoughts? If not, what are the odds they'd tell you about the things they're most embarrassed about? We all have our demons, so to speak. Just because you've got something that strikes you as terrible and unforgivable, doesn't mean you're worse than other people... especially given that they likely feel the same way about things that they keep secret.

 

[OldBob]

Lostandlonely,

My heart goes out to you for the anguish you've been suffering since this incident. Remember one of Job's statements when his friends told him he was a disgusting sinner and God didn't love him anymore: "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

You asked, "Is this molestation?" to which I say, Not in the usual sense; but in its effect on you (trauma) it is. The creep may have been a genuine pervert; or he may have been some college guy who saw what he thought was an opportunity for a little excitement. (Sick, yes; wrong/sinful, yes; but maybe he wasn't seriously interested in molesting boys.)

IN ANY CASE, what he did wasn't your fault. He is fully responsible for his own behavior. And virtually every guy is insecure about his "manhood" to the extent of wanting reassurance that he's "normal." Why do you think there are scientific studies of penis size? Curiosity is perfectly normal for all types of people. It has nothing to do with homosexuality.

I think one of the tragedies created by the "gay movement" is that it encourages the myth that homosexuality is genetically fixed and a certain percentage of the population "is gay." This leads a lot of young guys who, like you, experience normal curiosity, to suddenly think they must "be gay." WRONG-O. A "gay" is someone who has made a choice about his behavior, and has decided to transgress God's law.

(Christians need to reach out in compassion to them, try to show them the love of Christ. But we can't do that by condoning their sinful conduct--which is exactly the same as dealing with other sinners: adulterers, thieves, gluttons, "Pharisees," or whatever.)

Hang on, my brother!

 

[sunnydale]

no that wasn't molestation but you shouldn't have been in that situation anyway. my suggestion is to search online to learn more about the male body, if you're curious. no definitely find out more about sex, male and female bodies. it's important to know what's happening to your body. maybe talk to an adult that you really trust and ask them about these things.
hope that helps

 

[tapero]

This thread is now closed. Thank you.