No, it's not really getting off topic, Lourie. I feel for you, I really do. I know your history here frm what you've written in the past, a good bit of it anyway.
The bottom line is that some people are telling you it's ok to get a divorce. I completely disagree with that. Has the man cheated on you? Physically abandoned you? Beat you? I remember you saying in the past that you felt like you were the one with the problems that led to infidelity. He tried to be a good husband, but you had a tough time opening up to him and returning the feelings and his feeling for you died as well. That was several months ago, and he's probably changed becasue of all this too.
So, you feel empty inside. Unwanted. Unloved. Unable to look him in the face. As a guy who's been on the receiving end (my wife often felt the same as you), I've got to ask if you feel like you brought some of this on yourself by your own behavior and attitudes.
So you've got a choice to make. Assuming you want to stay in the boundaries of God's word, you can suck it up and stick with the marriage and lose hope for a fulfilling relationship. Or, you can make the decision to throw yourself into the marriage and give it everything you've got, and not back down. Guys do respond, but it takes time. And regardless of what you do, you need a change in your life to help you get out of this mental prison you've built for youreslf. What do you have a passion for that won't lead you away from your marriage? Art? Acting? Writing? A secret desire to work on classic cars? Go get involved in something.
To everyone else...There is always the option of divorce. But I challenge anyone to give me a good, solid scriptural reference to why a divorce is an option for a marriage that is just not working anymore. People have made it through far worse than what Lourie is going through and turned their marriages around. One day we will all stand and be judged for our words and how we encouraged others to do the right or wrong thing. It's not about legalism. It's about looking at God's divine word - which was given to us for a reason - and using that to form boundaries in our lives.
Lourie, I know you've given up. Don't. You're a smart woman, but you need to get up and get started on repairing your marriage. Start the hunt for a great counselor and stick with them. Surround yourself with good, solid friends that share your Christian faith. If you don't have any, pray for them and seek them out and God will deliver.
