Is this an example of "Gaslighting"

[moonkitty]

If you have not heard of gaslighting here is a link Gaslighting - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I didn't know what it was until recently.

My husband does this thing that drives me bonkers--there are times when he does not answer a question directly. Here are a couple of examples

Me "Will you be home around your usual time? (5:30pm) I want to know if I should have diner ready by 6pm or not"
Him: "I have to go to Patterson's office today" (He works for a company that provides computer service and repair to medical offices all over the state. They have over 300+ offices)
Me: pause...."Will you be home around 5:30?"
Him: "Yes! I just told you. I hate having to repeat myself with you."
Me: "No you only told me that you are going to Patterson's today. I don't know what that means."
Him: "I told you two months ago that Patterson is just up the street from our house. You should know that. You must drive by it every week."

So I'm suppose to know the location of every doctor in our large metro area, and know whether or not they are a client of the company he works for.

Another example:

A few weeks ago he said his mom was thinking about having us over at her time share on the beach for the weekend. But she wasn't sure which weekend it was, and would let him know. So by that Friday I needed to know whether or not to get the kids ready.
Me: "Are we going to your mother's this weekend?"
Him "Did she call you?"
Me: "No..."
Him: gives me blank look
Me: "So are we going to your mom's timeshare with her?"
Him: "Yes, if she didn't call you to cancel."
Me: "But last time I heard she wasn't sure of which weekend we were to come visit her...."
Him: "Well you should know that by now she wouldn't invite you and then cancel. She called me yesterday and told us to come up this weekend."
Me: "Then why was it too hard for you so simply answer yes, we are going this weekend?"
Him: "I did answer you, you just do not know how to communicate like a gown up."

Anyways I was sharing these sort of conversations with a friend of mine and he thought my hubby was gas lighting me. I think he's just being a bit of a twit. But I really do not understand why it is so hard to get information from him in the form of a direct question. Believe me, these are not the only examples I have by far. It seems like hardly a week can go by without us having some sort of conversation like that.

 

[Angeldove97]

We all speak differently- I don't think this is a guy thing, but it's just how some people answer questions (indirectly answering them).

If you have a question about your MIL, then go call your MIL and ask. Don't assume your husband has an answer. I also find that if my husband answers in the way your first example gave, that is an understanding there's no changes in plans, so the norm (which is 5:30) is what is going on.

But this is why I sometimes text my husband- he loves to get into the whole story about his day, why he might be late, all to tell me he's coming home at 5:30. I'll text him and just write 5:30 or 6:30? and he gets it lol

Really- don't feel bad about this

 

[WalksWithChrist]

There are a lot of those types of conversations at my house! I have learned not to get upset, just to carry on with a smile. We both do this and I don't think it's on purpose. I can say for myself, I have such a busy mind I really and truly can't keep track of what I've told to whom and when. My wife's thing is she phrases things in a very unusual fashion (I think it's a function of her being really smart as well as speaking two languages) and tends to give way too much backstory to most things she's telling me. So I'm left to parse out the chaff and translate her phrasing. And sometimes it makes me look like a jerk asking her to repeat herself three times.

I have a really bad habit of not mentioning something until it's almost too late. But I do take responsibility when I do this. I also tend to take things literally and not accept what I am hearing unless it is 100% clear to *me*, not the other person. This can cause problems!


Humor helps a lot in these situations.

 

[A New Dawn]

My husband constantly makes plans without asking me, or telling me, and so I feel like a goof when my MIL calls to set up arrangements and I have no idea what she is talking about. Or I make plans because I don't know he's already made plans and then I feel like a goof for not knowing he's already made plans. Sometimes these are spur-of-the-moment plans, so it isn't horrible, but when we have talked for a week or two prior about doing something and he says he's going to arrange it, and never tells me he's done it (and I don't continue to pester him so as not to be a nag), then when I think we aren't going to do it because he's not told me it's arranged, again, it makes me look like a goof.

I have to say that, unlike you, WWC, I can't let it just roll off my back. IMO, it shows little respect for me, and actually, with the frequency it happens, it makes me feel like he is doing it on purpose to make himself look big and responsible by making me look forgetful.

 

[athenken]

There is a running joke in my family where the people that are closest to an event or plan knows the least. Seriously, what this means is that the person who might be in charge of coordinating a trip/party/event assumes everyone they are in constant contact with, including those they live with, must already know what is going on, even though that person has not actually told them anything.

This is definitely a communication issue, it is also a pride issue where when the person who is at least partially involved in the planning of something expects those around them to know what is going on. This is the problem and needs to be addressed as lovingly and delicately as possible. What has to be understood is no one is a mind reader and they ask questions honestly because they are missing important information.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

There is a running joke in my family where the people that are closest to an event or plan knows the least. Seriously, what this means is that the person who might be in charge of coordinating a trip/party/event assumes everyone they are in constant contact with, including those they live with, must already know what is going on, even though that person has not actually told them anything.

This is definitely a communication issue, it is also a pride issue where when the person who is at least partially involved in the planning of something expects those around them to know what is going on. This is the problem and needs to be addressed as lovingly and delicately as possible. What has to be understood is no one is a mind reader and they ask questions honestly because they are missing important information.

That reminds me. I was asked to be a groomsman in my cousin's wedding coming up in November. I said yes. It's more than halfway thru August now. I haven't heard a single word as far as what I need to do, when I need to be somewhere...nothing. I'm tempted to just wait, but knowing my family they will assume I know everything and will get mad at me! My cousin wouldn't care, but his mom (my aunt) and my mom sure would.

One famous miscommunication took place on a family vacation where more than 10 of us rented a beach house for a week. No one really made any specific announcement about food. But my mom took charge and planned most of the meals (to be cooked onsite) and didn't leave many gaps for those that wanted to to eat out somewhere or simply eat something else...no, she didn't account at all for food allergies. She even brought deserts for everyone. My uncle and I still make jokes about her squished, stale blueberry bars.

So one afternoon we're all out touring and head to the house in separate cars. No word at all about dinner. So our car stops at a bbq joint and we order. I call my mom and ask if anyone wants anything. She gets hot and bothered right away telling me she's making lunch back at the house. I said, "well we just ordered and paid" and she got pretty upset.
And what happened? We get back to the house with the bbq (it was basically a party pack type thing) and people start diving into it like they were starving!!

And I, the person who had the idea to get the bbq and ordered and paid for it, barely got any. I got like one sandwich's worth. That sucked!
Yeah, I could have called first. But we were all pretty hungry and it was more than a 20 minute drive to the house. So that situation would have played out about the same either way I think.

Oh, and the Chocolate Pie Affair! That same weekend, on my way in (hadn't even gotten to the house yet) I had my aunt (the nice one! lol), uncle, and cousin in the car and had just picked them all up from the airport. My cousin (she wasn't quite 10) had to go to the bathroom. We were in the proverbial middle of nowhere and had to ask her to wait. We finally came upon a farmer's "stand" (it was more than that...not sure what to call it!) that looked promising. We asked where the restroom was. The farmer pointed and said, "head back to the chicken coop...and make a left". We all died laughing at that!

So we're there and they have all kinds of stuff. Fruits, veggies, coolers full of pies, sodas...heaven for me basically. I got two chocolate pies and took them back to the house. Of course my mom got in a tizzy right away. We left right after that to go to the store and pick up supplies. My uncle told me later that right after we left my mom actually ran around the house telling people not to eat the pie!

Gotta love family communications.


Oh, and my cousin brought a yippy dog and didn't tell anyone in advance. Oh, that was some drama right there. My dad almost mutinied.

Needless to say the next family vacation the following year was less well-attended.

 

[athenken]

That reminds me. I was asked to be a groomsman in my cousin's wedding coming up in November. I said yes. It's more than halfway thru August now. I haven't heard a single word as far as what I need to do, when I need to be somewhere...nothing. I'm tempted to just wait, but knowing my family they will assume I know everything and will get mad at me! My cousin wouldn't care, but his mom (my aunt) and my mom sure would.

One famous miscommunication took place on a family vacation where more than 10 of us rented a beach house for a week. No one really made any specific announcement about food. But my mom took charge and planned most of the meals (to be cooked onsite) and didn't leave many gaps for those that wanted to to eat out somewhere or simply eat something else...no, she didn't account at all for food allergies. She even brought deserts for everyone. My uncle and I still make jokes about her squished, stale blueberry bars.

So one afternoon we're all out touring and head to the house in separate cars. No word at all about dinner. So our car stops at a bbq joint and we order. I call my mom and ask if anyone wants anything. She gets hot and bothered right away telling me she's making lunch back at the house. I said, "well we just ordered and paid" and she got pretty upset.
And what happened? We get back to the house with the bbq (it was basically a party pack type thing) and people start diving into it like they were starving!!

And I, the person who had the idea to get the bbq and ordered and paid for it, barely got any. I got like one sandwich's worth. That sucked!
Yeah, I could have called first. But we were all pretty hungry and it was more than a 20 minute drive to the house. So that situation would have played out about the same either way I think.

Oh, and the Chocolate Pie Affair! That same weekend, on my way in (hadn't even gotten to the house yet) I had my aunt (the nice one! lol), uncle, and cousin in the car and had just picked them all up from the airport. My cousin (she wasn't quite 10) had to go to the bathroom. We were in the proverbial middle of nowhere and had to ask her to wait. We finally came upon a farmer's "stand" (it was more than that...not sure what to call it!) that looked promising. We asked where the restroom was. The farmer pointed and said, "head back to the chicken coop...and make a left". We all died laughing at that!

So we're there and they have all kinds of stuff. Fruits, veggies, coolers full of pies, sodas...heaven for me basically. I got two chocolate pies and took them back to the house. Of course my mom got in a tizzy right away. We left right after that to go to the store and pick up supplies. My uncle told me later that right after we left my mom actually ran around the house telling people not to eat the pie!

Gotta love family communications.


Oh, and my cousin brought a yippy dog and didn't tell anyone in advance. Oh, that was some drama right there. My dad almost mutinied.

Needless to say the next family vacation the following year was less well-attended.

Ok, you have to give us the ending to the wedding story, otherwise it's just not fair to bring it up.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

Ok, you have to give us the ending to the wedding story, otherwise it's just not fair to bring it up.

Ok, will do!


The one other detail I have (and this came from my cousin the same day he asked me) is that it will have a 1940s theme. Think Al Capone. My cousin, other cousin, and my brother are giant Star Wars/Star Trek fans. So I asked initially if it would be geek themed. He said no, his wife already vetoed anything like that.


Should be fun.

 

[athenken]

Ok, will do!


The one other detail I have (and this came from my cousin the same day he asked me) is that it will have a 1940s theme. Think Al Capone. My cousin, other cousin, and my brother are giant Star Wars/Star Trek fans. So I asked initially if it would be geek themed. He said no, his wife already vetoed anything like that.


Should be fun.

Ah, so the wedding is stilling coming? I think I missunderstood from your earlier post.

Will you be bringing your own tommygun?

 

[WalksWithChrist]

Ah, so the wedding is stilling coming? I think I missunderstood from your earlier post.

Will you be bringing your own tommygun?

Yes, the wedding is in November.

Tommygun? Oh my yes! I just need to find out if they are issuing me one (no really...my uncle collects guns and runs the armory in his police department...so he might have one for me) or if I need to bring my own. Regardless, I will be packing one.

It's the outfit I'm worried about.

 

[athenken]

Yes, the wedding is in November.

Tommygun? Oh my yes! I just need to find out if they are issuing me one (no really...my uncle collects guns and runs the armory in his police department...so he might have one for me) or if I need to bring my own. Regardless, I will be packing one.

It's the outfit I'm worried about.

Don't forget to put an orange tip on it so you don't have an "incident".

 

[Puptart]

Me: "Are we going to your mother's this weekend?"
Him "Did she call you?"
Me: "No..."
Him: gives me blank look
Me: "So are we going to your mom's timeshare with her?"
Him: "Yes, if she didn't call you to cancel."
Me: "But last time I heard she wasn't sure of which weekend we were to come visit her...."
Him: "Well you should know that by now she wouldn't invite you and then cancel. She called me yesterday and told us to come up this weekend."
Me: "Then why was it too hard for you so simply answer yes, we are going this weekend?"
Him: "I did answer you, you just do not know how to communicate like a gown up."

The bold part is the problem for me. This is a belittling statement designed to hurt your feelings.. it's not OK, not by a long shot.

From what very little is in your first post in those two examples, your husband appears to willfully avoid answering the question outright and instead tries to set you up for failure. Then he swoops in at the end of it to basically insult you. He talks around the point so that you have trouble understanding, and then comes in at the end to make it sound simple (which he could have done 5 minutes earlier when you asked the question) like you should have known the whole time, thus making you out to be an idiot...

I'd be livid. To me it comes across as a very egotistical move, one designed to make him feel superior by lowering you beneath him. It's sadly not uncommon, and it's not OK. That's all I can say.

 

[moonkitty]

The bold part is the problem for me. This is a belittling statement designed to hurt your feelings.. it's not OK, not by a long shot.

From what very little is in your first post in those two examples, your husband appears to willfully avoid answering the question outright and instead tries to set you up for failure. Then he swoops in at the end of it to basically insult you.

I'd be livid. That's all I can say.

That is what is bothering me the most. It is his reactions when I ask for more clarification and he acts like I'm being stupid. He gets so exasperated when I don't follow his logic, like this:

Me: "Do you want me to take the car to the car wash this weekend?"
Him: "I did it last week."
Me: "Well, do you want me to take it in again?"
Hiim: "I guess so since you're not listening to me."

Or

Me: "How much does this cost?"
Him: "About $300 more than the Vizo."
Me: "You didn't answer my question."
Him: "I did, you're just not paying attention. It's 300 dollars more."
Me: "But I don't know how much the Vizo is so I don't know how much."
Him: real smug like "Well that just isn't my problem"

It's like he gets a kick out of keeping me in the dark, but pretending to answer my questions and it is really, really starting to frustrate me. I'm getting to where I don't want to ask him anything at all.

 

[Puptart]

I edited my original post, sorry about that, it says all the same things plus a bit more.

It does seem like he gets a kick out of it, that's exactly how it struck me, like he thinks the conversation is a game to see how long you can go without getting an answer from him. It's so not OK.. but I don't have a lot of advice on how to go about bringing up the topic. It seems like if you brought it up to him he'd just brush it off as you being the problem.

What happens when you try to talk to him about the way he communicates and how it makes you feel?

 

[moonkitty]

We all speak differently- I don't think this is a guy thing, but it's just how some people answer questions (indirectly answering them).

If you have a question about your MIL, then go call your MIL and ask. Don't assume your husband has an answer. I also find that if my husband answers in the way your first example gave, that is an understanding there's no changes in plans, so the norm (which is 5:30) is what is going on.

But this is why I sometimes text my husband- he loves to get into the whole story about his day, why he might be late, all to tell me he's coming home at 5:30. I'll text him and just write 5:30 or 6:30? and he gets it lol

Really- don't feel bad about this

My MIL rarely if ever calls me, but she talks to her son about once a week. Usually if there is plans with her, she wont tell me, she tells him and expects him to tell me.

As for the time he gets home, he usually gets off at 5pm, but since he has to be at offices around the state he can come in as early as 5:30 if it is a local office or sometimes he wont come home at all if he has to be 200 miles away in Tallahassee. Some times he doesn't have to travel at all. Some times the office visits are planned and some times there are emergencies that come up where he has to go out on an office call at the last minute. It seems to be that about twice a week he comes home latter than 5:30.

You also seem to be focusing on just these two conversations, but like I said, he seems to pull some sort of indirect answer all the time now. Those two were just examples.

 

[MessianicMommy]

Gaslighting describes actions that 1) make another person believe he or she is crazy, and 2) discredit the person by making others think they are crazy. The term comes from the play and 1944 movie Gaslight starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In this movie, the Charles Boyer character, acts as a primary aggressor. What he does is to manipulate the gas light in the house randomly from the attic. When the Ingrid Bergman character, his wife, reports this, he responds as though her perception is wrong. Because she has no explanation and because his manner is confident, she begins to doubt herself. It is not necessary to deliberately manipulate the environment to gaslight another person (although this happens)

Gaslighting in Domestic Abuse

How do you know if you are being gaslighted?
If any of the following warning signs ring true, you may be being gaslighted. Take care of yourself by taking another look at your relationship, talking to a trusted friend; and begin to think about changing the dynamic of your relationship.

1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself.
2. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
6. You frequently make excuses for your spouse’s behaviour to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
14. You wonder if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/ wife/employee/friend/daughter.
15. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.

Is it possible over time to get so beaten down and so sure you might be at fault, that you can’t identify the dynamic? The answer is YES. The Gaslight Effect happens over time, and very gradually, so by the time you are deep into the Gaslight Effect you are not the same strong – or not so strong – self you used to be. In fact, your ego functioning has been compromised and, no longer being certain of your reality, you are not often able to accurately identify when something is “off” with your partner.

What is Gaslighting? - Marriage AdvocatesMarriage Advocates

How do you know Gaslighting is happening in your life? The list below comes from my experiences and from The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life by Robin Stern, Ph.D.
—

• You feel sabotaged but can’t explain it.
• You’re the one “needing” to apologize.
• You second guess yourself and feel a lot of draining confusion.
• You constantly feel like you have to prove yourself.
• You shoulder a lot of the blame in the relationship.
• Guilt follows you no matter what you do.
• It’s often implied you are inconsiderate, disrespectful, or too sensitive.
• You often defer to the other person’s take on a situation or matter.
• Life feels out of whack, but you can’t pinpoint the cause.
• As you think back, you remember being more carefree and confident.
• Lying seems easier to avoid drama or explanations.
• You feel you can’t defend yourself verbally or emotionally anymore.
• You find yourself accepting weird or bad behavior in the other person as normal.
• Confrontation with the other person has them offering a reasonable explanations and making you feel bad for questioning them.

Gaslighters feel so insecure, they are compelled to make you think they are right and get you to accept their version of reality, even if this shifts blame to you.

Gaslighting, is an abuser using this trap on you?

n its mildest forms, gaslighting is used to cover up white lies or to trick others into acquiescing to the wishes of the gaslighter. In its most severe forms, gaslighting is a continuous strategy that often erodes the self-esteem of its victims and leads them to question their own mental well-being. Gaslighting is used in all types of relationships.

Gaslighting is often used to cover up extramarital affairs. In the film Terms of Endearment, the character Emma Horton confronts her husband, Flap, whom she correctly suspects is having an affair. Flap uses his wife's third pregnancy in his attempt to gaslight her by saying, "You always get a little paranoid in your first few months."
Gaslighting is also used to deny other forms of abuse. After an incident of domestic violence, a man might deny the abuse by insisting that his wife doesn't remember the event correctly. He may claim that she attacked him first and that he merely defended himself.
Skilled gaslighters can use psychological jargon to create self-doubt in their partners.
​

Read more at Suite101: What is Gaslighting?: A Form of Emotional Abuse Not Easily Recognized

see also: The Effects of Gaslighting on Victims of Narcissistic Abuse :The Roadshow for Therapists

Honestly, it sounds more like withholding of information and then shaming behavior because he's not sharing what he knows and thinks he might have shared before. You are not a mind reader and may have to assert this fact.

 

[MessianicMommy]

Gaslighting describes actions that 1) make another person believe he or she is crazy, and 2) discredit the person by making others think they are crazy. The term comes from the play and 1944 movie Gaslight starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In this movie, the Charles Boyer character, acts as a primary aggressor. What he does is to manipulate the gas light in the house randomly from the attic. When the Ingrid Bergman character, his wife, reports this, he responds as though her perception is wrong. Because she has no explanation and because his manner is confident, she begins to doubt herself. It is not necessary to deliberately manipulate the environment to gaslight another person (although this happens)

Gaslighting in Domestic Abuse

How do you know if you are being gaslighted?
If any of the following warning signs ring true, you may be being gaslighted. Take care of yourself by taking another look at your relationship, talking to a trusted friend; and begin to think about changing the dynamic of your relationship.

1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself.
2. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
6. You frequently make excuses for your spouse’s behaviour to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
14. You wonder if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/ wife/employee/friend/daughter.
15. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.

Is it possible over time to get so beaten down and so sure you might be at fault, that you can’t identify the dynamic? The answer is YES. The Gaslight Effect happens over time, and very gradually, so by the time you are deep into the Gaslight Effect you are not the same strong – or not so strong – self you used to be. In fact, your ego functioning has been compromised and, no longer being certain of your reality, you are not often able to accurately identify when something is “off” with your partner.

What is Gaslighting? - Marriage AdvocatesMarriage Advocates

How do you know Gaslighting is happening in your life? The list below comes from my experiences and from The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life by Robin Stern, Ph.D.
—

• You feel sabotaged but can’t explain it.
• You’re the one “needing” to apologize.
• You second guess yourself and feel a lot of draining confusion.
• You constantly feel like you have to prove yourself.
• You shoulder a lot of the blame in the relationship.
• Guilt follows you no matter what you do.
• It’s often implied you are inconsiderate, disrespectful, or too sensitive.
• You often defer to the other person’s take on a situation or matter.
• Life feels out of whack, but you can’t pinpoint the cause.
• As you think back, you remember being more carefree and confident.
• Lying seems easier to avoid drama or explanations.
• You feel you can’t defend yourself verbally or emotionally anymore.
• You find yourself accepting weird or bad behavior in the other person as normal.
• Confrontation with the other person has them offering a reasonable explanations and making you feel bad for questioning them.

Gaslighters feel so insecure, they are compelled to make you think they are right and get you to accept their version of reality, even if this shifts blame to you.

Gaslighting, is an abuser using this trap on you?

n its mildest forms, gaslighting is used to cover up white lies or to trick others into acquiescing to the wishes of the gaslighter. In its most severe forms, gaslighting is a continuous strategy that often erodes the self-esteem of its victims and leads them to question their own mental well-being. Gaslighting is used in all types of relationships.

Gaslighting is often used to cover up extramarital affairs. In the film Terms of Endearment, the character Emma Horton confronts her husband, Flap, whom she correctly suspects is having an affair. Flap uses his wife's third pregnancy in his attempt to gaslight her by saying, "You always get a little paranoid in your first few months."
Gaslighting is also used to deny other forms of abuse. After an incident of domestic violence, a man might deny the abuse by insisting that his wife doesn't remember the event correctly. He may claim that she attacked him first and that he merely defended himself.
Skilled gaslighters can use psychological jargon to create self-doubt in their partners.
​

Read more at Suite101: What is Gaslighting?: A Form of Emotional Abuse Not Easily Recognized

see also: The Effects of Gaslighting on Victims of Narcissistic Abuse :The Roadshow for Therapists

Honestly, it sounds more like withholding of information and then shaming behavior because he's not sharing what he knows and thinks he might have shared before. You are not a mind reader and may have to assert this fact.

 

[seeingeyes]

Him: "I did answer you, you just do not know how to communicate like a grown up."

I would say to this: A grown up recognizes communication difficulties in others and responds accordingly with grace.

Go ahead and let him be 'better' than you, but make sure he keeps to his own standard.

 

[athenken]

At the very least he sounds like a bully and is using this behavior to gain some sort of power over you. Just know that this is not your fault, and do not allow him to make you feel stupid or inferior in any way.

 

[moonkitty]

Here is something that just happened. I get a text from him, no words just a pictures of a street sign in front of a building. It's small so I can not make out much more. So I text back that the image is small, what was it he wanted me to see. He text back it is the Seven Sea Resort in Daytona. I'm like, ok, why are you texting me this. He respons, just wanted to share.

His mom's time share is not in Daytona, he is in Daytona at least 2 or 3 times a month, he doesn't really even like Daytona, I rarely go there, it's not like it is all that far from us. I could see him texting me if he had to spend the night in Panama City. We have never been to the Seven Seas resort, it has no speical meaning for us, and it wasn't like there was something special in the picture like a cute doggie or a water spout or a shot of the ocean.

He just wants to share that he is in Daytona. Ok that is nice, but out of the blue? he never texts me unless he wants me to do something. I just do not know what to think about it.