Is this age difference acceptable?

[felix34]

Im a 17yr0mth male teen and im in love with this 20yr5mth girl.

What do other people make of this? now and in the long run, eg when in 21 and shes 24yrs5mths

Shes in University at the moment, doing the same course that i want to do. We literally have too much in common! The reason why i like her is because shes mature unlike the surfie girls at my school. For my age, my vocab and personality is much higher than its supposed to be.

My thoughts are mixed on this, there deffinetly is restricted tension on both sides, but i want to know whether there could be anything with this in the future? So i dont waste my energy now on a lost Crusade.

Thanks

P.S - Setting is Santa Fe, CA

 

[TieDye]

It's hard to say for sure without knowing both of you and the situation you're in, but I'll say from past personal experience that having one person in high school and one in college can be extremely difficult and hard to handle for most people. Even though you may be mature for your age, the two of you will be in two totally different realms - high school and college are very different, and it will make it hard for you to understand some of the things she's dealing with if you haven't been there yet. Especially if she's going to a state/secular school and not one with a religious affiliation - and even with some of those there will be partying and stuff that you may just not be able to comprehend . . . even if she isn't being irresponsible, at your point in life it may stress you out and cause you undue concern that could put a strain on your relationship.

Throw out some prayers about it, think it over, talk it over with her.

Also, I'm concerned that you say "in love with" . . . are you really in love with her, or just really, really like her? Love is a BIG word to be throwing around.

 

[felix34]

It's hard to say for sure without knowing both of you and the situation you're in, but I'll say from past personal experience that having one person in high school and one in college can be extremely difficult and hard to handle for most people. Even though you may be mature for your age, the two of you will be in two totally different realms - high school and college are very different, and it will make it hard for you to understand some of the things she's dealing with if you haven't been there yet. Especially if she's going to a state/secular school and not one with a religious affiliation - and even with some of those there will be partying and stuff that you may just not be able to comprehend . . . even if she isn't being irresponsible, at your point in life it may stress you out and cause you undue concern that could put a strain on your relationship.

Throw out some prayers about it, think it over, talk it over with her.

Also, I'm concerned that you say "in love with" . . . are you really in love with her, or just really, really like her? Love is a BIG word to be throwing around

Thanks for the input there,

Yea I think now its just worlds apart, 17 and 20... too large difference for any relationship at the moment. But what im wondering is whether in the long run,i.e; 21 and 24 there is a chance.

Yea i know, the L word is maaaasive! But i think i know it, because this is the first time ive met someone with the same personality and interests as me and because of that i feel a strong bond towards her, and i can see theres restricted feelings from her end aswell

 

[TieDye]

You're welcome. I get what you're saying about the future - but also remember that even at 21 and 24 there'll be worlds of difference between you again - you'll be in college and she'll be out and starting a new life and a career. For years you guys are going to be several steps away from each other.

If it's truly meant to work out, it will, whether you stress out about it or not. I hate to sound skeptical, but I just don't see a lot of those types of relationships work. Not that they never do, but it takes a lot of dedication to make them work.

Now, you say, "i can see theres restricted feelings from her end aswell" - you mean that you think she has some feelings for you she may be holding back? I don't think you should consider the future any further without talking to her about how she feels right now. You can't base all of this on how you feel and what you think without knowing exactly where she stands. She may not be interested in forming a long-term relationship with you, and is just interested in you casually, but may be uncomfortable with the age difference.

 

[Weasel7711]

Im a 17yr0mth male teen and im in love with this 20yr5mth girl.

What do other people make of this? now and in the long run, eg when in 21 and shes 24yrs5mths

Shes in University at the moment, doing the same course that i want to do. We literally have too much in common! The reason why i like her is because shes mature unlike the surfie girls at my school. For my age, my vocab and personality is much higher than its supposed to be.

My thoughts are mixed on this, there deffinetly is restricted tension on both sides, but i want to know whether there could be anything with this in the future? So i dont waste my energy now on a lost Crusade.

Thanks

P.S - Setting is Santa Fe, CA

Three years isn't all that bad. My girlfriend is 6.5 years older than I am. Normally this could be a problem since I am only 21 and haven't experienced much, but we find our maturity levels are about the same, we want the same out of life, and both of us are pretty responsible.

You should take into consideration life experiences for both of you. Three years isn't much so there shouldn't be much of a problem, but she might possibly have experienced different things than you and she may have different goals in life. Just pray about it, I don't see much wrong about it from what I hear so far.

That being said, I agree a lot with what TieDye is saying. These types of relationships take a lot of commitment and work to make them work. It will be challenging during the school years but if you were age 27 and she 30 it might be a little easier seeing both of you would probably be out of school and in a career.

 

[Sketcher]

The raw age gap isn't something I would have a problem with. The only problem I see is that you happen to be 17. That's one year under legal adulthood (not that you two are going to do anything inappropriate, but it will raise some eyebrows and possibly give her attention she won't want) and you haven't been to college yet. You'd honestly be surprised how much people can change their first semester of college - all kinds of new interests are discovered. I'm not saying this is a lost cause at all, but these are two things both of you ought to consider.

 

[Mling]

So long as there is no sex, then sure. Not that my opinion matters hugely in this regard, but I'd be most comfortable with it if the both of you were just thinking "We'll start something up once he/I get(s) to college."

Once you're both in the same life stage, simple age gaps mean a whole lot less.

 

[spr]

Because you are concerned that it might not be acceptable, I would say no. You would want to feel worthy of her even if someone on here said, not you too much of a boy for that woman, right? And so you need to be confident in yourself without anyones approval before you will be happy.

 

[brokenandbeautiful]

I think that could be an acceptable age difference, but it truly depends on your levels of maturity.

And yeah, probably a little too early to throw that "love" word out there. I suppose it's possible. I'm not you after all. Do you have a very strong friendship with this girl? What do you two talk about? Have you talked about faith, your hopes and dreams, your flaws? Do you enjoy making her happy above all else, or are you more concerned with how she makes YOU feel? Generally people don't love someone just because they're similar and they "feel" a bond. That's where love starts, sure, but love isn't just a feeling and common interests.

Anyway, if you do truly love her, I think the loving action would be to wait until you're more on the same "stage" of life to act on your feelings. You could discuss with her how you feel, and if she feels the same way, focus on developing a very strong friendship for a while, then discuss it again sometime in the future, maybe after you've graduated. That would be a very mature way to start a relationship and would probably transcend through any age difference!

God bless.

 

[uiucollegeguy]

I would say you guys should do what the person above me said. Sit down, and I would pray about it too. What do your parents think? Have you talked to them about it? They could probably give you some good advice, even better if they know the girl.

 

[kopilo]

Wait, a differnce of 4/5 years? meh that´s nothing, sure it´s acceptable.

 

[Krystina661]

Im a 17yr0mth male teen and im in love with this 20yr5mth girl.

What do other people make of this? now and in the long run, eg when in 21 and shes 24yrs5mths

Shes in University at the moment, doing the same course that i want to do. We literally have too much in common! The reason why i like her is because shes mature unlike the surfie girls at my school. For my age, my vocab and personality is much higher than its supposed to be.

My thoughts are mixed on this, there deffinetly is restricted tension on both sides, but i want to know whether there could be anything with this in the future? So i dont waste my energy now on a lost Crusade.

Thanks

P.S - Setting is Santa Fe, CA

I don't see any big deal about the age difference. As long as you two are happy together..

 

[CaliforniaJosiah]

My s/o and I are nearly 3 years apart, she older than I. We met when I was 16.

However, while that's a pretty significant difference at that age - and I don't deny was a factor - our "life situation" was the same. We were both sophs in college (where we met), we both are PK's (pastor's kids), and we both had and have amazingly similar values. Actually, our age difference didn't even come up for while until I was explaining my homeschool/college experience and she realized I must be younger than the typical soph and asked. I didn't "hide" it at all, it just never came up. She could not have cared less that I was 16, nor I that she was nearly 19. It was never an issue with our family or friends, either - as they came to know it.

 

[DreamboatAnnie]

17-20?

I don't see the problem really.

 

[Bubba1301]

I don't think the age gap is all that bad. I agree with the previous posters in saying pray about it and talk with parents and such... the one thing that I would caution you on is the potential legal problems with you being 17. There could be some problems with the law if anything were to happen between you two. Proceed with great prayer and caution.

 

[trichchic]

I think u need to wait till u are at least 18 to pursue this relationship. Love knows no age. if it is real it can wait.

 

[TieDye]

I don't think the issue is the age, so much (like I said already) - it's the different life stages that are the problem.

High school is drastically different from college; if both people are in college that's another story. It's just that to me, it doesn't sound like this has even gotten to a level where it's close to a relationship yet and needs to be discussed, in case her feelings are not the same.

 

[felix34]

First off, THANKYOU to everyone! For sharing their thoughts/expeiences and helping me out with this lil dilemna.

Ive decided to let it go at the moment and see how the future plays out. I cant see any relationship happening until im out of UNI and into a job, that way were in the same 'life stage'. And at that time, if were meant to be together... Whel be together

But yea... my $0.02 cents

 

[miss_klara]

My best friend is 21, her boyfriend is 18. They've been together nearly 4 years and have one of the strongest, most stable relationships I've ever seen. Yes, there was a TON of controversy when they got together... She was 17, he was 14. Sounds crazy, but things worked out incredibly for them. They were both freaking out beforehand, wondering what their parents would think, what other people would think... but everything fell into place. It was definitely a God thing.
Of course they've had struggles - he's only just of-age now, before she couldn't go out at night without him because he had school, he was a youth group kid so they couldn't be coupley at camps and stuff... Plus, they have very different groups of friends. Occasionally she will spend time with him and his friends, which she finds a little odd, seeing as they've all just graduated from high school and she's been working for the last 4 years. Similiarly, he finds it a little odd hanging out with us all, because he feels like a kid.
So there are adjustments to make, but looking at them.... I'd say it's worth it. Good luck with whatever you decide

 

[mebby02]

l don't really see a problem with that my best friend is dating a guy that is 18 she is 20 l don't see anything wrong with that. If you love her l would go for it don't worry what others thinks it matter what you and your girlfriend think not anyone else.