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is this a controlling person?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by mjk1988, Jul 7, 2020.

  1. mjk1988

    mjk1988 New Member

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    In Relationship
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    Last edited: Jul 8, 2020
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  2. tbstor

    tbstor Sifting through the unknowable.

    192
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    United States
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    I can't speak with 100% certainty on the situation, as I am not nearly as aware of the details as you are. However, I can relate to your boyfriend in having "experienced negative effects of alcohol from family members who had problems with it." Some people grow up seeing loved ones deteriorate from alcoholism. Or perhaps someone close to him became abusive when under the influence of alcohol. Regardless, I know that I always feel anxious and uncomfortable when I'm around people who drink (even if I generally trust the people).

    I would just encourage you to be mindful. He might genuinely feel uncomfortable when you drink. That is something he should work through, but that can take time.
     
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  3. A_Thinker

    A_Thinker Well-Known Member Supporter

    +6,085
    Christian
    Married
    My wife and I had a similar difference in experience with alcohol.

    Neither her family, nor mine, made a habit of drinking to excess, ... but she did have some uncles who had had major issues with alcoholism. Because of that, she preferred that we not drink ... and that we not have alcohol in the house. Also, she had two young sons who she preferred not to expose to alcohol.

    At that point, I made the decision to honor my future wife's wishes (alcohol not being a big part of my life anyway).

    These are the kind of things that couples compromise over. Sometimes we decide to do things her way, sometimes my way, sometimes some kind of compromise. The point is to do the best thing to sustain a good relationship.
     
  4. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla Well-Known Member Supporter

    +7,681
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    I think its important to be forthright about the things you enjoy before making a commitment. I like having a glass of wine and champagne and wouldn’t give them up. But I have no interest in drugs of any sort. I wouldn’t form an alliance with someone who felt differently.

    I won’t ask them to change. Compatibility matters more. Compromise has its place but you can’t change anyone. If you aren’t committed to abstaining it will be difficult to maintain.

    ~Bella
     
  5. Brightmoon

    Brightmoon Apes and humans are all in family Hominidae.

    +4,162
    United States
    Episcopalian
    Single
    US-Others
    He wants to make a decision for you that you’re not comfortable with him making . You need to let him know that YOURE the one who’s going to make up your mind about this . It’s not about the alcohol .Some men like to be controlling. If he does this too often about other things , then it’s a red flag .
     
  6. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +6,167
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    I personally enjoy alcohol in moderation, but I recognize it can be pretty serious and this is probably something that you two should compromise on, and stick to. My folks did that, and they're still together. They've fought about a number of things (all couples will), but that wasn't one of them that I knew about.
     
  7. DebbieJ

    DebbieJ Active Member

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    Italy
    Christian
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    CA-Greens
    Nothing wrong with enjoying alcoholic beverages once in awhile. Even if it's 12 cans of beer enjoying it with a long time friend who recently got married. I drink wine or beer maybe once a month if I feel like it. I avoid hard liquors.
     
  8. mjk1988

    mjk1988 New Member

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    Christian
    In Relationship
    Did your folks compromise on this topic or just compromising on things in general? I am trying to think of what compromise might look like in my case because I agree there should be compromise.
     
  9. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +6,167
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    They talk about a lot of things and come to agreements.
     
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