Is there something wrong?

[macspetra]

I've read a couple of the threads and it has got me thinking. People talk about going out on a date if you want to or don't if you don't want to. I believe that this is good advice - but it leaves me with a broken heart. I've never been on a date before. I would like to - I desperately want to get married. But right now it seems impossible or at least so far down the road that it can't be imagined. I've been watching the realtionships crumble within my family and know what I don't want in a relationship. I know that it all works in God's timing - I've read a really good book that talks about embracing who you are and enjoying your singleness before its too late. It's an amazing book.
All the truths seem so far away from my heart. My heart yearns for a physical touch - specifically arms holding me, just touching each other. I know that God is teaching me, but I don't want to learn anymore.
I guess my question is what's wrong with me that I can't take this head knowledge and put into my heart?

"Take it out of my hands and put it into my heart.
Take whatever I am and make me more like you are.
Help me to pray when I don't understand.
Oh, Lord. Take it out of my hands."

Why?

 

[cnhn9801]

Hi Mac,

I know what you're feeling. I'm 24 and haven't been on a real date either. For the most part I'm happy with where I am right now - but I definately have times of feeling like you do!! Anyway, I usually try to focus on other things in my life and not feel sorry for myself. I have wonderful friends and family and try to concentrate on what I have rather than what I am missing. I don't know if this helps . . . maybe try to focus on other things instead of your singleness?? I also often notice that I feel that way after spending too much time with lots of other couples. Find other things to occupy your time and energy. God knows the desires of your heart . . . trust and be patient. I'll be praying for you . . . .

 

[Living4Him03]

Well, when Adam was lonely God didnt' just say oh well too bad. He made Eve, and she wasn't just some girl. She was just right for Adam. God will lead you to someone who is right, not just a guy to hold. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Maybe God is protecting you from the heartbreak of some jerk? I know it's hard. I've been there. I know how it is to want to go on a date. It helps me to focus on serving others instead of focusing on myself, a friend of mine gave me that advice and I think it's some really good advice.

 

[swordsman]

macspetra... if this makes you feel any better. there have been 2 divorces in my family, and almost a 3rd. I'm single, 25 and not even CLOSE to getting married. I have my struggles with loneliness many times, thinking in the past that I need a girl. my parents (especially my mum) are praying that I get married ASAP. I am TERRIFIED to get married in the case that I'll make the 3rd divorce in my family, and i've had my bad experiences with ladies. plus i'm such a chicken about the idea...ufff!

However, I've been more happier when I do NOT look for any relationships, and when I just hang out with the guys. don't spend too much time with married couples, because that'll depress you, even though they might be nice. enjoy your singleness, because it can be quite fun. mostlikely you won't stay single forever, so breathe it in.

this might sound so pessimistic, but more problems arise when you do get married. some say that life gets harder when you're married, and situations become more complex. and also, I haven't been on a 1-1 date either...I don't think I have the guts to handle it . Obviously I can't give you advice on the dating thing, but enjoy your singleness...because it really is wonderful!

 

[klewlis]

God made it so that family and the Body of Christ can fill that void in the meantime. Draw on them!

 

[fishstix]

Always remember that ordinary friends can hug

 

[macspetra]

Maybe God is protecting you from the heartbreak of some jerk?

That is something that I have reminded myself alot. I would be one of those people who would get into a bad relationship and not want to leave. Using the same excuses that battered women use - it's my fault, he wouldn't do it if I did this, noone else will ever love me.

Thank you for all your encouragement.

 

[macspetra]

don't spend too much time with married couples, because that'll depress you, even though they might be nice. enjoy your singleness, because it can be quite fun.

Good advice - hard to do when you are at a Bible College and everyone around you is getting married Singleness is fun when you look at the fact that you can make your own schedule. You don't have to wait for the other person. I'm used to making plans that include my dog - you just can't take them everywhere. (I'm not saying a guy is like a dog) Just thinking about how sacrifices are made.
Life goes by fast and before you know it it's gone.
Feelings just don't know how to wait

Oh well - just goto learn to enjoy life now. Such as I'm going to Banff with some friends - never been there - never even saw the mountains! Should be fun. Problem is there are two couples out of the 8 going. Almost can't win for losing.

 

[macspetra]

Oh well - just goto learn to enjoy life now. Such as I'm going to Banff with some friends - never been there - never even saw the mountains! Should be fun. Problem is there are two couples out of the 8 going. Almost can't win for losing.

Got back from my trip and it was amazing!! It was so good to get out and enjoy the mountain air and see the majestic sights. It would have been nice to have a special someone to enjoy it with, but it also amazing to spend it with friends.
Rachel, my roommate from the summer, was great. We went with her family (who's from Taiwan and her mother doesn't speak english) and she made sure that I had a good time. WOw - do they ever love taking pictures. I'm not a fan of having my picture taken, but that didn't matter I was in the pictures anyways.
God is so good - when He brings people into your life to really bless you by being a part of your life. Good memories of good times are such a blessing.

 

[TriptychR]

Wow, that was a long trip. It must've been quite an experience!

And I know how you feel. God has a way of putting the right people in your life at the time you really need them.

 

[JPPT1974]

Hey I am 30 nearly and not even dating at all. So don't feel bad!! And plus I love being single. Because I love my freedom and independence. Plus if God wants me to marry, well it will happen in his own time.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Mac, I can well understand. Coming on 36, committed to the faith, and in a small church there are lots of echoes. And I understand as my parents get older and with my brother and sisters moving away that someday they will be gone. The real physical hugs and human contact make a world of difference. The years going by slowly stretch you more and more, particularly if you want to get married (personal testimony).

If you were in our church, you'd have hugs from the people there! Keep at it, though. You're not alone. Even being on the forum is a start.

A virtual cousin hug from a brother in Christ.

 

[macspetra]

Wow, that was a long trip. It must've been quite an experience!

And I know how you feel. God has a way of putting the right people in your life at the time you really need them.

Actually I was gone for about 6 days. Just not posting alot on this thread sometimes. Thanks for noticing though!!

 

[macspetra]

If you were in our church, you'd have hugs from the people there! Keep at it, though. You're not alone. Even being on the forum is a start.

A virtual cousin hug from a brother in Christ.

Thanks for the hug!
School is soon starting and people are back on campus again. My college is really good for support. But I guess that's what happens when you goto a Bible college. The amount of love that you show each other here is astounding. One problem about a Bible college is the whole "bridal" college aspect - watching people fall in love, then get engaged, etc... Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. I try not to focus on that aspect of school, but instead on the classes and profs and what I can learn. Being involved in drama chapel helps alot, especially when the group becomes such a stong little family on its own. You almost don't notice the singleness issue.
I've also been thinking about how - because I'm single - I can do things on a moments notice. I don't need to check with someone or work around their schedule.

 

[bubblegirl23]

I've dated a bit. Mac, it's better they say no, than go not interested. Then you pour your heart out, wait a week for the call you'd never get and ask yourself "how many wrong things did I say!?!?" I'm 23, but back then 15-17. I'm a real individual and I found romance so I'm sure you will too. Now I am more mature I can tell you that it's better to be refused the date and have your heart with God, than to see someone 3mths or less and be told, "you're not right for me." Actually, they never say that - just what I described above.

If you do date people, don't say "I'll call you" with no intention of doing so, instead say,

"It was a wonderful evening and I'm sure you're better suited to someone else."

"What a fun night - it's a shame I didn't find myself romantically interested."

Be blunt if you have to! One comment is less grief than a week of watching the phone.

For example:

"I'm not interested in someone with kids"

"I think if we had a relationship together we'd kill each other!"

"I find your bad language offensive."

 

[JPPT1974]

Probably we weren't meant to get married and have a familly. But that doesn't or shouldn't stop us from having a good time like with church, school, or anybody else's friends.

 

[songz777]

Hey lady to quote you All the truths seem so far away from my heart. My heart yearns for a physical touch - specifically arms holding me, just touching each other. I know that God is teaching me, but I don't want to learn anymore.
Thats fine to feel like that I have ions of times, but look try at least as I have done to make the most of singlenss to serve God but more than that to realy really get to know Him and delight in Him big time, the stronger your love for God, the deeper your faith and relationship with Him, the better and stronger will your earthly one be one day. Ive had to wait many many years, and now Im very close to Jesus.
Bless you john

 

[macspetra]

If you do date people, don't say "I'll call you" with no intention of doing so, instead say,

"It was a wonderful evening and I'm sure you're better suited to someone else."

"What a fun night - it's a shame I didn't find myself romantically interested."

Be blunt if you have to! One comment is less grief than a week of watching the phone.

For example:

"I'm not interested in someone with kids"

"I think if we had a relationship together we'd kill each other!"

"I find your bad language offensive."

Thank you so much for that. I've been in that situation before, but it is good to be reminded in case it ever happens. Do unto others what you would want done unto you - being straight forward is much kinder than beatin around trhe bush. I wouldn't want anyone doing that to me.





* just a side not/thought - I like typing on computers - then you can go back and fix your mistakes before people get a chance to see them.

 

[macspetra]

Hey lady to quote you All the truths seem so far away from my heart. My heart yearns for a physical touch - specifically arms holding me, just touching each other. I know that God is teaching me, but I don't want to learn anymore.
Thats fine to feel like that I have ions of times, but look try at least as I have done to make the most of singlenss to serve God but more than that to realy really get to know Him and delight in Him big time, the stronger your love for God, the deeper your faith and relationship with Him, the better and stronger will your earthly one be one day. Ive had to wait many many years, and now Im very close to Jesus.
Bless you john

Thamks John. It does seem like work sometimes - unfortunately - to focus on God. This week of welcome at school is being combined with a look at God's missionary heart. We have a bunch of different mission organizations here, but we also have a main speaker. This morning she talked about how it is not about us, but its about God. I have this feeling that this year's theme for me is "it's not about me, it's about God". I just bought Max Lucado's book called "It's not about Me" a little while ago - I havn't read it yet,but now I'm pretty excited about reading it. I think this year will be teaching me and I will be learning about putting God first in everything - schoolwork, relationships, etc...
Ever get the feeling that God has something in store for you, but you don't know what? I've got that feeling now and it will be exciting to find out what it is.