Is rape considered losing your virginity?

[ChrissyLovesJesus]

I was raped when I was 5 years old and when people ask me if I'm a virgin I say I am... is this correct? Also, should I feel obliged to tell people about what happened to me... because I've not even told my parents...

 

[Yitzchak]

I don't think that you are obliged to tell people. I think that you are still being truthful to say that you are a virgin since what happened is a somewhat different thing that what people are asking when they ask about virginity.

 

[bliz]

You are a virgin. You made no choice about having sexual contact - you could not possibly have made a choice. There is no need to discuss this with others, and indeed, regardless of your past, there is no need to answer this question unless you wish to. Are people running around askingyou this all the time?

I would, however, strongly urge you to talk with someone about this. Sexual experiences early in our lives have a way of shaping our sexual lives inot adulthood. A therapist or counselor may be a great help to you!

 

[Sketcher]

I believe virginity needs to be given away before it can be lost. A lot has happened to you, but you didn't give yourself to anybody. Please see a qualified Christian counselor to get through this and see how good life can be.

 

[wayfaring man]

Dear ChrissyLovesJesus ,

You may not be a virgin in the flesh , but you certainly can be one in the spirit . ( Which is where it really counts , in accordance with God's judgment , and not man's .)

As in :

For he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; neither is that circumcision, which is outward in the flesh:
But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God. <-----> Romans 2:28+29

And :

It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life. <-----> John 6:63

I pray you have the grace to leave retribution to the Lord .

As it is written :

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. <-----> Romans 12:19


And find / have found your great consolation in Jesus' loving arms , who cares for us as none other can .

Wherefore it is written :

Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. <-----> Psalm 55:22

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. <-----> 1st Peter 5:7

When others do us wrong , it is a blot on them , and not us .

And if we can resist retaliation through trusting in the Lord Our Righteousness , then our incidence of suffering only magnifies the Glory of God's Heavenly Grace ; and our individual blessedness is increased and enhanced as a result , so wondrous is our Saviour's lovingkindnesses which He sheds abundantly on those which have been wronged .

So that , in the Day of Judgment , the real harm done by those whom engaged in wickedness , will be unto themselves and their own eternal loss ; except repentance and forgiveness is granted ; and even if , that is the case , the evil consequences for evildoing still let themselves be known .

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. <-----> Galatians 6:7-9

And now , behold , how you love Jesus all the more for having endured injustice , and turned so much more unto Him , and His Spirit of Good and Everlasting Comfort .

Truly , this unrighteous world is being turned on it's head , in the light of the Righteous Judgments of God and Christ .

For thou wilt save the afflicted people; but wilt bring down high looks . <-----> Psalm 18:27

... His mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.
He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.
He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away. <-----> Luke 1:50-53

Yea , the day is coming and is now here , when the unabused , the physically advantaged , the unpersecuted , and those who had little hardship in this life , will say , " I would that I was sorely mistreated and had suffered much innocently , even as these who fly upward into their Loving Saviour's Arms ! "

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. <-----> Isaiah 40:28-31

The LORD is known by the judgment which he executeth: the wicked is snared in the work of his own hands. Higgaion. Selah. <-----> Psalm 9:16


H1902
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higga&#770;yo&#770;n
hig-gaw-yone'
Intensive from H1897; a murmuring sound, that is, a musical notation (probably similar to the moder affettuoso to indicate solemnity of movement); by implication a machination: - device, Higgaion, meditation, solemn sound


H1897
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ha&#770;ga&#770;h
haw-gaw'
A primitive root (compare H1901); to murmur (in pleasure or anger); by implication to ponder: - imagine, meditate, mourn, mutter, roar, X sore, speak, study, talk, utter.



H5542
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sela&#770;h
seh'-law
From H5541; suspension (of music), that is, pause: - Selah

H5541
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sa&#770;la&#770;h
saw-law'
A primitive root; to hang up, that is, weigh, or (figuratively) contemn: - tread down (under foot), value.


Mercy , Grace , Peace , And Truth , In Jesus Christ .

Amen .

wm

 

[bliz]

Chrissy,

I was thinking about you last night... I don't know why it took so long for me to put a few things together...

You were so very matter-of-fact in stating that you had been raped at age 5. But I began to wonder about that. It is possible that you were taken and raped by a total stranger. But children at age 5 are not usually unsupervised which means that the odds are that you were raped by a family member or an adult in a position of responsibility over children.

I am concerned, especially if this was a family member, about what was done or if you are still haivng to see this person. If it was a person with responsibility over children, I'm worried if they are still in such a position. You said that you never told your parents, which probably means you never told the police, which makes me very concerned that you have been carrying this burden alone all this time.

Mostly, I am concerned about you. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

 

[Evie]

I was raped when I was 5 years old and when people ask me if I'm a virgin I say I am... is this correct? Also, should I feel obliged to tell people about what happened to me... because I've not even told my parents...

I would say yes

 

[Evie]

I meant that you are still a virgin. I am sorry that you have gone through this. You should talk about it.Something like this may make you feel as if you did something wrong,which you did not. God can help you through this ordeal.Why would it hurt to tell your parents? You should have told them the moment it happenend,no matter who did this to you sweetie. I will pray for this aweful weight to be lifted off you,let God be incontrol and He will heal you from any hatred you might feel.

I would say yes

 

[daveleau]

I was raped when I was 5 years old and when people ask me if I'm a virgin I say I am... is this correct? Also, should I feel obliged to tell people about what happened to me... because I've not even told my parents...

I would not count it because sexual relations are a two-way street. Unless you consent, (which you could not have) then you have never given yourself to anyone, which is the key.

No, you should not feel obligated to tell others. You may use the experience to help others, but I would not tell anyone else. I would try to repress the memory and get past it so it did not affect me during my fruitful relationship with my wife (or husband in your case).

God bless,
Dave

 

[ChrissyLovesJesus]

Chrissy,

I was thinking about you last night... I don't know why it took so long for me to put a few things together...

You were so very matter-of-fact in stating that you had been raped at age 5. But I began to wonder about that. It is possible that you were taken and raped by a total stranger. But children at age 5 are not usually unsupervised which means that the odds are that you were raped by a family member or an adult in a position of responsibility over children.

I am concerned, especially if this was a family member, about what was done or if you are still haivng to see this person. If it was a person with responsibility over children, I'm worried if they are still in such a position. You said that you never told your parents, which probably means you never told the police, which makes me very concerned that you have been carrying this burden alone all this time.

Mostly, I am concerned about you. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

Wow, thanks for your thoughts

It was an older friend that I was very good friends with at the time. He was 9-10 and threatened me I wouldn't be able to go in his pool if I didn't say yes. =/ I said no at first then I agreed and then I said no again while he was well... on top of me. I have a stellar childhood memory which can be a blessing or a curse but I can remember it crystal clear.

And yes, I haven't let my parents know neither anyone else in my life. When I was younger I would think about it a lot but I learned to let go of it mainly and it only comes to me sometimes. I have a lot of problems with telling my parents because my mother is not well, she has a mental disorder and so I felt I had to be strong for her as a child.

 

[Dancn4him]

I was raped when I was 5 years old and when people ask me if I'm a virgin I say I am... is this correct? Also, should I feel obliged to tell people about what happened to me... because I've not even told my parents...

I was a young teen when I was raped. What happened was , I thought I wanted it. I give signs to the young man,and we started to. I got scared,and said no, Stop! But he got what he wanted, forcefully! as young girls we think we know what we want,and we think we can handle the boys. Wrong! My mastake & it cost me so dear! I still have psy. proublems. (However, years latter I come to find out my skin was still intact,and he did't brake it! My husband did!)

Now, I am 36,and married to a man of god. He was the first That I truly concented to. Love the way God ment it to be is beautiful. You young girls beware,and never say yes until marriage! Date with a group-double dating. Or even better cort eachother in public! Its worth the wait!
Kim L.

 

[VivDaGurl]

Chrissy, no, you do not need to share with anybody about what you've gone through but you have to be truthful to your spouse. You need to let him know what had happened to you at the right time. Like what others said, go to a counselor at your church and talk it out with her on this matter. Get someone to pray with you.

You are still a virgin, my dear...

To me, it's ok not to tell your parents about it because I've never told my parents about the sexual harrasment I went through in the past because I know that my parents couldn't take it at all. The person I fall on is God and also my friends whom are praying for me. You can try that out....

I'll pray for you too.

 

[silentpoet]

I would say you are a virgin for what it is worth. I was robbed of innocence at a young age myself. Robbed is the key word. It was stolen. If your treasure is stolen, it is still your treasure. I guess it is hard to say what I am because of all that I have been through. I do know that through Jesus I am made clean and white as snow, so I don't get too hung up on a term describing my sexual experience.

 

[Evie]

I was raped when I was 5 years old and when people ask me if I'm a virgin I say I am... is this correct? Also, should I feel obliged to tell people about what happened to me... because I've not even told my parents...

I was raped by my first husband. I felt it really helped me to talk to others about it. That is why I think it's a good idea.You defintly need to get some help. I knew of someone in my past that went through the same thing at a very young age and she is now having alot of problems.I will pray for you!!! Let God be your guide.

 

[makkulu]

I guess it is hard to say what I am because of all that I have been through. I do know that through Jesus I am made clean and white as snow, so I don't get too hung up on a term describing my sexual experience.

I agree with silentpoet entirely and feel the same way about my own experiences. I have said alot about this in other posts, so if you like, Chrissy, look those up. I rarely post here so you won't have to scroll through too many! Sometimes trying to find which category we fit into can be self defeating, but for others it's important to work out this issue.

The big question is; what does Jesus say about it? And how do you see yourself? I really recommend seeking Him on this as well as asking for our opinions. Thing is, we have opinions (which may or may not be correct); He has the Truth, because He is the one who defines you. (He is the Truth, not just has the Truth, but I am not trying to set out all the theology here if you see what I mean!).

I think we have at times got a wrong view of what virginity really is and why it is so important. It is far more than physical experience just like sex is far more than a physical act of intercourse. It would not occur to me to even consider viewing someone who has experienced rape as their first sexual contact (at any age) as anything other than a virgin.

I will add in my favourite ever quote; I don't know who said it, but the Australian Military Police have used it in their training and it gets repeated in domestic violence circles here:

"Rape is not about sex. If you got hit over the head with a shovel, you wouldn't call it gardening, would you?"

I also agree with everything that has been said about doing whatever you need to do to enable Jesus to heal you in this, Chrissy. Don't know you or where you are with that kinda thing, but don't leave this unaddressed, k?
I feel for you and will be praying for you.

I also agree with what was said about you not owing anyone any explanations. It is a really personal question, I don't think anyone should have to explain just cos someone else wants to know or it is a topic of discussion at a youth group or whatever; or from fear of being misunderstood, either. (Misunderstood because most people when they ask about virginity are asking whether someone has ever had sex consensually with a partner and seeing what people's views are on purity etc; most people who ask the question are not even thinking about other circumstances).

This is a question that can only be resolved between you and Jesus Chrissy; and my two cents is to stick with that, and decide what and who you will answer when questions arise from that perspective.

Makk.

 

[David III]

What do you feel in your heart? Bless you Chrissy.

 

[vinki]

I worked with children and adult victims of violence. The people who started this organization had lost a son to Clifford Olson; if you know who that is. The one thing I know for sure is that your life will never be the same afterwards. I know also by personal experience. What the enemy intends to use to destroy you, God can use for His glory. You can not draw a time line for yourself or anyone when it comes to dealing with sexual abuse. Time heals somewhat and so does finding a support network to talk your feelings out and to even hear from others who have gone through experiences that you can relate to. Now however, especially as a believer, you stand in a unique position to reach out to others. Sometimes helping others can aid in the healing of our own wounds. The other thing to reflect upon is whether or not it really makes any difference whether or not you are a virgin. Remember that we are a new creation in Christ Jesus. You do not owe anyone an apology. This comes from expectations that others put upon us or even from our own pride. Not everyone gets to be a virgin when coming to Christ just the same as not everyone gets a mom and dad. All these differences are up to the Lord to work out and together make the body of Christ.

 

[Radagast]

I don't know what to say when I hear of such terrible experiences.

But you are a virgin. As Augustine says discussing this issue in City of God, virtue is in the soul, not the body, and what someone else has done to your body does not damage that:

...the virtue which makes the life good has its throne in the soul, and thence rules the members of the body, which becomes holy in virtue of the holiness of the will; and that while the will remains firm and unshaken, nothing that another person does with the body, or upon the body, is any fault of the person who suffers it ... since no one, however magnanimous and pure, has always the disposal of his own body, but can control only the consent and refusal of his will, what sane man can suppose that, if his body be seized and forcibly made use of to satisfy the lust of another, he thereby loses his purity?

God bless you.

-- Radagast

 

[neon_sheep]

I am also very concerned for you.
Although you do seem to be coping with this in a somewhat positive manner, I am sure that there are many points where you could use some help. That is an awful situation to ever be part of, I am sure, you really should speak to someone about this. I truly hope that this works out for you.

(Oh, and to answer your question you are definitely a virgin...you were 5 years old..even if you did say yes you were not at an age that could consent.)
I will be praying for you.
Love,
Taryn

 

[malkin]

Have you ever told the police about this?