Is putting your baby up for adoption a sin, or at least against what God would want?

[Maria Billingsley]

I was speaking with some fellow Christians on the matter of abortion and whether it is still a sin if the woman has been raped. We concluded that it is still a sin, but disagreed on what should then be done with the baby. They all said that ideally, the baby should be put up for adoption because it is not the mother's responsibility to care for it. They also said that if the mother was poor, it would be better for the mother's sake to give the baby up.

I feel their belief is wrong because it shows a lack of faith in God to provide and also does not reflect God's love. I believe that the love we are to have should be unconditional, endure through pain and fear, and does not abandon. It just seems conditional to me. Why would the baby not deserve its mother's love or nurture just because she struggles with money? It seems as if the mother would be thinking of herself. But what about the baby? It wants and needs its mother's love. I do understand the mother was forced into intercourse and didn't ask for the baby, which is truly unfortunate, but the baby did not ask to be born either. It is a victim just as the mother is, so why punish it? Wouldn't enduring through this pain and uncertainty and still loving the baby with all your heart be the epitome of the love God wants his people to have? I also believe it would be better to raise the child yourself with God so that it grows up with faith instead of handing the baby over to people who likely won't raise it with God in their life. I think the following verses support my stance: Proverbs 3:5-6, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and 1 Timothy 5:8.

The people I discussed this with are very upset at my views and believe they are insensitive and unsympathetic to the plight of women who go through this. I'm wondering if they are right and if it really is best to give the baby up. Maybe it is me setting these standards, and God thinks differently. Maybe I'm misinterpreting or misapplying the verses I mentioned. I just don't understand why God would want or condone this abandonment. So if you disagree, please help me understand why my views may be wrong. Any insight is appreciated. Thank you.

How can any mother not love her child no matter what the circumstances? For nine months she carries a child in her womb and God provides the ability to love that child. We know the pain adopted children go through, wondering who their real parents are and now with DNA at our finger tips, they will surely track them down. Vise a versa as well, a mother who gives up their child will probably feel that emptiness.
So, I guess I agree, raise your child with the love they deserve.
Blessings.

 

[Runningman]

I was speaking with some fellow Christians on the matter of abortion and whether it is still a sin if the woman has been raped. We concluded that it is still a sin, but disagreed on what should then be done with the baby. They all said that ideally, the baby should be put up for adoption because it is not the mother's responsibility to care for it. They also said that if the mother was poor, it would be better for the mother's sake to give the baby up.

I feel their belief is wrong because it shows a lack of faith in God to provide and also does not reflect God's love. I believe that the love we are to have should be unconditional, endure through pain and fear, and does not abandon. It just seems conditional to me. Why would the baby not deserve its mother's love or nurture just because she struggles with money? It seems as if the mother would be thinking of herself. But what about the baby? It wants and needs its mother's love. I do understand the mother was forced into intercourse and didn't ask for the baby, which is truly unfortunate, but the baby did not ask to be born either. It is a victim just as the mother is, so why punish it? Wouldn't enduring through this pain and uncertainty and still loving the baby with all your heart be the epitome of the love God wants his people to have? I also believe it would be better to raise the child yourself with God so that it grows up with faith instead of handing the baby over to people who likely won't raise it with God in their life. I think the following verses support my stance: Proverbs 3:5-6, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and 1 Timothy 5:8.

The people I discussed this with are very upset at my views and believe they are insensitive and unsympathetic to the plight of women who go through this. I'm wondering if they are right and if it really is best to give the baby up. Maybe it is me setting these standards, and God thinks differently. Maybe I'm misinterpreting or misapplying the verses I mentioned. I just don't understand why God would want or condone this abandonment. So if you disagree, please help me understand why my views may be wrong. Any insight is appreciated. Thank you.

I am basically of the mindset of Paul in 1 Timothy 5:8, which is what I was planning to quote up until I saw you post it yourself. I believe that a baby is entitled to all of the support they require despite the otherwise difficult and sensitive nature of this scenario. In light of that, not feeling responsible for the baby doesn't actually mean one isn't responsible for members in their household. I would say if the baby's health and/or safety are at stake then adoption would be a valid route. It may be a sin to not protect someone when one otherwise could. There are multiple ways to view this. Thanks for the interesting post.

 

[kairo]

I was speaking with some fellow Christians on the matter of abortion and whether it is still a sin if the woman has been raped. We concluded that it is still a sin, but disagreed on what should then be done with the baby. They all said that ideally, the baby should be put up for adoption because it is not the mother's responsibility to care for it. They also said that if the mother was poor, it would be better for the mother's sake to give the baby up.

I feel their belief is wrong because it shows a lack of faith in God to provide and also does not reflect God's love. I believe that the love we are to have should be unconditional, endure through pain and fear, and does not abandon. It just seems conditional to me. Why would the baby not deserve its mother's love or nurture just because she struggles with money? It seems as if the mother would be thinking of herself. But what about the baby? It wants and needs its mother's love. I do understand the mother was forced into intercourse and didn't ask for the baby, which is truly unfortunate, but the baby did not ask to be born either. It is a victim just as the mother is, so why punish it? Wouldn't enduring through this pain and uncertainty and still loving the baby with all your heart be the epitome of the love God wants his people to have? I also believe it would be better to raise the child yourself with God so that it grows up with faith instead of handing the baby over to people who likely won't raise it with God in their life. I think the following verses support my stance: Proverbs 3:5-6, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and 1 Timothy 5:8.

The people I discussed this with are very upset at my views and believe they are insensitive and unsympathetic to the plight of women who go through this. I'm wondering if they are right and if it really is best to give the baby up. Maybe it is me setting these standards, and God thinks differently. Maybe I'm misinterpreting or misapplying the verses I mentioned. I just don't understand why God would want or condone this abandonment. So if you disagree, please help me understand why my views may be wrong. Any insight is appreciated. Thank you.

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

It is a really difficult situation, to be sure.

I have nothing but empathy for a mother who was raped.

I think you are largely correct though. I do think putting the child up for adoption is not the worst thing. It is far worse if the would-be mother aborts (kills) it.

I don't know where I stand on this issue of adoption. It's very complicated and I think in many cases you can't just give a general rule for this sort of thing.

 

[Jonathan_Gale]

I was speaking with some fellow Christians on the matter of abortion and whether it is still a sin if the woman has been raped. We concluded that it is still a sin, but disagreed on what should then be done with the baby. They all said that ideally, the baby should be put up for adoption because it is not the mother's responsibility to care for it. They also said that if the mother was poor, it would be better for the mother's sake to give the baby up.

I feel their belief is wrong because it shows a lack of faith in God to provide and also does not reflect God's love. I believe that the love we are to have should be unconditional, endure through pain and fear, and does not abandon. It just seems conditional to me. Why would the baby not deserve its mother's love or nurture just because she struggles with money? It seems as if the mother would be thinking of herself. But what about the baby? It wants and needs its mother's love. I do understand the mother was forced into intercourse and didn't ask for the baby, which is truly unfortunate, but the baby did not ask to be born either. It is a victim just as the mother is, so why punish it? Wouldn't enduring through this pain and uncertainty and still loving the baby with all your heart be the epitome of the love God wants his people to have? I also believe it would be better to raise the child yourself with God so that it grows up with faith instead of handing the baby over to people who likely won't raise it with God in their life. I think the following verses support my stance: Proverbs 3:5-6, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and 1 Timothy 5:8.

The people I discussed this with are very upset at my views and believe they are insensitive and unsympathetic to the plight of women who go through this. I'm wondering if they are right and if it really is best to give the baby up. Maybe it is me setting these standards, and God thinks differently. Maybe I'm misinterpreting or misapplying the verses I mentioned. I just don't understand why God would want or condone this abandonment. So if you disagree, please help me understand why my views may be wrong. Any insight is appreciated. Thank you.

Adoption is an exceptionally noble deed one can do, either giving up a baby for adoption or adopting a baby. The former a sign of trust in God, the latter a sign of shedding God's grace. Even if you just drop the cradle on the side of the road in the middle of the night, it would be better than to abort. Consider Moses, the intermediary between God and man, the liberator who led the Israelites out of Egypt, was adopted. Jesus, born of the Holy Spirit, was also adopted by his earthly father. Most women choose abortion over adoption due to their fear of pregnancy and childbirth, in the modern mind, pregnancy is a medical condition, and childbirth a medical emergency instead of a natural process to perpetuate human race, the concept is completely distorted. It's viewed as dangerous and life-threatening, it's inconvenient to their career, and it will ruin their beautiful figure - hello hair loss; hello swollen feet; hello stretch marks; hello saggy breasts. I don't mean to disparage any of them by saying that, but those are the justifications which I've often heard, sanctity of life is the least of their concerns.

Traditionally, like the four seasons of year and the four phases of the lunar cycle, there are also four stages in a woman's life - girl, from birth to first period; maiden, from first period to first childbirth; mother, from first childbirth to menopause; and crone, from menopause to death. Please note that "maiden" is not equavalent with "virgin", the milestone is NOT first intercourse, but first successful childbirth. Childbirth is a natural rite of passage to transition from the previous stage to the next stage, but in this sick culture of female objectification, only the maiden stage is disproportionately prized and celebrated, because all the typical features of beauty are biomarkers of childbearing potential; but once a maiden does bear child and enters into motherhood, she is considered as secondhand, her market value drops. Think about Madonna and some other female celebrities, even at a crone's age, they still pretend to be a maiden and promote themselves as such.

So, in order to save the baby, honor God and make right decision, this kind of mindset and value system has to be dispelled, we have to understand that beauty comes from the inside, while men look at outward apperance, God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). Beauty will fade as we age, with or without childbirth, and no amount of plastic surgery, diet plan and exercise program can fix that, only our character grows and lasts.

 

[Jonathan_Gale]

It is a really difficult situation, to be sure.

I have nothing but empathy for a mother who was raped.

I think you are largely correct though. I do think putting the child up for adoption is not the worst thing. It is far worse if the would-be mother aborts (kills) it.

I don't know where I stand on this issue of adoption. It's very complicated and I think in many cases you can't just give a general rule for this sort of thing.

Violent rape by stole stranger like the case in I Spit on Your Grave is extremely rare, the vast majority of it is committed by close relative or friend. Nevertheless, I empathize real rape victim as much as you do, their voice deserves to be heard, but it's NOT justification for abortion, it's the exception, not the rule. Also, since the #MeToo movement, the definition of "rape" is broadened and blurred, intercourse in inebriated state or intercourse which the woman later regrets is also qualified as rape, in such cases it's much more of a subjective and emotional plea than a real crime punishable by law, it can't be used by any woman to end an innocent life.

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

it can't be used by any woman to end an innocent life.

I hope you are not thinking I would justify abortion because of rape. That's not my position at all.

 

[St_Worm2]

Hello @kairo, since the way that we become God’s children is by adoption .. e.g. Ephesians 1:4-6; Romans 8:15, I hope that adoption is not a sin!!

—David

 

[Jonathan_Gale]

I hope you are not thinking I would justify abortion because of rape. That's not my position at all.

No, of course not. I was pointing out the strategy of using the rare outliers to erroneously represent the all cases, in other words, they blow it out of proportion. This is very similar to using very few people with very rare androgynous condition (such as AIS, androgen insensitivity syndrome, commonly known as intersex) to cover the whole population, and justify their theory of "gender spectrum. You have to know what the enemy is doing. If you follow their lead, you'll be pushed into a corner.

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

No, of course not. I was pointing out the strategy of using the rare outliers to erroneously represent the all cases, in other words, they blow it out of proportion. This is very similar to using very few people with very rare androgynous condition (such as AIS, androgen insensitivity syndrome, commonly known as intersex) to cover the whole population, and justify their theory of "gender spectrum. You have to know what the enemy is doing. If you follow their lead, you'll be pushed into a corner.

I see.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I was speaking with some fellow Christians on the matter of abortion and whether it is still a sin if the woman has been raped. We concluded that it is still a sin, but disagreed on what should then be done with the baby. They all said that ideally, the baby should be put up for adoption because it is not the mother's responsibility to care for it. They also said that if the mother was poor, it would be better for the mother's sake to give the baby up.

I feel their belief is wrong because it shows a lack of faith in God to provide and also does not reflect God's love. I believe that the love we are to have should be unconditional, endure through pain and fear, and does not abandon. It just seems conditional to me. Why would the baby not deserve its mother's love or nurture just because she struggles with money? It seems as if the mother would be thinking of herself. But what about the baby? It wants and needs its mother's love. I do understand the mother was forced into intercourse and didn't ask for the baby, which is truly unfortunate, but the baby did not ask to be born either. It is a victim just as the mother is, so why punish it? Wouldn't enduring through this pain and uncertainty and still loving the baby with all your heart be the epitome of the love God wants his people to have? I also believe it would be better to raise the child yourself with God so that it grows up with faith instead of handing the baby over to people who likely won't raise it with God in their life. I think the following verses support my stance: Proverbs 3:5-6, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and 1 Timothy 5:8.

The people I discussed this with are very upset at my views and believe they are insensitive and unsympathetic to the plight of women who go through this. I'm wondering if they are right and if it really is best to give the baby up. Maybe it is me setting these standards, and God thinks differently. Maybe I'm misinterpreting or misapplying the verses I mentioned. I just don't understand why God would want or condone this abandonment. So if you disagree, please help me understand why my views may be wrong. Any insight is appreciated. Thank you.

You might take into account the level of trauma that a woman has who has been raped. It would be an important factor in the answer.

 

[kairo]

You might take into account the level of trauma that a woman has who has been raped. It would be an important factor in the answer.

I understand that the trauma sustained by the mother would be immense and certainly unimaginable to me. But please note the verse I mentioned: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It says "love suffers long", "love bears all things" and "endures all things". The question I'm asking is whether giving up a baby due to your own pain reflects the love spoken of in this verse. It seems to me that the love God wants us to have is truly unconditional, and even if you experience all the pain in the world, he would still want you to love. Take Jesus, for example. Even after being stripped naked, humiliated, and tortured all while being laughed at, he still loved every single one of his aggressors, even begging God to forgive them. Jesus didn't take his trauma into account; he just loved.

 

[kairo]

Hello @kairo, since the way that we become God’s children is by adoption .. e.g. Ephesians 1:4-6; Romans 8:15, I hope that adoption is not a sin!!

—David

I think you may be misunderstanding what I'm asking. Of course, adopting a child is a noble thing to do, but I'm asking whether putting a child up for adoption is wrong or not. I suppose, using your example that God adopts us, would he ever put one of his children up for adoption? Would he ever hand them over to someone else, even if they wanted to be with God? God said he will always be with and will never abandon his children, so I'm asking why God would want us to abandon our own children.

 

[rturner76]

It would seem that if you are having a baby and you know that you aren't able to care for him/her, and teach the right way to live that it would be a better choice to find a family that is capable to raise him/her "right." Still, I will never know what it feels like to bring a new life into this world so I think it's a decision best left up to the birth mother.

 

[St_Worm2]

I'm asking why God would want us to abandon our own children.

Abandon? Hardly! Adoption is NOT abandonment.

Rather, adoption is the means by which a birth mom (and/or birth dad) sees to the future care of their child (when they realize that they are incapable of caring for their child themselves). Adoption is (typically) a birth mom taking responsibility for her child's welfare when she knows that she cannot. Again, this is NOT abandoning them!!

Abandonment, on the other hand, is a very sinful kind of irresponsible behavior on the part of the birth mom, because she just puts her baby down somewhere and leaves, without seeing to either their present or future wellbeing (the worst cases of "abandonment" being newborns who are, for instance, dumped into trash bins to die, which is murder).

I don't know if you know this or not, but our adoption agencies "qualify" couples and individuals to be adoptive parents. The only problem is this, there are more than 100 "qualified" couples and individuals out there for every newborn who is put up for adoption today.

So, the good news is, there really are no "unwanted" babies as a result, because there is hardly a shortage of "qualified" loving/caring people, families and homes to take them in, raise them, and love them as their own. We just need more birth moms (who know that they cannot care for their newborns) to understand that, that adoption is their best option, because through adoption they can truly fulfill their God-given responsibility to their child, to see that they are safe and loved by a family who both wants them and has the means to care for and raise them.

God bless you!!

--David

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I understand that the trauma sustained by the mother would be immense and certainly unimaginable to me. But please note the verse I mentioned: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It says "love suffers long", "love bears all things" and "endures all things". The question I'm asking is whether giving up a baby due to your own pain reflects the love spoken of in this verse. It seems to me that the love God wants us to have is truly unconditional, and even if you experience all the pain in the world, he would still want you to love. Take Jesus, for example. Even after being stripped naked, humiliated, and tortured all while being laughed at, he still loved every single one of his aggressors, even begging God to forgive them. Jesus didn't take his trauma into account; he just loved.

No human being can provide "unconditional love" in this life time. Such a notion is a nice platitude to ponder over, and with Paul's admonition about the nature of God's Love which he wrote to the more or less debauched and prideful Corinthian church, it's surely a needed endeavor and a lofty moral goal for any Christian. But on the whole, even Paul's admonition isn't one which any one of us can put into effect in a "perfect way," however arduously we might attempt to do so. None of us "is" Jesus.

Moreover, you've imported and thereby imputed the word "unconditional" not only into the meaning of this popular biblical text you've chosen from the letter to the Corithians, but you've also into to the overall concept of love that you think God offers us. The fact of the matter is, exegetically speaking, God's love isn't "unconditional" and nowhere in the entirety of the Bible do we find it thus expressed.

As for adopting out one's own child, if we're speaking in ideal theological terms, it should probably be seen as a sin. True enough! Men and women should be generally expected to keep and care for and love their own children.

However, I do think that where any one woman's psychological well-being has been severely compromised [such as when she may be a victim of a rape or other massive levels of abuse] and pushed to a state of dysfunction, THEN in God's grace, she is free to make a choice about what to do with that child since she may not be able to care for or psychologically bond with the child as she should. And, what's more, it would be the truly loving thing for each of us to do in assisting her as best be can as Christians in such a circumstance, and do so without judgment,

 

[Dosblade]

Its so easy to sit out side of something and then give advice. I have two sisters I have never met. My mom only said a few words twice about it never ever talked about it again. So much pain

 

[Fantine]

I can't even begin to imagine the number of delinquent deadbeat dads (aka sperm donors) who would be violating God's will in your view.

It takes two--and men are far more irresponsible in this regard. Please change your post to reflect this glaring reality.

 

[comana]

Do women, already facing difficult decisions, need more judgment placed on them for their decisions? Perhaps that is the real sin here.

 

[kairo]

Abandon? Hardly! Adoption is NOT abandonment.

Rather, adoption is the means by which a birth mom (and/or birth dad) sees to the future care of their child (when they realize that they are incapable of caring for their child themselves). Adoption is (typically) a birth mom taking responsibility for her child's welfare when she knows that she cannot. Again, this is NOT abandoning them!!

Abandonment, on the other hand, is a very sinful kind of irresponsible behavior on the part of the birth mom, because she just puts her baby down somewhere and leaves, without seeing to either their present or future wellbeing (the worst cases of "abandonment" being newborns who are, for instance, dumped into trash bins to die, which is murder).

I understand this view, but by definition, it is abandonment.

Abandon:

1. To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility; desert.

2. To give up by leaving or ceasing to operate or inhabit, especially as a result of danger or other impending threat.

3. To surrender one's claim to, right to, or interest in; give up entirely.

By its very definition, putting your baby up for adoption is abandonment; it doesn't just mean leaving the baby somewhere unprotected.