Is not some of this my fault?

[vigilantsoul]

I get the feeling that when my confidence is somewhat neutral, meaning, I'm ok for the moment or without beating myself up, satan puts out a force that knocks me off my feet, and I'm left feeling worthless.

I clean motels to supplement husbands income and I get called in to do special cleaning, to go over other cleaners work.
I over compensate my low self esteem by trying to do the best I can,to get approval I guess, hence I do spring cleaning for the boss, so she can keep her star rating for the motel.
One of the other women never hestitates to bring me down by pointing out my flaws, and letting me know where I slip up. I come across so many cleaning mistakes that are hers and while she delights in dominating me, I wouldn't even want to be that mean because I know how she makes me feel and I dont want to be that callous.
While I know she is a cruel person, I can't help but take it personal.

Do I need to be cruel to get her off my back?
I want to tell her that it seems funny that she sees my flaws, while she can't see her own. You can't half tell I have terrible self esteem issues.
I wish to tell her without all the physical body language. My emotions are all visual. Please pray for me..that I can recover from the self hatred should I fail..in protecting the little self esteem I have. The feeling of self loathing and not good enough is a really heavy burden.
thankyou for your consideration

 

[Ariel]

Wow, this is a tough one. I really relate, because I've had to deal with this myself. Like you, I find that someone continually picking on me can really get me down. After a while I feel like quitting. Who wants to be around someone like that all the time?

The only thing that helped me in the past was first trying to work with the person who was continually finding fault. When that didn't help--and they continued to pick, pick, pick--I finally went to our boss and told them that it was really getting me down, and even driving me up a wall. Then I let my boss deal with it.

I don't know if this will help you.

Ultimately, the goal should be an atmosphere of peace, Romans 12:18. But that Scripture says, "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men." Sometimes the people we deal with don't want to live at peace. At which point you need outside intervention, if you are going to be able to continue to work there.

As for pointing out this person's faults--my guess is that she will become defensive and angry and take it out on you. Don't go there. Just deal with her yourself, if you can, and if that doesn't work take it to your boss.

 

[UnitynLove]

Don't feel bad Vig she doesn't like herself therefore she is taking it out on you. You can not give away what you don't have. If you are happy with yourself you can not give out negativity towards others, just as well, if if you are miserable you can not give away positivity towards others. Whatever she says always say this out loud to yourself "Let God be TRUE and let EVERY man be a LIAR"

 

[heidi140]

I've also found that people like that are very insecure about themselves. Unfortunately, the only way they know how to make themselves feel better is to push other people down. In a way, it's a compliment to you because she must feel very inadequate in comparison to you.

But I do know how awful that feels. I take any kind of criticism way too hard. I already feel so bad about myself that it doesn't take much to put me super low.....even when it's hard to imagine I can't get any lower about the way I feel about myself.

I'd also avoid treating her the same way she treats you. I think I've tried that in the past and it usually either just makes me feel worse about myself, or things continue to spiral and the other person will just say something nastier and it really never ends.

The only thing that has worked for me is to just smile and laugh when I'm around someone like that. They really don't seem to know what to do if I just smile at them. If they're being really awful, I'll laugh and jokingly say something like, "thanks for making me feel crappier about it." I guess that's me being passive aggressive though and trying to keep control on the situation.

If you've got a good boss that would handle it appropriately, that might ultimately be a good option...but I guess that depends on what all the people are like.

Wish I had better advice for you....I'll pray for the situation.

 

[vigilantsoul]

Thankyou for your insights. I dont want to be better than her, just her equal and with respect. I have been nothing but nice to her and only that I clean different to her. I am fussy and pedantic and my boss is the same.
I am only trying to do my job the best way I know how.
Why can't people just want to be equal, why does there have to be a hierarchy?

 

[Spirithappy]

I agree with Heidi140, Laugh (on the inside)at this woman, do not give her the power.
You can also confront the boss about it in front of her. If it continues to bug you I have found that when you bring the situation to light in front of everyone especially the boss, it takes the power away from the other person. These people thrive on little comments and putdowns that others do not usually hear, bring it to Big light and this will help