Is my intention wrong? Please help! :'(

[yoaniah]

Dear all,

Firstly, I would like to thank for your concern and click to see my post. It would be appreciate if you leave an advice for me. I just think God is telling me to do so ----- Post a thread and "listen" to what other says. By the way, I'm from a cosmopolitan city in Asia where has a very high competitiveness, it would be easy for all of you to understand my following situation.

Well, my situation is complicated: I'm going to apply for entering university and facing exams next year (from March to May). I temporarily have a several choices and they're "English", "Translation" and "Geography and Resource Management".

But my first concern is that, recently I've failed in some tests at school but I had a pretty well performance on my studies before. I know that I can improve that. But, really, I'm SOOOOOO terrified that "I can't do that." I barely lost my confidence on everything because everybody around me seem like "hard-working". Some of my classmates are so lucky to have out-standing academic results while they didn't study at me. But me? I have studied a lot but still, can't get anything. I honestly feel so unfair.

My second concern is about my intention, I have a crush on a boy who is so perfect. He's a friend of friend in my church. We know each other in a gathering and after that, I found out I can't stop thinking about him... it has been a few months already.... Well, he's handsome, good at both sports and academic performance at a famous school here. Plus, he's a very friendly person. There are so many girls around him but he has never dated any girls. I actually wonder if I can enter in some famous universities here. Would he notice me or be interested in me somehow? or my intention of entering university has gone wrong.... I really don't have idea...

I honestly know that I can't be that but that boy has become my motivation on studying.... Anyway, is my intention wrong? Please give me some advice....


Thank you so much, my brothers and sisters.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Inspiration can come from anywhere, but at the same time you need to be aware of who you are before you decide to give anything the kind of power of you; and by that I mean you need to address the fact that what if things don't work out for you between this gentleman and yourself, are you going to give up on the things you're trying to achieve? Don't do that. Understand why you're being invoked to be motivated.

Likely, as you've noticed, there are things you need to work on with your school; and this sounds like a good start to take hold of your life in that way. Never do yourself wrong by putting a negative spin on anything that will influence you to become a better person.

Everything happens for a reason, and everything in its season...

 

[yoaniah]

Inspiration can come from anywhere, but at the same time you need to be aware of who you are before you decide to give anything the kind of power of you; and by that I mean you need to address the fact that what if things don't work out for you between this gentleman and yourself, are you going to give up on the things you're trying to achieve? Don't do that. Understand why you're being invoked to be motivated.

Likely, as you've noticed, there are things you need to work on with your school; and this sounds like a good start to take hold of your life in that way. Never do yourself wrong by putting a negative spin on anything that will influence you to become a better person.

Everything happens for a reason, and everything in its season...

What do you mean by "Never do yourself wrong by putting a negative spin on anything that will influence you to become a better person."?? Please explain it simply. It sounds hard to understand...

But anyway, thank you for your comment.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

I mean, life can make you think you understand your situation, your emotions, your thoughts; but the ways of Heaven prove well beyond ourselves and in order to understand the meaning behind things which ask you to become a better person you must know this and never allow yourself to deny the lessons which come from anything which will influence you to be a better person.

 

[shinkou]

I know this kind of experience very well. I have had similar situation in my past. I know how hard it is to compete for getting into the famous university. I think that it is so important that you have to have some confidence and trust in yourself. It is so easy to think that you will fail and that you cannot have success in that. It is so easy to think that if you cannot enter the famous university you will have a hard future. I have had those feelings before too.

I think one of the important things to do is to try to worry less about that. The stress from worry about that is going to make it easier to fail. Of course many companies want to hire students from famous university but actually even students that do not enter into a famous university can still have a very good future. I know many people that have very good jobs but they did not enter the famous university.

Try not to worry too much about that. Focus on the thing that you can control and just do your best. If you are really doing the best as you can it is enough.

I know you are worried about entering a famous university to because of that guy. I can understand that too. I know many family cares about background for relationship in here. If he goes to famous university probably he will want to marry a girl who went to a famous university too. I am sure his parents will be like that too. Probably he does not date with anyone because like you he is concentrate on studying hard to enter the university. Do not do for him. That is a bad reason to study something. Not every guy will care about your university background. If he is good for you, then he will care for you even you go to any university that is not famous.

I think the best thing you can do is still try your best. If you know the thing that you have some difficult time in studying with, then you need to find the way to better study in that. English study is always difficult to me. I had to study very hard to learn English. Even now I do not have confidence to speak in English. Even when I write some message I spend very long to write and have to change frequently. I always search about the way to make my English better. I think you are joining in some English website like this is a very good way to develop some English ability. It is the same to me too. That is why I come to this site too.

Some people when they study they can study easily. They can learn quickly about how to do something. Everybody is different. You have to stop comparing yourself to the other students and friends and their score. You need to do what you can to improve your score. If you think to much about the others than of course you will have less confidence. It is very unfair they can have talent about studying like that. But I am sure you have some talent too that they do not have. Everyone has some different talent. The most important thing is you need to make sure that you are doing the thing you want to do for your future. Make sure you are making the choice for what you want and not the thing that other people are expecting about you. You have to enjoy your life. I know many Asian students are doing for their parents instead of for themselves. Make sure you are doing for yourself. This is for your future, and you have to make sure you enjoy your future.

Be confident, compare your score only to yourself. Find the thing you need to improve and work on that. Be happy when you find you are improving about your own score and do not worry about the other person. You need to stop thinking negative thoughts and find the positive thing to think about in your studying.

 

[Freakconformist]

Edit: I think that Shinkou has some very good points, and she probably understands better than I do. Also, in my opinion, you both have excellent English skills. It is better than some Americans.

Yoaniah, I understand how you are feeling right now, I am in a University in America too, but I am almost finished with my studies. Especially when it comes to the end of the year I can get very stressed and fall behind. I believe Nom de Guerre is saying that you should not let stress and distractions hold you back from what you want to do.

I don't see anything wrong with your intentions. Do you think that God wants you to do one thing or the other? I do not believe that God forces us to go any one way, he wants us to be happy with where we are.

In America, and Canada, it is common for women to go to school and date men. Is it not the same where you are from? Is this why you are worried?

If it is okay, I would suggest you let the boy know that you like him. In America we have a saying, "You will never know if you do not try." It could be that once you know if he likes you or not, you will be able to concentrate on your studies better.

If your culture does not like women dating and going to school, you should ask yourself if this boy is worth giving up your studies. Do you think he will make you happy? If you are unsure, ask God.

It sounds like you are interested in being what we call an Interpreter, a person who translates a foreign language into their own. This is a common job for international businesses and politics. It sounds like an interesting career. Is that what you want to do? Is it something you feel strongly about? Or is it just something you could do?

These are things that people can give you advice on, but in the end, you must make the decision. Ask God the help you know what is in your heart.

 

[shinkou]

I think that here the big problem about intention is she feels she wants to go to the certain famous university because he will go to that university. It is very common in Asian culture for someone to only date the person that went to the same famous university or similar famous university. It can be possible I am wrong.

 

[yoaniah]

Edit: I think that Shinkou has some very good points, and she probably understands better than I do. Also, in my opinion, you both have excellent English skills. It is better than some Americans.

Yoaniah, I understand how you are feeling right now, I am in a University in America too, but I am almost finished with my studies. Especially when it comes to the end of the year I can get very stressed and fall behind. I believe Nom de Guerre is saying that you should not let stress and distractions hold you back from what you want to do.

I don't see anything wrong with your intentions. Do you think that God wants you to do one thing or the other? I do not believe that God forces us to go any one way, he wants us to be happy with where we are.

In America, and Canada, it is common for women to go to school and date men. Is it not the same where you are from? Is this why you are worried?

If it is okay, I would suggest you let the boy know that you like him. In America we have a saying, "You will never know if you do not try." It could be that once you know if he likes you or not, you will be able to concentrate on your studies better.

If your culture does not like women dating and going to school, you should ask yourself if this boy is worth giving up your studies. Do you think he will make you happy? If you are unsure, ask God.

It sounds like you are interested in being what we call an Interpreter, a person who translates a foreign language into their own. This is a common job for international businesses and politics. It sounds like an interesting career. Is that what you want to do? Is it something you feel strongly about? Or is it just something you could do?

These are things that people can give you advice on, but in the end, you must make the decision. Ask God the help you know what is in your heart.

Thanks so much for your comment.

Actually I mean my intention is, I want to enter a famous university because I want to attract the boy. Well, I just have changed my detail of my profile and you can see that, I'm from Hong Kong. It's VERY difficult to get into universities here... (the quota and the exams) I always think that if I'm a student of any famous universities here, I'll be more attractive.

And well, in Hong Kong, women are now more voluntarily to date men. But me, I'm not that kinds of girls. Honestly I have never dated any boys... and I don't want to ask any boys out when I like them. I'm too shy and you know, I've been influenced by the traditional morality here. So that, I'm not like other girls, I think I'm supposed to be chase by boys.

Yeah, I wanna work with some jobs which are related to languages. Actually I wanna be a teacher since I like helping others and solve the problems. I don't like jobs which are boring...since I think teaching students is a changeling job, like solving their difficulties on studies, or stop their quarrels, etc.hmm what else I can do if it's not good to become a teacher?

Anyway, thanks so much for your comment, I think I should better concentrate on my studies...

I'll pray for you, man.

 

[yoaniah]

I think that here the big problem about intention is she feels she wants to go to the certain famous university because he will go to that university. It is very common in Asian culture for someone to only date the person that went to the same famous university or similar famous university. It can be possible I am wrong.

Well, maybe you get me wrong. I mean, I hope to get into a famous university because I want to attract the boy I like. I study hard which is because of him...

But thanks so much for your long advice (afore comment, not this one) ! I can that you're from Japan and you're writing very good English.

 

[yoaniah]

I know this kind of experience very well. I have had similar situation in my past. I know how hard it is to compete for getting into the famous university. I think that it is so important that you have to have some confidence and trust in yourself. It is so easy to think that you will fail and that you cannot have success in that. It is so easy to think that if you cannot enter the famous university you will have a hard future. I have had those feelings before too.

I think one of the important things to do is to try to worry less about that. The stress from worry about that is going to make it easier to fail. Of course many companies want to hire students from famous university but actually even students that do not enter into a famous university can still have a very good future. I know many people that have very good jobs but they did not enter the famous university.

Try not to worry too much about that. Focus on the thing that you can control and just do your best. If you are really doing the best as you can it is enough.

I know you are worried about entering a famous university to because of that guy. I can understand that too. I know many family cares about background for relationship in here. If he goes to famous university probably he will want to marry a girl who went to a famous university too. I am sure his parents will be like that too. Probably he does not date with anyone because like you he is concentrate on studying hard to enter the university. Do not do for him. That is a bad reason to study something. Not every guy will care about your university background. If he is good for you, then he will care for you even you go to any university that is not famous.

I think the best thing you can do is still try your best. If you know the thing that you have some difficult time in studying with, then you need to find the way to better study in that. English study is always difficult to me. I had to study very hard to learn English. Even now I do not have confidence to speak in English. Even when I write some message I spend very long to write and have to change frequently. I always search about the way to make my English better. I think you are joining in some English website like this is a very good way to develop some English ability. It is the same to me too. That is why I come to this site too.

Some people when they study they can study easily. They can learn quickly about how to do something. Everybody is different. You have to stop comparing yourself to the other students and friends and their score. You need to do what you can to improve your score. If you think to much about the others than of course you will have less confidence. It is very unfair they can have talent about studying like that. But I am sure you have some talent too that they do not have. Everyone has some different talent. The most important thing is you need to make sure that you are doing the thing you want to do for your future. Make sure you are making the choice for what you want and not the thing that other people are expecting about you. You have to enjoy your life. I know many Asian students are doing for their parents instead of for themselves. Make sure you are doing for yourself. This is for your future, and you have to make sure you enjoy your future.

Be confident, compare your score only to yourself. Find the thing you need to improve and work on that. Be happy when you find you are improving about your own score and do not worry about the other person. You need to stop thinking negative thoughts and find the positive thing to think about in your studying.

So true, and you're right. Many families care about the background of the boyfriend/girlfriends who are dating with their children. And you see that, I'm from Hong Kong, a very competitive city. Almost everyone on the streets hold a degree or even master. Therefore, I'm so stressed out.

I'll try my best to have more confidence. I believe that God is always beside me and support me. I should be happy!

And thanks God, people here are giving lots of wise advice I'll print this long advice out. Thanks so much, my sister.

 

[elenore]

there's a saying that we have here in the west, that someone we like might just be 'out of our league'.

That means that we cannot reach their standards, no matter how much we try. And to do so is a waste of our time and energy.

Do you think there is any real possibility of you achieving what you are setting out to do to impress this boy? Sometimes people are just better students then us. They might come from better families, have more money, etc.

I do not wish to discourage you from something that is honestly viable if you work hard enough, but I would not like to see you waste your time on something that is impossible, either.

 

[fathomf5ve]

The first part. Keep things simple. Make a routine - wake up at the same time, have breakfast, lunch and dinner, sleep eight hours. Your physical health is important. It makes a difference.

Looking at others is discouraging. It's understandable, but don't compare yourself with them. You study hard and do your best. That is all you can do. Don't worry about things if you can't control them - it is unhelpful. The things you can't control, trust God with it.

The second part. Don't choose your university because the guy is going there. Your career is your career. Choose your path for you, under God. He is not your boyfriend and he is not your husband. If you are interested, let him know in some way so he will ask you. Sometimes you can ask a friend, someone who is your friend and also his friend. You can find out if he is interested in you. If not, then you don't have to ask him directly. But if you can't trust your friends, you have to give him a hint directly, not through friends.

Ask a friend for better judgement. If you have feelings, sometimes you can't think. Or write a list - what do you like about him? Are the reasons good, or is it just a feeling? If you don't fit well, or if you are very different, then you have to think about it - it will be harder. Sometimes it's just a feeling and you are not a good fit - let a friend help you sort your feelings or ask a wiser person.

 

[yoaniah]

there's a saying that we have here in the west, that someone we like might just be 'out of our league'.

That means that we cannot reach their standards, no matter how much we try. And to do so is a waste of our time and energy.

Do you think there is any real possibility of you achieving what you are setting out to do to impress this boy? Sometimes people are just better students then us. They might come from better families, have more money, etc.

I do not wish to discourage you from something that is honestly viable if you work hard enough, but I would not like to see you waste your time on something that is impossible, either.

Actually you're discouraging me. But thank you for telling me the truth. I'll try to make the impossible things turn into possible. In God, everything is possible. Don't you know that?

 

[Tamara224]

nm

 

[SnowyMacie]

I do not think you should go to a university just because a boy is going there. I don't mean to sound harsh but that can be a bad idea, you should go a university that will challenge you (at an appropriate level) and will suit your needs.
Furthermore, I have friends who have gone to a university just because their boyfriend/girlfriend went there and most of them have regretted that decision. Why, because this weird thing happens when you go to college: your circles of friends multiplies.
Furthermore, there was a girl in my high school who I thought was "perfect. It is not that she was a bad person or anything, but looking back on it, I've realized that I made the better decision to not further pursue that relationship. I was not ready for that relationship and it would have been a lot worse scarring for me if I had actually pursued it (I still believe that). For all I know, God could be planning for us to meet again years from now, I do not think that's likely, but I'm not God. On the other hand, God could have a better person in mind for me than her (which would be better than I can imagine).
Basically, if I were you I would think: am I ready for this, if so why? I would just meditate, pray about it. God can do anything He wants, and that includes saying no.