is it wrong?

[lovesbrightpink]

I just want the lord to take me away. i cant do this anymore. Seems like everything is going fine then in a snap im suicidal again. I just want to be out of pain. I want to stop feeling sad and hurt and alone. Even though I have my fiance I still feel alone. I put everyone elses problems on myself and try to be this person who is strong and im not. I never will be. Im scared of my thoughts and my self.

 

[UnitynLove]

I am praying for you my sister. Just know that God is taking you to a greater Glory in him and sometimes it takes a pressing. But the spirit in you is not a quiter it says "Just any day now and everything will be Ok." And it will. Trust in God my sister. I am praying for you. Amen.

 

[theartist87]

I feel the same way sometimes. So many ups and downs. Sometimes it's so much to handle

 

[caityblue]

thinking of you lovesbrightpink, i know how horrible trying to handle shifting moods, when you think you are ok - then you snap. you're not alone in this, we are beside you, and god is in your heart

take care ... praying for you
caity xxox

 

[burn97]

LBP ... first I want to give you a big hug..

know that you are not alone in your struggles sister.

​

 

[burn97]

God has told us, ' No temptation has seized you except what is common
to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. ~1Corinthians 10:13

This is a great verse, and it tells us so much LBP.
First, these feelings that you are having, the saddness, the depression, the lonliness, is common. I know firsthand, when the deep dark pit engulfs you that it's hard to think that anyone else could possibly feel like this, but God called it common, to let us know that we are not alone.
Second, God, our Father, is Faithful. He's knows you LBP, He knows everything about you. He knows your limits. We don't even know that. We think we know, but we don't sister. God is contantly pushing us past our 'comfort zone' but it's not our limits. God, the Almighty Lord, knows what You can handle, and He's promised you, ' I will not let you go past what you can bear' Hold tight to that promise sister.
God knew sister, before you were even born that you would be going through depression. He also knew that He wouldn't leave you to handle it alone, but that He was going to pull you through it.
We can't see the future, but He already knows it.
You ARE going to get though this depression.
God is working in you right now at this very moment LBP. It's uncomfortable, its unbareable sometimes, it hurts, but when He's done your life is going to be better. You are going to be free.
I've asked myself a million times, ' God, You've promised to provide a way out, so that I can stand strong, but Father, I'm not seeing a way out right now.'
His answer LBP was, ' Give it to me. Stop trying to handle it yourself, stop depending on your own stength
stop hoping that you can beat it
Give it to me.'

LPB, it is hard, I know. I've been where you are, and I still am where you are, but it's getting easier to handle, because God is teaching me that I can't do it. I can't stop the suicidal thoughts. I can't stop the depression. I can't climb out of the pit when I fall. But He can.
He takes my hand,
He lifts me out,
He delivers me from the depression
He saves me from the thoughts and desires to harm myself
And each and every time He does it.
Slowly, I'm learning, ' Give it to Him.'
right away, and the more I do, the more He takes away, the more He heals.
He has promised total restoration, anything less than that, don't accept. The life that God has planned for you is amazing. A life without depression, without lonliness, without saddness.
I know that right now, it seems impossible, but remember that with God the impossible becomes possible,
for ' Nothing is impossible for the Lord '



​

 

[Amin]

I just want the lord to take me away. i cant do this anymore. Seems like everything is going fine then in a snap im suicidal again. I just want to be out of pain. I want to stop feeling sad and hurt and alone. Even though I have my fiance I still feel alone. I put everyone elses problems on myself and try to be this person who is strong and im not. I never will be. Im scared of my thoughts and my self.

Hi,
How are you doing today? I used to take a lot of other peoples problems on myself too. The truth remains that every one is responsible for themselves. I used to feel really bad for someone going thru any kind of misfortune. Then i realized
that there wasn't anything i could do, and I'd feel really bad about that. The thing is, as much as we want to help someone, things and problems happen. They're all a part of what we call life, and the sad part is 9 out of 10 times, there's nothing we can do. It's not that we don't want to, we're not capable of it, we're just not equipped to do things we have no control over. Life at times isn't easy.
In fact it's down right hard at times. Should we give up? I don't think so. Life and emotions are like a flowing river. One day well be down and in a bad situation. Then like that flowing river, life and our emotions move on, they flow slowly by bringing us to another emotion, another part of life. You have to allow other people to go thru life just as we do.
Allowing things to happen. Eventually believe it or not, things will pass just like that river that constantly flows by, so will things and problems of life. That's why some days are good, and some aren't so good. I had to come to a realization that
even tho i wanted to take on other peoples problems, it's just not possible. I believe we can be a comfort to people going thru trials, but we can't take on their responsibilities of going thru trials of their lives.It's a hard thing to realize, but it still hurts wanting to do something, knowing we can't.
I guess if i had to say one thing, in a very loving way i would say; We can't solve other peoples problems, but we can be a comfort to them while their going thru it. That's why God brings people together. So we can be a support when they need help, not a solution. In all reality you ask the Lord to take you away, but what if you were meant to be of comfort to someone, or someone be a comfort to you. Even tho in the middle of the pain, we think we have no purpose, we can't go on. I'm here to tell you you do have a purpose in life that no-one but you can fulfill. That's what makes you special, your individuality. There are things only you can do.
Some days we just feel like giving up. I do. Let the river flow by, taking the moments problems with it.
I hope I've made some sense in this jumble of words. I want to be a comfort to you. Maybe by saying, it's okay to feel bad, it's okay to question.
Just don't lose yourself in the process. It's okay to feel bad. God gave us the ability to do so, it must have been for a reason. Maybe so we'd know how someone else feels, so we can be a comfort to them until their river flows by.
Take Care,
Chuck.

 

[lovesbrightpink]

Interesting that this thread was around the first page again. Tonight I layed in bed trying to go to sleep. I was crying. I had to wake my fiance and ask him to hold me but that wasnts fair of me. How can you ask someone who is more depressed then you to help you out of your depression.

For the first time in a long time, I actually thought of how I would kill myself. I told my fiance how I was feeling and he said, well if your going to kill yourself tell me now so that I can leave...whats hard is that he is my best friend and this isnt who he is. I need him right now, not the depressed man who doesnt even want to hold my hand. I am alone. No on understands me like he does. Friends are flakey and my moms well she is my mom and I dont want to worry her any more then she already does.

As I read the posts I was bawling.

Lately I feel so away from god. I feel like I cant even talk to him or pray the way I used to. I feel like he is angry with me. Like I cant come to him anymore.Im alone....

 

[burn97]

LBP, You want to know one of my favorite verses in the bible?

" A bruised reed He will not break,
and a smothering wick He will not snuff out."

My dear friend, we are bruised are we not? We once stood tall and proud, just like a river reed. One moment firm and strong. But life has struck it's cold cords upon us, now were fragile, left bowing in the wind. Are you not bruised? I know I am.
A smothering wick? What is more fragile than a smothering wick? One moment ablaze, the hot embers of yesterday, the passion that makes us who we are. Then the cold wind came and blew out our flame, now we're left smothering, not hot anymore, but not yet gone.
You know what the world would do to us, you know the impersonal hand that has thrown you out, saying that you're worthless, there's no more purpose. You know what the world says about us.
But it's not what God says. God says:

My daughter,
I know that you are bruised and weary,
and I promise, I will not break you for I know
how fragile you are.

How do I know this? Mattew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and
burdened,and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn
from me, for I am gentle and humble in
heart, and you will find rest for your
souls. For my yoke is easy and my
burden is light.

Jesus did not come to seek out those that are strong and mighty, the reeds that are not buised, because they do not think they need him. They are set in their ways, they are the proud and the lofty, they don't think they need a Savior, they believe they can handle everything on their own. You and I and the millions of others though need a Savior, we need one that will take up our burdens because we can't handle them, they are too great. Does this make us weak? By no means, that is what makes you strong. Because ' God's power is made perfect in weakness.'
Is God far from you? Never, because He has said in His Word, 'The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close the the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' (Psalm 34:17-18)
Did you see that, God is close to the brokenhearted. He is close to You LBP, right now, He is with You. He has assured you in His Word, ' That neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, (and incase we're still not convinced, He adds this), nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God.' (Romans 8:38-39)
Still not convinced, God has covered all the bases, cuz He knows that Satan will whisper lies, He knows the enemy is attacking the mind, telling us falsehoods. ' Why, you can't pray, you can't even talk to God.' (sound familiar?)
Here's what God says to that lie:

In the same way, the Spirit help us in our weaknesses.
We do not know what we ought to pray for, but
the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that
words cannot express. And He who searches our
hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the
Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance
with God's will. (Romans 8:26,27)

Sister, you don't even have to speak when you pray, let the Spirit speak for you. Just get on your knees and cry out to Jesus. He is faithful to answer. He is faithful to never leave you, and just incase we question that one, Jesus answered that Himself, ' Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'
He loves you so much, He doesn't want you living in this pain, and He especially doesnot want you to kill yourself. Trust me He doesn't. I have been where you have been. I too have thought that death would be easier than life. I too have made plans to end the pain. I sat in my bathroom with the intent to kill myself, almost two years ago. I know the pain that one has to be in to even think about suicide. And I promise You that God knows all of this.
As I sat on my bathroom floor, ready to die, God spoke to me.
He gave me a choice, words which I will never forget. " You can gave me this, and trust me to take it away, or you can do it you own way." I knew right then that I was choosing life or death, heaven or hell, my own way or God's way. It was the hardest choice I had to make, but as you can guess, I chose God's way. And sister, God is Faithful! God has promised to take this pain from me, and He is, in His own time. Little by Little. Am I still depressed? Yes, though never once in these almost two years have I ever been that low, that bad. Each time I feel depressed I give it to Him, and trust that He will take it from me, and He does. Maybe not as fast as I'd like, but I have learned that God's time is perfect.
Does leaning on God mean that you'll never have trials or problems? NO! I have problems, I have trials, but I AM NOT ALONE!!!! But it's not the saddness that make us take our lives, it isn't the pain, it's the lonliness. That is why when God is with us, we're never alone. I'm not alone, and you aren't either my sister. God has a purpose for your life, and if you take His Hand, He will lead you down the path. He will heal this pain. He will take away your depression.
​

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​

 

[Amin]

Interesting that this thread was around the first page again. Tonight I layed in bed trying to go to sleep. I was crying. I had to wake my fiance and ask him to hold me but that wasnts fair of me. How can you ask someone who is more depressed then you to help you out of your depression.

For the first time in a long time, I actually thought of how I would kill myself. I told my fiance how I was feeling and he said, well if your going to kill yourself tell me now so that I can leave...whats hard is that he is my best friend and this isnt who he is. I need him right now, not the depressed man who doesnt even want to hold my hand. I am alone. No on understands me like he does. Friends are flakey and my moms well she is my mom and I dont want to worry her any more then she already does.

As I read the posts I was bawling.

Lately I feel so away from god. I feel like I cant even talk to him or pray the way I used to. I feel like he is angry with me. Like I cant come to him anymore.Im alone....

I know we don't know each other,but if you did anything to yourself you'd be depriving other people the chance to meet a special person. That's right, I said special. I feel the same way when it comes to God. I don't even go to church anymore. Sunday School once in a while. It's because i think God doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
Then i think back to a time i wasn't depressed and what God meant to me, and me to Him. I still have
trouble with that. I think we believe this because we feel we've done something terrible and God doesn't want anything to do with us anymore. The truth is, we're depressed, we're not thinking like
we should. God is still God. He's still the one we knew Him to be. We now think thru clouds of depression that can change thoughts in the blink of an eye. I'm getting a little better in thinking God doesn't want me, but it's still a struggle. I've said to myself, God is true to His word, and if i think he's not with me when He says he is, then i guess I'd be calling God a liar. I'm speaking of myself here too.
God hasn't gone anywhere, we're just not thinking correctly because of this idiotic depression. He could be doing things and we might not even realise it because of how we're thinking. Feeling alone is one of the worst things I've ever felt. I
don't have an answer about how not to feel like we're alone, other than maybe to realise that it's
an illness causing this and I'm not really alone.
That's not much of an answer but, feeling alone is just a part of the symptoms of this depression. I'd much rather do it face to face. At least that way we could try and fight something we could see. Do me a favor and remember you're one of a kind, and that's a good thing. If you weren't here, that one of a kind would be extinct, and that's not such a good thing. People really do care, I care. This world is better off by far with you in it. With a place like the CF, we can face this thing together with everyone here. If you ever feel alone remember, you have a lot of people here pulling for you. Me included.
If you ever feel down and have no-one to talk to, just PM me and I'll be there as soon as i see the PM sign. Please Take care of yourself and remember, you're cared for by a lot of people right here.
Chuck.

 

[Amin]

I just want the lord to take me away. i cant do this anymore. Seems like everything is going fine then in a snap im suicidal again. I just want to be out of pain. I want to stop feeling sad and hurt and alone. Even though I have my fiance I still feel alone. I put everyone elses problems on myself and try to be this person who is strong and im not. I never will be. Im scared of my thoughts and my self.

Hi LBP,
I was wondering how you were doing after reading your post the other day. I hope things have turned around for you a little bit.
Take Care.
Chuck.