Is it wrong to only want to marry a Virgin

Wryetui · May 23, 2015

Cearbhall said:
That's not true, so it seems like a bit of a stretch.

You are not contradicting me, but the Bible: 1 Corinthians 6:18 - Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Cearbhall · May 23, 2015

Wryetui said:
You are not contradicting me, but the Bible:

Yes, the Bible contradicts science an awful lot. They didn't know any better. However, truth and science are completely compatible. The Pope knows it, and most Christians I know feel the same way.

"The Bible is true, and some of it actually happened."

All Englands Skies · May 23, 2015

All through my teens, I was an atheist, it was through sheer luck I remained a Virgin, at 18 I started questioning about God, so then thought it right to not give into temptation and sin.

But if somebody has had sex before, then become born again, is it not wrong to judge them because of their sin?

Is it not doubting Gods grace, God can get over what they did, but you reject somebody you like, for their past sins?

To be honest, I would feel a bit of a hypocrite if I defined somebody by their past sins.

2ndCovanent · May 23, 2015

HolyisourGod said:
Is God not sovereign? Is God not able to provide for one seeking to walk in His perfect plan and will for our lives?

God's plan for us is for man and woman to leave from their parents and cleave as one flesh. I don't see the words' find a virgin to marry' anywhere in that scripture.

OGM said:
There are over 200 countries on this earth.

He only lives in one of those countries man. What I mean by that is that there is only one wife for him so he shouldn't go judge every other woman to see if she's the right one because he'll just dismiss them all. If he's not selfish he should find a partner who isn't selfish and they will work things out period. Even better if said partner is a believing christian.

Wryetui said:
You clearly can't see the gravity of pre-marital sex, you clearly don't see the gravity of having sex outside marriage. You have to be chast and pure because that's how God wants you to be.

Can you post some scripture that deals explicitly and directly with pre marital sex? Or just any that involve pre marital sex.

Wryetui said:
You are not contradicting me, but the Bible: 1 Corinthians 6:18 - Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

I think sexual morality written about here was more about prostitution/gays/promiscuous people who tried things. Some how though I do think it might actually apply to all premarital sex but I;m not sure why there's no explicit scripture on that.

Wryetui · May 23, 2015

The Church has always interpreted it that way, christianity always interpreted it that way then. Pre-marital sex is wrong, because sex outside of marriage is wrong. God instituted the marriage, the only bond that makes sex not sinful, otherwise it is a sin.

The Cadet · May 23, 2015

Speaking as someone who has had sex both with people he was reasonably compatible with and people who... well, weren't (heyo stealth brag!), and who is currently living with someone who belongs in the former camp, I gotta say... Yeah, it's wrong to only want to marry a virgin. In fact, this entire sex-negative culture can lead to some really quite problematic situations. Sexual compatibility is a big deal. It matters in a relationship. If you aren't on the same wavelength, it can lead to one party feeling constantly pressured, or one party feeling unfulfilled and frustrated. Even if you say it doesn't matter to you... Does it matter to your significant other? If not, congratulations, the issue just resolved itself: you are sexually compatible because you both appear to be largely asexual. Unless you really, really don't care about sex, by saving yourselves for marriage, you're leaving yourself open to a huge "Uh oh" moment when you realize that this doesn't work and probably never will work. And we hear about this fairly frequently.

2ndCovanent · May 23, 2015

All Englands Skies said:
All through my teens, I was an atheist, it was through sheer luck I remained a Virgin, at 18 I started questioning about God, so then thought it right to not give into temptation and sin.

But if somebody has had sex before, then become born again, is it not wrong to judge them because of their sin?

Is it not doubting Gods grace, God can get over what they did, but you reject somebody you like, for their past sins?

To be honest, I would feel a bit of a hypocrite if I defined somebody by their past sins.

Sex is only one sin anyway. Might as well try dating someone who never stole, never lied or never cheated. Heck might as well say something like if I ever met the perfect person for me I won't marry them because they killed someone once. Murder is a big deal to us because it scares us completely I know, but God forgives murder as much as he forgives people for other petty sins. I would say it's wrong to only want to marry someone because of the sins they haven't done.

Cearbhall · May 23, 2015

The Cadet said:
Unless you really, really don't care about sex, by saving yourselves for marriage, you're leaving yourself open to a huge "Uh oh" moment when you realize that this doesn't work and probably never will work. And we hear about this fairly frequently.

I imagine that people who think they'll go to Hell otherwise feel that it's worth the risk to wait. Not that I feel that way, but I understand the logic.

2ndCovanent · May 23, 2015

Cearbhall said:
I imagine that people who think they'll go to Hell otherwise feel that it's worth the risk to wait. Not that I feel that way, but I understand the logic.

Like razzleflabben said a few pages ago, to some it's a self control and patience thing but the goal ofcourse isn't simply to abstain so I don't go to hell but to not include ourself in a lifestyle of sinning because sin is more of a lifestyle than simple actions. Which is why that logic isn't smart and very unchristian. A person on this life will NEVER prevent themself from going to hell at all. Even if they never ever sin according to their own eyes. I think it's important to understand why sin should be avoided in the first place because like I said, it is a lifestyle. Your decisions are what determine how faithful you are more than your actions. It's never just someone deciding to steal, but someone deciding that they don't have the patience to live without something and that they deserve it more than the other person. It's never just someone deciding to kill but someone deciding to take that person away from the world so they won't ever have to bear dealing with them for what ever reason. In the case of fornicators in paul's time it wasn't just people having sex it was people deciding that they couldn't get what they needed from one person so they gave them self out to each other a lot.

Cearbhall · May 23, 2015

2ndCovanent said:
Like razzleflabben said a few pages ago, to some it's a self control and patience thing but the goal ofcourse isn't simply to abstain so I don't go to hell but to not include ourself in a lifestyle of sinning because sin is more of a lifestyle than simple actions. Which is why that logic isn't smart and very unchristian.

Oh, I'm not saying it's just about avoiding punishment. That would indeed be problematic. Sorry for not being clear. I'm just saying that I don't blame people for avoiding something that they believe is worthy of an eternal sentence in Hell.

2ndCovanent · May 23, 2015

Cearbhall said:
Oh, I'm not saying it's just about avoiding punishment. That would indeed be problematic. Sorry for not being clear. I'm just saying that I don't blame people for avoiding something that they believe is worthy of an eternal sentence in Hell.

I see. People shouldn't take chances with their faith though. There are no risks when it comes to God.

HolyisourGod · May 23, 2015

Tired of the circles within this thread. Will unfollow immediately. Nor can it ever be but the vain winds of error from every side must blow through a soul void of sound doctrine.

The Cadet · May 23, 2015

My SO had a very lovely take on the issue:

"If you degrade a woman to a flap of skin on their vagina, then yes, clearly something is very wrong with you."

Mrs Awesome · May 23, 2015

lightlyprinted said:
KJV
Mark 10:2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. Mark 10:3 And he answered and said unto them, "What did Moses command you?" Mark 10:4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. Mark 10:5 And Yeshua answered and said unto them, "For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept." Mark 10:6 "But from the beginning of the creation Elohim made them male and female." Mark 10:7 "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;" Mark 10:8 "And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh." Mark 10:9 "What therefore Elohim hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Mark 10:10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. Mark 10:11 And he saith unto them, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her." Mark 10:12 "And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery."

Luke 16:18 "Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery."

John 4:16 Yeshua saith unto her, "Go, call thy husband, and come hither." John 4:17 The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Yeshua said unto her, "Thou hast well said, I have no husband:" John 4:18 "For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly."
(The very first husband was her real and only husband. Six men that she had sex with, and called husband in the sight of others. But the first one was in Elohim sight-her real husband. The other five where adultery affairs)

The first person you have sex with is your only husband or wife.
That is it!

Listen to only Yeshua.
Only He has the words of life and salvation.
No one else but Him.

I sowed my wild oats in my youth.
So little that I know that the first woman I had sex with would be my only chance to be married. If I knew then what I know now.
I would have stayed a virgin and would have married a virgin.
In Elohim sight, that is the only way.
Now I am left with no other choices.
The only choice I have now is single.
That is it.

Be honest with each lady before your heart gets attached to her.
Because it well be hard to separate if that happens.
And do not listen to anyone.
Marry a virgin.

I'm proud of you Bro' !!!

I'm sorry, but you are taking the word of God and interpreting it for you own purpose. The Bible is not meant to be interpreted, but to be read and taken for face value. Nowhere in the verses you quoted does it say that if you have sex with someone, then you are automatically married to them. This is not true. You are twisting things around. If this were true, then how is premarital sex possible? Why would God warn us against it if it didn't exist?

I do agree that waiting until marriage is the only truly Biblical and God-pleasing thing to do, but I disagree with your interpretation of the Word of God. Is premarital sex a sin? Yes. Is it God-pleasing? Absolutely not. Should we aspire to remain virgins until our wedding night? Yes. Should we also commit to finding a virgin for a spouse? Yes! But your interpretation of the Bible is false and disturbing.

In the Mark passage, it says nowhere that sex = marriage. It merely says that a man will come together with his WIFE (not a random women with whom he's having sex) and become one. In the Luke passage it is talking about sex outside of marriage in the form of adultery, not sex = marriage. In the John passage you added in your own interpretation at the end, which is both wrong to do and wrong in meaning. This passage is about a woman who has had many husbands for different reasons and is now lying with a man who is not her husband (premarital sex), it is not about sex = marriage.

This young man (the OP) needs encouragement, not false doctrine.

I'm sorry that you feel that you yourself have no options left for marriage since you have had premarital sex in the past. However, this is a sin that you can ask God for forgiveness for. He will gladly provide this to you if you have a truly repentant heart, which it seems you do! We are all sinners and all fall short of the glory of God, some people just sin in different ways than others. All sins are forgivable and you deserve that grace from God. This is the very reason why He sent His one and only Son, Jesus. He wants to give that grace to you and for you to be happy. If you truly want to get married - or just feel better - I recommend speaking to a pastor about this ... or simply talking to God.

I hope this helps you, as well as the OP.

Mrs Awesome · May 23, 2015

The Cadet said:
My SO had a very lovely take on the issue:

"If you degrade a woman to a flap of skin on their vagina, then yes, clearly something is very wrong with you."

This is not about the physical aspect of having sex and/or being a virgin. If that were true, then women who have used tampons or done gymnastics or whatever that have torn the hymen would then be considered non-virgins, which is absolutely ridiculous. Besides, guys are virgins, too - until they have sex. Why is this only about women? Men are just as responsible for their sex lives as women are. No more, no less.

Saving yourself until marriage is indeed about so much more. It's about virtue and holiness and saving oneself for your spouse only, which is what God wants us to do. For a Christian, this is something to aspire to. It is instructed by God that we do this and is all over the Bible as reminders. It's not about a "flap of skin" or anything like that. It's not about shame. It's not about objectifying either of the sexes. It's about living God's word and respecting the covenant of marriage.

iamfree1 · May 23, 2015

That desire to marry a virgin is strong in you. There was an Australian singer who used to appear on the Hour of Power who was very vocal in her desire of abstinence until marriage. And, she finally did find the right one, and did marry. In other words, there is someone out there for whom this subject is as important to her, as it is to you. Don't be ashamed, afraid, or have a lack of courage to speak up for what you believe. The right one is there for you. If you can't discuss this before marriage, then you will have problems after marriage. Marriage does not make things easier. The realities of blending two different personalities, backgrounds, and lifestyles becomes evident after marriage. We assume marriage is "business as usual", but the realities of differences become evident. Love covers all things and makes a way through, but to be on common ground before starting is essential. So, you both need to have the same values and direction and purpose before God before you start. Abstinence is important, but a common direction and purpose before God is essential.

razzelflabben · May 23, 2015

Cearbhall said:
I'm talking more about the rhetoric of it making you a "used good." Damaged in a way that can't be undone, as if repentance and God's forgiveness suddenly don't mean anything if you *gasp* have sex, of all things! Chris was saying this a couple pages back, and I've seen other people say similar things in this thread:

thanks for clarifying, I must have missed those posts. The only ones I saw suggested that he should forgive the past, just like God forgave. An idea I am right there with you all about, however, as I previously said, if he is not to that point in his relationship with God yet, it would be better to tell her that he isn't there yet, then to try to force himself to accept something he isn't ready to live with just because "God forgave". Truth of the matter is that we don't know if God forgave it or not, because we can't see the heart, all we can do is take the persons word for it and trust God after much prayer. In fact, I am beginning to have a problem with some on this thread who seem to be trying to bully those who are waiting for a virgin to forgive and forget. It isn't our job to convict someone, it is our job to encourage unto righteousness while praying for them and for God to mature them to the point of forgiving and forgetting, all the while remembering that God is the only one who can see the heart.

That being said, I am NOT pointing a finger at anyone, just the vibe I'm getting from some who seem obsessed with his need to forgive and forget. It "feels" to me like it borders on bullying into submission....NOT saying it is, saying it FEELS that way to me and I don't think anyone here wants to come across that way. Amen we need to forgive and forget what God has, but let God and God alone convict us of our need to do so. Amen...at least that's my two cents

razzelflabben · May 23, 2015

I know we are talking about premarital sex solely, but one thing I haven't seen come up yet (still learning the new system, may have missed it) is that the purity of sex is to be a picture of our relationship with Christ as well. As such, I think it is important to our discussion to ask what pre marital sex or lack thereof, tells us about our relationship with God or God's relationship with us. (in comparison we are talking about idolatry and faithfulness for anyone not following what I am suggesting) Just some thoughts for what it's worth

com7fy8 · May 24, 2015

HolyisourGod said:
For a newbie to take this journey with a veteran takes away so much of this gift He has given us.

only if you hold on to her past

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

If you two are new in Jesus, your past is gone. It is forgiven. So, if I hold a woman's past against her, I am guilty of unforgiveness. Jesus has paid His own blood for her to be forgiven and her record cleared; so Jesus Christ's blood is enough.

And if she is a new person in Jesus, she is no longer that "veteran" of sex, but a new person. And because she is forgiven much, she loves much. But a green teenie can be a slave of overbearing lusts, though not sexually active.

The way to be virgin is not only physical. But we need to become freed and pure from having relationships with arguing, unforgiveness, nasty angry reacting, and from jealousy about who was with a lady before she even became a Christian. If someone can be jealous about who she was with before she became a sister of Jesus, he also might be at high risk of imagining unrealistic reasons for being jealous about even a virgin and young Christian who is his wife.

So, we need to examine our own selves, and not be wasting good Christian ladies with our finger pointing about their passed-away past. A lady who has changed from evil sexual activity can be one who knows how that got her nowhere; so she can appreciate more, possibly, the goodness of God's love and she "might" know that sex is not really such a big deal . . . especially if now she is experiencing how intimate and beautifully wonderful God's love is > physical intimacy with a body is nowhere's close > "But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him." (1 Corinthians 6:17) So, Jesus Himself is more intimate with her, than just physical intimacy; He's not worried that once she was intimate with Satan, in "the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience." (in Ephesians 2:2)

But many can make such a big deal out of sexual stuff, because they are into pleasure and have not experienced how beautifully wonderful God is in His love (Romans 5:5, Psalm 63:3). So, it is good to humble sexual experience and discover how God is, and how we can be sharing in this love with various other children of God. And a person who has lived in sin can now become one who helps you learn how to love, since she has learned from her experience.

quatona · May 26, 2015

Wryetui said:
Of course it is not wrong to want to marry a virgin, if possible we should only marry a virgin. Would you like to eat an apple after someone else gave it a bite?

What an analogy. :facepalm:

Is it wrong to only want to marry a Virgin

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