Is it wrong to move out

[GuruGreg]

You've got to be kidding me. She is talking about not only moving out, but moving away as well. When I look for my experience on this I recall lonely college freshman girls hungry for attention, consequently men had their sport with them. As a father I would not look kindly on my daughters moving away on their own.

No offense, but you've got to let go sometime. How many of those lonely freshman girls had a solid faith to build upon. c_vero00 is not talking about moving in with her fiancee or auditioning for the next Girls Gone Wild. She's talking about getting to the next stage in her life and maturity. It's not like all girls go off to school and become ***** (pardon my language). The only ones I ever saw do that were the ones who had nothing but the attention of others to turn to. Those who had a faith in God to turn to always managed to hold strong to those beliefs and do things right.

I'm sure there's some college freshmen here (well, technically sophomores now) who can attest to that!

 

[desi]

No offense, but you've got to let go sometime. How many of those lonely freshman girls had a solid faith to build upon. c_vero00 is not talking about moving in with her fiancee or auditioning for the next Girls Gone Wild. She's talking about getting to the next stage in her life and maturity. It's not like all girls go off to school and become ***** (pardon my language). The only ones I ever saw do that were the ones who had nothing but the attention of others to turn to. Those who had a faith in God to turn to always managed to hold strong to those beliefs and do things right.

I'm sure there's some college freshmen here (well, technically sophomores now) who can attest to that!

As the college was in a small Nebraska town 99% of the girls were self professed Christians of one variety or another-one was a bi wiccan .

Moving on to the next stage should be marriage, especially if she is helping out her family. For her to leave her family who needs her to be close to a guy who may or may not marry her is iffy, at best.

 

[FaithfulServant]

I was a college freshman last year (and and now a college sophomore), and didn't go buck wild once I moved out. In fact, my faith has grow leaps and bounds since I left. I can attest to the fact that most Christians don't sign up for Girls Gone Wild after leaving for college

 

[enslow]

I have a different view. There is nothing wrong with staying home at your parents until you marry. In fact, if this is what you want to do, by staying firm with your decision instead of breaking down and taking your fiance's suggestion will reaffirm to yourself and your fiance your own sense of values.

It sounds as if you really value what your loved ones think and feel. You really care what your parents think about the issue, and it sounds as if you hold onto similar values as your parents. You also care about what your fiance wants, otherwise you wouldn't be so torn right now. Right now is the time to care more about your parents, and then on the day you marry switch that to caring more about your husband.

My fiancee really cares about her parents. I know that if I asked her to do something that went against her parents' wishes that would tear her up inside. I also know that caring and loyalty will change the day we marry. I love her very much and this is one of the reasons. I will never do anything to cause her to disobey her parents.

Desi, I didn't read in her post anything about her moving in to the same residence as her fiance, just the same state. However, I realize that she didn't say that she would live separately from him either if she were to move to his state.

Enslow

 

[Mr.Cheese]

If you're a grown woman and legal adult I think it is a good idea to get out and experience some independent living before getting married. If my wife had never moved out I'd feel like I was babysitting rather than being married. I don't understand why your parents feel you should not move out before marriage. If anything, living on campus at college is a good start.

How did you acquire a fiance out of state?

 

[enslow]

If my wife had never moved out I'd feel like I was babysitting rather than being married. I don't understand why your parents feel you should not move out before marriage.

I know I don't speak for all men, or even most men. But I certainly won't feel as if I'm babysitting when I get married. My fiancee does live with her parents and I'm actually quite impressed by that. To me it says something about family values that I like.

The important thing for c_vero to decide is what she values and to not compromise that. I've compromised values in the past and regretted it.

Enslow

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Most people I know who have a 'list' as such of necessities for the person they married have something along the lines of 'living out of home, with responsibility for self' written there...

From your FH's point of view, I guess he's worried that when you get married, you'll get a bit overstressed through having to cope with all the responsibility of the house by yourself for the first time, as well as having another person (and all the 'situations' new marriages tend to create - ie different values, different beliefs on money/housekeeping, etc) to cope with.

When I get married, I hope to marry someone who has been responsible for himself, and lived out of home for a while - I don't want to have to cope with someone whose had their parents to rely on up until our marriage - like Mr Cheese, I'd feel like I'd had a child come into my life... No thank you!

Sasch

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Thing is is that she's not deciding. Her parents are running her life for her. That's not healthy.
Sure if you're young and get hitched chances are you're going to me moving from home into marriage. But living at home until marriage should not be forced on anyone.
Indeed it should be her choice. SHe wants to move in order to be closer to her fiance'.
She's gonna have to move sometime. WHether the move is a wise choice or not has nothing to do with her right to choose as a legal adult.

I must admit that this is kind of a touchy issue with me.
I also don't know the girl or her parents or her fiance'.

 

[SarahAblaze06]

yeah, touchy.. this is kindof a wierd thread. hmmm pondering... well i can't speak aobut this for anyone buy myself cuz for some reason this is like a highly personal thing. not personal, like O dont talk about it you'll offend me, but personal like they ahve to make their won decision based on their thoughts and beliefs and if they feel they are ready to live on their own.

 

[LadyBird]

Glad to hear you wont be living together before you are married. I don't think it's wrong or a sin for you to move out of your parents house. I'm guessing your 18 so you are an adult. You can take care of yourself. If your parents had no opinion over the matter, what would you? Because you should go by that. Many people, girls especially are raised to live at home until they are married. For some, that arrangement works out great and for others, it doesn't. You should do what best fits your needs and your fiances. You cannot accomodate your parents, please them and live under their control forever. This is a good opportunity for you to get out on your own.

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

As the college was in a small Nebraska town 99% of the girls were self professed Christians of one variety or another-one was a bi wiccan .

Moving on to the next stage should be marriage, especially if she is helping out her family. For her to leave her family who needs her to be close to a guy who may or may not marry her is iffy, at best.

yeh yeh everyone calls themselves a christian but how many of them were born again,not only born again but spiritually mature.Im not the most spritually mature person but i never went mad at university,nor have I seen any true christians do the same so your experience leads me to believe few of these girls were even christian.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Listen to belle and not me cause I like what she said better.

 

[c_vero00]

For those who want to know what happened.

I posted the thread because I like to read about peoples thought of the subject. Not only do I seek councel from all of you but with members at church.

Here is what happened. We informed my parents of my Fiance thought of me moving out there. My parents didn't talk to me for a day. My fiance came to visit me the 2nd day so my parents talked to him and told him "he was out of his mind". That if I steped out of the house w/out being married that I would not have a family to come back to. They didn't even care whom I was going to live with even if it was alone. I reassure them that it wasn't because it was being desrespectful towards them but that sometimes a person needs to move out to save a shaky relationship. By relationship I mean me and my parents. They had really been giving it to me for quite sometime...

So, like I was saying we talked they yelled, we listened we stated our case but nothing changed in their mind. So, my fiance said that if he didn't have their blessing then he wouldn't want me to move out.

the day my fiance was supposed to leave back to Calif. I talked and said that my parents said I was never to go back to CA to visit not in a million years until I got married. No matter if I could buy my plane ticket. So, out of no where he said we should just go ahead and get married. Since we decided to get married this year no matter if we are broke and he wishes he could help more. The good thing is that my parents are now talking to me, are going around with me to get everything. I haven't heard any mean remarks. So, I'm happy. I suppose they are.

 

[selune]

Wow, what a whirlwind of events. I wish you and your (now husband?) well. Take care of each other and love each other. I hope your parents are able to come to terms with you growing up and that you can all become closer again.

 

[jcright]

...I've been asked to take it into consideration but I think its not right for me to do so. What do you think?...

I think you have answered your own question. I don't think this the case for everyone, but you've already expressed the thought that it's not. Therefore, for you, I don't think you should. Just my opinion

 

[seekingsomething]

I think its a fantastic idea to move out before gettiong married. You learn to like what you want to like and not what you have to like because your parents like it. It will help you to compromise with someone, which as you can imagine will help tremendously whilst married. Plus you get to have unrestricted fun. You wont have to worry about waking your parents or your husband. It is a chance to grow as yourself. Also being closer to your fiance will give you more of an idea what it is like to be married as you will spend more time together. I hope whatever you decided it is decided prayerfully and you are happy. God bless you x x x

 

[Glorianna]

Just to let you know c_vero00, I am moving out before I get married. I'm in a similar situation to yours. I live in British Columbia but will be moving to South Carolina to live with my fiance's parents in a few months. Just so you know, he doesn't live with his parents so it's not like we'll be living together before we're married. And I know that's what God wants us to do. If you want to talk about this, feel free to get in contact with me.

 

[ashamc]

I actually moved out with 2 girls and 3 guys to be closer to school and all of them were friends, but 1 girl and guy I had never met. We all became friends and I had a boyfriend before I had moved in and then we broke up.The one guy I didn't that well in the house, well we became best friends and then started dating. It was just like living with my best friend, it was fun and we got along really well. And now a year later we are moving out together, but not moving out to be with eachother in a mushy way, but moving out b/c we have don't know of anyone else that needs a place to live too. This could turn out to be a disaster, or it could work out. I guess I'll just have to see. But it has been a good experience so far and so much fun.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

ashamc,

I am in the same situation - started living with a really good guy friend, and that has now turned into something more. So far I'm still calling him my SO (and not my boyfriend), because we are putting groundwork down before it becomes more official and serious, yet, he is still my SO, as I am his (if that makes sense).

It's been great actually, living with him, until now, cos nothing sexual has got in the way, and it's just been a really good way to learn each other's behaviour when you see each other EVERY day. I love living with my best friend and knowing when I get home that there is someone there to spend time with, eat dinner with, and at the end of the day, loves me for who I am.

Good luck - as long as you keep your boundaries up and don't give in to sinful thoughts, then you can do it. I've been doing it for the past 2 years!

Sasch