Is it wrong to continue dating someone once you know you are not going to marry them?

Dionne005 · Jul 9, 2015

DaveW-Ohev said:
Why not?

I stated the reason why in my post. It will mess up our game with other people that I'm talking to. Not every Christians goal is to be committed to someone. Some women's life's goal is to be careful and focus on the career and have fun at the same time. Yes I would like to settle down and meet someone but everyone seems like they don't have their head on straight. No father figure. So I just be me and enjoy free things.

Dave-W · Jul 9, 2015

Relationships are not games. Even the casual or informal ones.

Dionne005 · Jul 9, 2015

DaveW-Ohev said:
Relationships are not games. Even the casual or informal ones.

You can say that all you want but the way things are today, it most likely is a game. That's why lots of folks aren't getting married. No one is worth that time.

Dave-W · Jul 9, 2015

I am so sorry to hear that. It means those in the body of believers must work OVERTIME to be counter-cultural and restore healthy relationships within the body.

It is an important and often overlooked aspect of the gospel. Almost everything in the NT is written to groups of people, NOT individuals.

Fun2Worlds · Jul 9, 2015

You should always be open and truthful about relationships. That counts for friends too.
Dating is exclusive access to the person's time, emotions, and sometimes resources.
The moment you know, you should let her know.
But if you're not sure, then continue dating and see where it leads.
It would also help to tell her (or him), issues you like, and issues you're struggling with. Not to make him/her feel bad, but to get on a plane or field where you know where each of you stand.

The Kayay Guy · Jul 10, 2015

Why do you seek a legalistic answer to such a question? Your conscience should give you the answer. Are you deceiving the other person into thinking that you "might be" a potential marriage partner when you know you are not? Do you both understand that neither or you want to marry the other? If your conscience is clear, if you are not engaged in deceit, why do you seek "confirmation" how to behave? If you are living by faith in that which you know to be true, you do not need the confirmation or approval of any authority other than that inner awareness revealed by your inner voice [which is not to be confused with all the conflicting chatter of words within your head]. After all, if it's not your inner voice that guides you, how could you possibly know if the advice others are giving is correct..., unless, of course, you weigh that advice against that same inner voice? By asking this question, you reveal that you are full of doubt and confusion, evidence that faith is missing. You cannot give yourself faith, but you can be aware that it's missing, which is the first step toward praying that silent wordless prayer, Father, help my unbelief. Remember too, doubt of that which you know is true is what got Adam and Eve in trouble in the first place.

mafugma · Jul 11, 2015

Has anyone on here even fully read the guy's 2 posts...

This is my theory... one of many possible possibilities possibly probable.

He is and 18 year old kid. Has no game. He likes this girl who probably kissed him or made out with him once. Now he's head over heels infatuated. She never really wanted to be with him. He was just the only one around when she wanted company that one time. She only lets him hang around now because he dotes on her. Now she has a boyfriend and doesn't have much time for him anymore. He is very jealous. He wants us to give him ammunition to drive off this guy she is just using because he has a car and the guy who wrote the post only has a bicycle. A few more suppositions... She is younger than the poster by 1-2 years and the new boyfriend is older than our guy, probably drinking age, and is a full on man. There is no way our guy can compete, so he uses the one weapon he thinks the other guy can't compete with... religion. Our boy is in for a rude awakening when he finds out that she doesn't care what his opinion of their relationship is no matter how many scriptures he finds to throw at it/her. The fact that her friend responded on her behalf makes me think that she is sick of hearing him rag about it and is now ignoring him completely. Our boy is in denial. He either missed the window or never had a chance.

I saw this happen over and over again as a youth minister. Most teen age girls are fickle and teen age boys don't interest them for long. There were a enough of times that I had to tell guys in their 20's that it was OK to attend the service but inappropriate for them to hang out with their under age girlfriends at a high school youth group function.

Tina W · Jul 11, 2015

Dionne005 said:
You just proved my point. I could never marry a person with your thought process. We are not supposed to be in sync with the world. This stuff is exactly what I'm saying the devil is doing. Messing up the house holds with all this wrong thinking. Not sorry if I'm coming off harsh but it's the end times and it is what it is.

A person doesn't have to have the same thought process as you on everything in order to marry them. No 2 people think the same way and agree on everything. People have their own opinion and way of seeing things. I don't agree with ghiharris either, but if a guy I was interested in thought that way, but was a nice guy in other ways I would respect his opinion and not let that stop me from marrying him. People are their own person. He can have his own opinion and thought processes, or like a different kind of music or whatever. As long as he's a nice person and works hard and I love him, I would marry him. We don't have to be clones of each other. LOL

seashale76 · Jul 11, 2015

Yes, it's wrong. Dating to see if you're compatible for marriage should be the only reason to date in the first place. Keeping in mind that from a Christian perspective fornication is wrong, then there would be no other reason for a Christian to date someone anyway. I'm always amazed at all of these Christians that intentionally ignore such things. They obviously do not take their faith seriously at all. You either follow your faith or you don't.

cantool · Jul 11, 2015

BDaroowala said:
Can anyone provide biblical evidence to support a certain side to this. I believe that it IS wrong to continue dating someone once you are sure they are not the person God has intended you to be with. I find strong evidence in the passage of 1 Corinthians 7 where it explains that God uses singleness as a time for you to grow closer to him. I am curious to see what you guys think about it. Remember, we're assuming you are 100% this person is not the one for you.

cantool · Jul 11, 2015

Should a person so consume the Word of God that he is in turn, consumed by the Spirit of God, this thought would never become an issue. Since God gives you the desires of your heart, without sorrow, you would receive your mate at Fathers timing.
In the natural, dating is hedging your bet. Isn't gambling a faithless approach?

LynnC · Jul 14, 2015

Desk trauma said:
How are you supposed to see the person you should marry when you're remaining emotionally distant so as to not give away a part of your heart?

Hi Desk trauma,
because you are evaluating a person on the basis of their merits, getting to know them on a friendship level, and in interactions with others, to see if they share the same values, and if they make a good fit for a life together. You don't involve your heart until you know if those things fit or not. If they do not you must walk away. God's way tells us that the heart is deceitful and that it will mislead. We are not to involve the heart before the proper time. Emotions lead us astray when given top priority.
Peace and blessings to you.

LynnC · Jul 14, 2015

seashale76 said:
Yes, it's wrong. Dating to see if you're compatible for marriage should be the only reason to date in the first place. Keeping in mind that from a Christian perspective fornication is wrong, then there would be no other reason for a Christian to date someone anyway. I'm always amazed at all of these Christians that intentionally ignore such things. They obviously do not take their faith seriously at all. You either follow your faith or you don't.

Hi seashale,
So many have simply not been properly taught. We have absorbed the ways of the world rather than having been given a Biblical foundation in our lives.
That's why St. John Paul II wrote The Theology of the Body.
Peace and blessings to you.

Meowzltov · Jul 15, 2015

BDaroowala said:
Can anyone provide biblical evidence to support a certain side to this. I believe that it IS wrong to continue dating someone once you are sure they are not the person God has intended you to be with. I find strong evidence in the passage of 1 Corinthians 7 where it explains that God uses singleness as a time for you to grow closer to him. I am curious to see what you guys think about it. Remember, we're assuming you are 100% this person is not the one for you.

It depend on what you and the other are looking for. If neither of you is looking to marry, I see no harm in it. However, most people want to eventually marry. If that is true, then it is dysfunctional to waste your time and the time of the other person by continuing to date when you could be out looking for your mate.

Sammy-San · Jul 16, 2015

beaverpond said:
I remember in my teens and early twenties dating a lot of young ladies. There was no sex involved. It was all about getting to know each other to see if we were really interested in each other to make a long lasting commitment. If not, no sense in sticking it out.

When the time came when I met the right young lady who is now my wife, things moved quickly. We knew within a month that we were right for each other. We knew that God had brought us together and that He had His hand in this relationship and we were married 10 months after we started dating and after twenty two years we are still together.

My sister's relationship with her boyfriend who became her husband moved just as quickly and they too have also been married for twenty two years.

Difference is her sons are now 19 and our daughter is just about to turn 11. So both of us did not hurry to start a family. Both of us dated the same way. If it was not meant to be, we moved on to the next person we were interested in. We were allowed to start dating when were 16 and not before. We have seen many kids start dating in middle school and early high school and our parents and some parents of today think that is too young.

My brother has three daughters and they all know there will be no dating until they reach at least 16 and they have prove their maturity first. If they can't, then dating will not be permitted.

Are you saying you don't allow opposite gender friendships until 16? That is how some define dating.

Eudaimonist said:
From my perspective, I'd say that it is okay to continue dating someone as long as that someone is properly informed that marriage never will be an option, and that there is something approximating wise agreement to this news.

Avoid deception. Avoid doing what is uncaring and unwise for one's partner.

eudaimonia,

Mark

Technically, isnt dating a sin? There exist guy-girl best friends, but the word dating does refer to a lustful relationship, because when people say, "are you just friends, or are you dating", they are asking if the relationship is platonic or not.

Dave-W · Jul 16, 2015

Superhero Sam said:
Technically, isnt dating a sin?

How is going out to dinner or a movie or put-put golf "a sin?" That is what going on a date is all about.

Superhero Sam said:
when people say, "are you just friends, or are you dating", they are asking if the relationship is platonic or not.

No - it means are you going out on dates (exclusively) or just hanging out with the same crowd.

Sammy-San · Jul 16, 2015

DaveW-Ohev said:
How is going out to dinner or a movie or put-put golf "a sin?"

Where did I say that? What I said is, the word dating generally refers to two people having a "more than platonic" relationship. That is sinful because it involves lustful thoughts and feelings outside of marriage.

Sammy-San · Jul 16, 2015

Rationalt said:
Dating is adultery. One cannot twist it in any other way.

Dating might have been a prelude to marriage for a brief period of time .

How so? Lustful thoughts cant be adultery if neither is married.

Dave-W · Jul 16, 2015

Superhero Sam said:
, the word dating generally refers to two people having a "more than platonic" relationship.

You gotta stop hanging around those circles because that is NOT what it means with the people I know. Not by a long shot.

Dating = going out on dates together. How do you define "going out on a date?"

Sammy-San · Jul 16, 2015

DaveW-Ohev said:
You gotta stop hanging around those circles because that is NOT what it means with the people I know. Not by a long shot.

Dating = going out on dates together. How do you define "going out on a date?"

What is your definition of a "date"? You generally don't hear friends or family go to dinner or movie and call it a "date".

Is it wrong to continue dating someone once you know you are not going to marry them?

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