is it right?

[wannagohome]

Is it right for a spouse to say to their spouse...

"You can't feel that way and if you do you are retarded, and need to figure out whats wrong with you."

"You are so lucky I don't beat you, I want too, anyone else would beat you."

"Shut the *uck up."

"Your family is bad, I am the only thing thats good for you.I am the only one that really loves you."

or if this happens......

if they play with weapons constantly when they talk to their spouse.talks about weapons constantly.

make threats of violence.

walk away from the spouse when they are crying, tell them they over react.

blame all problems on others.

or........

If the certain spouse who is hearing dealing with these things has lost friends due to the behavior, the friends/family still around say they would never stay with someone like that.

If the certain spouse feels obliged to stay only because of guilt and "Fear of God."

What do you think? Is this acceptable behavior? I'd appreciate some opinions. Jen

 

[selune]

No that's not right. If this is you, get some distance and seek counseling. If it is someone else, advise them to get help.

 

[wannagohome]

No that's not right. If this is you, get some distance and seek counseling. If it is someone else, advise them to get help.

Thank you for your advice.
Jen

 

[EmSchmem]

Not even close to OK.

 

[Jenna]

No, of course it isn't right. *shakes head* A person in that situation should seek out counseling, if not for the marriage, then at least to help them always have someone to talk to who will help them refrain from believing that kind of garbage.

If he beats her, or makes a point to threaten her with a weapon, she should call the police.

 

[Ashlynn]

Do YOU think that is acceptable behavior? I find it hard to believe that anyone would.

I would also find it difficult to believe to that all of this behavior happened over night- some of this must have been taking place before that person became a spouse.

 

[Buzz Dixon]

The spouse behaving that way is breaking the marriage covenant.

The spouse being treated this way should put some distance between him/herself and the other spouse.

Counseling is in order for both of them, as individuals and as a couple.

If the abusive spouse continues behaving this way, the abused spouse is not obliged to stay and take it.

Did the abusive spouse only recently begin behaving this way or were the seeds of this behavior apparent from the beginning of the relationship? If it's the former, it could be the indication of a medical or psychological condition that requires treatment.

Regardless of that, nobody should stay near a spouse who threatens physical harm until and unless that spouse gets some sort of treatment/counseling to stop making threats.

 

[wannagohome]

Did the abusive spouse only recently begin behaving this way or were the seeds of this behavior apparent from the beginning of the relationship? If it's the former, it could be the indication of a medical or psychological condition that requires treatment.

Regardless of that, nobody should stay near a spouse who threatens physical harm until and unless that spouse gets some sort of treatment/counseling to stop making threats.

No, its been on going, the behavior has cycled through out the relationship. Good to not good to horrible and then back again. Promises that are not kept, if you do this, or if we do that.....then I will change. Counseling that doesn't help, or refusing to counseling or pastoral help. Putting the blame on her, "you make me act like this." The victim has finally backed away enough to see that whats going on is not good. She's finally been pushed over the edge. She's finally able to quit pretending everythings ok. Even though she feels ashamed, scared,and has lost most of her self image, she knows things will never get better, they will only get worse if she stays around. Jen

 

[lovespeace]

Is this you, if so get out.

 

[wannagohome]

Other people can often pick up on these types of destructive behavior, and they have chosen to separate from the individual. That may be a sign that you should step away from the situation in order that your spouse may seek out the help he needs.

I will certainly pray for you. But I strongly encourage you to seek out help... fast!

Is it a sin to leave a relationship like this? Prayers appreciated. Jen

 

[lovespeace]

No, does God want you be treated like this? I would say no.

 

[wannagohome]

No, does God want you be treated like this? I would say no.

Thank you. Jen

 

[Jenna]

Does your husband profess to be a Christian?

 

[Mr.Cheese]

No. That's not right.
I wouldn't say stuff like that to a good friend. How much more special is a wife?

 

[wannagohome]

Does your husband profess to be a Christian?

Yes. Jen

 

[Jenna]

Hmmm..... Have you considered telling your Pastor about his behavior? It sounds like his Christian brothers need to be doing some serious talking to him.

 

[GirlieGirl]

You know it's not right. You didn't need us to tell you that.

Why don't you tell us what is keeping you from seeking help from a professional counselor/pastor?

 

[RJ1]

It's not only not right, it's scary. Both need counseling and yes, I would suggest some distance. Someone could get hurt or worse. Besides that, I know controlling behavior when I see/hear it. Very unhealthy! The husband is supposed to love his wife like Christ loves His church. Eph. 5:25-33
This isn't love, this is controlling and demeaning. Please seek help.

Sending up prayers.

 

[alaskamolly]

It's not a sin to leave a relationship like that. You're not getting a divorce--you're just leaving. Nothing wrong with that!


But if you do leave, I certainly would make every effort NOT to let him find out about it beforehand, and NOT to let him find out where you are. This guy sounds really really really messed up, and if/when you leave, I'd have no doubt he'll be looking for you (and not with the best intentions, either).

I would talk about his behaviour with your pastor, if your husband claims to be a Christian and claims to be a "good one." Your pastor or some other godly Christian men need to confront your husband. He is in major sin, and it's a GOOD and GODLY thing to hold Christians accountable for their behaviour...so in a situation like this, it is a GOOD thing for you to talk to someone about it who he respects--he needs someone to confront him on this, for his own growth. He probably won't listen, and I wouldnt' expect much...but what if he does? It's worth a shot.

You need to get into contact with some safe places for you to stay, and start planning for it. When you get out, make it a clean break and don't let him know where you are until you know he's sane again (which may take some time, if ever). Who knows--God may use you leaving to really help him see what he's been like, and perhaps will help him to change... This could be the best thing you ever do for him...


Blessings and Prayers,
Mol

 

[Cordy]

Hey Jen



It appears that this is your marriage you are describing. If this is true, then as others suggested, I highly suggest you should leave. I do not know the specifics of your situation, but here is a link to a thread where a woman was experiencing a seemingly similar tone of abuse, and how she got out. If you have not already read it, I thought it might be something you could relate to and perhaps find some encouragement and provoke ideas for solutions – read the whole thing through.

http://www.christianforum.com/t86257

Remember you are loved. You are not alone. There is hope.