Is it possible I don't have a sexuality?

[BrokenElysium]

There is no person I've ever seen in my entire life who is even vaguely attractive. And I've tried forcing myself to think of someone or something attractive. I've looked at, well, certain things I probably shouldn't have. Nothing. There's no reaction to anyone no matter how attractive they technically should be.

The only time I am even somewhat is aroused is when I hurt myself. Even then, it passes after a moment. The only way to keep aroused is to cut myself really, really bad. Even then, we're looking at about three, five minutes, tops? Then I'm back to feeling nothing. Swoosh, there goes any good feelings.

Why am I like this? I mean, everyone is supposed to find someone attractive, right? Everyone is supposed to have an orientation? So... why don't I have one? (A knife does not count as an orientation. Just another problem...)

 

[sinneD]

Hey Young Brother...

While it is true that most teens are aroused in one way or the other, don't place an unnecessary burden on yourself.. you are still in the growing process - physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally..

Don't assume you have to be on the same schedule as everyone else.. this may be something that develops over time..

Having said that, it is also true that some are as3xual, having no interest or desire. This is not necessarily a "bad" thing, but it is a rare thing.

Cutting is an entirely different issue, and you need to really consider what is behind that...

I would recommend that you seek out a wise mentor, someone you can confide in - perhaps a pastor or youth minister, maybe your Dad, older brother or relative.

Send me an e-mail if you need to discuss further.. you will find my contact information in my CF profile..

Peace,

Dennis

Oh - and welcome to CF...

 

[Johnnz]

I suggest you speak to an experienced counsellor or medical person promptly. A low sex drive is one thing. Cutting associated with sexual arousal is another, potentially serious matter.

John
NZ

 

[Guyfoo]

Now i know i am not supposed to reply in this forum but i do know of something called asexuality(not many have heard of it) basicaly its people who do not have any sexual attractions. I don't know much about it but maybe you can read up on it yourself. It might help.
Anyway, I will start you off with a good ole wiki link.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

 

[BelindaP]

Hey, Guyfoo! This is an open part of the forum, so your replies and posts are welcome here. When recovering from various trials in life, perspectives from everyone are welcome.

 

[BelindaP]

It is a possibility that you are not a very sexual person, and that would be OK. However, I think you are probably more of a late bloomer. Be patient with yourself. In many ways you are fortunate, because you aren't having to spend your teenage years in a fog of hormones.

I know that for me, I had very little sexual interest in anyone until I was much older than you are. I truly believe that when the right person comes along, the feelings will appear.

In the meantime, it never hurts to go to the doctor for a complete checkup. They can run some hormone tests to make sure that everything is as it should be.

 

[Proudbelial]

Believe it or not, they do have a word for that. People who are sexually attracted to neither genders are called aesexuals. It is perfectly natural, nothing is wrong with you. It may or may not change sometime in the future, but just let what ever happens, happen.
If your a Christian(making no assumptions here), then at least you don't have to worry about sexual morality.

 

[Person7022]

Recent research has shown that aside from heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bi-sexuality, there is asexuality: the complete lack of sexual desire or attraction for another organism. That you feel this was is congruent with the description of this orientation. Don't be worried, it might pass or it might stay but it is what it is.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

You're young. Maybe you are NORMAL living in this hyper-sexed, over-sexed, sex-saturated world. BelindaP makes sense.....

 

[Divinah]

You've been blessed with a pure heart with regard to this!

 

[TheFathersDaughter]

As has been said, you may be asexual. At 16, I don't want to say you're just too young. It is a possibility you're just a late bloomer but it's also possible you really don't have any sexual attraction. Quite a gift I think. In the Bible I believe it can be described as celibacy, one chosen to live life completely for God.

But it might just be you're so pure that physical attraction doesn't matter to you at all. Which is also a gift.

As far as the cutting, that could be confusion. I haven't dealt with it myself but I have seen it happen. Friends who don't know what to think about themselves feel better when they cut. The best thing I can tell you is to tell a parent, a friend you really trust (and that you know will help you), a youth pastor, a counceler, whoever you feel most comfortable talking too.

And prayer. Lots and lots and lots of prayer (even if you don't believe you can still pray.)

Blessing, FD.

(Also, if you want to talk, PM me. I've dealt with sexuality confusion myself.)

 

[crazyforchrist]

I wasn't interested in guys in that way till I was late in my 17th year! I had guy friends but never really felt anything for them. We were just friends who hung out and I didn't look at them any other way. So I would say you're just a late bloomer. If not, and this is a celibacy blessing I would start praying and ask God what He would have you do in life to serve Him. You don't know how much a blessing it is not to have any sexual desire. We all struggle with this. It's not a bad thing to not feel anything at all.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I don't know, i'm attracted to women (I notice a pretty girl, admire her beauty, but don't desire her..) still, but I have no desire to have sex or really care if I ever do. Does that make me asexual? You're a rare case, perhaps prayer would assist you? Ask the lord for a drive to do something, not so much sexual, but something to give your life meaning. Living for him works, but there is a chance you'll find no good in that either.. (for yourself.. )

 

[InTheCloud]

You might be either a late bloomer or asexual. About 1% of people are like that.
Advise, do not despair, take your time, if you are a late bloomer you will eventually become sexually atracted to someone.
If you are asexual as some posters have said you might have a gift. I do not know if you are religious or not or what denomination you are, but many christian denominations consider celibacy a gift ( as Paul stated) and some even have communites of religious people for that way of living. Catholics and Orthodoxs are more famous for monasticism and celibate communities but few people know there are Lutheran, Anglican, Methodists, Calvinist (reformed/prebysterian) monastic communites. I also heard that some evangelicals have communities for celibate people but I do not know the details. Outside Christianty, Hinduism and Buddism come to mind. And of course you can be celibate in the world, but is a lonely life. Is a looked as a gift because you can devote your entire life to the things of the mind and spirit or to helping other people without the distractions of sexuality. Is it turns that you are in fact asexual you should look into that celibate lifestiles according to your faith.

 

[legacyoftheju]

you're not alone! i'm a cutter too. it's very difficult to get others to understand it too, i know. there are however alternatives to cutting, such as holding an ice cube in your hand until it melts. it is definitely not the same, i know, but it may help... ya never know. also, you may be asexual as some here have said. there's a lot of people out there like you. it may help to talk with them.

 

[Tsadde]

Sometimes depression and different medications can cause a complete lack of sexual drive. If you are cutting I suspect that depression is also a part of your life. Get help for that first.

 

[IamRedeemed]

It may be that you have been called by God for a specific purpose that does not include marriage or a family and have been separated unto Him. I think you need to seek the Lord on this. Are you born again?

There is no person I've ever seen in my entire life who is even vaguely attractive. And I've tried forcing myself to think of someone or something attractive. I've looked at, well, certain things I probably shouldn't have. Nothing. There's no reaction to anyone no matter how attractive they technically should be.

The only time I am even somewhat is aroused is when I hurt myself. Even then, it passes after a moment. The only way to keep aroused is to cut myself really, really bad. Even then, we're looking at about three, five minutes, tops? Then I'm back to feeling nothing. Swoosh, there goes any good feelings.

Why am I like this? I mean, everyone is supposed to find someone attractive, right? Everyone is supposed to have an orientation? So... why don't I have one? (A knife does not count as an orientation. Just another problem...)

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Been awhile, while I'm not as extreme as you, I consider myself asexual. It's a little different than celibacy since it comes natural for me, but I think what the above poster thinks, there are things out of the way for me that I can serve the Lord better.

 

[zercfyea]

I think you're just a late-bloomer. You'll start getting aroused in your mid to late twenties.

 

[strawkatt]

It might also be a sign of huge stress, regret or another negative feeling. Think it over, is there anything that you think might've caused something like that?