Is it okay from a biblical standpoint

[razzelflabben]

Actually, I don't know if this belongs here or not, I think there should be a "just venting" thread somewhere. But I do have a question for you all. I know enough about myself to know that I won't feel this way for long, but here is the situation, the question is are the feeling justified or sinful?

When I was growing up, I often gave my parents money to help them out. In fact, my grandfather always complained about me "loaning" them money and they never even tried to pay it back. He often told them that if it wasn't for me, they would have seen a lot more mealtimes than meals. I really never minded too much, it is part of life and love and I did okay. But since I have been married, I nor my husband has had a job that paid the bills much less had anything left over. In fact, we go without a whole lot of stuff and we have painfully and finally come to the conclusion that unless we are successful in starting our own business, we will never be out of poverty. Currently (and things have been worse), we live at about 1/2 poverty, trying to raise 5 kids. Now comes the kick in the stomack. My parents not only have money now, but have a recent rather large inheritance. Crunching numbers, from them and others with first hand info, we estimate them to be worth about 1.5 million dollars. But no help is offered. Even though they admit we are doing all we can, in fact, my father "yelled" at me recently for working too hard, he still blames us for our situation.

Right now, I am.....not bitter......not angry.....disappointed and hurt that not only is there no help, but we are blamed, when they were in need, the help was there, and no blame was issued. Is it wrong to feel this way? Should I not feel hurt or disappointment. I mean it isn't that I want a lot of money, I just want a chance, I want to not be blamed for what is not ours. I guess the bottom line, I want a little respect and acknowledgement. Sure it would be nice to have some finacial help, but, I guess I don't like the way I feel right now, I guess I just want to forget it all exists and move on without having it stare me in the face all the time. At one point, my father bragged about having while we had none. It has been so bad, that we made a $1000 shelf for them, with the promise of $300 plus costs in pay for it, ended up we didn't even get costs much less the $300 and now they want to leave it with the house and sell the house so they can move. I guess, that hurts especially when they turn around and blame us for not having enough to pay the bills.

Well, I ended up venting more than I intended, what do ou all think, is it wrong for me, a believer in Christ to feel hurt and abandoned and used by my own parents?

 

[tarama]

Actually, I don't know if this belongs here or not, I think there should be a "just venting" thread somewhere. But I do have a question for you all. I know enough about myself to know that I won't feel this way for long, but here is the situation, the question is are the feeling justified or sinful?

When I was growing up, I often gave my parents money to help them out. In fact, my grandfather always complained about me "loaning" them money and they never even tried to pay it back. He often told them that if it wasn't for me, they would have seen a lot more mealtimes than meals. I really never minded too much, it is part of life and love and I did okay. But since I have been married, I nor my husband has had a job that paid the bills much less had anything left over. In fact, we go without a whole lot of stuff and we have painfully and finally come to the conclusion that unless we are successful in starting our own business, we will never be out of poverty. Currently (and things have been worse), we live at about 1/2 poverty, trying to raise 5 kids. Now comes the kick in the stomack. My parents not only have money now, but have a recent rather large inheritance. Crunching numbers, from them and others with first hand info, we estimate them to be worth about 1.5 million dollars. But no help is offered. Even though they admit we are doing all we can, in fact, my father "yelled" at me recently for working too hard, he still blames us for our situation.

Right now, I am.....not bitter......not angry.....disappointed and hurt that not only is there no help, but we are blamed, when they were in need, the help was there, and no blame was issued. Is it wrong to feel this way? Should I not feel hurt or disappointment. I mean it isn't that I want a lot of money, I just want a chance, I want to not be blamed for what is not ours. I guess the bottom line, I want a little respect and acknowledgement. Sure it would be nice to have some finacial help, but, I guess I don't like the way I feel right now, I guess I just want to forget it all exists and move on without having it stare me in the face all the time. At one point, my father bragged about having while we had none. It has been so bad, that we made a $1000 shelf for them, with the promise of $300 plus costs in pay for it, ended up we didn't even get costs much less the $300 and now they want to leave it with the house and sell the house so they can move. I guess, that hurts especially when they turn around and blame us for not having enough to pay the bills.

Well, I ended up venting more than I intended, what do ou all think, is it wrong for me, a believer in Christ to feel hurt and abandoned and used by my own parents?

You can't help the way you feel. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to know that your parents simply watch you struggle when they are in a position to help you. I will be praying beautiful blessings for you and your family, including money to get by and enough left over to keep you comfortable. God bless you and keep you. Amen! If you ever want to chat, pls feel free to pm me

 

[razzelflabben]

You can't help the way you feel. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to know that your parents simply watch you struggle when they are in a position to help you. I will be praying beautiful blessings for you and your family, including money to get by and enough left over to keep you comfortable. God bless you and keep you. Amen! If you ever want to chat, pls feel free to pm me

Thanks, you really touched me today, I do okay as long as it isn't waved in my face. But God is teaching me (again) about kingship and how our first thought should always be for the King and ourselves only after that. So even in this I am learning to dismiss what is not mine and only deal with what will honor the king.

What an encouragement you have been. Thanks again. And thanks for your prayers, we anxiously await our deliverance.

May the Lord always send someone to your life with encouraging words in your darkest hours.

 

[razzelflabben]

I haven't posted for a while, I try hard not to complain. But sometimes, I just need to say it hurts, and hurts bad. This week was one of those times. We have been without a washer and dryer for about a year now, off and on before that can't afford the laudramat, and so we have been doing laundry by hand. Our fridge is the same and is now letting mice in, so we have to check food every time we open the fridge. My parents moved this year and they had an extra fridge and washer and dryer. I asked them how much they would have to have for any of them. I was told they didn't know if they would be getting rid of them or not. So I said, if you do, let me know what you have to have for them. At the time we still had some money from income tax refund. Well time went by, we got so desperate that we bought a wash board from a yard sale. This week, my mom called and asked when the boys would be over, her car was in the shop and she needed a ride to the farm because a couple was coming to buy the washer and dryer. We didn't even rate a we are selling the washer and dryer and need X$ for it.

Now I fight with low self worth anyway, but this blow drove me deeper. I am not even worthy in thier eyes of appliances so their grandchidren are healthy. Heck, I am not even worthy of being notified when they are selling appliances. And what made it even worse is that they laughted about it, like it was the greatest thing in the world. Now I don't mean to complain and with all the honesty I have, I don't hate them or am bitter about it, I am angry and hurt and tired and feel so lonily and worthless. I need to talk it out so that I don't become bitter and hateful because honestly it is hard right now to not be. I am constantly fighting the old nature right now that would want nothing more than to walk away and never look back. I mean how hard would it have been to say, we want to sell the washer and dryer and we want X$ for it, and allow us to say, we don't have that much? Honestly, that would have at least empowered us instead of stipping us bare and teasing us.

I guess when I started this thread, I just wanted to hear someone say, those feelings are okay, or the feelings are normal just don't let them rule your life. today, I just want to vent so that the feelings don't take on life. So that I can deal with the feelings and move on. Oh well, the tears are flowing and the kids will be home soon, time to buck up and act like I am strong, like life hasn't beat me and left me to die. Our second son told me once that I was like a compass, always knowing where we were going. If only he knew how alone and lost I really was, but then again, maybe it is a good lesson for him to learn to trust someone with the direction our lives are to go. For God is indeed our guide and He knows that however difficult, however painful, this will not seperate me from Him.

Thanks for listening.

 

[LamorakDesGalis]

Hi razzelfalbben,
I definitely feel for your situation, and I'll be praying for you. Your grandfather made an interesting observation, so I'll also pray that God will soften hearts. We also have 5 kids, ranging from 15 to 5.

LDG

 

[StacieA]

I am SO SORRY that you are having to deal with this!!!! It is good that you are coming here to vent, and for support. We will be here for you as best we can, and will help you through it!!

I'm sorry you are hurting. We are praying for you!! (Just for the record, I think you are being treated terribly, )

 

[razzelflabben]

Thanks, your notes brought tears to my eyes, it is so strengthening just to know that someone else understands without judging or making accusations. It still hurts, but maybe that is why I feel so compelled when others are hurting and mistreated to encourage rather than judge, to call them blessed rather than show them how to overcome, because honestly, sometimes just surviving is overcoming, sometimes, perservering is all you have to do to win.

May the Lord of Host grant me strength to overcome and perserver.

 

[psalmody]

Razzleflabben:
Its ok, these feelings are normal. You are a human being, created in God's image and He created emotions, too. But, like you said, dont let your feelings rule you.
What I see in your words is you are trying your best to honor your parents. You took care of them when they needed you, and now, you are not reacting negatively when they are using you. This shows love, hun. Love is not always warm, fuzzy feelings. Sometimes its gritting your teeth and scrubbing clothes on the wash board.
Blessings to you, dear. And I know that God will honor you for not only loving your parents thru this, but also in what you are teaching your children: to lean on Jesus and let Him be your guide. And being a role model in how to love.
Psalmody

 

[Sabbie]

Dear one, your crown in heaven has many stars in it for what you have done. Do not be ashamed of yourself just decide to try harder to reign in the bad feelings and quickly turn them over to God. You are on the right track. God Bless you!

 

[JPPT1974]

Praying for you my friend
And that the Lord protect and
Bless you. My family knows how you feel.
The Lord will guide and uplift you!
No matter what occurs!

 

[BrianN]

It is easy to sense your pain over the situation which is not unreasonable by any means. Look in the future when you will overcome this, by the means which you possess currently. I think that your children are looking up to you and they can see your strength, which is so much greater than can be conveyed over the internet. Stay strong and we will continue to pray.

"If you remember the dignity of the Giver, no gift will seem small or mean, for nothing can be valueless that is given by the most high God. Even if He awards punishment and pain, accept them gladly, for whatever He allows to befall us is always for our salvation." (Thomas à Kempis)

 

[razzelflabben]

Thanks guys, I think I am statis quo until the next nose rubbing. In fact, one of the excuses they give for not helping is that we are rough on appliances. An example of this roughness is that we have gone through 3 worn out fridges in the time they have gone through 2 new ones. Well, they have an old one in the new house and were at one time talking about giving it to us. It is small and about 30 years old and the heart of the situation is that my parents don't want to have it hauled off. Anyway, the newer one that they can't use sits in the garage drawing dust but we are "hard" on them because we go through them. Anyway I was talking to my mom the other day and she heard a noise and thought the fridge went out. I almost laughed in her ear. See, if we had inherited that fridge, the reason it went out would have been because we are rough on it, but since they kept it and it went out, it was just old. That one event was ..... strengthening, but in addition to that, this week my mother was "de powered" by someone and so without giving details, I was able to explain to her how empowering it is to give people a choice, even if you know what the answer will be. She said nothing, only got quiet and got off the phone. Very edifying and though it could have been viewed as vindictive, I saw it as conformation that we are not the people they claim us to be. That is huge in and of itself.

 

[razzelflabben]

Thanks for all the prayers, things have for the most part been quiet for a time which is always a blessing and always helpful, quiet gives me time to deal with the immediate emotions. I do get to hear about the selling of the farms, long long story, and I was told that if they redo the bathroom like they want to (probably won't happen) then they will give us the old washer and dryer (gas, which we can't use) he has already been told that we use an electric dryer, but I would be thrilled with a washer, any washer, especially with winter setting in fast.

In the meantime, God has blessed us at shows, not near enough money to make a dent, but we were able to get tires on the van (had a tread come off and belts showing on the spare PTL we had money to cover the tires) and a "dresser" for two of the boys (they had been putting clothes on the floor) If we do well enough, we can fix the roof and get another "dresser", if not, we have gone this long, just praying the city doesn't come after us for the porch and such.

Anyway, God is good and all your prayers have been strengthening, thanks. Our food budget went up, and our eldest now has a direction, the Navy. We had extra for "emergency" tires and at least one more show to go. God is Awesome, even when we don't feel like it. PTL

 

[razzelflabben]

Sometimes in life, emotions come along, emotions that we don't know how to address, are they right, wrong, good, bad. Should we entertain them, fight them, shove them aside. I think the best we can do is express them and allow God control over the entire situation. That can be very difficult indeed. And yet, over time we hopefully learn that emotions are not always truth and that even those emotions that are truth are nothing compared to the Love and Grace of God.

I came here looking for hope, answers, encouragement, and I found all that and more. I found people who refrained from judgement, people who accepted the emotion of the situation, people who lifted us up when we were too weak to carry on. I came here seeking to know it was okay to have emotions and found Love. How awesome is that!

But life goes on and so do emotions. When we get one emotion in check another rears it's head and we start all over again, exploring and struggling and praying and questioning what to do with this one.

I have been told my entire life that I was worthless. That I had no value. And yet God brings me messages of Love and worth all the time, sometimes I recognize them and other times I don't. And although we all need hope, sometimes hope is scary and we look at it with fear, how can this be? How can hope produce fear?

Over the last couple of years, I have seen the emergence of Love Notes from God. Those little sweet nothings He whispers in our ears that help us to balance the emotions that drive us. I won't share them all with you and truly if I tried, you would think I was out of my mind for thinking some of them were love notes. But I guess what I need to say is this. Suddenly, there are hints of people noticing that I/we have value, that we have something to offer. For the first time in my life I see hope that people are beginning to grasp that we are who we are and not who they might judge us to be. One of the most striking of examples is that I am (like it or not) a gifted teacher. (sometimes that scares me as well) and so, I practically killed myself to put that gift into practice to better the society in which I live, but though that gift was recognized, it was cast aside by society as of no value. And the gift, remained hidden within the depths of my being, longing to escape, longing to fly, needing to be used. And so I sought opportunities to use it but it was always ignored and so it remained a part of me that no one saw, because they wanted to be blind. I can not say in words how painful that is, to love so deeply that you would sacrifice your health and being to share what God has gifted you with only to be told that it is of no value, and yet this is how we have lived, me, my whole life, my husband and family most of their lives. And so over the last couple of years I see glimmers of hope that people are beginning to see what they have refused to see for so long. But now comes the emotion of fear. Dare I hope that I/we soon will be freed from this cage that we have been placed in? Or will we once again be cast away like rubish to be destroyed and forgotten? I/we do not want riches, or wealth, fame or power, all we want is the freedom to share with the world the value and gifts God has given us. Oh how many nights have we sought the Lord and prayed and tried only to fail, only to be pushed aside. How many times have we asked God why He was silent on our behalf? Why we couldn't be free to share His greatness with the world, what could His purpose be, if all we were given was silence. And today, I sit here babbling on, telling you that either we are on the verge of deliverance or another disappointing letdown. And I ask myself, do I have the strength left to handle one more hope? Emotions come and go, and I am sure our noses will be rubbed in it again before our time here ends, but how much, how often do you hope before hope looses it's meaning? How many times dare you endure a hope that is crashed to the ground before you say I will no longer hope for the pain of that hope dismissed is more than I can bare?

May you each find Love where ever God hides it in your lives. May you find hope in the midst of your struggles and grace to endure where ever that hope leads.

 

[razzelflabben]

I need to cry and complain for a moment, feel free to ignore me.... I haven't had my parents rub my nose in things for awhile and yet, I find in the mail this day, a notice from the city that we are hanging too much laundry and that is a violation. So now, I have not only do all the laundry by hand but I also have to hang it in the house, and let it drip on the wood floors if I am to even come close to getting 7 peoples laundry done every week. Why can't I just be left alone long enough to rest before the next issue comes up! The car died, can't afford to fix it, lost money because I was told a check wasn't recieved though it was not only received but cashed. Sent our son to boot camp, he wants to me a Navy medic, on the front lines with no weapon. And now the city says I can no longer hang laundry every day. Man am I tired. 80-96 hour work weeks are really wearing me down, and what do I get for all that work and frustration? Judgment and insult. I wish I could say in words how tired I am, it would feel good just to be able to say it, but there are no words to say how very tired I am. I fear that the stress of life is catching up to me. How I long for and crave rest. And all the signs say that my husband will be without job within the year. And to add insult to injury, the gas company is trying to steal from us because we caught our bill up with income tax refund last winter. If only tears would bring rest, or sleep, or .....but rather than rest, I am asked to endure the next, I just want to stop for a while and rest. Sweet, peaceful, no one mess with me rest. Ah well.

We all need an encouraging word and so if you are reading this, let me leave you with this.

May the Lord grant to you wisdom and motivation to touch the lives around you with the heart of God.

 

[BakaFidelis]

You ask if you can endure?

Razzelflabben... Let me be honest with you. I am amazed. Utterly and completely amazed by your faith, perseverance, love, strength and your ability to forgive!

What a wonderful shining example you are to everyone that reads this. I am sure that I am not the only one to have realized this. Just others may too busy to take time out of their own lives and probably feel too ashamed to leave a message.

I too am facing financial difficulties, though admittingly not as dire as yourself. Yet, you have a strong loving family. Mine blame me. I think I would rather trade with you if I could Give them hugs and thanks all around for me!

I will pray for your situation! But with whatever happens know that God has blessed you with an endurable strength and love!

 

[genifer]

Sweetheart, Your faith is amazing. I really dont know what to say except you are an inspiration. What you need is to know joy despite it all. I pray you know Joy in the face of all these trials. Ive learned that when we pray, expect the Lord to answer. Ive prayed about somethings and looked out for the answers thru out the week. Im not talking about financial abundance but the strength, peace, joy, peace with others, opportunities to communicate what needed to be communicated with a difficult person. Even little blessings like washing machines, and cars. Sometimes its all about strengthing, exercising our faith muscle. Also about drawing nearer to Jesus and growing that intimate relationship with Him. The one you were talking about in your 'love letter' post. I think you are wonderful, beloved. I pray you have some rest. That you are sustained like Elijah was when he feared Jezebel and wanted to die. He was sustained, but first he was allowed to rest. God bless you, sweetheart!


Ive not read thru all the posts so I dont know what the details of your situation. Have you ever asked for help, financially from your parents?

 

[razzelflabben]

You ask if you can endure?

Razzelflabben... Let me be honest with you. I am amazed. Utterly and completely amazed by your faith, perseverance, love, strength and your ability to forgive!

What a wonderful shining example you are to everyone that reads this. I am sure that I am not the only one to have realized this. Just others may too busy to take time out of their own lives and probably feel too ashamed to leave a message.

I too am facing financial difficulties, though admittingly not as dire as yourself. Yet, you have a strong loving family. Mine blame me. I think I would rather trade with you if I could Give them hugs and thanks all around for me!

I will pray for your situation! But with whatever happens know that God has blessed you with an endurable strength and love!

the blame game is a tradgic game that unfortunately many want to play. It is harmful beyond words. I am blessed beyond reason with husband and children who do not blame, but when I walk outside the door, whether that be family or friends or church or world, there is no shortage of judgment and blame.

when I was younger, I had lots of cats, one such kitten, followed me around like a little puppy dog. One day we were getting ready to go get watermelon at my grandparents, we all ran to the truck to get in, and the kitten followed. I yelled at my dad to wait, but he didn't hear me and backed over the kitten. My mother wouldn't let me go to the kitten to comfort it or say goodbye. I had to sit there and watch the kitten die alone. So many times I see the church do this, they run over people, sometimes they didn't do the damage, but whether it was death inflicted by the church (believers) or just sitting there watching, no one comes and comforts, no one comes and says good bye, I will miss you. I don't every want to hurt like that again. when I see someone who is hurting or wounded, I want to go to them and comfort them and tell they how much they will be missed and how very much they were and are loved.

Your story of blame breaks my heart, I know the pain of it all too much. You are hurting and all I can offer to you is these words which don't even come close to what is in my heart much less God's. You are loved more than words can say. You are incredible and of such value that we humans cannot fathom. You are blessed and a blessing and if I could take your place I would.

Father, and Lord, I ask that you comfort this one, your child, in ways that we cannot fathom or understand. Grant to this your child wisdom to know how much he is loved and understanding to realize it and make it a part of his daily life. May he find comfort rather than pain and grace rather than judgment. And as you speak to him, I ask that you would touch him with your hand of mercy and deliver him from the oppressors that attack your people and leave them for dead.

 

[razzelflabben]

Sweetheart, Your faith is amazing. I really dont know what to say except you are an inspiration. What you need is to know joy despite it all. I pray you know Joy in the face of all these trials. Ive learned that when we pray, expect the Lord to answer. Ive prayed about somethings and looked out for the answers thru out the week. Im not talking about financial abundance but the strength, peace, joy, peace with others, opportunities to communicate what needed to be communicated with a difficult person. Even little blessings like washing machines, and cars. Sometimes its all about strengthing, exercising our faith muscle. Also about drawing nearer to Jesus and growing that intimate relationship with Him. The one you were talking about in your 'love letter' post. I think you are wonderful, beloved. I pray you have some rest. That you are sustained like Elijah was when he feared Jezebel and wanted to die. He was sustained, but first he was allowed to rest. God bless you, sweetheart!


Ive not read thru all the posts so I dont know what the details of your situation. Have you ever asked for help, financially from your parents?

Your words have been encouraging and full of grace. They have comforted and soothed, of which I am eternally grateful.

As to asking, yep, the reply is that they have we don't and that if we did this or that or something else we wouldn't need help. Long story and we are getting ready to leave for the day, so maybe best not to get into it at the moment. Bottom line is that there is this mentality of blame rather than help. For example, I make less than $500 a month feed 7 people. I do without food so the kids can eat, I buy managers specials so that we can have food like bread for $.30 or less a loaf, otherwise we wouldn't eat as often as we do. But the blame game goes something like this, If you would shop smarter you would have enough. We had to have a garden in order to make it. Yes, we would love to have a garden, but we don't have any place with enough sun to have a garden. Doesn't matter, if you were willing to work and do without you would have enough. We do without all the time and we work the equivalent of 4 full time jobs and there still isn't even $100 a month per person for groceries. That is because you don't want to work or know how to spend money.

This kind of thing is so prevalent with my parents that some of our children came home one time distraught over what to do to save more money so that it would stretch far enough that I am still fighting with some of them to get them to eat what food we do have. The problem is the $20,000 dollars a year isn't enough for 7 people to survive. I would love to have glass in my windows rather than cardboard, I would love to have a roof that doesn't leak, someplace to hang laundry, we try every year to find enough sun to grow something even if only a tomatoe, but it isn't enough and no matter what we do it isn't enough and the same people who judge us for not spending wisely or not working hard enough, feed 2 people on about twice that, sit around all day doing nothing and complain because they don't have enough money to pay the bills.

Now I am complaining and I try hard not to do that, so it is time to move on.

Lord, I thank you for this one who offered kind words that strengthen instead of tearing down. I thank you for her heart of love, that binds wounds as we await deliverance. May you grant to her a heart that not only seeks you, but eyes to see you in all the places in this world that you hide.

 

[razzelflabben]

We are coming off a very trying season, the stress of which has left my heart pounding in my ear, which is not uncommon any more, stress has a way of attacking the body over time. But I find myself at these low times coming here and devouring all your kind words as if I were starving to death. I gobble the words that give strength and when I come back, and reread them, and lick the platter, I for the first time am able to taste them, to enjoy them to their fullest flavor. They gave life and now they give pleasure.

I am amazed that anyone would find me other than retched, and yet your words are nothing but kind and loving. I have been seeking for years the church, the body that acts like Christ and here you are. How glorious to meet you all. As we move forward, seeking the path that awaits us, it is people like you that sustain us while we await God's deliverance whatever form that might take.

May we each find love and kindness as we face the struggles of this world. May we know the joys of being one with the Lord of Hosts, and never feel abandoned by Him, but always find, within the body Love.

Lord, strengthen these your children, giving them eyes to see what you need them to see, and wisdom to understand it. May you grant to each of these who have given so much, mercy both to have and to hold. Amen.