Is it ok to date others during separation

[Hosannainthehighest]

Yes she has decided. Unilaterally she decided....no chances.

My point is, here is the rub, you can shine yourself up to just this side of perfection, aint gonna fix it. Don't make desperate changes, make organic changes. Dont become what she wants you to be, become you as you are in Christ. Its a HUGE HUGE difference.

You existed before the marriage. Find that you again, sans the parts that are an affront to God. You used to like music....like it again, reading, fishing, hunting, a sport....all that....dig into it ALL. BECOME happy, regardless what she says.

ONLY then will the chance of reconciliation increase greatly. And it will take a long time, maybe a year, maybe 2, if at all.

Either way, you end up with YOU, not some faux reflection of what you think she wants....and if she wants YOU....for real....how cool is that?

I was in your shoes and Ive seen many others too. I didnt follow my advice Im giving you, so I thrashed about trying to build a fake me while I got literally sicker and sicker....once I broke free of the attempts to please, I started BEING pleased with the sunrise again. After 1.5 years, mine came back together, like meeting all over again. Meanwhile I lost months trying to just insist to her I was now the man she wanted.....that simply will not work. There is another reason it doesnt work. She also needs to change...everyone does...and she knows that, and to have you saying basically that you will change and do all the heavy lifting and get up to her standards, few self respecting women would really want that.

I wish you well.

I support this post.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Lunch/dinner--"if asked" implies DATE she did not say w/ a"Friend"-

But she's being honest saying she is willing to SEE other men.

I hope to reconcile my marriage.

Not likely to happen with someone who took off her ring so quickly-(does not imply a desire for reconcillation does it?)

It takes two to be married and IMHO staying "together" does not make a sucessful marriage. Give her some space & time to miss you, tell he to call you IF she is interested in working on your Problems-give it some time & see if she does, then see if she means it working on your problems does not involve you paying for dinner or a movie--but rather doing some serious soul searching and facing tough choices like is anyone willing to change here? In the meantime keep breathing-that's the first step,
and realize that either way you are going to be ok. Really you will be.

Praying she'll come round-but if she don't-I'm praying you heal from this hurt soon!

 

[highlife]

Why are you asking for permission from random people on the internet? I dated 3 days after my ex left (the paper work was not final until 10 months later) and my new GF had moved in before the divorce was final. The paper work takes a painfully long time to do even for just a disolusionment and I was not about to be celebate for 10 months (or longer as I did not know how long it was going to take when she first left). That was a long time ago now and I have no regrets and am happily married now.

I would not play games with her for years, life is WAY to short and you will regret having wasted that time if you just sit around for years while she is out dating and moving on with her life, 5 hrs away you have no idea what she is doing.

You will notice a funny phenomena with church people, they will come down like a ton of bricks in the midst of a divorce or situation like yours but if you disappear square away the paper work and are remarried everyone is fine again but if you stayed with your ex they would continue to pour on the heat for years while she played games with you, it is really a sad phenomena and it is driven by the mentality that divorce is ALWAYS wrong (other than for extremely narrow reasons and even then it does not take the heat off).

I would recommend not associating with anyone that is stirring up melodrama for you, get the paper work done (which will be brutal but better as long as things are at least somewhat amicable) and start dating in the mean time. Once you are out of the gray area (divorce is final and you are at least engaged) you can start to associate again both the time and the complete break will make things ok.

 

[manuel75]

I don't think dating others during separation is a good idea. You know what divorcing is a sin. Try to make a move to get back together.

 

[SweetBella]

i dont think anyone can tell you if dating is right or wrong during a separation. every marriage/separation/divorce is different.

if two people separate with the intention of just wanting some space to think about things and work on them, then no.. no one should date or even want to.

but, if someone like me... who was in a terrible marriage and was emotionally divorced before the marriage even started.. yes, i felt it was okay to date during our separation. we were not looking to work on it during the separation, just prepare for divorce.

every situation is different. i think the only one who can give you peace about what is right to do, is the Lord. if you personally dont feel it is right to date during separation, then you shouldnt but you cant control what your wife does. you either accept it or begin the process of moving on without her.