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Is it ocd? "Doubt it"

Discussion in 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' started by marcb, Dec 16, 2008.

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  1. marcb

    marcb Regular Member

    332
    +28
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    Married
    Do you know what's shocking? "Normal" thoughts. Yes, the outrageous thoughts sometimes have that "boo" effect, but after you've played the game for some time it's easier to label as ocd and dispose of properly.

    For me, at various stages, the tricky thing is the more subtle doubts that I think can affect any "healthy" (yet fallen) human brain.

    Sometimes reading scripture or commentaries causes my mind to ask questions, sometimes questions I would rather not ask. Like my labrador, I don't "leave it," which I suppose is ok for learning, but I find myself questioning the commentaries, then questioning my motives for questioning the scripture. Ultimately, the bigger "what if's" start to cloud my mind. By then, I really struggle to "feel" right with God and begin to question my faith.

    Now, this could be normal for anyone trying to mature in the faith, but I think the ocd makes it more difficult to "shake." Maybe it's just me doubting me, i.e., doubting my ability to believe.

    One problem is I find that doubt is insidious, whereas the "blasphemies" are more obviously ocd.

    As I write this, I am beginning to become more anxious than I have felt in a while, thinking about the eternal consequences of "outing" my doubts and possibly "leading others astray."

    So I will sit here and take it like a nasty pill that I know will help me get well. I will sit here and enjoy the fact that I am dizzy and tingly. I will sit with it until I respond to the thoughts like "the dude" and say "that's like your opinion, man!" Then I will begin a new wave of guilt for quoting the Big Lebowski on Christian Forums.

    After I've exhausted myself, I will feel less important, less internal, and just like a regular guy who is trying to let go of a head trip and love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind.

    Lord Jesus, I thank you for reminding me of who I am, please help me to place much more value on who you are. I pray that you would break through our minds, moods, and feelings in a way that is as magnificent as you. Strengthen our faith, heal our minds, grant us peace. Give us, by the power of your Holy Spirit, the courage to stand unmoved despite what transpires in our minds or in our world. May your truth set us free indeed. Amen!
     
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  2. seajoy

    seajoy Senior Veteran

    +599
    Lutheran
    Married
    Sorry your ocd is bugging you again. The above 3 paragraph quotes are EXACTLY how I was. It's our crazy way of thinking our ocd is worse than someone else's is.

    We're ok, Marc. Our God is much bigger than our ocd.

    May God bless you, and give you peace. :hug:

    seajoy
     
  3. ObsessedButBlessed

    ObsessedButBlessed Regular Member

    330
    +30
    Lutheran
    Private
    Man, been there, marc. In fact my OCD has been "barking" lately, too, about "what if it's all made up?" and "doesn't it seem like it's all a myth?" What! No! It continually amazes me how I can cross the line of belief and yet one small voice in my head can cause me to FEEL as if I don't believe. It truly *feels* as if I do not have the capacity to believe. And yet I choose to worship and confess as if I do. Which makes me feel like a big phony.

    ^_^

    (I wish there was a better laughing smilie, because that literally made me LOL!)

    Really though, however you respond to OCD, the point is to change your response to one of NON-FEAR.

    Me too. I see other people's obsessions and think "oh, clearly OCD." Why can't mine be that obvious? But even if it was obvious (and I think our obsessions ARE), we still would doubt the doubting obsessions. For the longest time, I only had the relationship obsessions, and I would think "if I could just have one more type of common obsession, I would be convinced it's OCD." Well, I got what I asked for, and started with the religious obsessions. It didn't convince me, still, that I had OCD. Because after all, if we KNEW FOR SURE it was OCD, it wouldn't be OCD anymore. There wouldn't be any doubt left, and it would be just another fleeting thought.
     
  4. kaykay9.0

    kaykay9.0 Guest

    +0
    Exactly. I can totally relate. It is so ironic how we can generally clearly see that SOMEONE ELSE'S obsession is OCD, but our own seems so totally real & logical! LOL! One of my former pastors used to say "If you knew you were deceived, you wouldn't be deceived anymore!";)

    I have dealt a lot with the "doubting" OCD. Of course, at the time I didn't recognize it as OCD. It's kind of like you explained it one time, SAD. A person without OCD tendencies may doubt and second-guess their decisions and question things too. But the difference is generally the ease at which they can work through it and not be continually bothered unlike the person who struggles with OCD.
     
  5. RachelZ

    RachelZ Member

    535
    +24
    Christian
    Married
    Hey Marcb, just wanted to say I can really identify with the way you think and doubt and also with the way you described that dizzy,tingling sensation....for me it's prolly more lightheaded with the tinglyness but the jist of it was like "gosh others with OCD feel like that too!" Thank you for your honesty...it is so comforting to read others experiences that I can relate to...hope you find some peace in all this soon...take care, Rachel
     
  6. diddy47

    diddy47 Newbie

    3
    +0
    Christian
    Engaged
    US-Democrat
    Hey brothers and sisters. I have read books on OCD and I go to counseling. I am a health science major and I have OCD. I also have Crhons Disease, which caused my OCD from the pain. I have struggled with OCD for about 8 months now and I know that I have felt better ever since I have given up sinful or negative things in my life. I have also did self talk by writing things down everyday. No one that has OCD is a bad person because of our thoughts. We have them because our mind relates what we see or hear with things that we have encountered. If you watch a movie about a rapist then if you see a girl then you see a girl and have those thoughts then you get scared thinking what if I am a rapist. That is not true because you mind just relates things from what you intake. I found out that if you can filter what you intake then it will lessen. Also do not let your fears take control of your life because I could not be by myself for months but when I stood up and asked God to take care of me and guide me then I was able to stand up to the fears. He is a wise God and he knows that we can get through the darkness when we are blind. He is our eyes and light to get us on the back track. Instead of trying to think if you are a bad person think about how you have been a good Christian coming on here and asking for help. If you try to reach out to Christians then I believe that God will find ways to help you and make it easier to move on. He loves us all and he is here.

    Philippians 4:4-7

    4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
     
  7. seajoy

    seajoy Senior Veteran

    +599
    Lutheran
    Married
    Excellent post. Welcome to our forum. :)
     
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