Do you know what's shocking? "Normal" thoughts. Yes, the outrageous thoughts sometimes have that "boo" effect, but after you've played the game for some time it's easier to label as ocd and dispose of properly.
For me, at various stages, the tricky thing is the more subtle doubts that I think can affect any "healthy" (yet fallen) human brain.
Sometimes reading scripture or commentaries causes my mind to ask questions, sometimes questions I would rather not ask. Like my labrador, I don't "leave it," which I suppose is ok for learning, but I find myself questioning the commentaries, then questioning my motives for questioning the scripture. Ultimately, the bigger "what if's" start to cloud my mind. By then, I really struggle to "feel" right with God and begin to question my faith.
Now, this could be normal for anyone trying to mature in the faith, but I think the ocd makes it more difficult to "shake." Maybe it's just me doubting me, i.e., doubting my ability to believe.
One problem is I find that doubt is insidious, whereas the "blasphemies" are more obviously ocd.
As I write this, I am beginning to become more anxious than I have felt in a while, thinking about the eternal consequences of "outing" my doubts and possibly "leading others astray."
So I will sit here and take it like a nasty pill that I know will help me get well. I will sit here and enjoy the fact that I am dizzy and tingly. I will sit with it until I respond to the thoughts like "the dude" and say "that's like your opinion, man!" Then I will begin a new wave of guilt for quoting the Big Lebowski on Christian Forums.
After I've exhausted myself, I will feel less important, less internal, and just like a regular guy who is trying to let go of a head trip and love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind.
Lord Jesus, I thank you for reminding me of who I am, please help me to place much more value on who you are. I pray that you would break through our minds, moods, and feelings in a way that is as magnificent as you. Strengthen our faith, heal our minds, grant us peace. Give us, by the power of your Holy Spirit, the courage to stand unmoved despite what transpires in our minds or in our world. May your truth set us free indeed. Amen!
For me, at various stages, the tricky thing is the more subtle doubts that I think can affect any "healthy" (yet fallen) human brain.
Sometimes reading scripture or commentaries causes my mind to ask questions, sometimes questions I would rather not ask. Like my labrador, I don't "leave it," which I suppose is ok for learning, but I find myself questioning the commentaries, then questioning my motives for questioning the scripture. Ultimately, the bigger "what if's" start to cloud my mind. By then, I really struggle to "feel" right with God and begin to question my faith.
Now, this could be normal for anyone trying to mature in the faith, but I think the ocd makes it more difficult to "shake." Maybe it's just me doubting me, i.e., doubting my ability to believe.
One problem is I find that doubt is insidious, whereas the "blasphemies" are more obviously ocd.
As I write this, I am beginning to become more anxious than I have felt in a while, thinking about the eternal consequences of "outing" my doubts and possibly "leading others astray."
So I will sit here and take it like a nasty pill that I know will help me get well. I will sit here and enjoy the fact that I am dizzy and tingly. I will sit with it until I respond to the thoughts like "the dude" and say "that's like your opinion, man!" Then I will begin a new wave of guilt for quoting the Big Lebowski on Christian Forums.
After I've exhausted myself, I will feel less important, less internal, and just like a regular guy who is trying to let go of a head trip and love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind.
Lord Jesus, I thank you for reminding me of who I am, please help me to place much more value on who you are. I pray that you would break through our minds, moods, and feelings in a way that is as magnificent as you. Strengthen our faith, heal our minds, grant us peace. Give us, by the power of your Holy Spirit, the courage to stand unmoved despite what transpires in our minds or in our world. May your truth set us free indeed. Amen!