Is it 'normal' for believers to have friends?

[timf]

I am not sure the topic of Christian relationships should be sidetracked into what "leaders" do or don't do. Part of the problem as I see it is that people have come to see the leaders as the ones directing all of the activity. In a collectivized organizational system I suppose this should be expected, however, I think it contributes to the problem.

I was in a church once where a bible study was started with small groups. I observed that if I lead a group of up to five men, it would be a valuable time of sharing and edification. If there were more than five, it became a classroom with a silent audience waiting to hear the "lecture".

At a meeting I suggested that we keep the groups small. I was rebuffed by a woman (who really ran the church) as she was experienced with BSF (bible study fellowship) and they had determined the optimum size as 12-15 people.

I came to the conclusion that you can have a system or you can have relationships, but the two do not seem to work well together.

Here is a free pdf booklet on relational Christianity

http://christianpioneer.com/ebooks/relational christianity v1.pdf

Here is the booklet as web pages for cellphone viewing;

Christian Pioneer - Current blog

 

[RDKirk]

I was in a church once where a bible study was started with small groups. I observed that if I lead a group of up to five men, it would be a valuable time of sharing and edification. If there were more than five, it became a classroom with a silent audience waiting to hear the "lecture".

At a meeting I suggested that we keep the groups small. I was rebuffed by a woman (who really ran the church) as she was experienced with BSF (bible study fellowship) and they had determined the optimum size as 12-15 people.

I've had that great experience consistently in male small groups in several congregations (we were a military family that moved around a lot).

But my wife's experiences in women's small groups in those same congregations was for her consistently far less satisfactory.

In our congregation today, the difference in the patterns of the male and female small groups persist: Men's groups tend to be smaller and far more personal, more likely rotating the active "leadership" of the group, getting into real personal issues. The women tend to gravitate toward larger groups that "become a classroom with a silent audience waiting to hear the 'lecture.'" The men's groups have been more likely to have more self-directed study, while the women's groups were more likely to follow a pre-written course.

The common stereotype is that women have more comradery than men, judging by the experiences my wife and I have had in small Christian groups, the opposite appears to be the case. In my observation, men appear to prefer smaller groups because a smaller group can become more personal.

 

[com7fy8]

My wife and I were musing on the fact that true friends are very hard to find in our world.

Be real friends for each other.

And you be ready to be real friends for others. Trust God to guide you to whoever He pleases to trust to you.

And didn't you say you are an ordained pastor?

So, I would think you would have mentors who know you well, who can help you with this.

For all I know, you yourself have something to do with why you don't have friends. In case this has partly to do with it, ones who know you well could help you.

I would say there are real leaders, but they might not be type-A people making public things happen >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

And did you say you joined with, or have stayed with, a church not really biblical . . . in order to reach and help them? And you said the Lord led you to do this?

If so, you might not be likely to have many genuinely Christian people capable of real friendship there. And so it could be good to find groups formed with biblical churches. And visit each other there.

Mature Christians of different churches can group during the week, and then reach to people in their churches. Ones of these might be the real leaders, not seen in pulpits.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Here; Acts 4:32-36. Before they were scattered here; Acts 8:2-3

Peter said to Ananias that the sin was not that he didn't gift his land but that he lied about how much he got. There is no indication that he was under any compulsion to sell, rather personal ownership was respected. The sharing was voluntary, not under compulsion.

In all of this there is no indication that believers didnt work.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Be real friends for each other.

And you be ready to be real friends for others. Trust God to guide you to whoever He pleases to trust to you.

And didn't you say you are an ordained pastor?

So, I would think you would have mentors who know you well, who can help you with this.

For all I know, you yourself have something to do with why you don't have friends. In case this has partly to do with it, ones who know you well could help you.

I would say there are real leaders, but they might not be type-A people making public things happen >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

And did you say you joined with, or have stayed with, a church not really biblical . . . in order to reach and help them? And you said the Lord led you to do this?

If so, you might not be likely to have many genuinely Christian people capable of real friendship there. And so it could be good to find groups formed with biblical churches. And visit each other there.

Mature Christians of different churches can group during the week, and then reach to people in their churches. Ones of these might be the real leaders, not seen in pulpits.

Not ordained...

Attend an Anglican Church which has exciting potential.

"And did you say you joined with, or have stayed with, a church not really biblical . . . in order to reach and help them? And you said the Lord led you to do this?"

This doesn't ring bells. But the Lord did dramatically lead us to our present Church.

You last sentence sounds sensible - we may explore this but our present church has serious potential so may not be necessary.

 

[com7fy8]

our present church has serious potential so may not be necessary.

I have felt I was being led to certain people and places, and they might not have seemed really of God. But then things developed in ways I did not see coming. Plus, of course, I needed my own correction and maturing, in any case.

I think of how Jesus came to this earth, and how many real friends do you suppose He found waiting for Him?

Well, actually, there were some ladies who were quite able to relate with Jesus.

But . . . Jesus chose His twelve apostles, and then He spent time with them in the garden. He started with ones not ready to be real friends. But He was their example to help them find out how to be and how to love.

 

[mama2one]

Breaking bread from house to house - what happened to that?

nothing happened to it

we live on a two street neighborhood
there's been outside block parties
two neighbors have hosted Christmas parties for neighbors
people have also hosted neighbors for main meals & then head to another house for dessert

neighbors have had Bible studies for neighborhood kids
there's been several b'day parties inviting neighbor kids

all the neighbor kids play together

maybe you need to move to a more friendly neighborhood?

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Carl Emerson]

nothing happened to it

we live on a two street neighborhood
there's been outside block parties
two neighbors have hosted Christmas parties for neighbors
people have also hosted neighbors for main meals & then head to another house for dessert

neighbors have had Bible studies for neighborhood kids
there's been several b'day parties inviting neighbor kids

all the neighbor kids play together

maybe you need to move to a more friendly neighborhood?

Nice...

We are in a remote rural area - different dynamic.

Do you share the Lords Supper together ??

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Back in the day I shared bread and wine with 20 or more folks from all different churches.

I asked permission from each church to share in this way and was not refused.

 

[Bubblegumlove01]

My wife and I were musing on the fact that true friends are very hard to find in our world.

Apart from each other, she has one friend and I have none.

What I mean by a friend is someone who will visit you just to be with you more than once a year.

Now part of the reason is that I have a strong passion for Jesus and as He said we would be hated as He was.

Another reason is that folks are under such pressure to survive these days that somehow they are too busy.

Another reason is that folks associate with those who they consider successful by the worlds standards.

I think that from a commercial viewpoint the more people are isolated the better consumers they are because sharing is eliminated.

Your thoughts around this are welcome.

We seem to be light years away from the loving relationships recorded in early Acts.

Church leaders no longer visit.

Breaking bread from house to house - what happened to that?

Hispanic people around me seem Very good at this closeness. If you want an example or to model after that behavior check them out.

 

[RileyG]

I'm in my mid20s and really don't have any friends. I think most people my age spend a majority of their time alone IMHO. Maybe that's not normal and not just restricted to Christians? I do not know for sure.

 

[InThePottersChamber]

Have you thought about the way you interact and socialise? I used not to have many friends, but once I made an effort to read books on how to make friends, and applied the methods described, I managed to make more friends. We go out every week to malls, and I have another group of friends who all gather each week to talk and catch up and chill.

I still struggle with making very close friends who genuinely like being with me, other than these two 'have fun' groups, and I think it's because I'm very loud, proud, and open about my christianity. A lot of people don't like being friends with christians, and I've always never hid that I'm super serious and into my religion. Have you tried praying? I always cry out to God when I want something, and I have at least five very close friends who I can talk to about anything.

I'm 26 and still studying for an undergrad degree (I switched degrees before hence my old age lol) so it makes sense that it is harder for me to find friends. Some people don't even hide their distaste of me. They are cool with me until they find out I am 26, and then they avoid me. Ha ha. I say, pray and maybe study how to make people feel comfortable and open around you. It takes effort through trial and error, but it is quite worth it in the end. Also, don't have too high of expectations. Don't expect everyone who wants to talk to you to become a very close friend. True close friends are one in a million. Be happy and accept that some people just want to be 'have fun' /casual friends, there is nothing wrong with that. I get it it sucks to not have many close friends, we all need that connection, but we must adjust our expectations to fit with the times and the situation that these times create.