Is it me?

[marksaysay]

My wife and I have been separated for almost a year and going through divorce she initiated after I discovered her infidelity. Throughout all of this, I've tried so hard to stop thinking about her and move on but i haven't been able to completely do so. I haven't spoke with her in over 3 months and I do really well, for the most part.

Is it me who still wants to hold on? Ive believed from the beginning that God could convict her of her adultery and bring her back into a right relationship with him first, and possibly back to the marriage. I still believe he can. It is just so hard when all the time has past I see nothing changing.

I still love her deeply and I know I can't do anything to change her so I just wait on God. Waiting on God is sooooo hard. Yesterday was our anniversary and today has been rough but I have to keep moving.

But I can't stop loving her and that is what's so hard.

 

[Nanopants]

I don't want to get you down friend, but whatever happens I hope you can hold on to trusting in God.

I had a similar situation happen to me. My ex-wife cheated on me and after the separation she had no interest in coming back. In retrospect, I can see that she was not the one for me, and I believe that God knew this and that I could not allow myself to see it that way while I was married. Now I see that He was looking out for me, because if I had remained married to her for much longer then much more serious damage could have occurred in the long run.

Whatever is true in your case, I hope you can understand that a woman who can so easily do this to her husband is not following after Christ, despite however she chooses to label herself. This is not your fault.

 

[marksaysay]

I know I can't take the blame for her choices. I am 50% responsible for letting our marriage get to the place where infidelity was possible.

I understand that you feel your ex was not the one for you. I just believe that marriage is a life long commitment and that you have to learn to be "the one". I'm willing and able. She is able but not willing. Yesterday made 11 years and I just don't believe it to be a waste. I have learned a lot during this separation/divorce about my mistakes. I just wish there was a "Marriage 101" book that could have come after the I do's that would have helped me learn sooner.

I also don't believe that God made a mistake when he joined us together, therefore, as difficult as I know it will be, I'm going to STAND for my marriage no matter what. I believe in Gods time, he will break through her heart of stone. She has turned on both God and me so both God and I will be waiting when she returns.

 

[BlueJay83]

I know I can't take the blame for her choices. I am 50% responsible for letting our marriage get to the place where infidelity was possible.

I understand that you feel your ex was not the one for you. I just believe that marriage is a life long commitment and that you have to learn to be "the one". I'm willing and able. She is able but not willing. Yesterday made 11 years and I just don't believe it to be a waste. I have learned a lot during this separation/divorce about my mistakes. I just wish there was a "Marriage 101" book that could have come after the I do's that would have helped me learn sooner.

I also don't believe that God made a mistake when he joined us together, therefore, as difficult as I know it will be, I'm going to STAND for my marriage no matter what. I believe in Gods time, he will break through her heart of stone. She has turned on both God and me so both God and I will be waiting when she returns.

I feel for you man,
My wife has also been unfaithful, and she's the one also "on and off" wanting out.
I totally agree that marriage is a lifelong commitment, I'm committed but evidentely she is not. This weekend I again fund out she was "chatting" with another guy. 2 weeks ago I found out she was physically unfaithful and brought home an std.
Sometimes I wonder If i should just end it so she can't cause me anymore pain because I doubt very much we will be together in 10 years.. I have a strong freeling she will eventually leave, she's made it clear that she does want to.. Married for 7 years, 3 kids and now It all seems like she has thrown it all in the trash.

I love my wife, i do feel committed.. but should we commit ourselves if our spouse is clearly not going to honour her vows?
I don't know.. I have unwisely said to her that if she walks out the door, it will remain closed and there's no coming back. I think there can be only so much grey area, only so much patience and then it's time to move on with life and try pick up the pieces of what feels like a shattered soul.

Give it some time, try to get on with life and God will work it out for the best.
He does have a plan, even when we can't see it.

stay strong, I know it hurts and it's hard.. but He works all things for the good of those who love him.

loving a person is hard when they don't reciprocate it.. you aren't alone in your boat.

I don't know what other encouragement to give other than that. words fail me.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Divorcebusters can help you get in the position to move on and maybe fix things. Google it if you care to.

 

[marksaysay]

I've read the book and went so very wrong in trying to implement. I wasn't emotionally strong enough to 'act' as if I didn't care because I did. I know I've done things so wrong, mainly not turning it over to God sooner.

She told her stepmom of 30+ years that if I had just let her alone and gave her time and space, things may have turned out different. Her stepmom's response was "what did space and time really mean?". There was no response. Her stepmom knew what I'd done as far as confronting my wife about her dating website activity, sexting, late night calls, infidelity (that happened prior to seperation but wasnt revealed until months later), etc. and she wanted to see what wife would have to say. Stepmom is convinced 100% that wife is in another world because she caught her in so many lies bit didnt call her out on them.

What's crazy is I recently started going back to the church my wife grew up in and the place we worshipped our entire marriage because I was told my wife hadn't been in months. This past Sunday, my second Sunday back, the wife comes so I left. I was later told she left in the middle of service. Later, she was contacted by an lose family friend asking why she left. Her reply was she was scared what I would do to her because I couldn't go there. What kind of excuse is that for leaving church? I have never abused my wife, physically, verbally, or any other way. I still live my wife and would never hurt her in spite of the adulterous lifestyle she's living now. I would even take her back if she expressed Godly remorse and repented. She so wants everyone to see me as some monster but every is seeing right through her games.

Our pastor said she wasn't worried. She was ashamed and/or embarrassed because she knows people know about what she's done and is doing (only 4 people know other than her motherand it she doesn't know how many and she could not stay there in peace. I just pray that God is merciful to her.

 

[marksaysay]

Wow! I found out that Sunday's message, that my wife didn't stick around to hear, was about david's sin with Bathsheba and how he tried to hide it for a year, until God through Nathan, revealed it to him. That resulted in david's repentance and was the inspiration behind Psalm 51.

I'm just in awe at how Satan knew in advance how that message could've impacted my wife and wouldn't let her stay to hear it. I know she's not my enemy but Satan so I will continue to pray that God would loose her from satans grip.

 

[outdoorman]

I know I can't take the blame for her choices. I am 50% responsible for letting our marriage get to the place where infidelity was possible.

I understand that you feel your ex was not the one for you. I just believe that marriage is a life long commitment and that you have to learn to be "the one". I'm willing and able. She is able but not willing. Yesterday made 11 years and I just don't believe it to be a waste. I have learned a lot during this separation/divorce about my mistakes. I just wish there was a "Marriage 101" book that could have come after the I do's that would have helped me learn sooner.

I also don't believe that God made a mistake when he joined us together, therefore, as difficult as I know it will be, I'm going to STAND for my marriage no matter what. I believe in Gods time, he will break through her heart of stone. She has turned on both God and me so both God and I will be waiting when she returns.

Amen to that brother.
I am suffering so bad since my wife left me 8 mos ago and this week told me we arent really separate unless theres essentially no contact.
It hurts like nothing else.
I also wish that I had that marriage 101 book right after I said my vows and that someone kicked me in the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] along the way when I made mistakes. I'm just recognizing and trying to correct them but she says her no longer loves me and wants to find someone she feels good about.

 

[dayhiker]

Wow, that is interesting, Almost like God got here there after months away and then Satan got her so nervous even before the sermon she walked. Maybe no almost about it!

 

[marksaysay]

Wow, that is interesting, Almost like God got here there after months away and then Satan got her so nervous even before the sermon she walked. Maybe no almost about it!

I know. To me, it is even more evident as to how firm a grasp Satan actually has on her. But I also know that God is working. He's not done with me yet and I KNOW he's not done with her. It was an encouraging thing in a way because it reveals that God is working. In his time, everything will end up just the way he wants it.

 

[marksaysay]

Please pray for me. I work at a school and I seem to be attracted to a case worker who comes to visit clients there. We've had several conversations, all of which are about her clients since I work with them, also.

I still love my wife and really want to work things out with her, but we've been seperated now for 11 months. I'm not looking for another relationship and I haven't dated or anything. I just feel so conflicted because I've actually had thoughts about someone other than my wife. Please pray for me.

 

[marksaysay]

I have finally decided to get a lawyer and fight for my daughter after seeing my wife, daughter, and the other man together. I know most judges don't care, but I am going to put up the fight of my life to get my daughter out of the custody of her mother and that influence.

I meet with him tomorrow. Pray for me...

 

[dorig59]

Let us know how it goes. I really hope you get your daughter.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I have finally decided to get a lawyer and fight for my daughter after seeing my wife, daughter, and the other man together. I know most judges don't care, but I am going to put up the fight of my life to get my daughter out of the custody of her mother and that influence.

I meet with him tomorrow. Pray for me...

I am not saying what I say next to discourage you from seeking custody of your daughter. I am saying it b/c I want you to prayerfully consider what your motivations are for preparing for the "fight of your life" with regards to custody.

Other than the hurt and anger that you most likely felt about seeing them together as a seemingly "family" unit, what influences are you attempting to protect your daughter from? I don't know your whole story, so there may be very valid reasons for your decision; which is why I said I'm not asking this to discourage you.

But, custody battles can get ugly and parents can often do/say things that they believe stem from a place of good intentions that end up really hurting the child(ren) stuck in the middle. It can also cause the parent who feels attacked to retaliate.

I urge you to consider what solid legal facts you have to pursue custody that would cause a judge to seriously consider it. I would also urge you to consider how all of this will effect your daughter and ask God to guide your steps in this matter.

A really good book to read is The Christian Family's Guide to Surviving Divorce. I read it and recommend it to just about anyone I know going through divorce.

I support fathers having custody (I rejoiced with a dear friend of mine when he was awarded the custody of his 3 kids, which I had earnestly prayed for on his behalf). Honestly? I support the more stable of the two parents having custody b/c I believe that is what is in the child(ren)'s best interest - and that is what needs to be the main focus in the heartbreaking instances of divorce.

JMHO

for you.

 

[marksaysay]

Understand that it did hurt and I also understand your legal question. But I have a moral obligation to give my daughter the best chance in life and being raised by a mother who thinks it's okay to send nude pictures of herself to several guys (I have proof), to have explicit sexual conversations with guys (I have proof), all just days after a separation began for purpose of figuring things out and prior to divorce is not a good example. Nor is the fact that I know of her involvement (not all sexual) with about 12 guys in a spam of 2 months after the seperation. That doesn't include the last 8 months. Now she's got another man not her husband around our daughter. I can't simply accept that anymore. I have to try.

 

[dorig59]

I agree 100%. You really don't want your daughter in that environment full time. You're brave & you're doing the right thing.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Understand that it did hurt and I also understand your legal question. But I have a moral obligation to give my daughter the best chance in life and being raised by a mother who thinks it's okay to send nude pictures of herself to several guys (I have proof), to have explicit sexual conversations with guys (I have proof), all just days after a separation began for purpose of figuring things out and prior to divorce is not a good example. Nor is the fact that I know of her involvement (not all sexual) with about 12 guys in a spam of 2 months after the seperation. That doesn't include the last 8 months. Now she's got another man not her husband around our daughter. I can't simply accept that anymore. I have to try.

I understand, I really do. I just hope you understand that moral implications are not always of upmost interest to the courts. My dad had an employee several years ago who tried for custody of his children b/c his ex was a known drug addict and dabbled in prostitution. But, the judge awarded the mom custody anyway b/c she had been in and out of rehab and was living with her mom "trying to get her life in order". It was disgusting and discouraging that the children were placed with her, but the dad was helpless to change the situation.

I have had to deal with questionable moral and ethical issues in my divorce situation and can only imagine how much more frustrating it would be if I did not have custody of my kids. Being the primary influence in their lives is key to helping shape their moral character.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this frustration and will pray that God will intervene and protect your daughter through all of this.

 

[dorig59]

That's why he needs to really push for this. I think he can do it if he's aggressive about it, or maybe proactive is a better way to put it.

 

[FaithPrevails]

That's why he needs to really push for this. I think he can do it if he's aggressive about it, or maybe proactive is a better way to put it.

I absolutely agree that he needs to pursue it and I hope my posts have not read like I am trying to suggest otherwise.

I'm just trying to encourage him to do it with caution and with a constant evaluation of how his daughter is being affected by it all.

 

[marksaysay]

I absolutely agree that he needs to pursue it and I hope my posts have not read like I am trying to suggest otherwise.

I'm just trying to encourage him to do it with caution and with a constant evaluation of how his daughter is being affected by it all.

I am less worried about the short-term affects as I am the lifetime affects of being raised in this atmosphere. To add to my wife, her father taught his 2 kids, admittedly, that it's not wrong unless you're caught. Her mother has basically blamed me for my wife's actions. Of their two children, one is serving a 25 yr sentence and the other is in spiritual bondage right now. That's not very encouraging.