Is it just me? Anyone else?

[K Carlson]

Hello everyone I’m wondering if it’s just me in this situation. I had a conversation with a woman I had recently let back into my life recently and It just didn’t feel right. I want to get your opinion.

This summer my depression has hit full force as I have lost my job and had a cancer diagnosis in May 2018. The woman I was speaking with tonight knows I have a history of depression and that this year‘s been a tough one for me. In fact last weekend she had a tough time with some employees at work and she asked if she could come over to my place I said it was OK and she spent the night on the couch and then did the same the next night again as she didn’t want to be alone. I stayed up sitting near by as she slept on the couch, she went home about 6 AM. She slept pretty sound through the night.

Well tonight it was me that was having more of a tough time and I was texting this person that I’ve helped out last weekend. Everything started out fine and then pretty soon she took offense to some things I was saying and said that I was being judge mental. I do know she has a history of being stubborn getting upset quickly.

And only a few moments she said to me quote “ you have too much time on your hands these days and you start talking crazy, you should stop bothering people”.

That one text really hurt. She said a mouthful in one txt.

Then when I returned her text she just never replied or text me back after that at all. So in short she insulted me, offended me, and then refused to contact me again. I never heard from her again the rest of the night. That was 5 hrs ago. I did text her back and say that her controlling behavior was abusive and hurtful. Then I stopped texting. It was only a single txt.

I really am not sure how I wind up getting involved with people who are treating me so poorly. I treat others with so much respect and care and especially when they need help. Then it seems I always get treated so poorly in return.

Since this was a recent example thought I would illustrate it on the forum and see if anyone else has similar experiences.

It seems like I set myself up by finding people that are going to treat me poorly.

Is it just me or is anyone else experienced anything like this?

Do folks with a history of abuse growing up find themselves in situations where abusive people are looked at as somehow acceptable?

20 years ago this summer my wife divorced me and I’ve had nothing but poor experiences with women, one after another since then. I don’t drink I don’t smoke I don’t even drink soft drinks. I try to treat everyone with great respect and care. 20 years and I seem to repeat the same cycle. It’s so frustrating when you think your doing your best.

Thanks for taking a look at this post and offering any advice.

This sure seems like a real good group of folks here on this forum.

Sorry if my writing is poor. I am feeling down and it affects how I explain myself and this evenings events.

Kevin

 

[Bobber]

I'd encourage you not to allow the things that life brings your way to make you draw inwards thus which brings on depression. Put your focus each day on being a loving gracious person and being a giver....a giver meaning showing kindness and help to all others around you.

And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness, -and your night will become like the noonday.The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:10-11

 

[Lost4words]

Back away from her. You can do better. You need a caring person in your life.

You seem like a decent guy. Sensitive and caring. God will help you.

Offer up your suffering to him. You are going through a very tough time. Jesus is with you.

 

[angeltrue]

Hello everyone I’m wondering if it’s just me in this situation. I had a conversation with a woman I had recently let back into my life recently and It just didn’t feel right. I want to get your opinion.

This summer my depression has hit full force as I have lost my job and had a cancer diagnosis in May 2018. The woman I was speaking with tonight knows I have a history of depression and that this year‘s been a tough one for me. In fact last weekend she had a tough time with some employees at work and she asked if she could come over to my place I said it was OK and she spent the night on the couch and then did the same the next night again as she didn’t want to be alone. I stayed up sitting near by as she slept on the couch, she went home about 6 AM. She slept pretty sound through the night.

Hi - I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I've had a lifetime of wounds so maybe I can share my experiences. Depression is sometimes linked with lack of probiotics believe it or not. Also low vitamin D3 levels. I'd optimize my health first. (Some good ones: Culturelle, Align, Hyperbiotics)

Well tonight it was me that was having more of a tough time and I was texting this person that I’ve helped out last weekend. Everything started out fine and then pretty soon she took offense to some things I was saying and said that I was being judge mental. I do know she has a history of being stubborn getting upset quickly.

And only a few moments she said to me quote “ you have too much time on your hands these days and you start talking crazy, you should stop bothering people”.

That one text really hurt. She said a mouthful in one txt.

There are a lot of cruel people in the world. Think back to junior high. They seem to be getting worse. I think you really have to sort through people to find the ones who are loyal. I can't tell you the times I've been stabbed in the back - and a few times by Christians.

Then when I returned her text she just never replied or text me back after that at all. So in short she insulted me, offended me, and then refused to contact me again. I never heard from her again the rest of the night. That was 5 hrs ago. I did text her back and say that her controlling behavior was abusive and hurtful. Then I stopped texting. It was only a single txt.

I really am not sure how I wind up getting involved with people who are treating me so poorly. I treat others with so much respect and care and especially when they need help. Then it seems I always get treated so poorly in return.

It sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Since this was a recent example thought I would illustrate it on the forum and see if anyone else has similar experiences.

It seems like I set myself up by finding people that are going to treat me poorly.

Is it just me or is anyone else experienced anything like this?

Do folks with a history of abuse growing up find themselves in situations where abusive people are looked at as somehow acceptable?

20 years ago this summer my wife divorced me and I’ve had nothing but poor experiences with women, one after another since then. I don’t drink I don’t smoke I don’t even drink soft drinks. I try to treat everyone with great respect and care. 20 years and I seem to repeat the same cycle. It’s so frustrating when you think your doing your best.

Thanks for taking a look at this post and offering any advice.

This sure seems like a real good group of folks here on this forum.

Sorry if my writing is poor. I am feeling down and it affects how I explain myself and this evenings events.

Kevin

Kevin - have you tried going on a Christian dating site? I've been married a long time but each of my children have gone through heartbreaks. I've gone through SEVERE betrayal by friends/ family. People have gotten worse in my estimation - it's a sign of the times. My daughter is very beautiful (inside and out) educated, moral, all the right stuff and her husband cheated. Her wedding photo showed her beauty and my other daughter's husbands friends would go crazy because they'd see her picture and want to meet her. And I saw the woman he cheated with - (God forgive me if I say something wrong) her face looks like a horse. It was shocking that he would go with her. My daughter left him and he realized what he lost and will not leave her alone. She remarried and he's still trying to get back with her.

I just went through their old wedding stuff and it made me so sad. They were a beautiful couple and I had such high hopes. I don't know how he lives with himself knowing that he threw away the best thing he could have. It's caused me heartbreak. Same thing was repeated with my other daughter, equally as beautiful, smart, classy. Caused me heartbreak. She divorced and her husband was so upset we were afraid he was going to go after her - it was a mess. He made a mistake and she refused to take him back. He was also a very good looking man. My son also had it but he got lucky. He married a nice woman. She has a pretty face but got heavy but I'll tell you what, I would rather he have her than some model who is cold around the heart. She loves him. She has stuck with him through thick and thin. He's an entrepreneur and has his own mind and they had hard times but she is in love with him.

I hope that you keep looking. I think it's hard to find someone who has all the right ingredients. My son dated this beautiful woman - she looked like she walked out of Cosmopolitan - but her heart wasn't loyal - I picked up undercurrents with her. I know it hurt him but he didn't give up - and you shouldn't either.

I hope something I said encourages you. Good luck. And don't give up.

 

[K Carlson]

Kevin - have you tried going on a Christian dating site? I've been married a long time but each of my children have gone through heartbreaks. I've gone through SEVERE betrayal by friends/ family. People have gotten worse in my estimation - it's a sign of the times. My daughter is very beautiful (inside and out) educated, moral, all the right stuff and her husband cheated. Her wedding photo showed her beauty and my other daughter's husbands friends would go crazy because they'd see her picture and want to meet her. And I saw the woman he cheated with - (God forgive me if I say something wrong) her face looks like a horse. It was shocking that he would go with her. My daughter left him and he realized what he lost and will not leave her alone. She remarried and he's still trying to get back with her.

I just went through their old wedding stuff and it made me so sad. They were a beautiful couple and I had such high hopes. I don't know how he lives with himself knowing that he threw away the best thing he could have. It's caused me heartbreak. Same thing was repeated with my other daughter, equally as beautiful, smart, classy. Caused me heartbreak. She divorced and her husband was so upset we were afraid he was going to go after her - it was a mess. He made a mistake and she refused to take him back. He was also a very good looking man. My son also had it but he got lucky. He married a nice woman. She has a pretty face but got heavy but I'll tell you what, I would rather he have her than some model who is cold around the heart. She loves him. She has stuck with him through thick and thin. He's an entrepreneur and has his own mind and they had hard times but she is in love with him.

I hope that you keep looking. I think it's hard to find someone who has all the right ingredients. My son dated this beautiful woman - she looked like she walked out of Cosmopolitan - but her heart wasn't loyal - I picked up undercurrents with her. I know it hurt him but he didn't give up - and you shouldn't either.

I hope something I said encourages you. Good luck. And don't give up.

Hello - I appreciate your thoughts and reply. Yes I think you’re right people are getting worse these days. I’ll be 55 years old this year and I don’t remember anything like this even 25 years ago. I did in fact try a Christian dating site back in 2000 and didn’t have the best of circumstance. I tried again in 2007 with a similar result. In 2007 I met a woman on a dating site, we got engaged and she left me after I lost my job in the recession. The only time I was ever married was in 1987 and I thought that was going to last a lifetime. I understand as well what your mean about the betryal. I haven’t seen any family in over 6 years since my mother passed away. My twin sister got married in 2013 and I wasn’t invited to her wedding. This world is really something these days I really don’t understand what’s going on. Through it all though I do my best to be your Godly and kind man to everyone. I’m sorry to hear what happened to your children that’s really hard for them I’m sure. For me anyway getting knocked down so many times really starts to affect a persons self-worth even though it shouldn’t.

Thank you again for your time and offering your advice.

Kevin

 

[AnnaDeborah]

I am so sorry to hear this. Hold on to who you are in Christ. That is what matters. This lady sounds like she is someone who just wants to keep taking from a relationship and never giving. Don't regret losing that relationship - sounds like you are well out of it!

 

[angeltrue]

Hello - I appreciate your thoughts and reply. Yes I think you’re right people are getting worse these days. I’ll be 55 years old this year and I don’t remember anything like this even 25 years ago. I did in fact try a Christian dating site back in 2000 and didn’t have the best of circumstance. I tried again in 2007 with a similar result. In 2007 I met a woman on a dating site, we got engaged and she left me after I lost my job in the recession. The only time I was ever married was in 1987 and I thought that was going to last a lifetime. I understand as well what your mean about the betryal. I haven’t seen any family in over 6 years since my mother passed away. My twin sister got married in 2013 and I wasn’t invited to her wedding. This world is really something these days I really don’t understand what’s going on. Through it all though I do my best to be your Godly and kind man to everyone. I’m sorry to hear what happened to your children that’s really hard for them I’m sure. For me anyway getting knocked down so many times really starts to affect a persons self-worth even though it shouldn’t.

Thank you again for your time and offering your advice.

Kevin

You sound like me - I've seen morals grow worse and worse. When I raised my family it was like holding back the Niagara to keep immoral friends away from my kids. My husband was exasperated and said "There is NO ONE moral for our kids IN ANY DIRECTION!" His words were true. That's why I think we're in the end times. 2 Tim. 3:2:

Evil in the Last Days
1But understand this: In the last days terrible times will come. 2For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant,abusive, disobedient to their parents,ungrateful, unholy, 3unloving, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, without love of good,…

I don't see any of my family either. My one sibling did the worst possible thing anyone could have done - and she's a believer. I pray almost every day that God judges her. She's sick in the head. Then I was going through severe physical trials and one sister I had been close to tried to cheat me out of inheritance money since she was named Executrix. She got a crooked lawyer, was paying him out of my father's estate, and he was sending me threatening letters. A friend told me she's frightening. She is. I'd say a psycho. I was in a bad way but I fought back. I took them to court and even though there was a corrupt lawyer who worked with my sisters lawyer I unbelievably got an honest judge - some are not. She judged in my favor and made an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] out of the corrupt lawyer and the two psycho sisters. So now I don't bother with any of them. So yes, I have noticed people getting worse.

I hope that you don't give up. Good people are to be found but you might have to look longer. I am much more wary in friendships now and who I let get close to my family and I. I feel like it's middle school on steroids. But keep looking. My son met a nice woman. God bless.

 

[Hazelelponi]

then pretty soon she took offense to some things I was saying and said that I was being judge mental.

Not I nor anyone else can make a judgement call on whether this was caused by your own insecurities and depression or whether it's her own issues causing her to overreact, without all the facts.

And the facts are, while you mentioned some of the situation, we don't know the historical background with her or what was said that set her off in the first place.

Therefore, no real advice can be given specific to your situation.

But what I have found in life overall is that it can be difficult to be understood, even moreso when there's not any body language or voice inflection for someone to better interpret the meaning of what you say.

Example - If I say I love you and look into your eyes with unfathomable respect and adoration, its a far different type of I love you than if I were to say I love you, smile at you, and then pat you on the shoulder and walk away.

Almost everything we say can be like that. We use body language to express our intended meaning as much as we use language itself, and when the body language is gone itself VERY difficult to express ourselves.

I'm particularly horrible at it because it's said of me that I talk with my hands...so having them tied behind my back (in written communication) when I'm trying to express myself is difficult.. lol.

It can be done, but I see it as a learned trait and not always an easy one to learn.

At any rate, its nice meeting you and I will keep you in my prayers for your depression and illness.

 

[K Carlson]

You sound like me - I've seen morals grow worse and worse. When I raised my family it was like holding back the Niagara to keep immoral friends away from my kids. My husband was exasperated and said "There is NO ONE moral for our kids IN ANY DIRECTION!" His words were true. That's why I think we're in the end times. 2 Tim. 3:2:

Evil in the Last Days
1But understand this: In the last days terrible times will come. 2For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant,abusive, disobedient to their parents,ungrateful, unholy, 3unloving, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, without love of good,…

I don't see any of my family either. My one sibling did the worst possible thing anyone could have done - and she's a believer. I pray almost every day that God judges her. She's sick in the head. Then I was going through severe physical trials and one sister I had been close to tried to cheat me out of inheritance money since she was named Executrix. She got a crooked lawyer, was paying him out of my father's estate, and he was sending me threatening letters. A friend told me she's frightening. She is. I'd say a psycho. I was in a bad way but I fought back. I took them to court and even though there was a corrupt lawyer who worked with my sisters lawyer I unbelievably got an honest judge - some are not. She judged in my favor and made an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] out of the corrupt lawyer and the two psycho sisters. So now I don't bother with any of them. So yes, I have noticed people getting worse.

I hope that you don't give up. Good people are to be found but you might have to look longer. I am much more wary in friendships now and who I let get close to my family and I. I feel like it's middle school on steroids. But keep looking. My son met a nice woman. God bless.

Yes I agree on every level. Being born in 1963 I barely recognize the country I grew up in. Between same sex mariges, gender fluid young adults, and the fall of the middle class Im just stunned at what I see. Just today another mass shooting in Florida. The once highly stable Christian morals that were the countrys standard have been replaced with a merkey uncomfortable grey area where few dare to enter. The middle class white male is now scorned, something unthinkable years ago. The 10 Commandments are being taken down, prayer in school not allowed. Bruce Jenner became a metaphor for the times sadly. In many ways I am happy to be almost 55. I cant handle watching much more of this country fall apart. The last 15 years especially have been especially destructive. The kids born around the new century have no idea how great this country once was.

 

[K Carlson]

I am so sorry to hear this. Hold on to who you are in Christ. That is what matters. This lady sounds like she is someone who just wants to keep taking from a relationship and never giving. Don't regret losing that relationship - sounds like you are well out of it!

Thank you for your reply. Yes I agree. I never would have dreamed 20 years ago that it would be so hard to find a good hearted woman.

 

[K Carlson]

Not I nor anyone else can make a judgement call on whether this was caused by your own insecurities and depression or whether it's her own issues causing her to overreact, without all the facts.

And the facts are, while you mentioned some of the situation, we don't know the historical background with her or what was said that set her off in the first place.

Therefore, no real advice can be given specific to your situation.

But what I have found in life overall is that it can be difficult to be understood, even moreso when there's not any body language or voice inflection for someone to better interpret the meaning of what you say.

Example - If I say I love you and look into your eyes with unfathomable respect and adoration, its a far different type of I love you than if I were to say I love you, smile at you, and then pat you on the shoulder and walk away.

Almost everything we say can be like that. We use body language to express our intended meaning as much as we use language itself, and when the body language is gone itself VERY difficult to express ourselves.

I'm particularly horrible at it because it's said of me that I talk with my hands...so having them tied behind my back (in written communication) when I'm trying to express myself is difficult.. lol.

It can be done, but I see it as a learned trait and not always an easy one to learn.

At any rate, its nice meeting you and I will keep you in my prayers for your depression and illness.

Thank you for your insights. Yes I agree. Texting can be a very confusing communication tool, especially when the true inflection of each parties motives can become read in different ways. I think my depression tends to bring out an inner low simmering rage feeling that colors my overall thoughts of what is happening around me. This is not easy to change some days. I appreciate your thoughts on my post.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Thank you for your insights. Yes I agree. Texting can be a very confusing communication tool, especially when the true inflection of each parties motives can become read in different ways. I think my depression tends to bring out an inner low simmering rage feeling that colors my overall thoughts of what is happening around me. This is not easy to change some days. I appreciate your thoughts on my post.

We all have our own specific challenges in life to overcome, mine is physical disability and pain.

What you should consider, is figuring out what makes your symptoms worse, and try and avoid those situations as much as possible. For me, I have to do physical therepy exercises and eat an anti inflammatory diet. Therefore you might benefit from cutting your news time to twice a week for an hour, for instance, if you find news to be a trigger for depression.

That is just an example, but there might be things you can do that you might find beneficial to your own health....

Anyway, I'll keep you in my prayers.. May God bless you.

 

[Jeshu]

a faithfully loving partner is hard to find nowadays. i'm from the sixties as well and even then already i realised that good partners are hard to find. So the first thing needed is prayer from our side, for God to guard us from the unfaithful ones outside as well as inside of ourselves.

One thing i learned early on was that if i was ever going to be successful finding a loving partner i would need to find one who loved Jesus. i new how fickle people are by nature, including myself among those easily let astray. So that my future wife would know and love Jesus stood as essential in my search for someone. The only challenge was going to find someone who loved Jesus as well as me.

i looked in Church for my bride to be. i reasoned faithful people are demonstrable through word and deed. For i knew that Church people harbour good people, but that not all church people are good people.

To be honest i left most of my search for my wife over to God. i asked Him to bring me the one i could safely love and be loved by and knew that if God intended a wife for me He would be faithful and true in bringing that about.

He did bring me the love of my wife. (16000 kilometres away from where i prayed for one.) And i recognised her because she loved God and people with a heart of gold. We dated and got married.

Now i've been very ill for many years and i have brought her terrible difficult times, but she faithfully loved me true all these years. Just as i knew should would because she truly loves Jesus and has Him as the King of her heart.

So if i have any advise for you finding a good woman. Look in faithful to the bible Churches and or among active volunteers working with the down and outers, These are the places where you find good women (and good men,) who love Jesus as well as neighbour and don't think highly of themselves. It are such people who have the potential to make good partners.

As someone who is depressed yourself to do volunteers work is very useful in combating depression. So if you are anywhere near good enough to get going again, even for a few hours a week, try work at as a volunteer in some refuge and who knows you might meet the woman of your life right there and then.

Much safer getting to know someone in a caring role for then you see soon enough if they are genuinely caring people or not.

Peace.