Is it a sin to write romance?

[EtainSkirata]

This is about writing romance into stories, not reading romance novels.
I'm currently working on a science fiction story, where the two main characters are married. There's no smut or anything, their romance isn't what drives the story (but the fact that they want to escape a situation they're stuck in and start a family is what drives them). Mainly there's hugs, kisses, tender moments; it would be rated PG.
My problem is I worry that this is bad for me. I'm single and have never been in a real relationship. When I write about or think about the characters' close moments, I myself can feel what they're feeling. I feel at times that I wish I had their relationship. I worry that I'm living vicariously through these characters. I feel good thinking about them. Sometimes when I'm anxious or upset, I imagine the one character comforting his wife, and that makes ME feel better, as though I was her, almost.
The Bible says list is a sin. Is this lust? The Bible also says to fix your minds on what is pure and good. I want to write them being in a loving relationship, and being good to each other.
So I'm struggling because on the whole I don't think the concept is bad, but I'm having trouble drawing the line as to what is or isn't good for me. I'm prone to over thinking things, not sure if I just need to chill.

 

[Jesus is my Superhero]

How serious is Christianity to you. Do scriptures have any authority in your life? Does this writing arouse lust within you?
What about the admonishment not to be of the world? Is this writing producing fruits of the Spirit?

There are many questions that only you can answer within yourself.

 

[bèlla]

The concept isn't bad if the relationship is God honoring. If you're living vicariously through the characters or staving off loneliness through the connection that's a different matter. I don't think its healthy. Many do the same when they're married. They turn to books and become enamored with characters whose qualities differ from their spouse. The fictional one is ideal. That can be problematic when you're combating an unrealistic standard.

Recognize the difference between the two. It isn't real and relationships are more involved. Try to address the emotional discomfort through prayer and other hobbies.

~bella

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

Part of the goal of a writer is to induce certain feelings in the reader. The problem with describing sex or anything intimate is that it is extremely evocative and produces mental images which can be nigh impossible to avoid. Even badly written fiction can evoke Eros in bad ways.

Yet even in the bible feelings of lust can be thought of if one reads the Song of Solomon describing breast fondling. There is I think an acceptable way to write Eros, but few manage it in our age.

I would say it's a sin to write trashy romance novels, the sort of novels you see advertised for thirty plus housewives. It is not a sin to describe tender scenes, although if you feel yourself living vicariously through your characters pause between writing sessions and do something that grounds you in you. Part of being an author of fiction is that you do live through your characters. How can you not when you have to think about them so much in creating them?

 

[BeyondET]

This is about writing romance into stories, not reading romance novels.
I'm currently working on a science fiction story, where the two main characters are married. There's no smut or anything, their romance isn't what drives the story (but the fact that they want to escape a situation they're stuck in and start a family is what drives them). Mainly there's hugs, kisses, tender moments; it would be rated PG.
My problem is I worry that this is bad for me. I'm single and have never been in a real relationship. When I write about or think about the characters' close moments, I myself can feel what they're feeling. I feel at times that I wish I had their relationship. I worry that I'm living vicariously through these characters. I feel good thinking about them. Sometimes when I'm anxious or upset, I imagine the one character comforting his wife, and that makes ME feel better, as though I was her, almost.
The Bible says list is a sin. Is this lust? The Bible also says to fix your minds on what is pure and good. I want to write them being in a loving relationship, and being good to each other.
So I'm struggling because on the whole I don't think the concept is bad, but I'm having trouble drawing the line as to what is or isn't good for me. I'm prone to over thinking things, not sure if I just need to chill.

check out Song of Solomon 7, its pretty steamy

 

[bèlla]

Part of being an author of fiction is that you do live through your characters. How can you not when you have to think about them so much in creating them?

Good post.

Some writers compartmentalize. I do. There's an internal shift and the voice is different from my norm. I can tell you when I'm writing from my head, the heart, or the spirit. The mood and verbiage differs.

~bella

 

[Red Gold]

Is it a sin to write romance?

NO!

How could it be?

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

This is about writing romance into stories, not reading romance novels.
I'm currently working on a science fiction story, where the two main characters are married. There's no smut or anything, their romance isn't what drives the story (but the fact that they want to escape a situation they're stuck in and start a family is what drives them). Mainly there's hugs, kisses, tender moments; it would be rated PG.
My problem is I worry that this is bad for me. I'm single and have never been in a real relationship. When I write about or think about the characters' close moments, I myself can feel what they're feeling. I feel at times that I wish I had their relationship. I worry that I'm living vicariously through these characters. I feel good thinking about them. Sometimes when I'm anxious or upset, I imagine the one character comforting his wife, and that makes ME feel better, as though I was her, almost.
The Bible says list is a sin. Is this lust? The Bible also says to fix your minds on what is pure and good. I want to write them being in a loving relationship, and being good to each other.
So I'm struggling because on the whole I don't think the concept is bad, but I'm having trouble drawing the line as to what is or isn't good for me. I'm prone to over thinking things, not sure if I just need to chill.

Given the info I see both sides, maybe ask yourself if you could write the novel without as much romance and it would still be worth writing. If the answer is no then you have right there the reason you're writing and that's for the romance.

C.S. Lewis wrote Screwtape letters and that was from the perspective of a demon. I bring this up because he had a hard time writing that novel but it has helped people. Will your novel help people's faith or your faith? Maybe replacing it with a new novel or better yet taking the novel for a turn where there's not as much if any romance. People can be married to their best friend you know it's not all about the physical.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

This is about writing romance into stories, not reading romance novels.
I'm currently working on a science fiction story, where the two main characters are married. There's no smut or anything, their romance isn't what drives the story (but the fact that they want to escape a situation they're stuck in and start a family is what drives them). Mainly there's hugs, kisses, tender moments; it would be rated PG.
My problem is I worry that this is bad for me. I'm single and have never been in a real relationship. When I write about or think about the characters' close moments, I myself can feel what they're feeling. I feel at times that I wish I had their relationship. I worry that I'm living vicariously through these characters. I feel good thinking about them. Sometimes when I'm anxious or upset, I imagine the one character comforting his wife, and that makes ME feel better, as though I was her, almost.
The Bible says list is a sin. Is this lust? The Bible also says to fix your minds on what is pure and good. I want to write them being in a loving relationship, and being good to each other.
So I'm struggling because on the whole I don't think the concept is bad, but I'm having trouble drawing the line as to what is or isn't good for me. I'm prone to over thinking things, not sure if I just need to chill.

As long as you don't Matthew 5:28 the characters, should be okay.

Unless that's an issue for you, then bad idea.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Good post.

Some writers compartmentalize. I do. There's an internal shift and the voice is different from my norm. I can tell you when I'm writing from my head, the heart, or the spirit. The mood and verbiage differs.

~bella

Good posts from both of y'all.
Bella, how do you compartmentalize? I find myself imagining myself in my characters' positions when I'm lonely or trying to fall asleep; they have each other for comfort, and I don't have anyone, so I just sort of put them in scenes in my head where they're there for each other. And even though I don't want the focal point of ny novel to be a romance, and I'm going to have to dial it back even more (it's a sci fi adventure, or at least it's supposed to be), I love adding small moments (a hand hold here, a hug there, a comforting scene, etc.). But those things are also what I want, and don't have. And so it's a blurry line for me, as to what's acceptable for me to be writing, and what's potentially harmful and/or lustful.

I tend to put a lot of myself into my characters. I wrote an entire novelette about a girl struggling with anxiety, and her mentor helping her, and it just made ME feel good, sort of being able to indirectly talk to someone. I feel like I can kind of feel what they feel, because they exist in my head. But... I worry I'm crossing a line.

 

[EtainSkirata]

As long as you don't Matthew 5:28 the characters, should be okay.

Unless that's an issue for you, then bad idea.

Can you explain?

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Can you explain?

Matthew 5:28 when I read it with strongs numbers and look at the root words says burning with passion upon someone with your eyes is like having sex with them.

So if I apply this to romance novels as a catharsis for romance related desires - then this sin of the imagination can be applied to fictional characters as well. Haven't you had dreams of people who you've never met before? Fiction is in a similar realm. do unto others and all that.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Given the info I see both sides, maybe ask yourself if you could write the novel without as much romance and it would still be worth writing. If the answer is no then you have right there the reason you're writing and that's for the romance.

C.S. Lewis wrote Screwtape letters and that was from the perspective of a demon. I bring this up because he had a hard time writing that novel but it has helped people. Will your novel help people's faith or your faith? Maybe replacing it with a new novel or better yet taking the novel for a turn where there's not as much if any romance. People can be married to their best friend you know it's not all about the physical.

The book actually needs to have less romantic moments in it, I'm realizing. It's not like it's one of those trashy novels, but it's a sci fi adventure, starting a married couple who are trying to escape the harsh constraints of their culture and a war, in order to keep their baby from being taken from them and so they can start a family. They got married young, because they realized there was a good chance they'd die young, too, and they knew that marriage was the purest thing they could do. (This is an alien race, like space elves, kinda, so it's not, like, overtly Christian.)

Anyway. One of my favorite sci fi series has a romance, but it's TAME. It doesn't detract from the science fiction genre. And so I'm just trying to figure out how to dial back the romantic aspect even more, I guess without making it weird ("how come they never hold hands?") But without it being very overt. And trying to figure out what crosses the line, like how do I determine what's ok for ME to be writing, and how do I change my viewpoint so I'm not getting so emotionally involved myself?

Am I making sense...?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

This is about writing romance into stories, not reading romance novels.
I'm currently working on a science fiction story, where the two main characters are married. There's no smut or anything, their romance isn't what drives the story (but the fact that they want to escape a situation they're stuck in and start a family is what drives them). Mainly there's hugs, kisses, tender moments; it would be rated PG.
My problem is I worry that this is bad for me. I'm single and have never been in a real relationship. When I write about or think about the characters' close moments, I myself can feel what they're feeling. I feel at times that I wish I had their relationship. I worry that I'm living vicariously through these characters. I feel good thinking about them. Sometimes when I'm anxious or upset, I imagine the one character comforting his wife, and that makes ME feel better, as though I was her, almost.
The Bible says list is a sin. Is this lust? The Bible also says to fix your minds on what is pure and good. I want to write them being in a loving relationship, and being good to each other.
So I'm struggling because on the whole I don't think the concept is bad, but I'm having trouble drawing the line as to what is or isn't good for me. I'm prone to over thinking things, not sure if I just need to chill.

The book Song of Solomon is a romance book in the bible. If God saw fit to include romance in the most important book in the world. I can't see how having a little romance in your story is a bad thing.

Just monitor your emotions I guess, if you find them uncontrolled, then maybe don't include the romantic bits in the story. Otherwise, I can't see a problem with it.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Matthew 5:28 when I read it with strongs numbers and look at the root words says burning with passion upon someone with your eyes is like having sex with them.

So if I apply this to romance novels as a catharsis for romance related desires - then this sin of the imagination can be applied to fictional characters as well. Haven't you had dreams of people who you've never met before? Fiction is in a similar realm. do unto others and all that.

Ah, gotcha. See my reply to Bella; adding on to that reply, *I* don't want to put MYSELF, MaddKat, into the story. I'm not writing my own choose your own adventure novel. And I also don't read romance novels or watch Hallmark movies, lol.

What I'm struggling with/worried about is how I can put myself so much into the heads of the protagonists when I'm writing, and when it comes to romance, it feels wrong, even when it's PG and there isn't much of it. Living vicariously through my made up characters and all that. :/

 

[EtainSkirata]

The book Song of Solomon is a romance book in the bible. If God saw fit to include romance in the most important book in the world. I can't see how having a little romance in your story is a bad thing.

Just monitor your emotions I guess, if you find them uncontrolled, then maybe don't include the romantic bits in the story. Otherwise, I can't see a problem with it.

Sorry, I was trying to mark this as helpful and I hit the "funny" button. Im on my phone.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Ah, gotcha. See my reply to Bella; adding on to that reply, *I* don't want to put MYSELF, MaddKat, into the story. I'm not writing my own choose your own adventure novel. And I also don't read romance novels or watch Hallmark movies, lol.

What I'm struggling with/worried about is how I can put myself so much into the heads of the protagonists when I'm writing, and when it comes to romance, it feels wrong, even when it's PG and there isn't much of it. Living vicariously through my made up characters and all that. :/

If you have doubts, Romans 14:23 indicates this is a sin to do it, because it doesn't come from faith. So whatever you write, make a point of it coming from a place of trust in God.

So it may not be wrong per se, but the place it is coming from is not good for your spiritual health, if it does not come from a place of faith or trust in God.

 

[renniks]

This is about writing romance into stories, not reading romance novels.
I'm currently working on a science fiction story, where the two main characters are married. There's no smut or anything, their romance isn't what drives the story (but the fact that they want to escape a situation they're stuck in and start a family is what drives them). Mainly there's hugs, kisses, tender moments; it would be rated PG.
My problem is I worry that this is bad for me. I'm single and have never been in a real relationship. When I write about or think about the characters' close moments, I myself can feel what they're feeling. I feel at times that I wish I had their relationship. I worry that I'm living vicariously through these characters. I feel good thinking about them. Sometimes when I'm anxious or upset, I imagine the one character comforting his wife, and that makes ME feel better, as though I was her, almost.
The Bible says list is a sin. Is this lust? The Bible also says to fix your minds on what is pure and good. I want to write them being in a loving relationship, and being good to each other.
So I'm struggling because on the whole I don't think the concept is bad, but I'm having trouble drawing the line as to what is or isn't good for me. I'm prone to over thinking things, not sure if I just need to chill.

That's what writers do, they feel what their characters feel. I that it's a good thing. Doesn't God do the same with us?
I also write romance into my stories.
Romance is a reflection of God's love when done right.

 

[EtainSkirata]

If you have doubts, Romans 14:23 indicates this is a sin to do it, because it doesn't come from faith. So whatever you write, make a point of it coming from a place of trust in God.

So it may not be wrong per se, but the place it is coming from is not good for your spiritual health, if it does not come from a place of faith or trust in God.

I struggle with that one, too, as I know I have a tendency to over think things. I used to post quite a bit on the OCD board.
Posting here has been helpful, to get different perspectives. When I was younger I'd worry myself sick, then have to go talk to my parents and they'd explain that what I was worried about wasn't actually a huge deal.
Anyway, thanks!

 

[Gregory Thompson]

I struggle with that one, too, as I know I have a tendency to over think things. I used to post quite a bit on the OCD board.
Posting here has been helpful, to get different perspectives. When I was younger I'd worry myself sick, then have to go talk to my parents and they'd explain that what I was worried about wasn't actually a huge deal.
Anyway, thanks!

Trust issues are very common nowadays so you're not alone.

God's blessings with the writing.