Is God convicting me? (Struggle Story)

[All Moving Parts]

So, just today, I deleted any photos I had used for masturbation. I've been struggling with that for many years now, perhaps a full decade or more. I just deleted all of the pictures, and now I'm worried about more things. School. I realized that my dad's been doing my work in school. So now, I've been cheating/lying, so now I've repented of that and now I have to do my own work...after I deleted all my...photos of such NSFW content, I feel sad. I feel different. I feel like I don't know who I am. Also, I'm going through some health issues, and I feel worried about those...and I'm feeling like laziness will condemn me, even though I've been repenting and that should be fixed with the soul-crushing amount of school work I'll have. To be honest, I feel overloaded. I feel like a dirty sinner. I gave up my one social media account, told the truth (It's a bit of a story, so I'll spare you the details) and now I'm worried God is only frowning upon me. Also, I feel all these worries and convictions slowly driving me away from my faith, somewhat. I obviously still love God and need to know everything he thinks, but I feel less passionate and now I just feel broken. I'm so glad I still have my family and friends, because without them, I'd really be gone. I'm feeling overloaded and unhappy. I feel pale and emotionless. I feel helpless, sick, and abandoned. I may be physically lazy, but my spirit and my heart have been working overtime. I don't feel corrected, and I still don't feel like I'm doing the right thing, even though I've corrected - and plan on correcting - more of my sins. And somehow, I STILL feel like stopping my sins won't save me or earn me any points. So now, I'm committing a sin of doubt and worry, I'm worried I'm not even doing that much for God anyhow, and I feel like a robot. What can I do to restore my faith and feel happy? Or be assured of my salvation and not be doubting or feeling like everything I do is useless anyhow? Does God appreciate what I'm doing? Will things ever get better and more happy in my life?

 

[Daphnelover]

I'm sorry you are struggling. I'm reading a book right now called "Can Christianity cure OCD?" by Osborn. He talks about people like Martin Luther and John Bunyan who both struggled with the heavy weight of their sin. They let the grace of God transform them. I can't claim I'm there yet. I'm struggling too. Have you asked God to help you in the areas you struggle? Don't give up, okay?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

What I would say is that the choice to stop using the photos that you had is a good choice. Every woman wants to feel like they are the centre of your world, that you have eyes only for them. By practicing control when you are young it will help you when you get married.

In every area of your life live with integrity not sloppiness and you will find that you will be blessed.

God reserves a special blessing for those who live with integrity.

Integrity means living the right way no matter what is going on in your heart. Don't give in to desires rather overcome them. Fight hard. This fight will put you in a good place.

 

[1watchman]

Did I miss something, MovingParts? I did not see any mention of the Lord Jesus! Without the Lord Jesus in one's heart, all they have is a religion about God (note John 14:6). Yes, God may be trying to get your attention, but it is not for morality, but for the new life in Christ. The Bible tells us: "thou (God) will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee". My experience is that without the Lord Jesus always in my heart I will go down the wrong road.